It was nice to finally leave that room for a moment. I had been locked inside with the purple psychopath for more than just a few hours. Thankfully, the pink horse that blinked in and out of existence and the purple menace came to my rescue, and they taught me a valuable lesson: do not underestimate their language. There were dialects in the absurdity they called Equestrian, let alone a completely different form of writing and speaking involved. It enticed me a lot, to the point of wanting to bring it up over dinner.
The question was: how? How could I do it without sparking a damn lecture again? I do not want to sit through another one of those. Maybe I could get Spike or Starlight to spark the conversation? Then, maybe, if I was careful enough, I could treat it as a normal conversation. My only roadblock was Twilight, since I wasnât sure if her normal conversations were akin to âHow I Edited My Painfully Strenuous Masterâs Program Thesis on How Online Shooters Turn Twelve Year Olds Into Bonafide Racistsâ. There was only one way to find out.
I took my seat at the table. Spike was sitting across from me, while Twilight was supposed to sit beside me (My luck was as consistent as participating in the lottery for ten straight years and only having a dollar to show for it). Unfortunately, Starlight was going to sit diagonal from me, which was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing so she could most likely give her mentor a stink eye from afar, and a curse because she had to also give me a stink eye due to the proximity of this all.
See, they were not sitting at one of the many tables at the library. No, none of those tables would do. Not in Twilightâs eyes. She had to make this a big spectacle. Not sure if this was a way to prove to me, for some reason, that their species were welcoming and absolutely filthy rich, or if she was trying to prove that she was absolutely filthy rich. She insisted on this while using her purple stuff (whatever that stuff was around her horn) to create our seating arrangements out of thin air. It was like she had yanked on the universeâs gaping back pocket to spawn the long crystal table that had blinked right in front of us. I thought that she was the only pony that could do that, but Starlight followed her up on that offer, charging her blue stuff out, creating chairs out of nothing to match the dĂŠcor.
All the while, Spike and I looked on as if we were frozen in place. The only thing that wasnât frozen was my poor jaw, which was hanging so low that the floor was tickling the hairs of my chin. Luckily for me, I was able to pick my jaw off the ground due to Spike nudging my calf like a toddler who lost his or her toy and was making sure his or her father knew about said lost toy.
I groaned when he did this, rubbing my lower leg. Claws, even when balled up into a fist, made an impact on my flabby flesh. I winced in slight pain, which made Spike ask me a slew of questions that ranged from âDid that hurt?â, âDid that actually hurt?â, and âWow, are all humans this weak?â This actually hit me in my chest region, mostly because his fist did another test to see if my chest was stronger. Thankfully, he was correct, since I barely felt anything. However, he misinterpreted my lack of breathing as a victory, simply because I was still recovering from being nearly asphyxiated by a runaway lunatic with a horn and a pair of wings.
Armed with the power of making someone go deaf and universe-defying abilities, Twilight was someone who could harm me both mentally and physically. Meanwhile, Spike could only semi-harm me physically. I wasnât going to underestimate him too much, though. He had a really nice punch.
âSay, Spike?â
The dragon was the only one sitting at the table with me. Those two mares had told us to get some fresh air and to not go roaming around the castle, yet we stayed right in that very room after taking a few moments to breathe right outside captivity. Spike even had vouched for this âfresh airâ saying that we âwouldnât go too farâ. Twilight insisted on giving me a tour tomorrow to make up for it, because she didnât know who else was visiting the castle. Not that it mattered to me, but the added bit of her not wanting to scare any other ponies with my appearance stung me. Does she think Iâm ugly or something? She didnât tell me. She just told me that her luck was similar to mine, citing that it could be possible that her family, their families, and their unborn families could all be visiting at once! Starlight hadnât bought into that nonsense, tisk-tisking her mentor with, âTwilight, youâre either stressed or hooked on phonics.'
Actually, Starlight didnât say that. She just said she was stressed out and needed to take a few deep breaths, but I imagine her brain was like that audiotape years ago, except with the addition of schizophrenia, obsession with earthworms, and an imaginary friend.
