• Published 12th Oct 2020
  • 1,926 Views, 66 Comments

Soldier in Equestria - robberrito



The soldier is a simple-minded man. He sees blue colors? He shoots. He sees bread? He teleports it. He is a man destined for combat and war. However, what happens when he is transported to a realm of peace? Chaos ensues.

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The Beginning

The RED Soldier woke up immediately, grabbing his shotgun to his right and aiming his sights at everything within vision. However, the things he saw disturbed him. For one, there were trees. There were no trees in 2fort, as far as he knew. It was in the middle of a desert for God’s sake! Second of all, there was no building within his line of sight, which seemed to extend for miles. In all directions there were foreboding trees that seemed ready to tear him apart if they ever attained the ability to do so.

However, Soldier was not scared so easily. He’d seen things worse than some trees.

The RED Soldier proceeded to trudge through the low branches of the trees above, making sure to be ready to fire at anything the wished to attack. Meanwhile, he thought of what had happened to him prior to his plight...


The RED Soldier was currently in the enemy base on 2fort, with his Festivized Strange Rocket Launcher by his side. He was currently going down the spiral staircase toward the enemy intelligence. For every corner, the soldier fired a rocket toward the hallway in front, disregarding the fact that a teammate might have been in that location. The Soldier was not a man of safety, and the need for coordination with his team was secondary to the need for points on his weapon.

However, it seemed his recklessness was to pay off, as a Scout turned the next corner to investigate the noise heard down the hall. Unfortunately, he did not think ahead and was punished with a rocket directly to the face. His body exploded instantaneously, leaving almost no evidence of him being there at all.

“Take that city boy!” The Soldier taunted as he walked over his remains. He had been on a kill streak as of late, racking up over 18 kills, and was determined to get a god-like killstreak and show his coworkers who was a REAL man. The soldier exited the spiral staircase with murderous intent, his rocket launcher aimed forward toward the health pack. After seeing no one there, he checked the rest of the hallway, seeing no signs of life.

Disappointed, the Soldier walked toward the intelligence that rested on the table left to the hallway he was currently in. The Soldier turned the corner, expecting a sentry, however was met with silence as nothing placed itself in between him and the intel. Now the Soldier was confused. Why wasn’t there an engineer defending the intelligence? Where was the team? Of course, he knew that his team still needed to capture the intelligence two more times after this, but capping the intel resulted in critical hits. These gave three times the damage to the team who capped the other’s intelligence, which was a huge advantage over the other team. This could help them gain momentum and capture the intelligence two more times in a much easier fashion. This was the reason that having defense at all times in the intelligence was a near requirement for both teams. It was also the reason the Soldier was so confused, as he walked over to the enemy intelligence and attempted to pick it up.

However, as he raised his other hand to pick up the intelligence, he heard the distinct sound of a teleporter turning on. The Soldier turned around and was greeted with a level 1 teleporter.

The Soldier grinned, there was nothing more fun than surprising an unsuspecting enemy taking a teleporter with a rocket directly in their face. The Soldier walked over to the teleporter, but far enough away so he would take no damage from the rocket blast. However, the distinct yelling of a New Zealand marksman would stop him in his tracks.

“Jarate!” The Soldier quickly turned and attempted to shoot at the Sniper, but saw his inevitable fate as a jar of piss flew directly at him. The jar slammed into his face, covering him in the golden shower. The Soldier spat and tried to wipe his face with his hands in an attempt to rub off the piss, but ended up stumbling onto the teleporter in the process. Meanwhile, an enemy Engineer was taking this exact teleporter and also happened to be using the Pompson 9000 and Short Circuit. This future-like technology was great at combat, but not great at absorbing bodily fluids.

So, when the Engineer teleported in the Soldier, instead of telefragging the Soldier and killing him, the mix of piss lead to the Engineer’s equipment imploding and killing him instantly. Meanwhile, the mix of two implosions of highly futuristic tech led to the combining of these two reactions, which in turn led to the creation of a wormhole into an unknown dimension. The Soldier noticed this and attempted to escape the wormhole that had spawned literally on top of him. However, his efforts would be in vain as the wormhole fully sucked in the patriot and he screamed to the top of his lungs...

“GODDAMN YOU SNIPER!”

The Sniper simply stared at the ending of the reaction, where the wormhole disappeared and made it look like nothing happened.

“What the bloody hell just happened?”


The Soldier frowned as he remembered his embarrassing encounter with the enemy Sniper, where he let his guard down and got too cocky. He certainly knew better than to let an enemy get the drop on him.

Which is why he was never going to let it happen again. The Soldier took aim toward the sound of rustling bushes from the left. He lowered his sights as he noticed that it was only a small squirrel. The Soldier sighed, this was getting old. He was really hoping to take out his anger on a fierce animal, but the local wildlife proved to be weak, small animals like rodents and birds.

Ahead of the Soldier, he could spot a break in the woods, signifying the end of whatever forest he was in. Hopefully, he could get back to Mann Co. as soon as possible to get back to killing the Sniper, his original goal. His hopes were raised by the presence of a small village directly ahead of him.