• Published 12th Oct 2020
  • 1,926 Views, 66 Comments

Soldier in Equestria - robberrito



The soldier is a simple-minded man. He sees blue colors? He shoots. He sees bread? He teleports it. He is a man destined for combat and war. However, what happens when he is transported to a realm of peace? Chaos ensues.

  • ...
5
 66
 1,926

A New Mindset

Today, in Ponyville, there was a great show happening. A magician, with her awe-inspiring tricks and stories, would provide entertainment for all of Ponyville. Those watching seemed to be transformed by her light shows and did not hesitate to applaud the mare in charge, Trixie.

However, five mares were not very flattered by this unicorn's show. In fact, they believed the mare was just trying to inflate her ego and seem like she was somepony she wasn't. So, they confronted her, and in turn, were humiliated by the showmare as she showed the ponies of the town some unflattering tricks. The only mare that could possibly compete with her was Twilight, who wasn't looking to show off her skills as Trixie was. After the show was over, all went back to their ordinary lives.

Or so they thought. Two colts were about to ruin everyone's day. After hearing Trixie's story about how she bested an Ursa Major, they knew they had to lure one to the town and see her defeat it. So they went, right into the Everfree Forest, with no sense of danger.


The Soldier was currently resting his head against his dispenser, snoring loudly and having pleasant dreams about raccoons and a wizard in which he kicked the wizard's a-.

Suddenly, the Soldier woke up. He heard the sound of voices. Young, male voices. What were children doing in this forest? No matter, the Soldier would protect them. Even if he was a man fit for war and always wanted to shoot everything around him, the Soldier knew he still had a duty. Walking toward the voices, the Soldier followed them until he ran into a cave. Realizing, the voices were coming to the cave, the Soldier rushed inside. Despite the Soldier's stupid bravery, he was still scared when he entered the darkness of the cave.

Inside, the two colts were having trouble finding any sign of an Ursa Major. They were starting to regret their decision as they looked around, seeing absolutely nothing but pitch black. The taller colt urged the second one to turn around and go back, however, he was still adamant about finding an Ursa Major. However, they didn't run into an Ursa Major, rather a trained mercenary with nothing to lose.

"Children, I am here to-!" The Soldier stopped as, instead of human children, he found colts. They were reasonably terrified of the tall monkey, as they started to back away from him.

The Soldier was adamant, though, and advanced upon the two colts, "Oh, I didn't know evil robots could have children. That's... not good. Gray Mann can build a reproducing army of robots now! Damn it!" The Soldier growled in frustration as they continued to back up, fearing the wrath of this dangerous creature.

He continued to monologue, "Well, it is my job to stop Gray Mann... and you're going to be my first victims." The Soldier grabbed his shotgun, pumped it, and aimed it right at the colts.

However, he would not gain any points on his shotgun today, as he heard a growl from right above him. The Soldier looked up and saw a bear. A bear that seemed to be made of space itself, was staring right at him, as well as baring its teeth.

The Soldier yelled in frustration, "DAMN IT!"

Suddenly, the colts watched as the bear slapped him with the force of a train, sending him flying out of the tunnel and into the forest. They screamed their loudest and ran out of the cave as fast as possible. The tall colt was smiling, though.

"At least we can lure it into the town now!"

The second colt was not amused, "SHUT UP AND RUN, SNAILS!"


Ponyville was currently asleep, the inhabitants in the process of going to bed when suddenly, they heard thumps. Loud, powerful thumps shook the earth beneath their feet. They walked outside and stared at the Everfree Forest. As soon as they did they knew it was going to be a long night.

An Ursa Major was currently barreling toward the town at full speed, with seemingly no intention of slowing down.


The Soldier was knocked the hell out, crumpled up, and with several broken bones. He wanted to yell out in pain, but he just couldn't. He crawled and groped around, looking for any sign of safety. This was it, he was finally going to die. Not in an epic fashion like he hoped, but after being slapped by a big bear.

However, the Soldier would live to see the light of day again, as his hand grabbed his beloved dispenser. Suddenly, the Soldier felt like he was in heaven, as his bones corrected themselves and he could speak again. He stood up and hugged the dispenser, glad he could still fight like he was born to do. He laughed, "Thank you Engie!" This time with true gratefulness.

However, he soon began to notice that the ground was slightly shaking at the moment, and sometimes there would be loud booms. It came from the direction of Ponyville, and the Soldier knew exactly what was causing it. The Soldier sighed, though, and simply ignored it. "Ponyville is full of robots and hippies. It doesn't deserve my help." He thought of Pinkie Pie, the one he had formerly considered a friend. However, he quickly pushed friendship out of his mind. Friendships are forbidden, he remembered. They get in the way of combat and war. If he allowed friendship to take him over, he would never recover.

Then, he remembered his old friend. He tried not to, but he knew it was futile not to. The BLU Demoman, his once best pal. The Administrator had told him of Demoman's insults. He called him a civilian! He was not his friend!

