> Soldier in Equestria
>  by robberrito
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> The Beginning
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The RED Soldier woke up immediately, grabbing his shotgun to his right and aiming his sights at everything within vision. However, the things he saw disturbed him. For one, there were trees. There were no trees in 2fort, as far as he knew. It was in the middle of a desert for God’s sake! Second of all, there was no building within his line of sight, which seemed to extend for miles. In all directions there were foreboding trees that seemed ready to tear him apart if they ever attained the ability to do so.

However, Soldier was not scared so easily. He’d seen things worse than some trees.

The RED Soldier proceeded to trudge through the low branches of the trees above, making sure to be ready to fire at anything the wished to attack. Meanwhile, he thought of what had happened to him prior to his plight...


The RED Soldier was currently in the enemy base on 2fort, with his Festivized Strange Rocket Launcher by his side. He was currently going down the spiral staircase toward the enemy intelligence. For every corner, the soldier fired a rocket toward the hallway in front, disregarding the fact that a teammate might have been in that location. The Soldier was not a man of safety, and the need for coordination with his team was secondary to the need for points on his weapon. 

However, it seemed his recklessness was to pay off, as a Scout turned the next corner to investigate the noise heard down the hall. Unfortunately, he did not think ahead and was punished with a rocket directly to the face. His body exploded instantaneously, leaving almost no evidence of him being there at all.

“Take that city boy!” The Soldier taunted as he walked over his remains. He had been on a kill streak as of late, racking up over 18 kills, and was determined to get a god-like killstreak and show his coworkers who was a REAL man. The soldier exited the spiral staircase with murderous intent, his rocket launcher aimed forward toward the health pack. After seeing no one there, he checked the rest of the hallway, seeing no signs of life.

Disappointed, the Soldier walked toward the intelligence that rested on the table left to the hallway he was currently in. The Soldier turned the corner, expecting a sentry, however was met with silence as nothing placed itself in between him and the intel. Now the Soldier was confused. Why wasn’t there an engineer defending the intelligence? Where was the team? Of course, he knew that his team still needed to capture the intelligence two more times after this, but capping the intel resulted in critical hits. These gave three times the damage to the team who capped the other’s intelligence, which was a huge advantage over the other team. This could help them gain momentum and capture the intelligence two more times in a much easier fashion. This was the reason that having defense at all times in the intelligence was a near requirement for both teams. It was also the reason the Soldier was so confused, as he walked over to the enemy intelligence and attempted to pick it up. 

However, as he raised his other hand to pick up the intelligence, he heard the distinct sound of a teleporter turning on. The Soldier turned around and was greeted with a level 1 teleporter.

The Soldier grinned, there was nothing more fun than surprising an unsuspecting enemy taking a teleporter with a rocket directly in their face. The Soldier walked over to the teleporter, but far enough away so he would take no damage from the rocket blast. However, the distinct yelling of a New Zealand marksman would stop him in his tracks.

“Jarate!” The Soldier quickly turned and attempted to shoot at the Sniper, but saw his inevitable fate as a jar of piss flew directly at him. The jar slammed into his face, covering him in the golden shower. The Soldier spat and tried to wipe his face with his hands in an attempt to rub off the piss, but ended up stumbling onto the teleporter in the process. Meanwhile, an enemy Engineer was taking this exact teleporter and also happened to be using the Pompson 9000 and Short Circuit. This future-like technology was great at combat, but not great at absorbing bodily fluids.

So, when the Engineer teleported in the Soldier, instead of telefragging the Soldier and killing him, the mix of piss lead to the Engineer’s equipment imploding and killing him instantly. Meanwhile, the mix of two implosions of highly futuristic tech led to the combining of these two reactions, which in turn led to the creation of a wormhole into an unknown dimension. The Soldier noticed this and attempted to escape the wormhole that had spawned literally on top of him. However, his efforts would be in vain as the wormhole fully sucked in the patriot and he screamed to the top of his lungs...

“GODDAMN YOU SNIPER!”

The Sniper simply stared at the ending of the reaction, where the wormhole disappeared and made it look like nothing happened.

“What the bloody hell just happened?”


The Soldier frowned as he remembered his embarrassing encounter with the enemy Sniper, where he let his guard down and got too cocky. He certainly knew better than to let an enemy get the drop on him.

Which is why he was never going to let it happen again. The Soldier took aim toward the sound of rustling bushes from the left. He lowered his sights as he noticed that it was only a small squirrel. The Soldier sighed, this was getting old. He was really hoping to take out his anger on a fierce animal, but the local wildlife proved to be weak, small animals like rodents and birds.