I derailed my train of thought when I saw Spike had perked up when he heard my question, his eyes peering gently up at me with a smile on his face. âYeah? Whatâs going on, Rick?â
I returned the gesture, even though I felt my face doing a complete two-seventy. âYou ever just think that there are way too many coincidences with this whole situation?â
âWhat do you mean?â Spike asked, his eyes boggled. âLike, with you and I talking or something?â
I nodded. âYep! What is the probability of us speaking somewhat the same language?â
Spike tapped his claw to his chin, while propping his head with the other. âUhh⌠not sure. Itâs probably not that high though, if youâre going to have a mental breakdown over it.â He chuckled here for some reason. âIf you do have one, let me know. I am an expert at handling mental breakdowns.â
Gave that dragon a bit of a smirk, before prodding him with my thoughts. âWhy do you say that?â
âWell,â Spike began, smirking. âThere are two different types of breakdowns. Twilight having an uncontrollable feeling that sheâs being followed, and the shredding from Discordâs floating metal band whenever we play our D&D games.â
Shredding. The dragon said shredding. It sounded odd, even though he could shred me with his teeth in seconds. Yet he didnât mean shredding as in tearing to bits. He meant shredding a guitar, nailing a signature riff, creating harmoniesâall that existed here in a distant land.
Another strange coincidence. The similarities were astounding to me.
âThatâs cool,â I said, my hand twitching to hopefully signal to him to prod further so I can jump out of my skin and gush about all those long-winded titles from the emo-punk bands from the early 2000s.
Instead, he let me down, as he rubbed the back of his head with his claw. âY-Yeah it is.â He shook his head and looked down at his plate for a moment. âSorry,â he muttered before glancing back up at me. âWhen Twilight said she found somepony completely different, I didnât believe her. Then when I walked in⌠I had to contain myself. Not only are you an alien, but youâre interested in what I do?â
âWell yeah, why wouldnât I be?â I asked. I propped my head up with my arm, not because I was bored or anything. I was trying to keep myself contained too. Gotta sell it to him to get that conversation thatâll carry us until those two mares come back.
âItâs just,â Spike began, before he licked his lips and cast his gaze down at the centerpiece of the table. A group of flowers that had survived the kitchen, if I had to put it that way, along with a giant vase to keep them contained. The dragonâs sigh pulled me right back into the conversation as he voiced his retort, âYou just got torn away from⌠wherever you were from, and now youâre interested in us without having a major meltdown?â
I sighed. âTo be fair, I still am freaking out, you just donât see it. Also, I donât know about you, but Iâd rather enjoy this for what itâs worth before you guys somehow zap me back to where I was. Actually, on second thought, maybe you shouldnât zap me back to where I was exactly. I think I was in my living room re-enacting a tackle by a linebacker on da Bears. Either that, or I was being launched from my car because some douche canoe rear-ended me on the freeway. I donât know, my memory has been a bit borked ever since I woke up. Was hoping Twilight would clear that up for me.â
Spike chuckled. âRe-enacting a tackleâŚ? Sounds kinda like hoofball, but itâs not something Iâm well-versed in due to being busy with all the friendship issues that I help Twilight and her friends with.â
âHoofball?â I asked. Probably an equivalent to football. I couldnât believe it. âAll these coincidences and itâs still the first day. I donât know how Iâm going to wrap my mind around this.â
âLike I said, Iâm surprised you havenât had a mental breakdown yet,â Spike replied.
I shrugged. âProbably because Iâve been hard-stuck on how you all speak my language, when you all totally don't. I mean, you all have a completely different way of writing and speaking, which is totally different than what English is for me! How can you lump all of those noises with the English language?â
I felt like I was about to go cross-eyed as Spikeâs eyes widened. âWait, writing and speaking are different? What does yours look like?â
âYeah,â I replied, nodding towards the dragon. âTwenty-six letters to choose from, and they arenât written like updated Egyptian hieroglyphics.â I chuckled at my own stupid joke that looked like it landed way behind Spikeâs head. âYou got a piece of paper and a pen I can write on?â
Spike smirked. âYep!â He slammed a pad of paper and a pen on the table, making it rattle. âAlways have to have some on claw just in case Twilight wants me to write a dissertation to Celestia on the intricacies of friendship again.â
âCommon subject?â I asked as I reached out to grab the pad and pen.
