I'm an 18 year old Canadian pegasister.my favorite ponies are Derpy and Vinyl Scratch, BG pony wise, and Fluttershy in the mane cast category
Derpy is feeling quite down after her recent mess up at the town hall. Things get strange when she is a approached by a mare with an simple proposition.
--
A little late for the whole Derpygate fiasco, but I was feeling a bit bitter when I wrote it. Points to whoever can figure out the other influence for this story. Your mileage may vary on how sad you feel the story is.
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1247175
You deserve to be violently emasculated.
Anyway, kind of lost interest here... Until that last paragraph. Oh, God.
I'm guessing the other influence was Disney's Little Mermaid. Marephisto definitely seemed extremely similar to Ursula.
Ooooh, great. You should have called her "Maresada" if you wanted to go the "Joephisto" route.
Interesting. Tracking.
1247500 you're close
, but it's actually based on the the spider-man story "one more day"
1247189 lost interest? Well that's not great
but I guess it's good that the part I wanted to have the most punch was indeed the punchiest. 
1247506 I see what our did there
originally I had a line where Derpy said that her name sounded like some kind of pun, but it was a little too breaking the fourth wall so I removed it.
Woah, this was pointless. It honestly reads as if you just dropped writing it an hour in. Plus it clearly hasn't seen any proofreading ("voulf", missing punctuation all over the place). It could've been interesting, but as it stands, it's a clear and unambiguous downvote.
1248909 indeed it was just something I typed up in an hour, as a small one shot, on my tablet. I'm sorry you feel its quality is lacking
alas it was just an idea that I had.
This was only a one shot? I feel it could be longer--not with just chapters, but we could have had more on the new Ditzy Doo or something. But it just went by too fast; I barely feel anything for the characters, despite how I know of them. I understand it took a very short time to write, but let me just say that when you write something next time, take more time and consideration into it, and perhaps you'll get more praise.
1248982 thanks for the advice
I purposely didn't say more about the new Derpy because the point was that she was just a generic pony now. Perhaps in the future I may write a new chapter where she gets back to normal but I have no plans currently.
1249080 I guess I can see, then. I mean, it makes sense. People see Derpy when they see that pony, not Ditzy. I just thought it ended so suddenly, I had to double check to make sure this was complete or not, you know? Ha.
I was gonna say the other influence was that old "Do You Know the Muffin Man?" tune. I caught the Drury Lane part... Anyways, I liked the story. Rather sad towards the end...
1253039 Oh good I didn't expect anyone to catch that little easter egg.
for you
I'm just going to go ahead and do my usual in-depth review (plus some snarky observations
), sorry if my grammar/spelling critique is a little redundant/brutal, but I thought I'd give you the pre-read that everyone else seems to be avoiding.
whenever she could?
While this is technically a complete sentence, you may just want to add the word "and" at the beginning and make it part of the last sentence.
They called her insulting? Do you maybe mean they called her insulting things?
unproportional (well, the actual word is disproportionate) to what? Maybe a different descriptive word is needed here, like "gratuitous" or "copious amounts of"
Needs a period.
even the most well known streets
cover of darkness, and Derpy
Needs capitalization.
... An ominous what?
Needs a question mark.
Needs capitalization.
A quotation has to end with some kind of punctuation. If nothing else, a comma needs to be at the end there.
Capitalize "i'm"
This technically isn't wrong, but nowhere is a word.
Needs a question mark.
I was at one of the rallies. We burned a cross in front of your house. Wasn't easy to miss.
Probably needs an exclamation point.
All three of these words need capitalization.
The correct spelling is actually "okay," and you missed the punctuation again.
Huh, nuns. Now there's a thought. Would whatever form of worship they give to Celestia have nuns?
... I guess there was a priest during the funeral on Hearts and Hooves day, so I guess I don't see why not.
All in all, this story isn't bad, but it needs some serious fleshing out. There's a severe case of "telling" rather than "showing," it needs a lot more descriptions to make the story seem more immersive.
Also that WTF ending really reminded me of Story of the Blanks.
1373632 Oh ho so that's how you want to play it
I thought we were friends. My issue is I type too fast and too stream of consciousness. I often forget to write down the rest of sentences that I've finished in my head. Plus I'm a pretty terribad writer just in general 
. Well I guess an eye for an eye eh? no hard feelings.
1374284
I didn't mean to sound harsh with any of this, I'm just the designated editor for a few of my friends and this is how they like me to review their stories. Also, on this and your other fic, some people were being pretty rude by saying that there's so many errors that they couldn't point them all out, so I thought I was doing you a favor. 
If you want to delete my comment that's fine with me, I just thought some grammatical tightening up is always a good thing.