Ahead of the Soldier, he could spot a break in the woods, signifying the end of whatever forest he was in. Hopefully, he could get back to Mann Co. as soon as possible to get back to killing the Sniper, his original goal. His hopes were raised by the presence of a small village directly ahead of him.
> Reconnaissance
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Soldier stepped into the clearing, the sunlight beating down on his cap, and breathed a sigh of relief. He looked around, observing the grasslands and village and wondering where in the world he was. He wanted to get back into combat and put the Sniper and Engineer in their place. Moving forward, the Soldier began to wonder about the locals and what he should do to approach them. Then the Soldier remembered, if he wanted to find out what to do, he needed to do reconnaissance. He was going to sneak into the village and observe the locals in secret. Then, when he found out what the locals considered acceptable or what was taboo, he would approach them directly and ask for directions to the nearest Mann Co. facility. Following this line of thought, Soldier set his plan in motion.

Now that he was extremely close to the town, the Soldier took note of many things, most of which he hated. For one, EVERYTHING was colorful. All the buildings nearby had bright colors that hurt the Soldier's eyes. Secondly, the village did not appear to have anything that resembled modern technology. All the buildings were made of wood and he saw no signs of electricity. Thirdly, there seemed to be an... aura surrounded the village that Soldier did not recognize. The only thing he could compare it to is Merasmus's magic aura that he naturally generated.

"Am I in a village full of Merasmus clones?!" The Soldier screamed inside his own mind, resulting in a loss of many of his braincells for a quick moment. Luckily, he was able to retain whatever was left of his former intelligence as he calmed himself down. He was not about to let his guard down and leave himself open to an attack. Tightening his grip on his shotgun, he advanced into an alley ahead of himself and turned the next corner. Before he was able to advance further, he saw something that he would never have guessed he would have ever seen in his whole life.

Ponies. Bright, colorful, cheerful, and seemingly conscious ponies walking around acting like they were human. Soldier dared not believe his eyes. Perhaps they were robots built by Gray Mann that were trying to deceive him and ambush him? Soldier no longer knew. Soldier began to rethink his original plan.

"Okay Soldier, you're stuck in a land filled with robot ponies with magic that want to capture and torture you for Gray Mann's nefarious schemes, what do you do?" The only thing he could think of at the moment was direct combat but he was heavily outnumbered and would likely be captured as soon as he tried to advance and destroy the enemy, so that was a no-go. The Soldier walked back and forth in the alley, still lost in thought. Perhaps he could sneak in and steal their intel and warn Mann Co.? However, even that option seemed out of the question, as the opposing group had access to magic as well as superior firepower and manpower. It was clear at that moment that Soldier would need to do some major thinking, more than he thought possible, so he sat down and started to think long and hard.


Lyra was currently wandering the streets of Ponyville and heading toward the supermarket, in order to get groceries for her and Bon Bon. She had procrastinated and said that she would do it later, and eventually her laziness caught up with her, as Bon Bon demanded she get her groceries at that exact moment. So, here she was, trudging through the dirt road of Ponyville toward the place she hated the most, the supermarket. It was always full of ponies in need of various things for their day-to-day lives and travelling through it was simply Tartarus. Ponies were always pushing each other out of their way and getting through without getting caught up in an argument was, at times, impossible. 

However, her expedition for food was halted by the sound of a male stallion with a very deep voice whispering to himself. As she walked further toward her destination, she could hear the sound a bit clearer now, as it came from the alleyway directly to her left. Turning in the alley, Lyra walked in on not the sight of a stallion, but a strange, bipedal creature that resembled a monkey much more than a stallion. Shocked, Lyra could not help but stare as the creature continued whispering to itself. This would not last, as the creature turned its head and stared directly at Lyra. Both continued to stare at each other for an awkward moment before the creature yelled, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lyra returned the favor with a higher-pitched scream, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" As they both screamed, they also turned and ran in the opposite direction from each other, still screaming the whole way.



Meanwhile, things were not going well at 2fort, as the match had been ended prematurely when the announcer informed both teams that the RED Soldier had gone missing in an incident involving urine and the BLU Engineer's teleporter. The administrator had called on both teams to halt all attacks until further instruction and the BLU team was currently working out what happened.

The BLU Engineer was currently interrogating the BLU Sniper on what he saw, "...and what happened when he stepped onto the teleporter?"

The Sniper gave a simple answer, "You teleported right as he stepped onto it, and I think you exploded. A portal the size of a man appeared right on Soldier and he was sucked in."

