Too Many Pinkie Trips

by RCharge

Business as Usual

The palace looked much smaller on the inside than it appeared from the outside. A small antechamber greeted the quartet, with a single marble pillar in each corner of the room. As they passed the center of the room, the Duke and Duchess turned right, leading them down a separate hallway. Pictures lined the walls, depicting some of the more scenic areas of Maretonia. A rolling, verdant hillside was present in one of them, showcasing a small herd of goats intermingled with a few trees. A view of the sea greeted her in another, with a building in the foreground on top of a ledge overlooking it. Luna stopped for a moment to get a closer look at the picture with the goats, her hoof raised to her chin. Before she could begin her train of thought, she realized that she was alone. She quickly looked down the hall and noticed the retreating form of the Duke and Duchess as they made another turn. She nearly tripped over her hooves to try and catch up.

While they walked, Pinkie lagged slightly behind to glance up at Luna. “Do you have the paperwork, Princess?” she inquired with a gentle prod to her side. Luna jumped slightly and glanced down at Pinkie.

“Oh, um, of course, Ms. Pie. We remember that thou placed it into thy saddlebags before we left the ship. Is it not there?” Pinkie’s step faltered for a moment as she reached into her saddlebags and brought out a thick stack of pure white paper. Luna nodded in affirmation. “Good. We ask that thou hold on to it. We think that we shall need it in the upcoming meeting,” she said as Pinkie shoved the pile back in.

“And here we are, the royal advisory,” the Duke announced as he swung the double doors open. Inside was an elliptical table stained with a dark brown lacquer intermixed with maroon-colored swirled lines. Eight chairs were positioned around it. The Duke and Duchess took a seat at the side facing towards the door, while Pinkie and Luna sat down in the chairs opposite of them. “Now that we’re all settled in, I’m left to assume you’ve come prepared for this, correct?” he asked. Pinkie and Luna both nodded in response. “Good. Now, I believe that we have some pressing issues to discuss,” he prompted.

“Verily. Our reason for this talk is two-fold. We ask thee; do you wish for the bad or the good first?” she inquired as the Duke shrugged.

“We’re going to cover both, so we might as well address the concerns first,” he responded. Luna ignited her horn. Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a pair of bifocals. She rested them on her muzzle as she eyed the papers held in Luna’s magic with a stoic expression.

“Now, we have been made aware of a… substantial debt that you have been accruing over several moons,” Luna explained. “We have come to col—”

“If this is about our tariffs, we have already spoken to Princess Celestia about this. She had allowed us to—”

“Fie! A pox on you and your relationship with our sister!” Luna bellowed in the Royal Canterlot Voice as the Duke and Duchess winced at the volume. A gentle prod on her side caused Luna to pause and face Pinkie. When Pinkie gently shook her head, Luna had the dignity to look embarrassed before returning her attention to the Duke and Duchess. "We are sorry for shouting. We may have...overreacted a bit."

"N-no harm done, Princess," the Duke replied as he adjusted himself in his seat. "What I was about to say was, she had allowed us to pay off our debt when we were able to."

"And such a time has been long forthcoming. We are here to say you can no longer have us 'put it on your tab', as the young ponies say." Luna gestured to Pinkie. "Ms. Pie?"

Pinkie wasted no time. Even before Luna addressed her, her forelegs became a pink blur as she began sorting through the mountain of papers at a rapid pace in her search. Eventually, a neat, albeit small collection of papers sat adjacent to the main, unorganized clutter that rested next to it.

Pinkie cleared her throat as she adjusted the smaller stack and straightened it, selecting one of the files at what appeared to be completely random. "Equestrian law section three, article one states that all city-states under Equestria, also known as 'The Crown', shall pay their tariffs, in part or in whole, on the dates they are due."

"But… but what about what Princess Celestia said—"

"Article one, point one; The Crown has the right to demand overdue tariffs at any time, and does not hold amnesty over the status of unpaid tariffs," Pinkie interjected, which caused the Duke to sputter indignantly.

"S-so, what? Are you here to coerce me into paying my overdue tariffs? This isn't a meeting, this is a farce!" he shouted as his hooves forcibly slammed into the table. "What if I refuse, huh? What then, Princess?" he spat as Pinkie was already searching the pile in front of her, pulling out a piece of paper.

