//------------------------------// // Dinner's Served Best With Wingdings! // Story: Why Do You Speak My Language?! // by Soaring //------------------------------// It was nice to finally leave that room for a moment. I had been locked inside with the purple psychopath for more than just a few hours. Thankfully, the pink horse that blinked in and out of existence and the purple menace came to my rescue, and they taught me a valuable lesson: do not underestimate their language. There were dialects in the absurdity they called Equestrian, let alone a completely different form of writing and speaking involved. It enticed me a lot, to the point of wanting to bring it up over dinner. The question was: how? How could I do it without sparking a damn lecture again? I do not want to sit through another one of those. Maybe I could get Spike or Starlight to spark the conversation? Then, maybe, if I was careful enough, I could treat it as a normal conversation. My only roadblock was Twilight, since I wasn’t sure if her normal conversations were akin to ‘How I Edited My Painfully Strenuous Master’s Program Thesis on How Online Shooters Turn Twelve Year Olds Into Bonafide Racists’. There was only one way to find out. I took my seat at the table. Spike was sitting across from me, while Twilight was supposed to sit beside me (My luck was as consistent as participating in the lottery for ten straight years and only having a dollar to show for it). Unfortunately, Starlight was going to sit diagonal from me, which was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing so she could most likely give her mentor a stink eye from afar, and a curse because she had to also give me a stink eye due to the proximity of this all. See, they were not sitting at one of the many tables at the library. No, none of those tables would do. Not in Twilight’s eyes. She had to make this a big spectacle. Not sure if this was a way to prove to me, for some reason, that their species were welcoming and absolutely filthy rich, or if she was trying to prove that she was absolutely filthy rich. She insisted on this while using her purple stuff (whatever that stuff was around her horn) to create our seating arrangements out of thin air. It was like she had yanked on the universe’s gaping back pocket to spawn the long crystal table that had blinked right in front of us. I thought that she was the only pony that could do that, but Starlight followed her up on that offer, charging her blue stuff out, creating chairs out of nothing to match the décor. All the while, Spike and I looked on as if we were frozen in place. The only thing that wasn’t frozen was my poor jaw, which was hanging so low that the floor was tickling the hairs of my chin. Luckily for me, I was able to pick my jaw off the ground due to Spike nudging my calf like a toddler who lost his or her toy and was making sure his or her father knew about said lost toy. I groaned when he did this, rubbing my lower leg. Claws, even when balled up into a fist, made an impact on my flabby flesh. I winced in slight pain, which made Spike ask me a slew of questions that ranged from ‘Did that hurt?’, ‘Did that actually hurt?’, and ‘Wow, are all humans this weak?’ This actually hit me in my chest region, mostly because his fist did another test to see if my chest was stronger. Thankfully, he was correct, since I barely felt anything. However, he misinterpreted my lack of breathing as a victory, simply because I was still recovering from being nearly asphyxiated by a runaway lunatic with a horn and a pair of wings. Armed with the power of making someone go deaf and universe-defying abilities, Twilight was someone who could harm me both mentally and physically. Meanwhile, Spike could only semi-harm me physically. I wasn’t going to underestimate him too much, though. He had a really nice punch. “Say, Spike?” The dragon was the only one sitting at the table with me. Those two mares had told us to get some fresh air and to not go roaming around the castle, yet we stayed right in that very room after taking a few moments to breathe right outside captivity. Spike even had vouched for this ‘fresh air’ saying that we ‘wouldn’t go too far’. Twilight insisted on giving me a tour tomorrow to make up for it, because she didn’t know who else was visiting the castle. Not that it mattered to me, but the added bit of her not wanting to scare any other ponies with my appearance stung me. Does she think I’m ugly or something? She didn’t tell me. She just told me that her luck was similar to mine, citing that it could be possible that her family, their families, and their unborn families could all be visiting at once! Starlight hadn’t bought into that nonsense, tisk-tisking her mentor with, ‘Twilight, you’re either stressed or hooked on phonics.' Actually, Starlight