The Engineer pondered this as he thought about his own gear, "Okay, so Ah was using the Pompson 9000 at that moment plus the Short Circuit, both which have highly explosive reactions when mixed with urine. Combinin' these two reactions would create... a bigger explosion. Damn it, this makes no sense! Why did a portal appear in that moment? Ugh, looks like we have an anomaly on our hands."

The Engineer began to walk away to inform the rest of the team on his new revelation, while the Sniper had a question on his mind.

"Hey Engineer!" He called out.

The Engineer turned and faced the Sniper right before he had exited the room. He replied, "Yeah?"

The Sniper gave a simpler question than he was expecting, "Why did you have a teleporter exit in the intelligence when you didn't even have a nest down there?"

The Engineer pondered this question for a moment before answering, "I, uh, don't know."

The Engineer quickly left the room after that, with the Sniper left staring at the exit.

"What the bloody hell just happened?"
> Recovery and Combat
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Soldier sprinted as hard as he could, putting the maximum amount of strength into each step. He was panting by now, having run harder than he ever had in his life. Combined with his weapons, the Soldier’s training did him good as he kept running despite his fatigue. However, his sprint was to be halted, as one of Soldier’s legs ran straight into a root. The result was the Soldier flying through the air and landing on his stomach, the air in his lungs knocked out of him. He was going to get up as fast as possible and continue his sprint but realized that he heard no sounds of any foot-er, hoofsteps behind him. Turning around, the Soldier saw no signs of the green pony that he had encountered in the alleyway. The Soldier’s face morphed from bright pink and terrified to a wide, stupid grin.

“Haha! I outran the evil robot hippie pony! You did well Soldier.” However, the Soldier’s grin was replaced with a small frown as he replayed the event in his mind. He had run away full speed and abandoned the mission after encountering a single enemy. He had screamed the entire way and tripped and fell on a root and left himself open for attack if the horse managed to keep up with him.

The Soldier really hoped no one saw that.

Even then, the Soldier thought he was justified in his actions. Gray Mann was notoriously cruel and would not hesitate to torture anyone for information or just because he wanted to torture someone. Now, the Soldier could handle torture, but combine torture with magic robot horses and you would have something much worse. He knew the capabilities of the wizard Merasmus and his humiliating spells. The Soldier could not handle that combination. 

That’s surprising, considering Soldier’s pain resistance as well as his stubbornness. But mostly his stubbornness.

Finally having caught his breath, the Soldier walked into the safety of the forest, where he planned to spend most of his nights. It would serve as a headquarters of his operations and he could easily engage in guerrilla warfare. That way, he was mostly safe from retribution. The Soldier continued to walk forward, even as the sun went down and over the horizon, rather quickly might I add. Soldier wasn’t paying enough attention to know this, though.

The night grew as the day vanished. The forest seemed to transform into a nightmare in one’s head, as fog was present throughout the forest and eyesight was reduced. The trees seemed to loom over the Soldier as he wandered on a dirt path that he had noticed earlier. He had been following the path for hours now, and the Soldier was beginning to grow hungry. However, the Soldier was confident that something would show up to give him the food he needed.

To his credit, the Soldier was right.

Up ahead in the path, a large beast roamed into his sight. Minus the wings, it seemed to be a head taller than him. The beast was a sort of wild cat, the Soldier noted, only knowing this because of the pointy ears and whiskers. The beast’s claws were sharper than that of a buck knife, with one slash being able to kill the Soldier. Another thing to note was the scorpion tail. Its point was sharper than that of even the claws, reared back and ready to strike at any animal in the way.

The Soldier simply smiled his cruel smile, because unfortunately for the beast, the Soldier was not simply an animal.

The Soldier pulled out his rocket launcher and aimed directly at the beast. He pulled the trigger as quickly as he could. A large missile flew out of the barrel of the rocket launcher, flying at high speed toward the beast. Just in time, it blocked his shot with a strike from the scorpion tail, which took the brunt of the blast and was left mauled by the explosion. The beast roared out as its main source of pain-giving was rendered almost useless.

The Soldier had already reloaded his rocket launcher and was firing several missiles while circling around the beast as it recovered from the explosion. The beast had learned of the dangerousness of the rockets and jumped out of the way of the first one, which hit a tree behind it. The second rocket almost collided with it as the Soldier had predicted it would move out of the way of the first one, but this too was dodged by the beast. The third blast had hit the ground a few meters from the beast, and it suffered a serious injury as it exploded. The beast roared in pain and turned toward the Soldier as he was reloading. The beast put two and two together and knew the Soldier was putting more of the flying things in the strange tube. The beast jumped at the Soldier, wanting to stop him from getting his wish of killing the beast with his rocket launcher.