“Section four, article three states that if a city-state is unable to pay its tariffs on time, or outright refuses, it falls to the ruling body’s judgement for the proper course of action.” Noticing the Duke was about to speak, Pinkie seamlessly continued, “Article three, point one; Depending on the severity of your subterfuge, punishments vary. The most common punishments include lack of aid or communication until debts are paid in full. If deference proves to be insufficient, the next course of action is complete severance from the ruling body, with annexation being a last resort.”

“W-what?” The Duke backpedaled momentarily, an incredulous look on his face. “We would be annexed over tariffs?”

“It would not be the first time, nor would it be the last. We have already come to that several times in the past. Verily, the circumstances were more than likely more pressing than misplaced tariffs. We presume this is something that you would like to avoid, yes?” After a moment of silence, Luna continued, “Look, we are not without compassion. We are just asking that you start paying your tariffs. Is that too much of a burden for you?”

An uneasy silence blanketed the room once again for several moments before the Duke spoke, “I… suppose that I no longer have a choice, do I?” he quipped through gritted teeth before sighing. “Fine! You win! There, I said it! We’ll… scrounge up some extra bits to give you before you leave.” He clapped his forehooves together. A scribe entered the room, quickly prostrating before them. “Rise, Wind Feather. Our visitors here have given us an ultimatum. I need you to visit the treasury, count how many bits we’ve collected, and bring back a report for me. It appears we have ridden on good graces for too long,” he mentioned sourly. After the scribe left, Pinkie quickly reorganized the pile of papers in front of her right before Luna sent it away with her magic.

“Now, let’s move on to a lighter note, shall we?” Luna asked as the Duke glanced at her.

“Yes, please. I think that’s enough excitement for one day, wouldn’t you agree?” he mused. Luna could only smirk in response.

“Indeed,” she quipped as the Duke lowered himself into his seat. “With that out of the way, let’s talk about trade opportunities.”

---

“...and we feel that will be more than sufficient as a trade-off for our missing tariffs.”

Princess Luna considered her options. On one hoof, It would have shone favorably upon her if she were to return to her sister with a heavy bit bag in tow. On the other hoof...

“So, let us see if we have heard you correctly, good Duke. Thou are willing to give us your finest silk and pottery for the next five years for free with no strings attached, along with the amount of bits you have given us already, if we conveniently forget about thy remaining debt?” Luna inquired, one of her eyebrows raised. “Are we correct in assuming that thou are attempting to bribe us in exchange for amnesty from thine tariff evasion?”

“Well, bribe is a strong word, Princess. We were just hoping that you would be able to see a fair deal when one is presented to you," he retorted as Luna rubbed her chin in thought.

"We cannot, in good faith, make a decision on this matter on our own. It would appear that we are in need of a second opinion," Luna stated as she conjured up a scroll and a quill for herself, writing a quick message before sending it off. "While we wait for that, is there any way that we can convince you otherwise?"

"Princess. You and I both know that would be rather taxing, no pun intended, on us. We have had a difficult year, as I am sure you realized by now."

Luna stole a glance at the clipboard, now sitting in front of her as if awaiting her judgement. She then noticed Wind Feather who was shaking slightly as she stood next to the Duchess. Her eyes didn’t dare to meet the lunar diarch’s, her attention focused anywhere but the table and the ponies that sat around it.

Returning her focus to the clipboard, Luna leaned forward to grab it. That was when she noticed a pink foreleg already swiped it up. "Allow me, Princess." Before she could protest, Pinkie's eyes bored into the papers as she quickly flipped between them. After a few moments, she peeled her attention away from the clipboard. “Princess, a word please?” Luna nodded and turned to the Duke and Duchess.

“Our arbiter wishes to confer with us. We shall return swiftly.” Luna quickly filed out of the door with Pinkie in tow. Outside, Pinkie was pacing back and forth in a frantic manner, her legs crossing over themselves as she started mumbling something to herself. Sweat pooled on her forehead.

“Now, Ms. Pie, what do thou wish to speak with us about?” Luna inquired as Pinkie nearly shoved the tariff report into her face

“We would basically be robbing them blind if we forced them to go through with paying their tariffs! I read through the entire report, cover to cover. They rely on trade for income, Princess. Trade! Last year there was a famine, which forced them to shift their focus to imports in order to make up for the deficit. Even with the income they had from their crafts, they could barely make ends meet!” Pinkie declared as she tapped on the report for emphasis. “I think we should give them some room to breathe, maybe work on alternative solutions? At least until we can be assured they can pay?”