didn’t say that. She just said she was stressed out and needed to take a few deep breaths, but I imagine her brain was like that audiotape years ago, except with the addition of schizophrenia, obsession with earthworms, and an imaginary friend. I derailed my train of thought when I saw Spike had perked up when he heard my question, his eyes peering gently up at me with a smile on his face. “Yeah? What’s going on, Rick?” I returned the gesture, even though I felt my face doing a complete two-seventy. “You ever just think that there are way too many coincidences with this whole situation?” “What do you mean?” Spike asked, his eyes boggled. “Like, with you and I talking or something?” I nodded. “Yep! What is the probability of us speaking somewhat the same language?” Spike tapped his claw to his chin, while propping his head with the other. “Uhh… not sure. It’s probably not that high though, if you’re going to have a mental breakdown over it.” He chuckled here for some reason. “If you do have one, let me know. I am an expert at handling mental breakdowns.” Gave that dragon a bit of a smirk, before prodding him with my thoughts. “Why do you say that?” “Well,” Spike began, smirking. “There are two different types of breakdowns. Twilight having an uncontrollable feeling that she’s being followed, and the shredding from Discord’s floating metal band whenever we play our D&D games.” Shredding. The dragon said shredding. It sounded odd, even though he could shred me with his teeth in seconds. Yet he didn’t mean shredding as in tearing to bits. He meant shredding a guitar, nailing a signature riff, creating harmonies—all that existed here in a distant land. Another strange coincidence. The similarities were astounding to me. “That’s cool,” I said, my hand twitching to hopefully signal to him to prod further so I can jump out of my skin and gush about all those long-winded titles from the emo-punk bands from the early 2000s. Instead, he let me down, as he rubbed the back of his head with his claw. “Y-Yeah it is.” He shook his head and looked down at his plate for a moment. “Sorry,” he muttered before glancing back up at me. “When Twilight said she found somepony completely different, I didn’t believe her. Then when I walked in… I had to contain myself. Not only are you an alien, but you’re interested in what I do?” “Well yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked. I propped my head up with my arm, not because I was bored or anything. I was trying to keep myself contained too. Gotta sell it to him to get that conversation that’ll carry us until those two mares come back. “It’s just,” Spike began, before he licked his lips and cast his gaze down at the centerpiece of the table. A group of flowers that had survived the kitchen, if I had to put it that way, along with a giant vase to keep them contained. The dragon’s sigh pulled me right back into the conversation as he voiced his retort, “You just got torn away from… wherever you were from, and now you’re interested in us without having a major meltdown?” I sighed. “To be fair, I still am freaking out, you just don’t see it. Also, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather enjoy this for what it’s worth before you guys somehow zap me back to where I was. Actually, on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t zap me back to where I was exactly. I think I was in my living room re-enacting a tackle by a linebacker on da Bears. Either that, or I was being launched from my car because some douche canoe rear-ended me on the freeway. I don’t know, my memory has been a bit borked ever since I woke up. Was hoping Twilight would clear that up for me.” Spike chuckled. “Re-enacting a tackle…? Sounds kinda like hoofball, but it’s not something I’m well-versed in due to being busy with all the friendship issues that I help Twilight and her friends with.” “Hoofball?” I asked. Probably an equivalent to football. I couldn’t believe it. “All these coincidences and it’s still the first day. I don’t know how I’m going to wrap my mind around this.” “Like I said, I’m surprised you haven’t had a mental breakdown yet,” Spike replied.  