• Published 12th Oct 2020
  • 1,927 Views, 66 Comments

Soldier in Equestria - robberrito



The soldier is a simple-minded man. He sees blue colors? He shoots. He sees bread? He teleports it. He is a man destined for combat and war. However, what happens when he is transported to a realm of peace? Chaos ensues.

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Longing For A Ticket

The Soldier sighed as the fire erupted from the pile of leaves and logs. He was able to use the Pyro's lighter that he stole from... it after it almost started a fire in their base and he was commanded to take it away. It seemed the Soldier was good with luck on this adventure of his, and he grinned as he started to cook a piece of the beast that he ripped off. The beast was not as tough a fight as he would of liked, but it at least provided him with plenty of food. After the Soldier saw that his piece of meat was almost properly cooked he tore into it and feasted on its savory bits. He chewed on a bone at least once in this feast, and after he was done he began to grow tired. The Soldier looked around the clearing, looking for some type of cushion for his head, but he found none. Normally, he would have just slept where he was, but the Soldier needed as much sleep as he could get for the coming days of combat. So, he got a bunch of leaves in the surrounding area and put it into a pile. The Soldier then fell straight down onto it and began to snore... loudly. It scared off any predator that wished to feed on him while he was off guard.


Bon Bon burst through the door of the house, looking for any kind of paper nearby. Seeing some on a desk in the work room, she grabbed it as fast as possible and was just about to write, when she heard her voice, "Bon Bon! Why are you back so late? I was very worried about you." Cursing herself, Bon Bon threw the paper back where she found it and went to talk with Lyra.

"I was getting groceries, remember? The commute was so long, though, and I couldn't even get to a shop before they all closed down, it was insane!" Bon Bon talked, lying to Lyra for the millionth time.

Lyra sighed, "Bon Bon, you know that that creature is out there, don't you? You can't worry me like that."

Bon Bon sighed and nuzzled Lyra, "I'm sorry, Lyra, but I just..." She sighed once again.

Lyra responded with a nuzzle of her own, before saying, "It's alright Bon Bon. Here, let's go to bed. It's late and I doubt you want to be tired tomorrow."

Lyra began to walk up the stairs before she turned to Bon Bon and beckoned for her to follow. Bon Bon did so, hesitantly, and went to their bedroom. Lyra jumped onto the bed, wiggled into the covers, and rested her head against the pillow. Again, she beckoned for Bon Bon to follow her lead. Bon Bon did as Lyra asked, repeating Lyra's steps. When she was fully comfortable, Lyra hugged her, locking her inside of her hooves and whispering to her, "Good night."

Bon Bon told her the same, "Good night."

Bon Bon fell asleep quickly, because running as much as she did make her extremely tired. Bon Bon's last sight was Lyra's face before she fell unconscious.


Celestia's sun rose above the horizon, replacing now-Luna's moon, signaling the beginning of a new day and age in Equestria. The same also happened in 2fort. Combatants rose up to meet the sun, and employees began their work. It was almost like any other day for them.

However, among the ponies in Ponyville, there was something different. It was red, violent, and looking for blood. It hid in a barrel, walking in between shops and customers as the day began. It had a single goal, which was to collect information and single out important figures.

Its name was the Soldier, and he was ready for anything they threw at him.

"HI!" Well, almost anything.

The Soldier nearly jumped ten feet in the air when a pink pony with an infuriatingly cheery face surprised him by shoving her face into his barrel. He knew not what he did wrong, he had been undetected since this moment! How did she spot him? The Soldier almost punched her in the face, before she began interrogating him, very, VERY fast.

"Hey, are you new to Ponyville? Because that would be very bad because that would mean that there was a new pony in Ponyville who was not having a party prepared for them! Of course, you're not technically a pony, but everyone deserves a surprise party. So, what color do you like? Red, yellow, orange, blue (Soldier almost pulled out his shotgun upon hearing that cursed word), orange, wait I already mentioned that, purple, green? How about flavors? What flavor of cake do you like? Vanilla, chocolate, lemon, cherry, watermelon, do you like watermelon cake? The only time I made that was when that one foal asked for watermelon flavored EVERYTHING. You would not believe how much watermelon-flavored stuff he had me make. Oh, I forgot, what about themes? What theme of party do you like, friendship, peace, comic book characters, princesses-"

The pink pony's tirade was halted by the sound of a nearby pony Soldier could not see, "Pinkie, why are ya talkin' to the barrel?"

Pinkie turned her head to talk to the new stranger, "Oh, hi Applejack, I'm talking to the creature of the barrel!"

Applejack sounded dumbfounded for a moment before speaking with intelligible words, "Yep, she's lost it, uhhhh, yeah you can do that, I'll be on mah way."

The sound of something... what even was that sound? Anyway, a certain sound was heard as the pink menace jumped up in surprise, "Oh! Something weird is about to happen, I'll go check it out!" The pink monster ran away.

The Soldier was dumbfounded, but nevertheless made a note to avoid that pony at all cost, "Uh, mission accomplished?"