Luna facehoofed and let out a soft sigh. Before she could say anything, a scroll embedded in a golden aura popped into existence. As it fell, Luna grabbed it in her magical field and unfurled it.

Dearest Sister,

I was both concerned and intrigued when I received your letter. Yes, I remember speaking with the Duke and Duchess on their last trip to Equestria about the issue of their unpaid tariffs. At the time, I was intent upon claiming what they owed. During our meeting, I was given a trade report in a similar manner such as this. However, something didn’t add up. They made it sound like they didn’t have the bits to spare, but their report showed a successful year. I simply did not pursue it at the time to prevent an international incident.

However, now that you have sent me this information, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to come in person to sort this out. I appreciate your gumption to try and tackle this problem yourself. However, I cannot ignore the situation in good faith after reading what you have sent me. I shall take the next airship out to meet you, and we can return home together.

Warmest regards,
Princess Celestia

Luna rolled up the scroll and stuck it into Pinkie’s saddlebags. “Well, Ms. Pie, it appears that we are no longer ‘left holding the bag’, as the young ponies say.” When she saw Pinkie’s confused expression, Luna raised a hoof to forestall any objections. “In case thou were wondering, that scroll was indeed from our sister. She expressed her intentions of arriving on the next airship out. She also told us to wait for her so we can return home together.”

“So, that means…?” Pinkie asked as she rubbed her chin.

“That means that we no longer have to pressure them ourselves for their tariffs. Let us return to the table, I am sure that they would like to hear about this,” Luna commented as she led Pinkie back into the room.

"We do apologize for the delay, good Duke," Luna prefaced as she and Pinkie sat back down. "However, it appears that you will get to see our sister after all. We received an answer from her while we were conferring outside."

"And…?" he prompted.

"It appears what we had written to her has sparked her interest. Our sister will be taking the next airship out. She requested for us to await her arrival, so our visit will need to be extended. You don’t mind if we stay in the palace, do you? It would be convenient for all parties involved."

"Of course not, Princess. Right this way," the Duke responded as he stood up and led them down the hallway towards another wing of the palace. The Duke trotted over to a side door and unlocked it. "Here you are, make yourselves at home." As he turned away, Luna and Pinkie made their way into the room to get settled in.

---

Meanwhile, in Seaquestria, Sunburst and the other Pinkie were packing their bags in the small room that Queen Novo graciously gave them. The room itself was slightly cramped and appeared to be made for single occupancy. The two beds that were rolled in sat side by side, only big enough for one pony to sleep on comfortably.

A knock came at the door just as the pair were finishing up. "Ooh! I'll get it, Sunny!" Pinkie chirped as she threw open the door to a pair of guards. One of them cleared their throat and swam forward.

"Mr. Sunburst and Pinkie Pie?" the guard inquired, his gravelly voice grating on her ears.

"Yeparooni! That's us!" she announced cheerfully as the guard turned around.

"Good. Follow us, please." Without further warning, the duo started swimming away from the door. Pinkie and Sunburst struggled to catch up. As they made their way towards the entrance of the palace, one of the guards spoke up, “Now, in case you are unaware, the archives aren’t a public location. Queen Novo has given us implicit orders to maintain the secrecy surrounding it. Therefore, and I apologize in advance for this, we are required to blindfold you both. Once we get there, you can remove the blindfolds for your time inside. Once we leave, however, the blindfolds go back on.”

“Um, question?” Sunburst inquired as the guards stopped to look at him. “Is this really necessary?” he mused as the two guards shared a glance, eyebrows raised.

“Well, after the attack and subsequent razing of Hippogriffia, Queen Novo realized that our most powerful artefact was improperly guarded. She decided to move the archives somewhere no outsider would think to look for it. It’s for this reason that all visitors require an entourage and to be blindfolded before being taken there. Both are to ensure that we do not have another incident like the one we had with the Storm King. I do hope you understand why we’re doing this now,” one of them explained as a pair of blindfolds made of seaweed were wrapped around their eyes and securely tied behind their head. Once confident that they were secured, the two guards began swimming away from Seaquestria, leading the now blinded Pinkie and Sunburst.