âUgh, donât remind me,â Spike mumbled. He twiddled with his claws and leaned back in his chair. âI was used to it when I was writing letters about it, not training manuals.â
âTraining manuals for friendship? I thought that was easy to do without reading a book.â
While I scribbled illegible letters of the alphabet in the notepad, I heard Spike groan. âYouâd be surprised. Some ponies donât get it. And thatâs fine, itâs hard to get friends if you donât know how, but why look at a book when you can just go out and meet ponies? Itâs practically instinctual!â
âMaybe the instinct is what needs to be taught, Spike,â I said unconsciously as I wrote how the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
âYouâre right,â Spike sighed, attempting to lean over to get a sneak peek of what I was writing. âMaybe thatâs why everypony reads Twilightâs books. Another avenue towards making friends, right?â
I laughed. âYep!â With that, I shoved the pen and paper towards Spike, who looked like he was completely and utterly frozen by the gesture, before he tilted his head and gasped.
âWhoa, Rick! This is what your English looks like?â
âYep. All twenty-six letters. I even wrote a sentence for you that people always encounter when theyâre learning how to type, which is a totally different can of worms that I donât want to open up just yet.â
Spike whistled before he spoke, âI can see why youâre completely shocked by how we write, or well, how they write. Everypony has a different way of speaking depending on where theyâre from.â
âA different way? So like how Starlight said she had a different dialect?â
Spikeâs pearly whites showed, which made me both happy and absolutely terrified to see. âYep! Except then it gets all thrown out the window when we add entire combinations of the language andââ
âHold up, combinations?â
âWell, yeah! Thereâs the English and Prench version that Fleur speaks. Some of the nobles speak that too. And then there is the English Zebra combination that⌠well, itâs different. A good different. Like eating ice cream for twenty-four hours while watching Daring Do at max volume different.â
I blinked rather quickly at that one. âDaring Do?â
âItâs a pretty cool series from what Rainbow says, but thatâs because sheâs a super-mega fan of her.â
âYou could say that again, Spike.â
Twilightâs voice completely threw our conversation into a tailspin. She had come out with our food floating in her sparkly purple stuff, while Starlight trailed from behind with a jug of what looked like water was in her blue floating grasp.
I must have been staring way too long at the stuff floating on the table, since Spike broke me out of my trance saying my name. âRick? Rick? Why are you looking at them like that?â
âUhâŚâ my voice trailed off, trying to pick and choose my words carefully. I didnât want them to think they looked ugly or something. âIâm just confused as to how theyâve been lifting things without having to use their hooves.â
âMagic,â Starlight said bluntly, which made my eyes boggle at what I heard. Magic? Next they were going to tell me that pigs flew and cows spoke in English too!
âSeriously?â I asked with a head tilt. âMagic?â
Twilight nodded as she set the food on the table. âOf course. How else would the magic of friendship exist?â
âWait, you were being serious about that?! It wasnât some play on words?!â
The three of them burst out into laughter. I didnât know thatâs what she meant! I thought it was frou-frou description to entice people into talking to each other!
I caught my heart racing for some reason, maybe because I was finally brought into reality. I was not meant to be here. If I stay any longer, I'll lose myself, and if one more thing just comes out of nowhere, I'll faint on the spot.
Clutching at my chest, I brought myself out of the conversation and into what was being placed on the table. Each dish looked extremely vegan: salad, breadsticks, pasta, a small cheese pizza, and some weird-looking soup thing. There were rocks floating around in it, but I couldnât get to see what they were, as the rock soup floated away from me to be set right in front of Spike, who totally knew what it was and licked his lips.
I canât believe I was here right now, as an empty plate encased in blue magic was set right in front of me. I needed to calm down. I needed to breathe.
I let out all that pressure built in me as I shook in my seat. I looked over to see the rest of them not focused on me, as they levitated other dishes this way and that, which made my sudden anxiousness blend into the backdrop. This was a great advantage, since I wasnât going to get interrogated again. I was the one with the questions though, especially one for Spike, who hadnât gotten anything else but that soup he was prepping to devour.