Meanwhile, Bon Bon was currently in the workroom, writing a letter to Princess Celestia, it read something like this:

Dear Princess Celestia,

This is Sergeant Sweetie Drops reporting directly from Ponyville. Last night, I was told of a dangerous creature that had encountered one of Ponyville's residents in a dark alleyway. I went to investigate this matter and followed the path that I believed the creature most likely took. I was able to locate the creature through sounds of explosions and I came across a battle between a full-grown manticore and a strange monkey-looking creature with red clothes and a bucket for a hat. It used various tubes to fire flying explosive devices as well as beams of light at the manticore and ended up KILLING the manticore. I cannot stress this enough, this creature is not just a threat to you, but a threat to every creature in Equestria. It must, as soon as possible, be captured and put on trial for

She would have finished the letter had it not been for Lyra interrupting her writing, “Bon Bon, you have to come to look at this! Everyone in Ponyville's going to the library. Let's go!"

Bon Bon tried to tell her she was busy, but before she could get a word out she was grabbed and dragged out the front door.

"Lyra wait! I was busy with something!" Bon Bon told her urgently.

Lyra dismissed her excuse, "It can wait, Bon Bon! We have to come to see what is happening at the library!"

Bon Bon groaned as she knew there was nothing she could do to convince her to stop her from making her go. She reluctantly began to follow Lyra and followed her to the library.

What they found was a pink party pony named Pinkie Pie doing a dance and singing a catchy tune. It seemed no one else knew the reason for this anomaly and ponies began to circle around them.

Suddenly it stopped, and Twilight began to talk about a ticket. When a pony asked what kind of ticket, Pinkie Pie screamed the answer loud and clear for everypony nearby, "Twilight has a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala!"

Bon Bon's complaints to Lyra died in her head. She knew she HAD to get that ticket, or otherwise, she would never get to live out her dream of going to the Gala. She ran after Twilight, along with Lyra, and all that was left near the library was a confused mercenary.


Needless to say, Soldier was having a strange day. He had been observing the ponies and, except for the pink menace, they didn't seem to have any detection magic or technology. There was this one incident that confused him the most. Throughout the day he had observed a purple horse, apparently named "Twilight" get harassed over a ticket to the "Grand Galloping Gala". Soldier groaned in his head every time he heard the name. He hated puns, his others teammates always used them to taunt the opposing team, as had the opposing team used them to taunt him, and it got old real quick. Anyway, he had observed her for a while, and he had followed her with his Portable Bush Disguise© when she was interrupted by the pink menace, who didn't know he was there, somehow. She was currently singing about what she wanted to do at this "gala", which included balloons, partying, and other girly stuff that he hated. When she was done, she had told the whole village that she had a ticket the this "gala" and almost every pony there chased after Twilight. When they all left, he noticed that some ponies, including the pink one, had gone inside the library instead of chasing the purple pony. Thinking they were going to inform Gray Mann of their nefarious deeds, he opted to look through the window that looked down the ponies in the library lobby. He noticed that they hid on top of the bookshelves for seemingly no reason. "Are they trying to ambush someone?" The Soldier was definitely confused now, but it clicked when the purple horse, along with the dragon that traveled with the horse, was teleported into the middle of the room. The ponies approached the horse, who screamed loudly. She eventually spoke to the ponies in a very upset tone, judging by what he could hear. The rest of the ponies listened to her and began to talk amongst themselves. Eventually, the purple horse gave the ticket she had to the lizard, who spit some green fire on the scroll. The scroll was consumed entirely by the flames and traveled out of an open window opposite Soldier's side of the library. However, the dragon burped up a giant flame, which in turn produced a large scroll. The dragon began to read it and pulled out six tickets which the mares took up excitedly. The Soldier watched as they each walked out the front door. When they all walked out, the Soldier thought he had enough information and turned around.

He was met with the eyes of a certain pink menace, "Hey! Whatcha doin'?"

The Soldier yelled, "Agh! Get away from me you pink menace!"

He went to crawl away, but was blocked by the party pony, "I saw you were watching us through the window, do you want a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala, I know it's going to be lots of fun!"

The Soldier decided to tell her his side of the story, "I will not go to any events that are populated with evil robot ponies that work for Gray Mann and have magic! You will not succeed in stopping my goals of freedom and justice for all! I demand you stand down immediately or else!"

The pink pony listened to him, then tilted her head, "Huh, I didn't know I was an evil robot pony! Well, thank you for informing me!" She held out her hoof for him to shake.

And he did return the favor, shaking her hoof and saying, "It is my pleasure!"

The pink menace giggled, "Thank you, mister, I'll go back to my house now!"

Pinkie Pie walked away while the Soldier simply stared at her. Suddenly he realized, "Argh! When did I say something nice to anyone?! I am a man of war, a killing machine! I think I'm getting infected by the ponies! RUN AWAY!" The Soldier simply ran. He did not take precautions, didn't bother hiding, and didn't try to watch out for ponies in his way.

Ponies in his way had to jump out of the way or face getting trampled by a crazy monkey that was waving its arms around and running straight to the Everfree Forest while saying a multitude of things they couldn’t understand. Ponies watched as the creature ran deep into the woods of the Everfree, then shrugged and continued on with their day.

Author's Note:

Twice as long and twice as fun! The Soldier gets caught up in ticket business.