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Trixie has been taking lessons from Starlight Glimmer on how to hone her magic into something more focused and malleable. However, it turns out that Trixie’s magic is too unstable for Starlight to handle. When Trixie sees Starlight’s outburst, she tries to make it up to her in the only way she knows how.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That was cute!
What a cute story
8892338
Thanks! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it. Keep your eyes peeled for more stories like this from me!
8892301
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Right, I only got one shot at this.
*Clears his throat.* OMG THE CUDDLES
A very adorable and heartwarming. The writing is also great so good job!
Very romantic ❤️
Ég hef verið aðdáandi Starlight x Sunburst, en þessi saga er líka góð.
8893173
Ég er ánægð með að þú líkaði það.
They will have to tell the others about this.
Cute.
I would take more.
Nice, now I want to read more, but this definitly worked, one of the one shots I can actually enjoy and I think I get better at picking them out of the sea of bad ones.
8958745
I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed reading it! I have noticed that there hasn't been as much, shall we say, quality one-shots up recently. Keep your eyes peeled for more like this coming up from me!
This contains all sorts of cute and adorable on my book, job well done.
8959701
Thank you for the kind words, and I'm glad you liked it!
Pretty cute
This is frakkin' ADORABLE!
Review is up.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/424091/spark-of-love-review
This is such a simple and sweet little romance fic, and I must say, you nailed the character personalities down to a T. The pacing was nice, allowing both Trixie and Starlight to express their depth as well as how they react to each other. But there are some big issues that are holding this fic back from being great, rather than good.
The biggest problem is your over-use of saidisms. Contrary to what some may say, using "said" isn't inherently bad, but when you repeat "said" over and over, it drags down the flow of the prose when you could express character emotions in different ways. For example:
You use "asked" twice in this one paragraph and said right at the end. This is far more than necessary because we already know that Starlight is speaking, and we already know she's grinning.
Here's how you could rephrase the paragraph to express the same information, but without the reliance on said + variants thereof:
In this version, you have Starlight's reply as a basic said after the pause. After that, the only break you need in the dialogue is to show the change in her expression.
The other problem is "Show, don't tell." This isn't an absolute rule, much like with saidisms, but rather a general guideline. You have the potential to show the character's emotions through body language, but so often you seem to preface this with an adverb. For example:
Words like "instantly" have their place, but to have it so soon after "Energetically" is just overkill. Try something like:
What I've done here is pace the action a bit by splitting it in three. First we have the spell cast, setting up the intent. Then we subvert that expectation, leading the audience into the details of what went wrong.
As I said before, this fic has a ton of potential, and I do think you are capable of doing better. You have all the right tools at your disposal, it's just a matter of arranging it all in a better order that can make this whole piece really shine! I'd give it a 6.6/10