Letting go, I let out one final anxious breath and asked, âSpike? What are you eating?â
Spike peered over at me while his lips slurped the creamy-looking broth on his spoon. He set the spoon aside and smiled. âCream of Sapphire Soup!â
âCream of⌠Sapphire?â
âYep! One of my favorites when I head to bed. Not going to lie, itâs an acquired taste for some dragons, but it didnât take long for me to like it!â
I was about to say something here, but Starlight jumped in to steal the show. âEmber said that soup needed to be thrown in lava.â
The dragon glared at the mare, who promptly chuckled as she dug her fork into a bit of her salad.
Meanwhile, Twilight had levitated the salad bowl towards me during the entire foray, which I grabbed and gave her a nod. She smiled, and whispered âyouâre welcomeâ. I gave her a thumbs up and went scavenging for my own food.
It took a few minutes with Starlight and Twilightâs help, but I managed to get what I wanted.
Now was the eating part⌠and hopefully nothing else happensâ
âSo, Rick.â
Of course.
âYes, Starlight?â I asked, stabbing the salad on my plate with no remorse.
The mare had set her utensil aside and was wiping her mouth with a napkin. When she threw her napkin aside, she turned to me with a grin. âTwilight told me a lot about you.â
âHopefully it was nothing but good things,â I said, which prompted Starlight to giggle behind her hoof. âGuess not?â
âPartially. It was a good mix.â
âWell, Iâll take my victories when I get them,â I said, chewing on my salad. It tasted⌠like salad. âThis isnât bad.â
âGood,â Twilight began as she gulped down whatever she had in her muzzle. âYou said you couldnât digest hay, so I went for the cabbage/lettuce combo. Looks like I was right?â
âYep!â I exclaimed.
âBesides the hay thing,â Starlight interjected, leaving me to look at her again with a bit of⌠worry. âYou had a few other little hiccups.â
âHiccups?â
âYeah. Whatâs the deal with the whole âcoming here knocked out in the archivesâ?â
âGlad you asked! I was going to talk to Twilight about it, but if weâre going to address why my head felt like I got pummeled by a pack of rampaging bulls, then letâs discuss this.â
I chomped into another bite of salad, which prompted me with a burst of vinegar taste. I swallowed it down while Twilight began her tirade.
âSee, I have a feeling I know why this happened, unlike last time with Derrick.â
This earned an eyebrow raise by more than just me, as Spike paused from eating his soup to give her a head tilt.
She spurred on though, as all three of us looked on while we ate. âWell, you see, Derrick just fell through the roof when he arrived. And that was a long time ago, back when we had the Golden Oak library. Even Starlight wasnât here when Derrick was around.â
âHow long was he here?â I asked.
Twilight hummed to herself in thought. âA few months. Itâs still a mystery to all of us. One day, he disappeared. We never saw him again.â The mare sighed and set her fork aside. âAnyway, weâll talk about him sometime in the future. For now, we need to talk about you, Rick. Unlike Derrick, you just teleported into the Castleâs archives without causing much damage to anything other than to yourself. Saved me about⌠25,000 bits from the last time someone crashed into this castle.â
âSounds like something Rainbow Dash wouldâve done,â Starlight said with her mouth full of food. She quietly chomped the rest down before swallowing. âAfter all, she does have a track record.â
âActually, Starlight, Twilightâs misremembering. The last one to cause that damage was me.â
Starlight snapped to Spike, who was uncomfortably shifted in his seat. I tilted my head at this. Unless he burnt down an entire section of the castle, there was no way he couldâve done that much damage.
âHow did youââ
âCrash?â Starlight nodded, while Spike rolled his eyes and continued, âRemember those flaming hot gems you got me? Those ones in the bag?â
Starlight nodded⌠slowly. âYeah⌠what about them?â
Suddenly she gasped.
