Dissonance Of 🕆︎ 🕮︎ ✋︎
The food was great thus far, and I’m not even joking. If I stay here without moving my ass, I will probably keel over from gaining three hundred pounds of overjoyed taste testing. The eggs were light and fluffy, the banana was tasty, and the grapes were as they always are: sweet and sour. The toast, while cold, still had a bit of crunch, and the jelly spread they gave me felt like heaven. Honestly, Starlight gave me a food coma on a silver platter without even considering it Thanksgiving. Thankfully, I was considering it now, as I wiped my chops and got that little bit of toast out in-between my teeth.
I licked my lips and set the plate aside. Where was Rainbow Dash at? And why wasn’t she in here eating breakfast with me? Maybe she already ate and was not down for seconds. Or maybe she was down with a sickness. Either way, it was just an empty room now with an even emptier plate that sat directly to my right, on a lone stand.
I sighed. I thought back to the conversation Starlight and I had. Finding oneself never felt so… rewarding. Felt like my therapist back home could take some pointers. Or maybe I didn’t need a therapist and just needed someone who cared. I don’t know, I’ll leave that to the experts, which in this case, were magic induced hyper-driven horses with an agenda of language and capitalism—err… maybe not the capitalism bit.
This whole magic thing has been brutal. It was a lopsided affair that I couldn’t seem to get a grasp of. One minute, I was listening to someone scraping a chalkboard through a headset on max volume, while the next I was in a comedy skit, only with much more realism and a brutal case of “the itch”. It all felt like a losing battle with not much hope in sight, much like the Bears who keep losing football games—and now I’m depressed again about sports.
How does this happen to me and only me? Does the world want to see my Bears suffer?
I rested my head in my hands. No, this is way bigger than the Bears, and honestly, it’s way bigger than me. All I need to know is that I’m here, and I exist and that I should never lose sight of who I am. After all, Starlight said it best:
“You have to at least remember home. You know, so that way you can give yourself a good picture of it every time you remember it.”
I do not want to lose what has made me who I am, and… if that magic is willing to not only rip it from my grubby fingers but also atttempting to kill me in the process, then I can’t let that happen, and I won't let it happen. Besides, home is what you make of it. So I guess if I’m here, and this is real, then I need to make this a temporary ‘home’. You know, like a hotel stay for way longer than I have the money for. I guess this is what life wants from me now, and if that's the case, I can't forget the goal. I have to keep that dream alive of returning back to that television screen, to that terrible football game, and most importantly, to my family.
The world that I remembered dissipated, dissolving my hopes and dreams. Loud hoofsteps clip-clopped their way outside my door, the clicking on the tile floor etched into my mind. I watched the door as if it was a breaking news story from one of those popular news stations. I couldn’t believe that Rainbow Dash wanted to see me. Not after what happened. Not after what she had said about her friends.
But that reality came to fruition, as the door came ajar, gently. And out from behind the door came that mane of hers, this time not as windswept but just as polychromatic. It was there, with some hairs sticking out of place. Her face was wrinkled and her eyes were like thin red thunderbolts etching out of bounds. Streaks from yesterday still were there on her cheeks, two matted trails lay in their wake.
She walked into the room, taking a brief pause to pull herself up to see me in the bed. Then, she haphazardly sat to my right side, being mindful of the bar that kept me from rolling off the bed. Upon a closer look, I noticed something odd about her. Her wings. They were bound to her sides… with rope. A lot of rope.
Was she into bondage?
“Rainbow Dash?”
Her ears twitched at hearing her name. She looked up at me. “What?”
“What’s with the get-up?” I said, making a perfect loop-de-loop around her wings with my finger.
She frowned. “I don’t wanna risk having them open while I’m here with you.”
“Let me guess… magic?”
She nodded, albeit curtly. Her mouth barely managed to squeak out what she wanted to say, “I’m sorry.”
I patted her head. “It’s not your fault, Rainbow.”
