Six, at a very young age, has suffered a life full of hardships and dangers. After escaping the radio tower, she finds herself somewhere she doesn't recognize.
With a new body, and in a new world, Six has a chance for a new life, and is ready to face any challenges ahead. Starting with solving this hunger.
(FiM x Little Nightmares)
This story is based on the Little Nightmares games, and takes place directly after the ending of Little Nightmares II, with the events of the first Little Nightmares interrupted (because it's a prequel). I will try my best to write this story to make it easier for people who has no idea what Little Nightmares is, but without knowledge of both games, many things may not make sense.
WARNING - This is my first publicly available story I'm writing, and so long as I have the incomplete tag, prepare for long waiting time between new updates. I'm kind of experimenting here.
Tags will be updated as the story goes on, and feedback is appreciated.
Hmm, a story based around Little Nightmares and apparently all the TV-travelling shenanigans? Sounds like a promising premise, though I’m unsure where exactly you want to take the story.
Regarding this chapter, there’s quite a lot of errors. Some recurring, such as mixed up it’s/its and your/you’re, though I’d say the majority of what I noticed were just some random typos, odd capitalisation (or lack thereof), some run-on sentences, and also some odd syntax and word use. Ideally try looking for an editor that could quickly comb through this, though some spellchecking program should also be able to catch most of these.
Regarding the pacing and style of this chapter, it was quite fast. Luckily not breakneck-fast, but still faster than it’d deserve to be. This causes the reader to just breeze through without really being able to take in most of the lore or to enjoy the atmosphere. This results in some parts feeling very exposition-y and also makes some other bits quite easy to misinterpret. (When I reached the part with the forgotten film, I had to check if this story is tagged as random and/or comedy. I was quite surprised that it isn’t, given it uses such elements.)
Lastly, a couple sentences and tips about the story opening. The first few sentences or paragraphs of the story should do two things:
To be frank, the beginning of this chapter where you just describe the Everfree and Ponyville doesn’t fulfill either of these.
I hope I didn’t scare you with my comment. Let me know if you have some additional questions or if you want me to elaborate on something unclear.
10737098
Thanks for the advice! This first chapter was meant to be more of a prologue to get the main character introduced, the structure of the following chapters will hopefully be more easier to understand with a better pacing. I'll look into the errors ^^
10737253
You’re welcome! Regarding the structure, bear in mind that the first chapter/prologue is the most important part of a story, and as such it has to be of superb quality. I tend to liken it to a house foundation. If that one is unstable or otherwise faulty, the house built upon it, regardless of it being a little humble cottage or a grand palace, will inevitably fall. Similarly, if there are some problems with the opening chapter, many readers will be turned away and choose another of the thousands upon thousand stories on this site. In other words, they won’t be around to see the improved quality of the following chapters.
Interesting...
We will watch your career with great interest.
10737253
Not Bad, So Far.
I wonder if she will regain her powers from the furst game
Interesting… Keep going
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I really wish there were more Little Nightmares crossovers on here...