• Published 12th Oct 2020
  • 1,924 Views, 66 Comments

Soldier in Equestria - robberrito



The soldier is a simple-minded man. He sees blue colors? He shoots. He sees bread? He teleports it. He is a man destined for combat and war. However, what happens when he is transported to a realm of peace? Chaos ensues.

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Playing Pranks on Playful Ponies

The BLU Engineer was currently discussing the schematics of the teleporter with the BLU Medic, more specifically on why it wouldn't let them teleporter the Soldier back to their base. It was a two-way teleporter, designed for Mann vs Machine, but was authorized by the Administrator in order to get their Soldier back. The fact that a two-way teleporter was not working the way it should was cause for investigation, and that's what they had been doing for the past couple of hours.

The Engineer had been speaking to the Medic and trying to get information about how the human body might stop a two-way teleporter from functioning. However, they had no leads. The only thing that could have stopped the two-way teleporter from functioning completely was if the jarate thrown by the BLU Sniper had been absorbed into the teleporter, which was just ridiculous.

The Engineer finished his explanation for why he thought there was an external force that had somehow messed with the teleporter. "That's why I think that someone wanted to put Soldier somewhere else. They are also probably keepin' the Soldier in that dimension and preventin' the teleporter from transportin' him over here. However, it seems that they want him to be alive, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to transport the dispenser. Now the question is... who is behind all of this?"

The Engineer suddenly heard radio static in his ear before a female voice began speaking to him, "Hey Engie, it's Miss Pauling, the Administrator has just sent you some videotapes of the room at the time of the incident. She said there was something she saw in them that is concerning. She wants you to figure out what it is."

The Engineer responded to Miss Pauling in his usual polite tone, "I gotcha, I'll go get 'em right now." He walked out of his workroom to see a package in front of the door. "Damn, these guys are sneaky. Must have a secret path or somethin'." He picked up the package and put it on the table where the Medic was waiting. Quickly, the Medic grabbed his bonesaw and sliced the box open. Inside, there was a videotape waiting to be examined. Grabbing an old television, they inserted the tape into the slot and began to watch the tape. They fast forwarded to the part where Soldier entered the room and began to look at the teleporter. They slowed down the footage where the sniper threw the jarate and slowed it down the slowest speed at the part where the teleportation occurred and observed every frame. Eventually, they saw something. It was not much, but it was enough to make them pay attention. It was like... a cloud of green mist that disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. The Engineer and Medic have only seen that one place before, and knew what needed to be done.

"Well... looks like we have our suspect. Why don't we..." The Engineer pulled out his Frontier Justice, loading in 3 shots and pumping it so it was ready for action, "...have ourselves a trial."


The Soldier was currently sitting by his dispenser, contemplating what to do next. He knew the ponies had an advantage over them due to their magic, so he needed to think outside the box. If his rockets didn’t do the job, what would?

The Soldier thought back to his encounter with Applejack, where he dropped a bunch of apples on her head when she bucked a tree. Then, the Soldier knew what he needed to do. If he wanted to stop the evil army of Gray Mann, he would have to engage in sabotage. Set up traps and stir confusion among the populous. They would be utterly confused on his actions and would begin to accuse one another, eventually boiling down to civil war. The robots would fight each other, and the Soldier would come in when few robots were left, finishing them off once and for all. Then, he will have won. The Soldier then advanced down on the village, intent on spreading chaos.

Sneaking into the village, the Soldier observed many of the inhabitants doing their normal evil robot stuff, when he observed some unusual events occurring. He saw that there were two ponies that were doing the thing he had planned to do! They successfully ambushed the green lizard he had seen Twilight with and had just delivered a poisonous package right to the doorstep of a large building. A white unicorn named Rarity looked out the door and put her nose near the powder, sealing her fate while she went into a sneezing fit. Unfortunately, the Soldier knew this pony was done for and there was no saving her. The Soldier was shocked at the two ponies, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, when they began laughing at Rarity's demise. At this point, the Soldier assumed these two ponies were rebels against Gray Mann's evil takeover of the world, so he knew he needed to ally himself with these ponies.

The Soldier followed the ponies as they went away, and eventually, he caught up to them. He tapped Pinkie Pie in the side.

"Hey, you pink monster, are you sabotaging the operations of the robot ponies over there?"

Pinkie Pie turned to look at the Soldier, and once she recognized him she answered, "If by sabotage you mean prank, then yes!"

The Soldier threw off all of his disguises and jumped up in the air, pumping his fist in victory, "Great! Now we can combat the plans of Gray Mann and-" The Soldier wasn't able to finish his sentence before he was interrupted by Rainbow Dash, "HOLD ON, WHAT IS THAT THING?"

Pinkie Pie turned toward Rainbow Dash, who was staring at the Soldier in shock, "Oh he's an alien from another dimension who is a mercenary hired for Mann Co. who was transported here in an accident involving a teleporter."

Rainbow Dash continued gawking at the Soldier, while he applauded Pinkie's guessing skills, "Bravo! You are right on the money. You have proven to me that you are a spy from Mann Co. sent to assist me with my mission of delivering freedom to the peo-ponies of Ponyville. Have this medal."

The Soldier handed one of his Competitive medals to Pinkie Pie, who happily took it up and hung it on her neck. She stared at it and said gratefully, "Thank you so much, you are the greatest soldier ever!"

The Soldier felt a warmth in his heart that he had never felt before. It was a truly strange experience for him. Alas, he ignored it for now, but this feeling wouldn't go away anytime soon.

However, the Soldier still had a plan for both of them.

"Let's get down to business!"