“It is!” She snapped her head out of my light grasp. Her lips formed into rapid hieroglyphs as she spoke, “I was the last pony that saw you and you LITERALLY passed out in front of me! How could you say that it’s not my fault when I was the last pony with you? I knew I should’ve stopped talking when I saw you looking at me like you saw a ghost and—”
“Nope. Not buying that for a second. Not even with a Chase Freedom Unlimited Card with Cash Back rewards.”
“How?” Her gaze drew away from me, going south. “How can you even say that?”
“Because you were the last pony in. Keyword: last. You said it yourself. I was probably getting lots of magic from everyone else that you just happened to ice the magical cake of death and destruction before it was sent into production in some not-so-far-away land named Rick. Population: me, myself, and I.”
She exhaled through her nostrils on that one. “I’m still at fault, aren’t I?”
“Five percent deductible will be paid by you in full. Thank you for your patronage.”
“What?”
I shook my head. I could feel my lips tug up a bit. “Look, you only sent me on an express train to the surgeon’s room because I was overloaded with everyone’s magic, not just yours. So really, in the grand scheme of things, it was everyone’s fault, wasn’t it?”
“I guess… but still—”
“Rainbow, you didn’t know that I would literally turn into a thermonuclear warhead full of magic pixie dust and a banner that reads KABOOOOOM in bold letters.”
She hung her head further—hope her neck doesn’t snap. “Right…”
“Then why are you hung up on it? You know, it’s not your responsibility to be my caretaker or any—”
She interrupted me by snapping back to my gaze. “I know! I know.” She paused to keep herself in order, even settling to look anywhere else but me. “It’s just… personal.”
“Pride?”
“Gesundheit,” she said, pointing a forehoof at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Well don’t beat yourself up. It’s not that big of a deal and—”
“Dude,” she said, poking my chest with the same exact forehoof. “You nearly died.”
I ruffled her bedhead of a mane. “And?”
“And you’re not upset?”
I cracked a smile momentarily as I continued to ruffle her mane. “Nope. I was upset about other things. Like why you were sounding like a demon that came straight out of hell to talk so badly about your friends.”
“That wasn’t me…”
“I know, but that’s what I heard while being high off the magic chronicles.”
She rolled her eyes, while also batting away my arm. “Did Twilight ever tell you how much of a dork you are?”
“No, she is the one you’re after. I’m just a visitor.”
“Visitor in a gown,” Rainbow Dash said, eying my attire. She paused and let out a shaky breath. “You shouldn’t be…”
I raised my eyebrow tenfold. “Shouldn’t be…?”
She sighed and got up from my bedside. “You shouldn’t be in this room.”
“Then where should I be, Rainbow?”
She stopped in her tracks, frozen. She turned her head back and said a phrase I wasn’t expecting. “I don’t know, just not here. Seeing you like this doesn’t make sense to me.” She trotted back over. “Look, I’ve been feeling guilty about this, so bare with me—”
“Okay but—”
“Nope. No interrupting me this time, buster.” When she said buster, she poked me again, this time on my chest. “You aren’t like us. Yet, you’re here and you… matter.”
I blinked once, twice, and then three times more. “How did you know?”
“Nopony ever asks that question without thinking like that; plus I’ve heard Spike ask that before.”
“Really? Does Twilight—”
“—know?” I nodded, and she gave a small smile. “Yeah, she told me to talk to him about it. Even though they’ve been together all his life, he’s always felt… different. I told him he’s basically one of us. He’s different, but in a good way.”
“And he took that well?”
I could see her wings try to unfurl, which made Rainbow Dash wince a bit. But then she smiled, albeit through the annoyance of not being able to express herself like she should. “Why don’t you ask him when you get out?”
“Touché,” I said, snapping my finger. I cracked my neck, which made Rainbow Dash tilt her head. “Don’t worry, I had a crick in it and needed to get it out.”
“Is the pillow not comfy?” Rainbow Dash said with a slight smirk.
I puffed one of them suckers up and chuckled. “These babies feel like a cross between a cloud and a steel beam. They could prop up your neck in one moment, and then break it the next!”
Rainbow Dash nearly keeled over at that one, flopping on her back with a belly laugh. “S-Shut up!”