I shrugged. “Probably because I’ve been hard-stuck on how you all speak my language, when you all totally don't. I mean, you all have a completely different way of writing and speaking, which is totally different than what English is for me! How can you lump all of those noises with the English language?” I felt like I was about to go cross-eyed as Spike’s eyes widened. “Wait, writing and speaking are different? What does yours look like?” “Yeah,” I replied, nodding towards the dragon. “Twenty-six letters to choose from, and they aren’t written like updated Egyptian hieroglyphics.” I chuckled at my own stupid joke that looked like it landed way behind Spike’s head. “You got a piece of paper and a pen I can write on?” Spike smirked. “Yep!” He slammed a pad of paper and a pen on the table, making it rattle. “Always have to have some on claw just in case Twilight wants me to write a dissertation to Celestia on the intricacies of friendship again.” “Common subject?” I asked as I reached out to grab the pad and pen. “Ugh, don’t remind me,” Spike mumbled. He twiddled with his claws and leaned back in his chair. “I was used to it when I was writing letters about it, not training manuals.” “Training manuals for friendship? I thought that was easy to do without reading a book.” While I scribbled illegible letters of the alphabet in the notepad, I heard Spike groan. “You’d be surprised. Some ponies don’t get it. And that’s fine, it’s hard to get friends if you don’t know how, but why look at a book when you can just go out and meet ponies? It’s practically instinctual!” “Maybe the instinct is what needs to be taught, Spike,” I said unconsciously as I wrote how the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.  “You’re right,” Spike sighed, attempting to lean over to get a sneak peek of what I was writing. “Maybe that’s why everypony reads Twilight’s books. Another avenue towards making friends, right?” I laughed. “Yep!” With that, I shoved the pen and paper towards Spike, who looked like he was completely and utterly frozen by the gesture, before he tilted his head and gasped. “Whoa, Rick! This is what your English looks like?” “Yep. All twenty-six letters. I even wrote a sentence for you that people always encounter when they’re learning how to type, which is a totally different can of worms that I don’t want to open up just yet.” Spike whistled before he spoke, “I can see why you’re completely shocked by how we write, or well, how they write. Everypony has a different way of speaking depending on where they’re from.” “A different way? So like how Starlight said she had a different dialect?” Spike’s pearly whites showed, which made me both happy and absolutely terrified to see. “Yep! Except then it gets all thrown out the window when we add entire combinations of the language and—” “Hold up, combinations?” “Well, yeah! There’s the English and Prench version that Fleur speaks. Some of the nobles speak that too. And then there is the English Zebra combination that… well, it’s different. A good different. Like eating ice cream for twenty-four hours while watching Daring Do at max volume different.” I blinked rather quickly at that one. “Daring Do?” “It’s a pretty cool series from what Rainbow says, but that’s because she’s a super-mega fan of her.” “You could say that again, Spike.” Twilight’s voice completely threw our conversation into a tailspin. She had come out with our food floating in her sparkly purple stuff, while Starlight trailed from behind with a jug of what looked like water was in her blue floating grasp.  I must have been staring way too long at the stuff floating on the table, since Spike broke me out of my trance saying my name. “Rick? Rick? Why are you looking at them like that?” “Uh…” my voice trailed off, trying to pick and choose my words carefully. I didn’t want them to think they looked ugly or something. “I’m just confused as to how they’ve been lifting things without having to use their hooves.” “Magic,” Starlight said bluntly, which made my eyes boggle at what I heard. Magic? Next they were going to tell me that pigs flew and cows spoke in English too! “Seriously?” I asked with a head tilt. “Magic?” Twilight nodded as she set the food on the table. “Of course. How else would the magic of friendship exist?” “Wait, you were being serious about that?! It wasn’t some play on words?!” The three of them burst out into laughter. I didn’t know that’s what she meant! I thought it was frou-frou description to entice people into talking to each other!  I caught my heart racing for some reason, maybe because I was finally brought into reality. I was not meant to be here. If I stay any longer, I'll lose myself, and if one more thing just comes out of nowhere, I'll faint on the spot. Clutching at my chest, I brought myself out of the conversation and into what was being placed on the table. Each dish looked extremely vegan: salad, breadsticks, pasta, a small cheese pizza, and some weird-looking soup thing. There were rocks floating around in it, but I couldn’t get to see what they were, as the rock soup floated away from me to be set right in front of Spike, who totally knew what it was and licked his lips. I can’t believe I was here right now, as an empty plate encased in blue magic was set right in front of me. I needed to calm down. I needed to breathe. I let out all that pressure built in me as I shook in my seat. I looked over to see the rest of them not focused on me, as they levitated other dishes this way and that, which made my sudden anxiousness blend into the backdrop. This was a great advantage, since I wasn’t going to get interrogated again. I was the one with the questions though, especially one for Spike, who hadn’t gotten anything else but that soup he was prepping to devour.  