However, the Soldier continued to think. Was the Administrator telling the truth? He had never considered this possibility before. Perhaps the Administrator was just lying to get him to quit his friendship.

Before long, thoughts of friends began to surface in his mind. His old pal BLU Demoman, his teammates, and Pinkie Pie. He considered those people. All of them were able to make his world a much better place. They were the only ones to listen to him rant about warfare and didn't abandon him in his time of need. They were always there to make his day better. Not only that, but Pinkie Pie made him smile again. She was funny, and she made him feel like he was special.

For the first time ever, the Soldier was reduced to tears. He couldn't contain his sadness any longer. This whole time he had forsaken the idea of friends when they were the best thing he could have possibly had. How could he have rejected them? It was his job to make them better, but so far he only made them worse.

The Soldier heard the thumps again, and even more booms. The Soldier looked on to Ponyville, seeing the Ursa Major attacking the village. Now, he was determined. Now, he knew they were not Gray Mann's own army. They were his friends. Now, it was his job to protect them.

He advanced toward Ponyville, smiling the whole way and willing to put down his life to protect his newfound purpose.


Ponyville was in a bad spot right now. Trixie had just revealed that she had no idea how to beat the Ursa Major, which was currently destroying everything in sight. They were running out of options and if they didn't do something now it would be too late.

Unfortunately for Trixie and the two colts, too late was right now. The Ursa Major was right on top of them, and was drooling. Suddenly, it lashed out, its jaw open and ready to bite. Trixie was done for.

"CROCKET!" A round object that was glowing slammed into the side of the Ursa Major, significantly damaging it and causing it to stumble into a nearby house. The stunned spectators turned to look at their savior. He looked back, waving at the victims of this predator and telling them, "Do not worry, my mission is to protect this town from maggots like YOU!" He turned to the Ursa Major, having just mocked it. He was smiling now, while the bear was furious. It leaped toward the Soldier, determined to crush him with its own body weight.

However, it was not to be, as he rocket jumped, propelling himself above the Ursa Major as it missed its target. He quickly loaded an additional shot into the RPG as he soared through the air. Following this, he fired two rockets while mid-air, hitting it square on the back and causing it to roar. He landed on top of it, rocket jumping again off its back and onto its head, hitting it with a critical hit with his Market Garden. Now that he was out of ammo, he jumped off of it and ran to a safe location. He observed his damage.

The Ursa Major had taken serious damage, now sporting five wounds across its back and head. One of them was open, causing some kind of space juice to flow out of the Ursa Major. It stood up, glaring at the Soldier with eyes full of pure rage. The Soldier glared back, holding two grenades in each of his hands, ready to blow it to shreds.

However, the current battle would be stopped by the sound of music. This confused the Soldier, who turned around to find the source of the noise. The Ursa Major, however, seemed to be at peace with itself, bobbing its head to the music. Soon, it fell asleep and was currently being carried in a field of magic. Then, a silo was carried right into its mouth as if it was a bottle. Then, it was carried back into the Everfree Forest. The Soldier looked at the culprit and found out it was Twilight. He was confused by the recent turn of events. Why would a large predator be beaten by lullaby music and feeding it from a silo? Before he could ask her, he was poked from behind. He turned and was met by Trixie. She hugged him as soon as he turned.

"Thank you so much, sir! You saved my life!" Perplexed, the Soldier responded by hugging her back and telling her, "I'm just doing my job, you don't have to thank me."

Both of them, as well as the rest of Ponyville, had no idea they were being watched.


Currently, the two mysterious entities were fuming, "How is this possible? He shouldn't have developed a friendship at all, the Soldier is a man of war, not friends!"

The second entity didn't seem to know either, "I... do not know either. It seems the friendship power of Ponyville was stronger than I thought."

The first entity groaned, "Will this... get in the way of our plans?"

The second entity waved him off, "Of course not! The Soldier has already caused enough chaos to speed up my escape. Very soon, Equestria will know my wrath! Hehe."

The first entity sighed, before twitching a bit, "Oh! That reminds me. Back at home, there are some people who wish to visit with me. They are not very kind, so I may be gone for a while. It shouldn't be a problem. Anyway, bye!" Suddenly, the entity vanished in a brilliant flash of light, momentarily blinding the other entity. It sighed, "My goodness, that creature gets into way too much trouble. He should know that going to war with a massive corporation would never end well for all parties involved."

He looked down from his prison toward Equestria, smiling. "Oh, Equestria, your land is so beautiful. Too harmonic for my tastes, though. Celestia, Luna, your days are numbered. Soon, chaos shall fall onto all of Equestria, and my reign will be most glorious! You will see! I may be in prison now, but I will break free and all reality will be mine! Mine! Hahahahaha!"

Just then, a crack formed on the side of a statue in the Canterlot Gardens.