Fine, into the angry bowl.
"I swear to whoever you quadriplebs consider the founder of modern religion I'm just gonna throw myself into the nearest combine harvester if you tell me I have to drink that," I groaned, feeling as ill as Sunset looked moments ago. Zecora was currently leaning over a large, gurgling pot of what looked distinctly like a photo-negative of flowing magma, which had taken her long enough to... concoct that I’d turned back into a girl again.
"While I can understand your apprehension, allow me to relieve some of that tension," Zecora said soothingly, slowly stirring. "This concoction is not meant for pony consumption, though it is not an unexcpeted assumption. This mixture is meant to be bathed in, while hot; now hop your skinny ass into the pot."
I didn't really like that answer any better, but I’d only been half-serious about the harvester. I was willing to do damn near anything to get the ‘Penance Band’ off me, now more than ever knowing what it was for. “If you say so,” I grumbled, stepiing closer to the cauldron. I glance over my shoulder at Twilight and Sunset, “Look, if this is some big giant scheme to cook and eat me-”
“-Oh for buck’s sake Schaden-” Sunset started.
“If you overcook me I will haunt every kitchen you ever set foot- or hoof -in,” I finished, propping myself on the edge of the cast iron death tub. I was just looking for a good angle to heave my now four-limbed body into the pot when Zecora grabbed me by the flank and tilted me in headfirst with one hoof. I jad just enough time to wonder how the hell strong she actually was before my body registered the while hot part of Zecora’s instructions. I came up for air a second later. “SWEET FIXER CHRIST IN A ROCKET MANGER THAT’S TOASTY!”
The girls looked more than a little amused with themselves. “God I wish I’d brought a video camera. This might be the most satisfying thing I’ve seen all day.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “What, a skinny horse twink shaking his mane in a magical bathtub?”
“And now you’ve ruined it,” Sunset groaned. “Congratulations, the phrase ‘skinny horse twink’ is now scarred into my subconscious like a wood burnt kitchen sign.”
I had lined up another sarcastic comment, as was my wont, when I noticed a distinct humming from my bejeweled arm. Foreleg. Whatever. The entire thing was humming. “Uh, Zecora?” I asked tentatively, holding the buzzing limb aloft. “Is it... supposed to do that?”
Zecora inspected the foreleg, now rumbling slightly, as if full of a bunch of angry bees, and took a few steps back. “I believe the potion is taking effect, if my understanding of this mixture is correct,” she said happily, eyeing the now furiously shaking limb, “Although it is not negating the spell, I believe this experiment will end well. Schadenfreude, I do wish you good luck, to the rest of the room, one word for you: DUCK!” she yelled, and dove-tackled the other two mares.
I was about to ask why, when my shoulder felt for all the world like I’d held a shotgun wrong while firing, as the band shot off my hoof with all the enthusiasm and force of a gauss rifle slug who was just so happy to be here, dammit, crossing the room and carving a hole in the basement wall in an alarmingly short amount of time.
Meanwhile, on the other end of the physics equation, I was launched out of the cauldron at shoulder-braking speed, landing squarely between a workdesk and an electric coil. “SCHADEN!” Twilight and Sunset yelled.
I felt myself slide down the wall, almost comically, landing gently on the floor, with the image of three ponies running at me with worried expressions before I blacked out.”
----------
I slowly woke to the kind of soreness reserved for the day after hauling logs or moving house. “Hrrmmmfugoinoner?” I felt myself grumble, well before any other part of my body had come to. My eyes slowly slid open, once again reacquainting themselves with satan’s daughter’s color scheme. I noticed three of the brightly colorful things in my immediate field of view were moving, and... staring at me.
“Oh thank Celestia you’re awake,” Twilight sighed in relief.
Sunset nodded. “Yeah, good to have you back. How are you feeling?”
“Remember that time I asked Bulk Biceps for a backrub?” I groaned.
Sunset flinched a little. “That bad, huh?”
“No, I’m saying I’m starting to miss that,” I grunted, sliding towards the edge of the bed. Or, I started too, till my shoulder screamed in protest. I glanced at it, and saw the new sling it was in. I felt a surge of joy at the absence of the bracelet, as part of me had worried it would find it’s way back from the wall. A surge midly dimmed by the fact that my arm was probably broken, and significantly diminshed by the observation that “I’m still a bucking girl?!”
Sunset and Twilight flinched. Zecora, who I was slowly sensing was a bit more pragmatic, and possesing a better bedside manner, stepped in quickly, “Removing the band was priority one; be glad that at least that much is done. Magic no longer electrocutes you, and now we can do a more thorough review. We now only need to unravel this curse, be grateful that things had not gotten worse.”
I shook my head slowly. “Oh don’t say that,” I grumbled. “So you’re saying I’m still changing? That’s wonderful. Gonna make having a broken arm just a ton of fun, I bet.”
Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Wellll...”
“Oh for buck’s sake what now?” I snapped.
“Good news and bad news, Douchehorse,” Sunset deadpanned, with a hint of a smile. “Good news is your arm’s not broken, just wildly dislocated. We popped it back into it’s socket, and healed some of the torn muscles, but walking around on that’s gonna... not happen for a while. Neither is the gender change thing.”
“But you said you got the bracelet off, and all that was left was the curse,” I said, slightly panicked.
“Correct,” Sunset exclaimed, “The curse that turned you into a girl. That was in effect when we got the bracelet off you. The bracelet that is now in a hundred pieces of shrapnel fifty feet into the ground. Sideways. Also the bracelet that was activating the countercurse we don’t know every hour. That’s some of the bad news. More of the good news is, because you no longer turn into ball lightning in the presence of magic, our options have now exponentially increased, as have our resources.”