I laughed with her. Looks like she’s going to be okay, and if she isn’t, I’ll have Starlight and Twilight take her out some place. A place with food and karaoke. A place that a turbo virgin like me with qualifications that are out of this world would not even take a picture of.
After our laughing fits subsided, Rainbow Dash and I talked a bit more. We actually had our chat that we were supposed to have when she visited me in my room. Felt like I actually was talking to her like she wasn’t hyped on drugs. She talked about how her friends were way better than her (which I told her it wasn’t a contest as to who was better, and she was just saying it in jest), and how she was part of the Wonderbolts. Her training seemed to me like she was part of a football or basketball team, always practicing to get ahead of the next game, and the next game, and the next game. She had a good head on her shoulders and she really cared about being that Element of Loyalty that she was to be. It really was a great conversation and—
“Hey, Rick?”
“Yeah?” I said, with a raised brow.
“I’ve been talking about myself a lot here,” she said plainly, albeit not without playing with her forehooves. “Feel like I haven’t gotten to know you at all.”
I waved a hand at her. “To be honest, I’m not sure where we would start. And it was great listening to you talk, I felt like I was not stressed and totally capable of sitting here without fidgeting.”
“Fidgeting?”
“Was probably the magic at the time. Legs were shaking through half of those sessions, I swear.”
“Well, hopefully they have you all patched up so we don’t go through this again. The ponies here know what they’re doing.”
“Is this coming from experience?”
“Well I told you all the times I broke my wings… and I ended up at the clinic to get them fixed up, right?”
I nodded and scootchied myself over a bit. “Yep, so it sounds like—”
“—they’re the exact same ponies.”
I scratched my chin with my hand. “Then I should be out of here in… twenty-four hours.”
Suddenly, the door creaked open and out of the corner of my eye raced in Nurse Redheart with the purple menace in tow. “Actually, it’s going to be forty-eight hours.”
Nurse Redheart looked… different. Her cap on her head was still there, but just like Spike, a ring around her neck was placed.
She noticed that I was staring at her newfound jewelry. “Magic nullifier. Your new medical report mandates it.”
Rainbow Dash tilted her head. “So, that means?”
Princess Twilight nodded. “Everypony that will be seeing him in the future will have to have something like this on. He’s basically conducting our magic right now and with nowhere for it to go, it just…”
“Combusts?” I say with a hint of confidence.
“Not quite, but partially. It first absorbs into your body, and then, instead of helping you use it for something. It just… sits there. Building. Until it dissolves whatever it touches. It could even burst into flames, but that would depend on how much magic you would absorb, and to be honest with you, I don’t want to think about that.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened, and so did mine. “Well, that’s one way of being unalived,” I said, before clearing my throat. “So, what’s next?”
“Well, for one, Rainbow, I’ll get you and Fluttershy retrofitted with something that Starlight has been working on since last night.”
“So no more rope?”
“In theory, yes,” she said, bobbing her head. “But don’t celebrate yet. You’ll be able to unfurl them, but you can’t fly still. Residue from flying even a bit could actually leave behind traces of magic on your wings that you’re unaware of. Much like why I can’t speak with him without wiping off my horn with Awesome! The Magic Residue Eraser! For four down payments of a measly $24.99, you can use this product to remove any stain imaginable! All it takes is one full swipe of this product and you will never think twice of leaving any stain behind, guaranteed! And if you call in the next twenty seconds, you will receive—”
I coughed. “I didn’t know you were working on your Billy Mays impression, Twilight.”
Her eyes widened. “What did I say just now?”
“Something about using Awesome on your horn and how it will make any stain disappear—”
She gasped and looked down at her wings. They had unfurled—meaning that they weren’t bound like Dash’s and—
“I’ll be right back!” Twilight shouted, before she raced out of the room at a breakneck pace.
“Twilight, wait!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, bringing out a forehoof. She groaned and whispered something under her breath, before she bolted right after her.
I blinked rather fast and leaned forward. “Looks like someone forgot protocol.”
“You could say that,” Nurse Redheart said. She sucked in some of that delicious O2 before she continued, “She’s been on edge about this and I’m surprised she’s even gotten any sleep.”