Rainbow Dash decided to follow along with the strange being. Thinking of a victim, she quickly told them she would be up ahead before zooming off. The Soldier walked, along with Pinkie Pie, toward where Rainbow Dash had flown.


Pinkie Pie and the Soldier arrived to see Rainbow Dash holding a fake turtle with a string. She was looking over the bush and across the pond toward something they couldn't see. The Soldier decided to inform her of their presence.

"Hey, you! We have arrived at our destination and await your command!" Rainbow Dash, startled, flew up into the air with a panicked face. However, when she saw it was the Soldier, she breathed a sigh of relief and flew back down. She looked at him weirdly for a moment before saying, "Um, okay so for this prank we're gonna need something to see the pond with without revealing ourselves. Pinkie Pie, any ideas?" Rainbow Dash turned to her and waited for a response. It took her a bit of a moment before she realized she was holding a telescope.

"I've got a giant telescope right here, why don't you use that?"

Rainbow Dash stared at her before shaking her head and taking it. She threw out the fake turtle and watched through the telescope as it floated toward a yellow mare.

"So, who is in our crosshairs right now, blue lady?" The Soldier asked Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash stuttered a moment before giving a proper answer, "What- no I'm not a... what's a blue- nevermind. We're pranking Fluttershy right now."

Pinkie Pie gasped before telling Rainbow Dash this was a bad idea, "No, we can't prank Fluttershy, she's so sensitive, it'll hurt her feelings!"

Rainbow Dash decided she was right, "Yeah, you're right, we shouldn't prank Fluttershy, you got anyone else in mind?"

The Soldier watched as she turned to face them, and nearly howled in laughter as he saw ink all over the outside of her eyes. His efforts to hold it in were just barely enough for her not to notice.

Pinkie Pie was not doing as well as a job, as she was giggling quite a bit, "Yeah, *snort* and it's one of the toughest ponies in Equestria!"

Rainbow Dash was very excited, her question making it obvious, "Really? Where, where? Where are they?"

Pinkie Pie giggled a bit more before telling her to look in the pond water. When Rainbow Dash did, she saw Equestria's best flyer have ink-colored eyes.

Rainbow Dash responded with loud laughter, the Soldier and Pinkie Pie doing the same. For a while they sat there, laughing. Eventually they all separated, with Rainbow Dash saying she had to meet a friend and Soldier running off into the Everfree to do who-knows-what.


Inside the Everfree, Soldier thought about his new... ally? No that was too little for it to be known as.

Maybe... he had a friend? Had he just made friends? He looked up to the sun above Equestria, as if he asking it to reveal its secrets. It did not, but Soldier was now confident.

Yes, he had made a friend. Mind you, he would say his teammates were his best friends since he has known them longer and fought wars with them. He had never thought of them that way before. Perhaps these evil robot ponies revealed to him what friends were. Whatever the case, he still needed to complete the mission, and sabotage the operations of Gray Mann. He turned toward the seemingly peaceful village and wondered if now was the best time to sabotage. At this moment, he thought about Pinkie Pie. He smiled and marched toward Ponyville with a spring in his step.


The Soldier snuck into Ponyville with great spirits. However, he started to be more confused than anything when a strange creature was doing all of his work! She knocked over stands and yelled at ponies, and they didn't even do anything to her back! She must be Gray Mann's agent putting the ponies back in place. Or worse, she was going after Pinkie Pie! He couldn't let that happen. So, he snuck toward the table where Pinkie Pie was sitting, using tricks he had seen the Spy use in combat to get near her table.

"Psst, hey Pinkie!" The Soldier whispered to her.

She turned to him and smiled, "Hey... oh no, I don't know your name?"

Before she could panic he told her, "It's the Soldier, and I'm here to ask, who the hell is that bird creature?"

The party pony winced at the poor language this creature was using but didn't say anything about it. She answered him the best she could, "That's Gilda! She's a big mean griffon who thinks she can be mean to everypony! The worst part is Rainbow Dash thinks she's cool! Twilight didn't even believe me when I told her about Gilda. She said I was jealous!" Pinkie Pie sighed in defeat. "Oh well..."

The Soldier did not tolerate defeat on his battleground however, "That is not how you will act! You are a pony of determination and spirit. You will fight through this battle and keep fighting until you win! Don't allow her to bring you down! Stare defeat in the face and scoff, because you're a soldier! Now, do the best you can do to fix this issue! Now..."

The Soldier stopped and for the first time ever thought about what he was saying. He had gotten involved in... friendship, something he had never gotten involved in before, and was befriending this pony for some reason. When he first came here, he had thoughts of war. However, now they were diminishing. The more time he spent with the ponies the more he seemed to be nice. They were growing on him.

He wanted to do something to show his frustration but...

He turned to look at the party pony, who's face looked determined, now that her spirits were lifted by his little speech. The Soldier decided he should just leave now.

"Sorry, pony, but I should leave. It's best for the two of us."

Pinkie Pie was too focused on her plan to show Rainbow Dash Gilda's true character to see Soldier's sadness before he left. Silently, he snuck toward the Everfree forest, deep in thought the whole way.


Bon Bon had been observing the strange creature the whole time and... needless to say she had mixed thoughts. While he did commit murder on animals he didn't seem to harbor any ill intentions toward the ponies. She was starting to thank Lyra for ruining her letter to Celestia because she wasn't sure she should report the creature to Celestia now. However, she would keep observing the creature, for now, making sure he wouldn't try and hurt anypony in Ponyville.

If he did, he would face Tartarus the likes of which nopony has ever seen. Bon Bon had zero tolerance for anycreature who murdered ponies, and will not hesitate to return the favor to him.

Author's Note:

Chapter's not as great as I would like it. Any tips are appreciated, because i really need it.