Spike frowned. âI got indigestion so bad that night.â
I blinked. âThereâs no way.â
The dragon twiddled with his claws once again. âYep. Blew out the entirety of the castleâs toilets. And the sinks. And the stoves too, somehow. I wonder why those were hooked up to the plumbing, butâŚâ
âSo thatâs why the chef I hired quit four months ago,â Twilight said, tapping her chin with a hoof. Was she going to completely ignore the fact that Spike just admitted to blowing up the castle with his aâ
âAnyway, we keep getting off-track. Letâs try not to derail this conversation any further, hmm?â
The pony and the dragon nodded, while I just stared at my salad, wondering if I was going to get the same indigestion that Spike had.
âSo, Rick here teleported into the archives. However, it wasnât a normal teleport. Most unicorns have to use only a fair bit of energy from their horn to cast a normal spell. However, this energy that Rick had used was⌠alarmingly high. It was like he summoned an entire choirâs worth of magic and sent it into that one spell!â
âDoes that mean Rick here can cast a spell?â Starlight asked, staring at me with malicious intent. Actually, it was more like she was wondering if I was actually sitting there, but I couldnât tell. At this point, I was made a target, and I needed to make myself not look like a target.
âWell, I donât know about that, Starlight,â Twilight replied. She pointed a hoof in my direction. âThe fact that Rick didnât even know what magic was would indicate otherwise.â
I rolled my eyes. âMagic wasnât like what you all have. Back home it was more⌠fake. There were magicians that people would go to see tricks happen, but it was nothing but that. A trick. A gimmick. A way to show a cool party trick without having the party.â
âThat sucks,â the three of them said in unison.
I snorted. âYou all ever think that youâre one in the same?â
âAnyway!â Twilight yelped out, causing everyone except her to return back to eating their dinner plates. âIf thatâs the case, then no, he canât cast any spells. Actually, when you wake up tomorrow, Rick, I will need to run some tests on you, just to make sure our magic isnât going to mess with you at all. The last alien that we had kinda fizzled up into a magical death of sparkles and rainbows because we didnât check to see if he was allergic to poison joke.â
âPoison joke?â
Starlight interjected before Twilight could even open her mouth. âItâs a flower that can change anything about you for a short while. Itâs mostly harmless, but our resident alien decided to take a bite out of one. To most species in Equestria, youâll get a bit of a stomach ache at the worst, or maybe a magical sneeze or two, but we didnât take into account that the guy was an alien. We found out that his stomach did a complete 360 flip just a few minutes after taking it. We had to rush him to the clinic and wellââ
Twilight sighed. âThings didnât work out for him for long. We didnât understand what he was saying most of the time anyway. Only Fluttershy could, and she was not happy when the creature had passed. We only had him for under a few hours.â
âOkay,â I said, taking everything in. I gulped down a slice of pizza, the cheese sliding down my mouth as if it was a capsule of diabetes. âSo, should I be worried?â
Twilight smiled, which might be either a good sign, or me just asking a good question. âGood question, Rick!â
It was the good question one. Damn.
Horny continued, âYouâll most likely be fine. Derrick didnât have any issues with magic, and if he did, he mustâve kept it to himself.â
Starlight frowned. âWish I couldâve met that human.â
Twilight, once again, exhaled hard through her muzzle. âWell, to answer your main question, Rick, because of that spell of yours, it most likely caused you to gain momentum, which launched you square into one of my bookshelves.â
I tilted my head. âBut how? I didnât see any of your bookshelves broken whatsoever. I shouldâve made at least a dent in that wooden one.â
âYou didnât hit that one,â Twilight said, smirking. âYou hit one of the crystal ones.â
âOh,â I mumbled as I held another piece of pizza in my hand. I chomped down on that slice, the sauce filling my mouth and the greasy cheese making me feel like I was devouring a Domino's pizza. âThat explains the headache.â
âWait, you have a headache?â Starlight asked.