‘It’s understandable. It’s been a long few days for everyone,” I said, scratching the back of my neck.
“You could also say that,” she said with a small smile on her face. “I will most likely have to check on her here too. Although, before I go, do you mind if I go through your pain assessment this morning?”
I leaned forward even more. “Pain assessment?”
“Just have to ask some questions and you’ll be set to stare at the ceiling for a few hours.”
“Well, I was just feeling great until you said that,” I replied, throwing my hands up. I settled back into my bed, leaning on the pillow. While I sat there, my eyes gravitated over to that ring of hers. It was gold in color, and bulky, just like Spike’s. How does this thing even nullify magic?
Nurse Redheart’s giggle-snorts brought me back to reality. “Well, let’s get started then, shall we?”
I rolled my eyes before saluting her as best as I could. “Aye, aye, captain,” I said while I rolled
my eyes. I gave her the best mock salute that I could give her.
She chuckled. “So, do you have any pain at all?”
I pursed my lips. “Hmm, not exactly. Just a needle pricking my skin type feeling in my hands.”
Nurse Redheart pulled my chart at the end of my bed (wait when was that there?) and jotted down some notes on the page with her maw. After she was done, she set it down and asked another question.
“When did it start?”
“After the surgery, but it wasn’t even really there until this morning.”
“And when did you feel it?”
I cleared my throat. “While eating breakfast. You know, holding your guys’ utensils is a bit mind numbing. How do you hold a fork while you eat?”
She smirked. “Lots of practice. Although that’s interesting you received some pain then. And on a scale of zero being no pain, and ten being the worst pain you have ever experienced, where would this pain fall?”
I hummed to myself before saying what I thought. “Probably a two.”
“And does it occur for long periods of time?”
“Maybe a minute max?” I said, shrugging. “I don’t stare at the clock for hours on end to calculate pain.”
Nurse Redheart wrote all that down and then sighed. “Looks like you’re set for now. Although I’ll see what the doctor thinks about this. He’ll probably just say, ‘He’s probably just dealing with leftover stress or something?’ and will ask you to come back in a couple weeks to see how you’re doing.”
I smiled. “And that would be it?”
She paused to set the clipboard back at the end of the bed and gave me what looked like a cross between a smile and a snaggletooth. “Knowing what I know, and now knowing you, I would definitely have Twilight keep us in touch for any checkups.”
I hung my head, giving up on my escape plan to leave the infirmary. “Well, at least I don’t have to ask Rainbow Dash for a shovel.”
“What?”
“Nothing! Nothing. So I guess with that assessment being done, I’m free to go?”
“No. Not at all. Doctor Stables will be with you shortly just to see you off for the day, and then you’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programming of watching paint dry.”
“Thhhaaaannnnkkkssss, nurse!”
“You’re welcome! Anything else you need?”
I shook my head. “Nada.”
With this being said, she came to my bedside and stole the plate away. She then smiled and gave me a soft dismissal, her hooves click-clacking away in the distance. The door also clicked to a close.
Another few hours with my thoughts. Another forty-eight hours in the brig.
You aren’t like us. Yet, you’re here and you… matter.
It may be a bit more comforting this time around.
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WE ARE SO BACK.
Woo-hoo! I am SO hyped for your comeback. <3
They're, "disinfecting" the utensils and food, right?
i lovelk the sotry its really good can i pelease have it????
Wooo! I forgot this fic! Great to see you back, Soaring :D
Yikes, he's lucky exposure to an ALICORN'S magic wasn't that severe. I guess maybe she was standing far enough away that it wasn't disastrous. Maybe...
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Honestly I'm shocked that it even got any traction at all because it's been so long, but welcome back! Also I'm happy to be back as well. Feels good to write again!
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Mike White is back at it.
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I'd hope so, but could you imagine if they didn't? Also, good to see you again, Venerable!
media.makeameme.org/created/what-if-we-tl7j8j.jpg
Well hey there, long time no see! I'll admit, this is a pleasant surprise! Been wondering if I'd see your ugly mug soon!
Sometimes, I lament that you didn't name the protagonist of this story Dick.