Letting go, I let out one final anxious breath and asked, “Spike? What are you eating?” Spike peered over at me while his lips slurped the creamy-looking broth on his spoon. He set the spoon aside and smiled. “Cream of Sapphire Soup!” “Cream of… Sapphire?” “Yep! One of my favorites when I head to bed. Not going to lie, it’s an acquired taste for some dragons, but it didn’t take long for me to like it!” I was about to say something here, but Starlight jumped in to steal the show. “Ember said that soup needed to be thrown in lava.” The dragon glared at the mare, who promptly chuckled as she dug her fork into a bit of her salad.  Meanwhile, Twilight had levitated the salad bowl towards me during the entire foray, which I grabbed and gave her a nod. She smiled, and whispered ‘you’re welcome’. I gave her a thumbs up and went scavenging for my own food. It took a few minutes with Starlight and Twilight’s help, but I managed to get what I wanted. Now was the eating part… and hopefully nothing else happens—  “So, Rick.” Of course. “Yes, Starlight?” I asked, stabbing the salad on my plate with no remorse. The mare had set her utensil aside and was wiping her mouth with a napkin. When she threw her napkin aside, she turned to me with a grin. “Twilight told me a lot about you.” “Hopefully it was nothing but good things,” I said, which prompted Starlight to giggle behind her hoof. “Guess not?” “Partially. It was a good mix.” “Well, I’ll take my victories when I get them,” I said, chewing on my salad. It tasted… like salad. “This isn’t bad.” “Good,” Twilight began as she gulped down whatever she had in her muzzle. “You said you couldn’t digest hay, so I went for the cabbage/lettuce combo. Looks like I was right?” “Yep!” I exclaimed. “Besides the hay thing,” Starlight interjected, leaving me to look at her again with a bit of… worry. “You had a few other little hiccups.” “Hiccups?” “Yeah. What’s the deal with the whole ‘coming here knocked out in the archives’?” “Glad you asked! I was going to talk to Twilight about it, but if we’re going to address why my head felt like I got pummeled by a pack of rampaging bulls, then let’s discuss this.” I chomped into another bite of salad, which prompted me with a burst of vinegar taste. I swallowed it down while Twilight began her tirade. “See, I have a feeling I know why this happened, unlike last time with Derrick.”  This earned an eyebrow raise by more than just me, as Spike paused from eating his soup to give her a head tilt.  She spurred on though, as all three of us looked on while we ate. “Well, you see, Derrick just fell through the roof when he arrived. And that was a long time ago, back when we had the Golden Oak library. Even Starlight wasn’t here when Derrick was around.” “How long was he here?” I asked. Twilight hummed to herself in thought. “A few months. It’s still a mystery to all of us. One day, he disappeared. We never saw him again.” The mare sighed and set her fork aside. “Anyway, we’ll talk about him sometime in the future. For now, we need to talk about you, Rick. Unlike Derrick, you just teleported into the Castle’s archives without causing much damage to anything other than to yourself. Saved me about… 25,000 bits from the last time someone crashed into this castle.” “Sounds like something Rainbow Dash would’ve done,” Starlight said with her mouth full of food. She quietly chomped the rest down before swallowing. “After all, she does have a track record.” “Actually, Starlight, Twilight’s misremembering. The last one to cause that damage was me.” Starlight snapped to Spike, who was uncomfortably shifted in his seat. I tilted my head at this. Unless he burnt down an entire section of the castle, there was no way he could’ve done that much damage. “How did you—” “Crash?” Starlight nodded, while Spike rolled his eyes and continued, “Remember those flaming hot gems you got me? Those ones in the bag?” Starlight nodded… slowly. “Yeah… what about them?” Suddenly she gasped. Spike frowned. “I got indigestion so bad that night.” I blinked. “There’s no way.” The dragon twiddled with his claws once again. “Yep. Blew out the entirety of the castle’s toilets. And the sinks. And the stoves too, somehow. I wonder why those were hooked up to the plumbing, but…” “So that’s why the chef I hired quit four months ago,” Twilight said, tapping her chin with a hoof.  