âYeah, itâs a pretty dull one. I just got to make sure Iâm not squinting and Iâm fineââ
Spike got out of his seat to look up at me. âYeah, Twilight, that welt on his head doesnât look the greatest.â
Twilight threw her forehooves in the air, once again. âI thought that was part of his appearance! Ugh,â she grunted here, throwing herself out of her seat to get a closer look at me. She squinted too, which made me squint and GAHâ âYeah, he looks like he did sustain some brain damage here.â
âBrain damage?!â I shouted. âTwilight, donât tell me this is actually serious or I willâack!â
Twilight clamped my mouth shut with her magic. It tickled my mouth like a feather rubbing up against my side. I was about to laugh at the sensation, but Twilightâs words filled my brain with all of the possibilities:
âYouâre going to die.â
âI pulled an Uno reverse card, youâre actually the one with HIV, Rick.â
ââĄď¸âď¸đď¸ âď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸ âď¸âď¸âźď¸đŁď¸âď¸â ď¸âď¸âšď¸ đ§ď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸â ď¸đŞď¸ đď¸âźď¸âď¸âď¸â ď¸ đď¸âď¸â ď¸đď¸âď¸âźď¸đŹď¸ âď¸ đď¸âď¸â ď¸đŻď¸âď¸ đď¸â ď¸âď¸đď¸ đď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸ âď¸âď¸âď¸âď¸ đŁď¸âď¸âď¸â ď¸đ§ď¸đŞď¸ đď¸đď¸âď¸ âď¸âď¸đŻď¸đ§ď¸ đď¸âď¸đď¸!â
Instead, all I heard was Twilightâs verdict:
âYou may have a slight concussion.â
I sighed. âBetter than what I was hearing. Jeez, I never want to hear that noise you made in my head ever again.â
Twilight tilted her head. Her ears were at attention when she asked, âWhat?â
âYeah. It sounded like you were getting tortured in a back alley or something,â I said, shrugging. âSo, should I go to the docâs tomorrow? Maybe see if he can patch me up?â
Starlight smirked. âShe could patch you up. However, Twilight, do you think we could just magick him all better?â
âWait thatâs possible?â I rattled off like a crazy auctioneer trying to sell a bottle cap that was totally not bit into.
Twilight sold me on that one. Ten golden nuggets (bits) were thrown onto the table. âYep, however, like I said before, we need to make sure our magic isnât toxic to you. Itâs important for your life here in Equestria, that is, until we can find a way for you to return home.â
âReturn home? You mean itâs possible?â
Twilightâs ears sagged as she spoke, âWe donât know if we can. However, I do know a few more time-bending spells that I didnât know when Derrick was around. Maybe those will hold the key to your return home? Either that, or we may need to recreate how you got here in the first place. Itâs a toss-up that Iâm willing to experiment, if youâre willing, Rick.â
I stared at her. There was already a possibility of going home? It made my heart race even faster, if that was possible. I hope I donât suffer a heart attack while eating the remaining food on my plate. âTwilight, if itâll help me get home, then sure. Until then, letâs finish up eating dinner andââ
âBut Twilight told me so much about you that I want to know more!â Starlight whined suddenly, which made me look at her in surprise.
I wish I hadnât. She was acting like a dog, giving me those eyes that only men with no soul would not cave to. She had her hooves all curled up, begging me to tell her my secrets. Unfortunately for her, I wasnât going to tell her anything I was uncomfortable with telling her, but I was terrible at resisting that look. My track record was currently 0-395 in that department.
I scooted my plate away from me and turned to her in full. âOkay, fine. But, letâs make sure itâs appropriate, though. Donât want Spike over there to be scarred for life.â
The dragon groaned. âWhy does everyone think Iâm too young? Iâm like⌠twenty in pony years!â
Twilight hummed to herself as she scooted her chair in. âThat may be true, Spike, but youâre still a baby dragon, since technically, youâre not mature by dragon standards until youâre eighteen.â
âWhat? Since when?!â Spike growled.
Twilight blinked a book into existence and flipped through it without any second to breathe. She then stopped on a page, her eyes darting to and fro with immeasurable speed. She prattled off her decree, ââDragons have a much slower growth rate than what we previously had thoughtâ, Dainty Scroll had told the Magical Inquirer. âWe took a sample size of dragons that were willing to get stabbed by a large needle to conduct this experiment of ours. We were able to conclude that those who were older were actually around when the beginning of Equestria was formed. We presumed it was due to the clogging in their hemorrhoids, but we werenât able to get accurate readings on that claim, since we were only there to measure magic readings, not life-threatening conditions.
