Sure, that's a good idea
“Twilight,” Sunset said plainly, staring down the, apparently she’s called an “Alicorn”.
The purple horse bird didn’t respond, but stared at the ground sheepishly.
“Twilight…” Sunset’s voice turned to a low growl.
“OK! I’m sorry I just electrocuted you,” she exclaimed, throwing her hooves in the air.
“Three times,” I pointed out.
“Oh, the first two don’t count. When you got here I was under the impression that it was a, and I’m quoting you here, Sunset, a ‘mild electric shock’. So, maybe a partial apology. The second was because I was teleporting you out of a lab that was catching fire,” she emphasized, glaring at us both.
“Come on, Twilight, you know that’s-”
“Nah, it’s ok,” I interjected, in my much more effeminate than normal girl voice. “She’s technically correct, which is the best kind of correct. But seriously, don’t do that again unless you like, have to. WOW that sucks. And why did your lab explode like that anyway? You’d think that much equipment would have surge protectors on it.”
Sparkle looked both very upset and, god help me, extraordinarily curious about the affair. “Exactly! They DO! The surge of magic from you changing genders is an obscene amount of power! It blew through my surge protections and energy dampers like tissue paper!”
I wasn’t sure if I should be amused or horrified by Sunset’s sudden recoil. “That… that’s a ridiculous level of output. No wonder the shocks are so powerful. Either it’s drawing on local ambient magic, in which case it will never, ever run out of batteries, even in the human world, or it has such an incredible internal power source that you could charge a few city blocks with it.”
I glance precariously at my new ‘attachment’. “So, uh… get it off me?!”
They both look at me, then at each other, like they’d just remembered this is what we’re all here to do. “Right!” Sunset said, a bit louder than necessary. “So, what do we know? It turns you into a girl...”
“Check,” I said, shaking my rear a little for effect.
“It responds to any external magic stimulus with a debilitating electric surge,” Twilight mused.
I feel my stomach roil a bit. “Check.”
“It can’t be physically removed,” said Sunset.
I make an attempt to pull it off with my teeth, as we hadn’t actually tried just taking it off since I started having hooves. No dice. “Rrrr, check.”
“And either internally or externally, it channels an absurd amount of magical energy,” Twilight concluded.
I swear I can hear a fire alarm in the distance, almost in response. “Check. Speaking of which, isn’t your lab, you know, on fire?”
Twilight dismissed the idea with a wave of a hoof. “Please. I’ve got cleansing spells on almost every room in this castle. If anything gets too damaged, burnt, flooded, or straight up exploded, the room, especially my lab, will reset itself to a previously saved template. Which is why I also teleported all of the data we collected, as little as it is, out of the room with us.”
“So why couldn’t we just take shelter somewhere in the lab while it burned, and let the room reset itself, instead of teleporting me and, you know, bzzzzzzt?”
My honestly innocent question was met with a glare. “Well, for one, I panicked, and was more worried about getting ponies away from explosive lab equipment than anything else. Two, as replaceable as it all is, I still would rather not watch all of my favorite scientific instruments burn to the ground. Three, and I cannot stress this enough, we are not part of the previously saved template.”
“...oh,” Sunset and I said in unison. Shimmer continued, “Do I… want to know what happens to ponies who get reset?”
“NO. YOU DO NOT,” Twilight said firmly.
There was a brief but uncomfortable silence after that. I glanced, mildly uncomfortably, around the library. “Well then,” I said finally, trying to change the subject. “Is there… something I can do? Cause I can’t honestly read any of these. Don’t suppose you have any books in, you know, English?”
Both girls looked at me like I’d lost my head. Sunset glanced at Twilight, then back at me. “Uhhh, what do you mean you can’t read them?”
At that moment, boys and girls, I felt a spark. Something small, really, but so noticeable by its recent absence that it almost overwhelmed me. Yes, I discovered the urge to fuck with somebody. So I glanced around, looking for the closest book I couldn’t understand, and dragged it to me (give me a break, hooves are weird). I flipped it open to a random page, and read aloud: “Ahem… horseshoe star unicorn unicorn star lightning bolt swirl horn claw star horn unicorn unicorn horse horseshoe swirl lightning bolt swirl.”
The girls exchanged a somewhat worried glance. Meanwhile I pulled another book from nearby. “Broken line two lines box with lines box of lines broken s two right angles upside down l upside down l really tall u.”