As they were led out of the city, they could only hear the general commotion of its inhabitants; giggling foals swimming by and sea ponies talking about their day to day activities. Some of them stopped and stared, but this act was all but lost on them as they neared the outskirts. Once outside of the city proper, silence greeted their ears aside from the occasional blast of superheated gas being released from one of the many hydrothermal vents on the seafloor.

“Ooh, I can’t wai~t! I like surprises!” Pinkie commented.

However, Sunburst wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic as she was. “How much further?” he inquired as another jet of steam billowed from somewhere below them. “It feels like we’ve been swimming for hours.”

“Oh, quiet down back there,” one of the guards quipped as Pinkie and Sunburst felt themselves being led upward. “We’re coming up on it now, so quit your bellyaching,” he added as the temperature slowly began to rise the further up they went. Right before they reached the surface, a flash of light illuminated the area, noticeable even though their blindfolds. When the guards took them off, the duo realized they could feel their rear legs again. Helping them out of the water, the guards ushered them through an ornate pair of double doors.

“Alright, we are now entering the archives. Remember, nothing about its location or what’s contained within leaves these walls. Got it?” he instructed as the duo nodded and went on their way. “When you’re done, come back to the entrance, and we’ll lead you out!” he called after them.

When they passed through the main antechamber, several pedestals greeted their eyes. Most of them were empty, aside from a notable few; one of them held the Staff of Sacanas on top of it, another held what looked to be the Sea Pearl. The rest of them were empty.

Sunburst got closer to the pearl in an attempt to inspect it, however he was cut off by a solid wall of air that pushed back against his efforts to touch it. Upon closer inspection, the colors inside of the pearl were muted and gray. “Huh. Guess this fake one was put here to keep people from looking for the real one,” he decided and wandered away from the display area.

“Well, Queenie can’t exactly use it if it’s stuck in here, can she?” Pinkie retorted as Sunburst simply facehoofed and continued on. Beyond the antechamber was the archives. Inside, multiple bookshelves were situated in tight, yet neat rows. Some were resting against the nooks in the walls, some were lined up in the center of the building, and others were placed on small balconies that dotted the room.

“Huh. Looks like this place was built with hippogriffs in mind,” Pinkie mused as Sunburst lightly shrugged and wandered further into the room.

“Might make combing through the archives a bit tricky. Guess we’re stuck on the ground floor for now,” he shot back as he disappeared behind a row of bookshelves. Pinkie shrugged and pronked off in a different direction.

---

“No, no… might come back to that one…” Starburst muttered to himself as he scoured the bookshelf in front of him. After exhausting every possibility in the row he was in, nothing of interest caught his eye. He was about to turn and leave when he noticed a tome stuffed awkwardly behind a cluster of four unmarked books. “Huh.” His magic surrounded it and attempted to pull it out. The book didn’t budge. He tried again, applying a little more force to coerce it from its spot.

After a few more attempts, the book came unstuck and shot out. It plowed into Sunburst and made him wobble backwards. He knocked into the bookshelf behind him, causing a few books to fall out and bonk him on the head. A few moments later, a pink-maned head appeared around the side of the bookcase and gasped loudly. “Sunny?” Pinkie exclaimed as she pronked over to him. “Are you okay? I heard that thump all the way across the archives!”

Giving his head a quick shake to reorient himself, Sunburst slowly rose to his hooves. “Y-yeah, I think I’m okay, Pinkie, thanks,” he quipped as he hefted the tome in his magic. Glancing at the cover, he wiped away a thick layer of dust with a hoof and noticed the title. “‘History of Equestria, Vol. I’. What’s this doing here?” he asked as he rubbed his chin.

“I dunno, Sunny! I’m just as stumped as you are,” she mused as she stared at the book over his shoulder. “Ooh, ooh, ooh! Let’s ask the guards and see if they know about this book! Maybe we can take this with us!” she chirped as she pronked away. “Hey, guards!” she called as she rounded the corner.

When Sunburst gathered his wits and followed her, the two guards that led them here were standing in the doorway with confused expressions. “What seems to be the problem here?” one of them asked as Pinkie swiped the tome from Sunburst’s magic and held it up.

“Do either of you know about this book?” she asked as one of them took it and spun it around in their talons. After perusing the cover, he shrugged and returned it to her.