ââHowever, what we did find was astonishing. The magic essence that was in their systems was always fluctuating, meaning that the magic was holding them to a different rate of growth, essentially. This was our point of emphasis in our case study, which we compared to a ponyâs magic reserves. Turns out that dragons keep a hold of their magic longer, hence this delay in aging, which, in turn also affects the maturity of dragons.ââ
Twilight shut the book, crushing Spikeâs hopes and dreams with an echoing SLAP of paper and dust.
âNoooooo!â Spike shouted. The pain of the virgin echoed in my ears, but that pain was realized fully as I too had that pain enlodged in me. Turbo Virginity did that to folks, especially professors in college. They were the pioneers of the process, and the beacons of sanctity as they trudged on in giving me, and the rest of my colleagues, the ability to resist the dreaded month of November.
Spike flopped onto the floor, giving himself what wouldâve been a concussion too, but luckily, Twilight saved him from such a fate and allowed his spine to brace the impact, letting him reenact how a domino would fall on the ground.
âItâs okay, Spike,â Twilight cooed. She had bent down to check on the poor dragon, who looked like he had seen a ghost. âYouâll eventually be a very mature dragon that everypony will look up to.â
âReally?â Spike mumbled.
âOf course! Donât the crystal ponies already look up to you?â
Spike let out a chuckle. âPartially. They all look down at me but give me compliments as if they were looking up to me. I donât know if I deserve that much creditââ
âYou totally do, Spike!â Starlight chanted. âAnyway, Rick, could we talk before you get acupuncture treatment tomorrow morning by Twilight?â
âWait, when did I say anything about needlesââ
I ignored whatever the hell Twilight was going to say right there and brought out my hand. âSure. Just make sure you bring breakfast in tomorrow and we can talk about it after I wake up.â
âPerfect! Iâll have Spike help me create a great feast for us to share!â Starlight said, clopping her forehooves together while she squeeâd.
Meanwhile, Spike just groaned. âAm I really the guinea pig around here?â
Twilight just smiled. âYes, yes you are!â
It was a short while before we finished our dinner. Nothing else was said, since everything was needed to be said. Besides, Starlight postponed the whole gushing about what I said to Twilight until tomorrow morning, which made me spoon and fork the rest of my food with the speed of the gods.
I helped them clean up the rest of the table too, much to Twilightâs protests. She said I was the Royal Guest or something, like I cared about that. I was more focused on just getting out of the room and into a bed, as I was dead tired and really wanted to sleep. However, Twilight wasnât having that either. She still wanted to make sure my concussion wouldnât cause any more damage, which I agreed with her. So, she assigned Starlight as my âsleep aideâ.
Guess that conversation was going to happen earlier than later.
As we walked into my new bedroom for the night, the door shut with a gentle click, leaving me and this mare alone.
I sighed and hopped up on the bed. Its plush comforts wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a winter day. I was tempted to shut my eyes, but Starlight had other plans.
She smothered me with a pillow, making me squirm and thrash like I was being strangled⌠wait, I was being strangled! I threw the pillow away from me, the blue hue no longer enrapturing it, which caused it to sail into the air and into the wall. It slid down the wall into a depressing looking lump.
I turned to Starlight, who was smirking at me. âWhat are you trying to do? Kill me?!â
The mare shook her head. âNope! I have to make sure you donât fall off into a deep sleep, and the best way to do that was make sure you were aware that you were losing oxygen! I mean, thatâs what Twilight said worked best. She saw it happen!â
Panting heavily, I decided on whether or not I should pummel this mare into the ground. Fortunately for me, I was a patient human, one that was willing to let his anger sit by the wayside until it really mattered. She wasnât trying to kill me. She was just trying to⌠keep me awake. Even if her methods were unorthodox and mirrored a serial killer doesnât mean she wanted to kill me! Right?
Right?
I sighed and kept myself arched against the headboard. It was very uncomfortable, but I was afraid to ask Starlight for that pillow, since she practically smothered me with it not too long ago.