She stopped talking, and I knew, I knew it was to get me to ask what the rest of the bad news was. Although, given her expression, and Twilight looking downright dour I wasn’t sure if the bad news was for me or her. “Alright, fine. I’ll bite. What’s the rest of the bad news?”
Twilight groaned. “While you were unconscious, we ran some more tests, now that we could. You’ve been out for almost a day, by the way, so you know. I was hoping to have an answer for you, or even have cured you entirely, before you woke up. Ideally, you’d have just come to in your own bed with a sling on your arm and your gender where you found it.”
“But...” I continued for her.
Heaving a sigh, she pressed on, “But all my tests came back inconclusive. I have no idea which gender bending spell -yesthereismorethanonedon’tgetmebuckingstarted- this is. And of course there’s only one other place in all of Equestria where I-we, can go for answers.”
Between Twilight’s progressing gloom, and Sunset’s smile-bordering-on-rictus, I was terrified to ask, “Where?”
“WE’RE GOING TO CANTERLOT!” Sunset yelled.
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I missed Schadenfreude
If you do write more than horse words do drop a link to other works, please. Even though I do love you pones.
Quadriplebs, I gotta remember that.
You're enjoying this.
Had just enough.
Unfortunate.
That's an oof.
Oh god, what now?
Why would there be more than one?
Oh boy!
Hey look what the cat dragged in. Good to see you're still alive. Gonna have to go reread this whole thing just to remember what the kriff is going on. Can't say I'm unhappy about that.
And this is why magic SUCKS. Unlike technology you can't just solve the problem.
Schadenfreude, when you find the twit who created that bracelet... show no mercy. 😡
… why is there more than one gender change spell? What, is there one for each species?
You know, I'd say that I can't wait for double Shaden shenanigans, but knowing what story this is, there is a good chance they won't meet at all. Just to fuck with us.
11416669
Ponies might not be humans, but the horny transcends species.
Uh oh. Two Schadens.
Please have him,,er her, meet the counterpart.
11416706
Not just two Schadens, a male and a female Schaden.
11416688
Ya'd think (just maybe) if there were one for each species, those spells would be distinct enough that you could easily narrow it down. What it seems more likely is that there are multiple BUCKING pony spells because it's not enough for some ponies to just swap genders. Noooooo, some of them augment endowments. Others create genuine biology, some of which include virility. Others are curses met to overwhelm and confuse their target. But since they all rely on the same base spell and are only variants, it's like unraveling a sweater so you can determine who knit it and Rarity is popping you on the snout with a paper because "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COST?! IT'S A RENEIGH PAUL ORIGINAL!" while you're replying "But which Reneigh Paul?"
"Canterlot!"
"Canterlot!"
"Canterlot!"
"It's only a model."
"Shh."
Good to see you back on the horse. Looking forward to further shenanigans.
How fun
11416719
Oh dear lord. And Schaden is probably narcissistic enough that if the two ran into each other, the original pony version would totally hit on Transformed Schaden, and Transformed Schaden would say "F*** it" and stay a girl just so they could be with themselves.
Just in time! I was developing withdrawal symptoms from a lack of Schadenfreude.
Oooohh, can't waiting for the inevitable meeting of the two Schaden's. Will it end in some selfcest, or does someone have to write a sidestory, if we wanna see that happen?
11416861
And probably impregnant herself in the process, making a reverse transformation impossible.
Will the multiverse survive if the two Schadenfreude's meet up something that almost has to happen
11416861
Oh sweet Luna...
11416753
… Holy Hathor…
11416956
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/896/893/1dc.gif
11416673
I've got some bad news for you: technology can be just as bad, especially if it's not open-source.
Oh I missed Schaden. Out of all the Original Pony character on this site, I like him the most. Frankly, you could transplant the character in most settings and you would have a great time writing him.
I am glad to see his misadventures continue and see him unleashed on Canterlot, where is counterpart is. This is going to be glorious, two Schadenfreudes. Even that will give some of the local a pause to ask themselves if they could take a quick vacation elsewhere.
11416967 Not sure if Discord would feel like that I didn't say Equestria I said the multiverse
11417166
Oh he knows. It'd be like the difference from watching at home vs. watching on an IMAX.
11417016
Technology is better. It always has to follow the local laws of physics (even if they aren't currently known). And even the most slap-dash encyrpted code can ultimately be broken down to machine language to be read if need be. At the absolute worst (advanced alien iPhone that was put together without understanding why this did that) you could still use trial and error to puzzle it out how it works then how to make it unwork with enough time and resources.
Magic? That crud can't even SPELL "consistency" or "laws". Take poor Schanfreudens case - one would think it would be a simple matter of hitting him with a one-time gender-changing spell to flip him back to male now that the source of the flips was in a pieces. No different from rewriting a persons DNA from male to female then back again right? Nope. Got to figure out the exact spell used then find the specific counter (if one was ever recorded or even existed) or there is literally no idea what could happen. Maybe it turns the coat & main of all ponies in a 100 mile radius into chartreus with fuschia polka dots, or it might cause a rip in reality that causes the entire multiverse or collapse inwards and be swallowed by Cthullu.
I know that if I'm going to be poking around something looking for a short, I want to be 100% certain that if I rip out anything remotely resembling a power source it can't still blow me across the room just because the moon is in the wrong phase.
not going to lie, I'm half-expecting something along the lines of
64.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9m30rMFoW1qkktc4o1_500.gif
when the two inevitably meet
Woooot!!! Welcome back
You probably mean "breaking" not "braking"
Satan should be capitalized.
Verily, the man has left an echo with sunset.
Lol. Zecora yelling to duck was gold.