“Frankly, no. I don’t recall the archives having a copy of this book,” he stated. “Where did you find that?” he inquired as Pinkie waved a foreleg in a random direction.

“Eh, somewhere over there, probably,” she quipped with a light shrug. “Do you think we can take this with us?” she inquired.

“Don’t see why not. Never seen that book before, so it’s probably safe to say that it doesn’t belong here. Might as well take it before we ship it off somewhere,” he said as Pinkie filed the book into her saddlebags.

“Alrighty! I guess we should start checking the second floor then. Right, Sunny?” She looked over at Sunburst, who simply nodded in response. The two turned around and disappeared back into the archives as the guards simply shrugged and returned to the antechamber.

“How are we gonna get up to the balconies, Pinkie? Last I checked, neither of us can fly.” Luckily, one of the guards overheard what Sunburst said, peeking his head inside of the room.

“Mr. Sunburst? You don’t need to fly to reach the upper landings. There’s an alternate way up to the second floor designed especially for non-hippogriffs,” he mentioned as he marched past the pair and over to one of the nooks not being occupied by a bookshelf. Embedded in the back wall was a ladder connected to a trap door in the ceiling. “You can climb this ladder to reach them,” he explained. “You’ll arrive at a concealed hallway that loops around behind the balconies above.”

“Oh, uh, thank you, sir,” Sunburst said as Pinkie’s head poked out of the hole in the ceiling.

“Well? Are you coming or not, Sunny?” she called out as Sunburst simply shook his head with an amused expression. He started climbing the rungs of the ladder as the guard showed himself out. Once at the top of the ladder, Pinkie and Sunburst went their separate ways again to begin searching.

“What are we even looking for, Sunny?” Pinkie called as she scoured the first bookcase she came across.

“Anything that pertains to pre-Equestrian times!” he responded as he started taking books off of the shelves. “No… not that one… hmm, that one’s close, but not quite… wait, what’s this?” he pondered as he held up a slightly chewed up tome. “Let’s see here…” he mused as he studied the cover of the book. The wording was rather faded, but he could make out a few letters. “E...something...P W...? I can’t make heads or tails of this. Hey, Pinkie! Could you come over here for a moment?” he called.

Pinkie’s head peeked out from around a bookcase on the other side of the room. “Okie dokie loki, Sunny! I’ll be right there!” she responded. Sunburst raised a hoof to reply before he heard Pinkie’s voice come from behind him. “Whatcha doing?” she asked, causing him to leap a few inches in the air and spin around.

“Gah! Pinkie, please stop doing that,” he said, pausing momentarily to catch his breath before presenting the book to her. “Do you think you could make out what this title says?” he inquired as he displayed the front cover for her.

To his credit, Pinkie had to squint in order to make out the letters. “‘The Earth Pony Unicorn Pegasus War: A Reference Guide’,” she declared. Sunburst lightly nodded.

“Excellent. Thank you, Pinkie. Did you find anything on your side?” he asked, and Pinkie simply shrugged.

“Nope! I didn’t find anything at all, Sunny,” she replied.

“Well, then I guess we’re finished,” he decided as Pinkie nodded and made her way down to the main floor with Sunburst directly behind her. They reentered the antechamber, and the guards escorted them out. When the group stepped into the water, the blindfolds were reapplied, and they swam back to Seaquestria.

When the blindfolds were taken off a second time, they found themselves in the throne room of the palace. “So, I suppose that you found what you were looking for?” Novo inquired as she dismissed the guards with a wave of her hoof.

“Well yes, but actually no,” Sunburst commented as he cleared his throat. “We found something, but I’m not sure if they’re exactly what I was looking for until we study them. Thank you for allowing us to visit the archives, Queen Novo. We shall be taking our leave now to continue our exploration.”

“Of course,” she shot back. “Farewell, Mr. Sunburst and Pinkie Pie,” she stated as she dismissed the pair with another wave of her hoof.

“Let’s head back up to Hippogriffia, Pinkie. I have a feeling we have a lot of reading ahead of us,” he mentioned as the duo swam out of the throne room. “Besides, we don’t want to damage the tomes by exposing them to sea water anyway.”

“Okie dokie loki! I hope we find something in them, Sunny. Otherwise, we’re just wasting our time here,” she said as they left Seaquestria.

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