Was she going to completely ignore the fact that Spike just admitted to blowing up the castle with his a—  “Anyway, we keep getting off-track. Let’s try not to derail this conversation any further, hmm?” The pony and the dragon nodded, while I just stared at my salad, wondering if I was going to get the same indigestion that Spike had. “So, Rick here teleported into the archives. However, it wasn’t a normal teleport. Most unicorns have to use only a fair bit of energy from their horn to cast a normal spell. However, this energy that Rick had used was… alarmingly high. It was like he summoned an entire choir’s worth of magic and sent it into that one spell!” “Does that mean Rick here can cast a spell?” Starlight asked, staring at me with malicious intent. Actually, it was more like she was wondering if I was actually sitting there, but I couldn’t tell. At this point, I was made a target, and I needed to make myself not look like a target. “Well, I don’t know about that, Starlight,” Twilight replied. She pointed a hoof in my direction. “The fact that Rick didn’t even know what magic was would indicate otherwise.” I rolled my eyes. “Magic wasn’t like what you all have. Back home it was more… fake. There were magicians that people would go to see tricks happen, but it was nothing but that. A trick. A gimmick. A way to show a cool party trick without having the party.” “That sucks,” the three of them said in unison. I snorted. “You all ever think that you’re one in the same?” “Anyway!” Twilight yelped out, causing everyone except her to return back to eating their dinner plates. “If that’s the case, then no, he can’t cast any spells. Actually, when you wake up tomorrow, Rick, I will need to run some tests on you, just to make sure our magic isn’t going to mess with you at all. The last alien that we had kinda fizzled up into a magical death of sparkles and rainbows because we didn’t check to see if he was allergic to poison joke.” “Poison joke?” Starlight interjected before Twilight could even open her mouth. “It’s a flower that can change anything about you for a short while. It’s mostly harmless, but our resident alien decided to take a bite out of one. To most species in Equestria, you’ll get a bit of a stomach ache at the worst, or maybe a magical sneeze or two, but we didn’t take into account that the guy was an alien. We found out that his stomach did a complete 360 flip just a few minutes after taking it. We had to rush him to the clinic and well—” Twilight sighed. “Things didn’t work out for him for long. We didn’t understand what he was saying most of the time anyway. Only Fluttershy could, and she was not happy when the creature had passed. We only had him for under a few hours.” “Okay,” I said, taking everything in. I gulped down a slice of pizza, the cheese sliding down my mouth as if it was a capsule of diabetes. “So, should I be worried?” Twilight smiled, which might be either a good sign, or me just asking a good question. “Good question, Rick!” It was the good question one. Damn. Horny continued, “You’ll most likely be fine. Derrick didn’t have any issues with magic, and if he did, he must’ve kept it to himself.” Starlight frowned. “Wish I could’ve met that human.” Twilight, once again, exhaled hard through her muzzle. “Well, to answer your main question, Rick, because of that spell of yours, it most likely caused you to gain momentum, which launched you square into one of my bookshelves.” I tilted my head. “But how? I didn’t see any of your bookshelves broken whatsoever. I should’ve made at least a dent in that wooden one.” “You didn’t hit that one,” Twilight said, smirking. “You hit one of the crystal ones.” “Oh,” I mumbled as I held another piece of pizza in my hand. I chomped down on that slice, the sauce filling my mouth and the greasy cheese making me feel like I was devouring a Domino's pizza. “That explains the headache.” “Wait, you have a headache?” Starlight asked. “Yeah, it’s a pretty dull one. I just got to make sure I’m not squinting and I’m fine—” Spike got out of his seat to look up at me. “Yeah, Twilight, that welt on his head doesn’t look the greatest.” Twilight threw her forehooves in the air, once again. “I thought that was part of his appearance! Ugh,” she grunted here, throwing herself out of her seat to get a closer look at me. She squinted too, which made me squint and GAH— “Yeah, he looks like he did sustain some brain damage here.” “Brain damage?!” I shouted. “Twilight, don’t tell me this is actually serious or I will—ack!” Twilight clamped my mouth shut with her magic. It tickled my mouth like a feather rubbing up against my side. I was about to laugh at the sensation, but Twilight’s words filled my brain with all of the possibilities: “You’re going to die.” “I pulled an Uno reverse card, you’re actually the one with HIV, Rick.”  “✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ ❄︎☜︎☼︎💣︎✋︎☠︎✌︎☹︎ 💧︎☜︎✞︎☜︎☠︎📪︎ 👌︎☼︎✌︎✋︎☠︎ 👍︎✌︎☠︎👍︎☜︎☼︎📬︎ ✋︎ 👎︎⚐︎☠︎🕯︎❄︎ 😐︎☠︎⚐︎🕈︎ 🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ❄︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ 💣︎☜︎✌︎☠︎💧︎📪︎ 👌︎🕆︎❄︎ ✋︎❄︎🕯︎💧︎ 👌︎✌︎👎︎!”  