Twilight shook her head in disbelief. “That shouldn’t be happening. Going from one world to the next has always provided some kind of translation effect for people or ponies going either direction.”
I was already on the next book. “Squiggle squiggle squiggle SQUIGGLE squiiiiigggllllleee sqggl squig squiggly squiggle squig.”
“I think we get the point, Schaden,” Sunset deadpanned. “But you’re right, that is weird. I’d say it’s the bracelet keeping outside magic from affecting him, but if that was true he’d still be human. And probably in a lot more pain.”
“Eoal efrfres qri2s,” I continued, reading a local newspaper title. At least I assumed it was the title.
“Yes, Schaden, thank you,” Twilight groaned. “But really, what else could it be? Maybe the bracelet wasn’t considered attached to him when he was being transformed?”
There was actually one book nearby with a single sentence I could understand, but the rest was illegible to me. “Eigi fellr tre við fyrsta högg. Huh, neat.”
“YES WE GET IT SCHA-did you just speak Futhark?” Twilight said, doing a fantastic double-take.
I shrugged. “If that’s what it’s called. There’s a book series I read that uses the phrase once in a while. Literally the only sentence in that language I recognize.”
Sunset rubbed the back of her neck. “Dude, you just gave me some serious whiplash. Let’s… not do that ever again.”
“Every chance I get, got it.”
“No, Schaden, we’re trying to help you here,” Twilight said pointedly. “I know you’ve been reeling it in since we started, but please just try to keep a lid on it for a bit longer.”
“Just constantly with it, nonstop. Whatever you say, boss.”
Sunset rolled her eyes at me. “Schaden, keep this up and I’LL taser you,” she said in a rather familiar ‘I’m absolutely not fucking around’ voice. I mean, I hadn’t even broken out the glitter yet, sheesh.
--------------------------------
So the library was a total bust. Not only was it going slow as molasses, with me bored out of my mind and two notorious bookworms just face-melting into every text they could find, there wasn’t actually anything in any of those books that could help me. The girls were at an impasse, and I’d already changed genders three times since we started. Being a male again was nice, although given my skinny non-muscly ass seemed to be just as scrawny in pony form as human, the only real differences were my voice, and everything attached to the far end of my voice.
Sunset and Twilight had been having a quiet argument about what to do next. “We absolutely can’t take him to the Royal Canterlot Archives. The panic would be ridiculous, and there’s no way in Tartarus I’m letting the two of them anywhere near each other,” Twilight debated hotly.
Sunset groaned. “So what’s the alternative? The Castle of the Two Pony Sisters? Just teleporting him fifty feet electrocutes him so bad he throws up. No way he’d survive a jump like that. And don’t even suggest dragging him through the Everfree Forest on hoof. I mean yeah, we could protect him, but I can’t imagine he’d respond too well to anything living in there. Not to mention it’s full of magical creatures. That do magic things. That electrocute him. Some of them even before the bracelet kicks in.”
“Well it’s not like we have a lot of other options! I mean, name one pony we could ask for help that wouldn’t snowball this into an absolute clusterbuck!” Twilight argued.
At this point I was more bored than anything, as any attempt to ‘entertain’ myself had been met with either a scolding, threats, or outright physical restraint. Turns out the bracelet doesn’t consider leather straps animated by magic something to get all shocky over.
Hence why my next statement was said from the surprising comfort of an armchair I was strapped down in. “I’m surprised this place doesn’t have like, some creepy old voodoo witch living in the woods and scaring away kids with poison apples and freaky masks. They usually know what’s up.”
The two gave me a look like I’d just grown a second head. Which I’m pretty sure I would have felt. Then, at once, they exclaimed, “ZECORA!”
“Bless you,” I replied.
“No, you nonse,” Sunset grumbled. “Zecora is a friend of Twilight’s. She’s, well the human equivalent would be like a hoodoo shaman. She lives in the Everfree Forest.”
“...you mean the one we just agreed is very bad for me to go into?” I pointed out.
“Yes, but unlike the entire library of another castle, she can just walk here,” Twilight said.
“Oh. Well, I mean, as much as I loooove the idea of introducing creepy forest shamanism into this mess, and, you know, putting my fate in the hands-HOOVES, sorry-, of some...*sigh* -pony who lives in what sounds like a giant DEATH TRAP, I think I’d rather just risk going for gold in the Electrocution Long Jump event,” I said, with as much sarcasm as I could muster. Which in my case is quite an awful lot.
