• Published 12th Oct 2020
  • 1,929 Views, 66 Comments

Soldier in Equestria - robberrito



The soldier is a simple-minded man. He sees blue colors? He shoots. He sees bread? He teleports it. He is a man destined for combat and war. However, what happens when he is transported to a realm of peace? Chaos ensues.

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Battle Part 1

Bullets and explosive devices filled the sky as teammates yelled in excitement. The wizard that had been ambushed did not expect to be immediately assaulted with spam. Unfortunately for BLU and RED, he was rather resilient after years of fighting them. The wizard raised his hand and projected an energy shield around himself. All of the spam was immediately stopped when they saw his spell cast. For now, he would be safe from all damage.

“Ugh, you damn fools! Don’t you see that because you have decided to fight me you have fallen for my bait? Now, you are subject...” Merasmus produced large amounts of energy in his hands, both teams worried about what powerful spell he would cast. They resumed their firing, trying desperately to stop him from casting his spell. However, their efforts would be futile, as the wizard cast a massive spell into the air, producing a massive magical construct above him, which had various symbols flash in an apparent cycle.

“...TO THE WHEEL OF FATE!”

The mercenaries observed the cycle continue, progressively slowing down to reveal the pick. They silently hoped and prayed that this cruel wheel would be merciful this time around.
It was not to be.

The Wheel of Fate settled on a final option, showcasing the outline of a person with a disproportionately small head.
“You get small heads now! Included is a tiny voice box. Have fun talking! Muahahahaha!” Merasmus laughed as his shield wore off and he began to fire energy bolts around, catching the disorganized mercenaries off guard. They were forced to retreat from the wizard as he continued to damage them.

“‘Eymedicdidyareallythinkthiswasagoodideayoudumbass?“ The BLU Scout irritably said as he recalled the BLU Medic and Engineer’s planning. Unfortunately, all that came from the Scout was high-pitched screeching as his voice came out faster.
Despite their temporary plight, the teams were able to organize themselves rather quickly. This was demonstrated when Merasmus was pelted with bullets from sentries, minimums, and shotguns. There were also rockets, pills, and quad-missiles being forced onto the wizard. Team TF had the advantage now.

With support from the RED team, BLU was now chasing Merasmus around the battlefield. The Scout was now able to safely use his Baby Face's Blaster, he zoomed across the desert landscape, dodging Merasmus's shots with ease. He was able to get up close to the wizard and do huge damage and come out unscathed. Meanwhile, the Soldier was paired with the Medic with Kritzkrieg activated. Repeatedly, the wizard was blasted back with high-damage rockets. After the Ubercharge wore off, Merasmus would attempt to escape, but the Soldier would chase. His gunboats would allow him to do more rocket jumps and chase the wizard. The Pyro was currently in the front lines of the team, air blasting rockets back at the wizard to prevent casualties. Periodically, the Pyro would also pull out his Flare Gun to douse the wizard in flames. The Demoman was shooting his Stickybomb Launcher at the wizard, doing consistent and high damage to the wizard. Once he would run out of stickies, he would switch to his Grenade Launcher to offset his lack of sticky bombs. The Heavy was shooting his Tomislav at the Wizard and using its quicker rev-up time to allow himself to catch up with the wizard faster. When the wizard hit a lucky shot on the Siberian menace, he would hide and eat his Banana to quickly heal and get back in the front line. The Engineer was erecting mini-sentries wherever the wizard was and using his shotgun to do consistent damage on the wizard. Although his loadout was not very flashy, it got things done. After the Medic has Uber'd the Soldier, he was currently hiding behind his teammates, constantly healing them with his Kritzkrieg and allowing them to remain in the fight. The Sniper was currently shooting the wizard in the head repeatedly, allowing for guaranteed high damage to the wizard at all times.
All of these combined with RED sentries, explosives, and piss led to the wizard losing most of his health in a short time period. Knowing that he would not survive much longer, the wizard unleashed his next weapon.

Suddenly, the wizard glowed with bright energy and all teammates stared in shock as none of their weapons were effective at the moment. Merasmus let out of cold, heartless laugh. As he was laughing, he brought out a large book that had a cover made up of long, sharp teeth. These teeth circled around a mouth full of a large bomb. Finally, two orange eyes stuck out of the cover of the book, surveying the battlefield with excitement.

"I BRING YOU THE POWER OF READING! HAHAHAHA!" Meramus laughed as the book seemed to smile.

"NO, OH GOD NO, THIS IS TOO MUCH!" The Scout screeched as the presence of literature damaged his soul.

The Bombinomicon began to glow an orange color, as it started to shake rapidly. "Yea, let's do dis!"

Bombs flew all over the sky, blotting out the sun and casting the mercenaries into darkness. Then, they were crushed by the never-ending sea of bombs. Then, they exploded. The desert was left as nothing more than a crater as all evidence of there being mercenaries present, save for a van, were wiped from existence. Merasmus laughed, "Ohohoho! You thought you could try and stop me? I'm the greatest wizard known to this foul world! I should not have to deal with useless mortals such as yourself. Anyway, bye!" At that moment, the mercenaries respawned. Each one rushed out of the van, eager not to let Merasmus escape. It seemed, however, at that moment, that their dreams were crushed. They had failed. They watched as Merasmus began to fly away into the sky, aware that Merasmus had won.

Suddenly, a dark figure punched right into the side of Merasmus, sending him tumbling back down to the ground. Another large crater formed inside the crater as the mercenaries watched in utter amazement. Both they and Merasmus turned to look at the new contributor to the battle.

The figure simply jumped up and flew to the sky right above Merasmus, about to stomp Merasmus back into oblivion. It flew down at the speed of sound and crashed right where Merasmus was. Unfortunately, the wizard had managed to dodge the attack right as it came down. Merasmus turned to the figure. In amazement, he said, "Who...? Who are you?! How could you have..." Suddenly, he gasped, "...it's you!" The figure laughed, "Yep, it's me!" The mercenaries suddenly lit up as they recognized the figure they were seeing.

They watched as the figure jumped right toward Merasmus, intent on crushing him, "SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!"