The Soldier noticed the beast jumping at him and knew he did not have the time to reload his rocket launcher. He quickly threw it away in front of him and jumped backward, barely dodging the large beast. The Soldier quickly pulled out his shotgun and aimed it at the beast in a split second. The Soldier unloaded all six shots into the pile of fur that was the beast. After the sixth shot, the beast fell to the floor of the forest and released its last breath. The beast had been slain.

The Soldier was happy. He had been given a good fight and now he had a good meal. The Soldier grabbed his rocket launcher off the floor and put four rockets into the chamber. He fired it directly into a tree and watched as it fell down. The Soldier grabbed his Escape Plan and began chipping at the tree.


Twilight was standing on her new porch, currently listening to the sounds of explosions emanating from the Everfree. Twilight had never heard them before, which upset her greatly. They were not the result of high-level combat spells, she would have recognized the sound. Of course, Lyra had informed her earlier of some sort of monkey in red clothes in an alleyway, but how could a monkey make explosions? After thinking on this, Twilight decided that she would include this information in her first friendship report, just as a warning.

She had no idea who she was dealing with.
> Panic and Investigations
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lyra burst through the doorway of her house, still panting from her sprint.

"Bon Bon!" She screamed the loudest she could, just as she lost her footing (hoofing?) and tripped. Thankfully, Bon Bon appeared just in time to stop Lyra from hitting the ground.

"Calm down, Lyra! You scared me with that scream, I thought you were in trouble! What's the matter?" She asked the panic-faced Lyra as she set her, correctly, on her hooves. Lyra caught her breath before telling her the story.

"So you know how you sent me to get groceries for us? Well, on the way I heard the sound of a stallion whispering nearby. I went to check the noise, and there was a creature in red clothes with a bucket for a hat! It looked sort of like a monkey and it was sitting down and just whispering to itself like a madmare. Then, it stared at me! I didn't know what to do when suddenly it roared at me and I ran away just in time, and I outran it before it could eat me!"

Bon Bon through the story was not very concerned until she mentioned the strange creature. She had never heard of this creature before and the threat of another monster terrorizing Equestria was too much for her to not focus on. Bugbear could wait, she needed to know the exact threat of this creature.

However, she needed to fabricate an incentive to be alone. While she really wanted to tell Lyra about her true job, she knew that it would be foolish of her. So, she kept her poker face and spoke to Lyra in a smooth voice.

"Don't worry about it, Lyra. The creature ran away, don't you see? The streets of Ponyville would be deserted if it was chasing you. Catch your breath and I'll go handle the groceries. Is that fine?"

Lyra seemed to be completely calm now, and responded by nuzzling Bon Bon, as well as telling her, "Yeah, of course! Thanks for that Bon Bon. You're right, I don't need to worry about stuff like this. Thanks again."

Bon Bon smiled, she was glad to see Lyra in a good mood again. Grabbing some bits, Bon Bon walked out of the house and told Lyra she would be back soon. As soon as she was out of sight, she slipped into an alleyway and continued forward until she was out of the village and running toward the Everfree forest. She knew this was the most likely place the creature would retreat in the event of an emergency, and she was determined to locate this creature as soon as possible. With no hesitation, she ran straight into the forest. By now, she noticed the sun was moving beyond the horizon and the moon was soon to take its place, so she ramped up the effort, running as fast as possible until she heard an explosion nearby. The explosion occurred very close, so she turned to where they were coming from and ran. There, she saw the source of the carnage.

A manticore was being attacked by a seemingly random explosion and roared in pain as it took major damage from the nearby explosion. Bon Bon had hidden near the manticore when she heard two explosions behind her. She quickly took cover behind a tree and watched as an unknown creature launched six beams of light at the manticore using an unknown object. Bon Bon watched as the manticore fell to the ground and stopped moving. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Did it really do what it looked like it did? She watched as the creature blasted a tree with an explosion that came from a... tube. It then went on to grab a pickaxe from seemingly nowhere and repeatedly strike the tree with it

So it did do what she thought it did. This creature was not just a threat to the crown, but a threat to society. Bon Bon ran home as fast as she could and never once looked back.


Meanwhile, at 2fort, the BLU Engineer just finished doing some tests and was planning on examining where the event happened. He had told the team of what had happened just a while ago, and they began to check the base for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, nothing of note showed up so far. The Engineer was walking through the hall when the BLU Scout walked up to him. 