“Oh come off it, Schaden, you’ll probably like her,” Sunset said dismissively.
“Oh really? And why’s that?”
Sunset grinned at me, a smile I was rather familiar with. “She speaks in rhymes.”
“Sunset if you do not summon forth this mystical forest witch post-haste I will forever glitter-bomb every other other open-able container in your proximity.”
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I am so surprised Sunset or someone who is relatively sure they can hide the body hasn't killed Schaden yet one or both of them
How worrying.
That's, pretty useful.
... OK, moving on.
... Huh.
She is going to HATE Schaden.
Interesting detail there. But let's get that third opinion first. If nothing else, Twilight can use it as an excuse to browse other libraries while Zecora gives Schaden a once-over.
Ah, poor Zecora. He’s going to go for his OPUS of annoying people by trying to DISCOMBOBULATE her by asking for a PINT of ORANGE juice in a SILVER cup. A DANGEROUS MARATHON of words for a compulsive rhymer. She’ll probably froth like a rabid WOLF (then again it’ll probably be the NINTH time this MONTH that someone has tried this out on her). The PURPLE book horse will probably shock him to spare her the pain.
10670142
I was literally all set to look up a list of words that don't rhyme before you posted this. Thank you.
Schaden and Zecora in the same room. I didn't know I needed this in my life.
The mystery of the bracelet deepen and it strange that it has that much power capacity for such a banal use.
You know what would been funny as hell? If human!schaden and Zecora some how become friends or more, like how pony!schaden is with Derpy
RIP [insert name here].
But that's implying he actually can't read it, and that's not really fucking with them...
Ah, there it is.
...Oh lord. Zecora, you are in my prayers.
10670054
It's because he's an utter and unrepentant ASSHOLE... but not evil. He'll annoy the living daylights out of you, as long as you're in a not-horrible day and are not a horrible person yourself. He'll NEVER try to out someone, bully the weak, attack non-trivial traumas or the like. And he'll use his assholery for a good cause as soon as you ask him, or close enough.
I wouldn't say he has a good heart, but he gets close enough to warrant not-killing.
He does deserve every ounce of petty revenge he gets though.
Wait, isn't his pony counterpart dating Derpy? This could get awkward.
Well first off she's not a pony and secondly
What she said
Oh no...
Oh no
Shad... Shad don't fuck with Zecora.
10670153
Fun fact-Orange technically has EXACTLY ONE rhyme: “sporange,” an old botanical term for "sporangium," the portion of a fern in which asexual spores are created. Handy trivia, but not really good for a couplet or sonnet,
10670947
Ooh. I learned something today.
10670142
She'd probably be able to come up with slant rhymes for some of those.
10670142
It is a fun and games until Zecora's inability to finish her rhyme causes a magical backlash that electro-zaps Schaden.
10671435 Zapping Schaden IS the fun and games.
Also... we need Discord to show up. Then things will get REALLY interesting!
Oooo! We also need to see if CHERNGELERNG magic has any affect, since it's clearly so different from Pony magic!
SO MANY EXPERIMENTS WE CAN CONDUCT ON SCHADEN!! FOR MAGICAL SCIENCE!!
Schaden is infecting me! My first thought upon reading that line was: "Your library is in another castle."
And why the fuck would someone put such a dangerous system into place that can and will cause people to loose consciousness or stuck in case of emergency?
What from the fact that the very concept is straight up ridiculous to implement.
Oh yay! A new Shadenfreude story!!
The world should thank the hundred little Gods that I did not have the stories of Schaden available when I was in high school. I operated with the
philosophy that three people can keep a secret only if two of them are dead. I operated alone and did not brag. I would pull something and then sit back and watch the fun. My best was when I set up a stunt that caused the Dean of Boys to be soaked from his belt to his shoes to the level that with every step his shoes squelched. The next day I sat in homeroom while they called in all of the usual suspects. I told the guys who were called in who did it about four years ago, the best comment was from one of them. "That was YOU !!!!!". We graduated in 1960.
Years later, when I was teaching. The science department was not messed with, there were two of us in that department. The department had the rep. of using Nukes to kill mice if involved in a prank war.
Uh-oh.
The Deity is supposed to be capitalized.
This seems incredibly unsafe. Fire suppression gas halogen is unsafe but that sounds downright dandy comparitively. At least tell me there are safeties to check for living signatures before firing?