So, I played it cool and rolled my eyes. âRemind me to tell Twilight she is an actual psychopath.â
âNoted!â Starlight yipped cheerfully. She trotted over to my bedside to give me a once-over before she chuckled. âAlright, Iâll let you be. I know I told you I was going to talk to you about everything tomorrow, and I know you want your rest.â
âReally? Now youâre going to let me sleep after you just tried to strangle me?â
The mare tilted her head. âAllâs fair in friendship and war.â
âThat is totally not how that phrase goes,â I said, booping the mare on her snoot.
Starlight just went cross-eyed, and her muzzle scrunched up like a spring getting sprung. âPlease donât do that,â she muttered.
Her sidelong glance looked contrary to what she just said. And⌠was she blushing?
I shook my head. âAs long as you donât smother me with a pillow again, we have ourselves a deal.â
She held out her hoof, which I snatched with earnest. We made our agreement, if our hoof-hand shake was anything binding. âDeal,â she said, giving me a soft smile.
She slowly backed up and rattled off a response. âAnyway, I better head out. Need to get some sleep myself. Iâll be here to wake you up bright and early!â
âSounds good, Starlight!â
With that, the mare trotted out and quietly shut the door, leaving me to my own demise.
I hopped out of bed and quickly grabbed the pillow again. I fluffed it up and threw it on the bed before plopping into its comforts once again. I smiled and snuggled right into it, before shutting my eyes.
It shouldnât be hard to sleep, right?
Nothing but anarchy everywhere I turn It's like the Giants/Eagles game going on right now. Or any NFC East game this year, actually.
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Just wanted to 360 flip into this comment saying, "Yes, I agree."
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I'll raise you an indy 900 and make an inaccurate reference.
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i.gyazo.com/08fd06ec07f5b95e2c48a4cebbc89b0a.png
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i.pinimg.com/736x/15/b4/38/15b4386598fa1fdfc87d50e6eb94389a.jpg
letters are weird, man
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This is how my editor died...
pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/392/b88/f2cae65a3354b4fc3a9ff4da05bd9821e7-31-birthday-boy.rsquare.w700.jpg
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My response to that fart...
bigmemes.funnyjunk.com/pictures/Cursed_bd9a51_7236845.jpg
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Eagles or Giants?
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I'm a Raiders fan personally, but I wanted the Giants to win just because it'll be funny to see if a 6-win team can win that division.
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Lol, I'm not really a football fan but if I had to pick a team it'd be the Eagles I like the Phillies mainly though.
Maybe it just me, but it seem line everyone is lying to him about this other human. And that it was just spontaneous, it feels like it doesn't quite match up and Twilight was the one to being him there.
Also they still don't quite seem likable yet to me. I mean, Starlight suffocating him, Twilight being batsgit insane, Spike punching him and knocking him flat all make it seem like he shouldn't be keen to spend time with them.
aaaaand cue Luna in three.....
Spike in a no-nutshell
She didnât want to scare any other ponies with my appearanceâdoes she think Iâm ugly or something?
"You just can't predict how Ponies will react. One day a giant eagle with a lion's rear end is walking around town and everyone's cool: the next a Pony with stripes show up and they're all "A witch! RUN AWAY!"
This is all in your head, Rick. It's in your imagination. There's no such thing as Equestria.
So I've read four chapters and while the characters are likable I'm thinking the same thing I was halfway through chapter one: Get to the point. It doesn't look like you ever will, so this is where I get off.
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Sorry you feel that way. I'm still trying to get some semblance of balance back in my life atm, so that's why my writing has halted.
I know it's not in a direct quote, but it bugs me that in 'the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' you switched to past tense thus eliminating the 's'.
Wow, we have a doctor in gamer studies as our main character! Talk about representation, and in the form of a well-rounded character like Richard "Rick" Holder, PhD in Gamer Studies. You'd think he'd be more familiar with STIs because of his field.
Also, the snark in this series is very good and please keep doing this.
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That is going to get fixed asap. I am not sure why I didn't catch that.
EDIT: Fixed.
Can I ask WHY twilight has HIV?
I know it's a normal thing that just happens sometimes but also why
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I don't think she does! From what I've read, it seems like a miscommunication.