Instead, all I heard was Twilight’s verdict: “You may have a slight concussion.” I sighed. “Better than what I was hearing. Jeez, I never want to hear that noise you made in my head ever again.” Twilight tilted her head. Her ears were at attention when she asked, “What?” “Yeah. It sounded like you were getting tortured in a back alley or something,” I said, shrugging. “So, should I go to the doc’s tomorrow? Maybe see if he can patch me up?” Starlight smirked. “She could patch you up. However, Twilight, do you think we could just magick him all better?” “Wait that’s possible?” I rattled off like a crazy auctioneer trying to sell a bottle cap that was totally not bit into.  Twilight sold me on that one. Ten golden nuggets (bits) were thrown onto the table. “Yep, however, like I said before, we need to make sure our magic isn’t toxic to you. It’s important for your life here in Equestria, that is, until we can find a way for you to return home.” “Return home? You mean it’s possible?” Twilight’s ears sagged as she spoke, “We don’t know if we can. However, I do know a few more time-bending spells that I didn’t know when Derrick was around. Maybe those will hold the key to your return home? Either that, or we may need to recreate how you got here in the first place. It’s a toss-up that I’m willing to experiment, if you’re willing, Rick.” I stared at her. There was already a possibility of going home? It made my heart race even faster, if that was possible. I hope I don’t suffer a heart attack while eating the remaining food on my plate. “Twilight, if it’ll help me get home, then sure. Until then, let’s finish up eating dinner and—” “But Twilight told me so much about you that I want to know more!” Starlight whined suddenly, which made me look at her in surprise. I wish I hadn’t. She was acting like a dog, giving me those eyes that only men with no soul would not cave to. She had her hooves all curled up, begging me to tell her my secrets. Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t going to tell her anything I was uncomfortable with telling her, but I was terrible at resisting that look. My track record was currently 0-395 in that department. I scooted my plate away from me and turned to her in full. “Okay, fine. But, let’s make sure it’s appropriate, though. Don’t want Spike over there to be scarred for life.” The dragon groaned. “Why does everyone think I’m too young? I’m like… twenty in pony years!” Twilight hummed to herself as she scooted her chair in. “That may be true, Spike, but you’re still a baby dragon, since technically, you’re not mature by dragon standards until you’re eighteen.” “What? Since when?!” Spike growled. Twilight blinked a book into existence and flipped through it without any second to breathe. She then stopped on a page, her eyes darting to and fro with immeasurable speed. She prattled off her decree, “‘Dragons have a much slower growth rate than what we previously had thought’, Dainty Scroll had told the Magical Inquirer. ‘We took a sample size of dragons that were willing to get stabbed by a large needle to conduct this experiment of ours. We were able to conclude that those who were older were actually around when the beginning of Equestria was formed. We presumed it was due to the clogging in their hemorrhoids, but we weren’t able to get accurate readings on that claim, since we were only there to measure magic readings, not life-threatening conditions. “‘However, what we did find was astonishing. The magic essence that was in their systems was always fluctuating, meaning that the magic was holding them to a different rate of growth, essentially. This was our point of emphasis in our case study, which we compared to a pony’s magic reserves. Turns out that dragons keep a hold of their magic longer, hence this delay in aging, which, in turn also affects the maturity of dragons.’” Twilight shut the book, crushing Spike’s hopes and dreams with an echoing SLAP of paper and dust. “Noooooo!” Spike shouted. The pain of the virgin echoed in my ears, but that pain was realized fully as I too had that pain enlodged in me. Turbo Virginity did that to folks, especially professors in college. They were the pioneers of the process, and the beacons of sanctity as they trudged on in giving me, and the rest of my colleagues, the ability to resist the dreaded month of November. Spike flopped onto the floor, giving himself what would’ve been a concussion too, but luckily, Twilight saved him from such a fate and allowed his spine to brace the impact, letting him reenact how a domino would fall on the ground. “It’s okay, Spike,” Twilight cooed. She had bent down to check on the poor dragon, who looked like he had seen a ghost. “You’ll eventually be a very mature dragon that everypony will look up to.” “Really?” Spike mumbled. “Of course! Don’t the crystal ponies already look up to you?” Spike let out a chuckle. “Partially. They all look down at me but give me compliments as if they were looking up to me. I don’t know if I deserve that much credit—” “You totally do, Spike!” Starlight chanted. “Anyway, Rick, could we talk before you get acupuncture treatment tomorrow morning by Twilight?” “Wait, when did I say anything about needles—” I ignored whatever the hell Twilight was going to say right there and brought out my hand. “Sure. Just make sure you bring breakfast in tomorrow and we can talk about it after I wake up.” “Perfect! I’ll have Spike help me create a great feast for us to share!” Starlight said, clopping her forehooves together while she squee’d. Meanwhile, Spike just groaned. “Am I really the guinea pig around here?” Twilight just smiled. “Yes, yes you are!”   It was a short while before we finished our dinner. Nothing else was said, since everything was needed to be said. Besides, Starlight postponed the whole gushing about what I said to Twilight until tomorrow morning, which made me spoon and fork the rest of my food with the speed of the gods. I helped them clean up the rest of the table too, much to Twilight’s protests. She said I was the Royal Guest or something, like I cared about that. I was more focused on just getting out of the room and into a bed, as I was dead tired and really wanted to sleep. However, Twilight wasn’t having that either. She still wanted to make sure my concussion wouldn’t cause any more damage, which I agreed with her. So, she assigned Starlight as my ‘sleep aide’. Guess that conversation was going to happen earlier than later. As we walked into my new bedroom for the night, the door shut with a gentle click, leaving me and this mare alone.  I sighed and hopped up on the bed. Its plush comforts wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a winter day. I was tempted to shut my eyes, but Starlight had other plans. She smothered me with a pillow, making me squirm and thrash like I was being strangled… wait, I was being strangled! I threw the pillow away from me, the blue hue no longer enrapturing it, which caused it to sail into the air and into the wall. It slid down the wall into a depressing looking lump. I turned to Starlight, who was smirking at me. “What are you trying to do? Kill me?!” The mare shook her head. “Nope! I have to make sure you don’t fall off into a deep sleep, and the best way to do that was make sure you were aware that you were losing oxygen! I mean, that’s what Twilight said worked best. She saw it happen!” Panting heavily, I decided on whether or not I should pummel this mare into the ground. Fortunately for me, I was a patient human, one that was willing to let his anger sit by the wayside until it really mattered. She wasn’t trying to kill me. She was just trying to… keep me awake. Even if her methods were unorthodox and mirrored a serial killer doesn’t mean she wanted to kill me! Right? Right? I sighed and kept myself arched against the headboard. It was very uncomfortable, but I was afraid to ask Starlight for that pillow, since she practically smothered me with it not too long ago. So, I played it cool and rolled my eyes. “Remind me to tell Twilight she is an actual psychopath.” “Noted!’ Starlight yipped cheerfully. She trotted over to my bedside to give me a once-over before she chuckled. “Alright, I’ll let you be. I know I told you I was going to talk to you about everything tomorrow, and I know you want your rest.” “Really? Now you’re going to let me sleep after you just tried to strangle me?” The mare tilted her head. “All’s fair in friendship and war.” “That is totally not how that phrase goes,” I said, booping the mare on her snoot. Starlight just went cross-eyed, and her muzzle scrunched up like a spring getting sprung. “Please don’t do that,” she muttered. Her sidelong glance looked contrary to what she just said. And… was she blushing? I shook my head. “As long as you don’t smother me with a pillow again, we have ourselves a deal.” She held out her hoof, which I snatched with earnest. We made our agreement, if our hoof-hand shake was anything binding. “Deal,” she said, giving me a soft smile.  She slowly backed up and rattled off a response. “Anyway, I better head out. Need to get some sleep myself. I’ll be here to wake you up bright and early!” “Sounds good, Starlight!” With that, the mare trotted out and quietly shut the door, leaving me to my own demise. I hopped out of bed and quickly grabbed the pillow again. I fluffed it up and threw it on the bed before plopping into its comforts once again. I smiled and snuggled right into it, before shutting my eyes. It shouldn’t be hard to sleep, right?