“Damn it.” The Engineer tried to walk by as fast as possible but was stopped by the Scout.

“Hey, egghead! Where are ya goin’? You still trying to find out where that dumbass went?”

The Engineer grumbled but eventually answered, “Enemy or not, if a member of either team goes missing we need to find them. If we never find the Soldier then we can’t enter combat with the other team without it being fair. The only other option than that is to find a replacement, which won’t work at all. So, why wouldn’t you want to find the Soldier?”

The Scout laughed, “What do ya mean overalls, we get a free vacation! I get to pick up hot chicks all day while you’re going to be stuck herdin’ cattle! It will be better this way if that dumbass is gone. Plus, if it’s a replacement then I get to bully a beginner!”

The Engineer gave him a hard glare, “Listen, boy, you’re not getting any vacation, at least not now. You know how strict they are with this stuff, they can find a reason to keep you working. Now, if they get a replacement, then the chances it will be a beginner are low, considerin’ the company hires MERCENARIES and not civilians. So, you’re better off helpin’ get the RED Soldier back.”

The Scout scoffed and walked past him. Not hearing the Scout say anything, the Engineer walked into the intelligence room and observed it. It seemed like nothing was there other than leftover piss.

Then it clicked, nothing was there!

The Engineer ran back upstairs on the spiral staircase and ran into BLU spawn. There in BLU spawn was his team of mercenaries. Currently, they were having lunch, but the Engineer knew what he had found was more important than lunch.

"Guys, guys!" the Engineer called out.

BLU team turned to the Engineer, wondering what important thing had just happened. Medic called out eagerly to the Engineer, "What is it? Have you found something to bring back ze Soldier?"

The Engineer smiled, "I sure have, come down to the intelligence room."

The team jogged down to the intelligence, finding themselves an empty room save for the intelligence. The whole team seemed to be disappointed.

The Scout groaned and berated the Engineer, "Seriously? You called us down in here for freakin' nothing? I coulda finished my lunch right now and I'm sittin' here staring at our intelligence."

The Engineer chuckled a bit before answering the Scout, "Well, you're right about one thing, there's NOTHING here."

The Scout was confused with what the Engineer was saying, but the rest of the BLU team began to put the puzzle pieces together. Heavy began to chuckle as he found out the answer, as did Medic, Spy, and the rest of the BLU team as they figured out the answer.

Scout was red in the face as he was left out of the answer to this problem, "W-what's the big deal, chuckleheads? Hey, I'm talkin' to you guys! What's so funny? The Engineer led us into the intel room with literally NOTHING in it!" Scout then realized what the Engineer meant, and hung his head in shame.

"Oh."

The Engineer chuckled before throwing down a teleporter entrance on the ground, "Looks like we got our RED Soldier back!"
> Small Talk
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why did it go with him?” A mysterious entity asked.

“What do you mean?” A second voice asked.

“I mean that something else came with him!” The first entity asked in slight anger.

The second one shrugged, “What? It’s a teleporter. That idiot Soldier needs support from his teammates or he would run out of ammo to shoot.”

The first being continued with an accusation, “The deal was to only bring one entity from that dimension. You broke the rules of the deal and are subject to consequences.”

The second one rolled his eyes, “Whatever, the deal was to bring one entity capable of causing chaos. I can just as easily take him away, even if you were able to do something in that dull prison.”

The first one fumed, “Oh fine, I will make an exception to this rule, but only ONCE! Otherwise, if you do it again, punishment for you will be the first thing on my mind once I get out of this prison. I’m sure you know what I’m capable of, don’t you?”

The second one began to laugh, “Oh you are truly silly. Please, sir, let’s just calm down and realize we’re on the same side. We’re both trying to deal with something very annoying that will benefit both of us.”

The first one sighed, “I guess you are correct in that regard. But please, don’t do that again without consulting me first.”

The second one assured him, “Don’t worry, I’ll inform you firsthand if I need to do something.”
> Longing For A Ticket
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Soldier sighed as the fire erupted from the pile of leaves and logs. He was able to use the Pyro's lighter that he stole from... it after it almost started a fire in their base and he was commanded to take it away. It seemed the Soldier was good with luck on this adventure of his, and he grinned as he started to cook a piece of the beast that he ripped off. The beast was not as tough a fight as he would of liked, but it at least provided him with plenty of food. After the Soldier saw that his piece of meat was almost properly cooked he tore into it and feasted on its savory bits. He chewed on a bone at least once in this feast, and after he was done he began to grow tired. The Soldier looked around the clearing, looking for some type of cushion for his head, but he found none. Normally, he would have just slept where he was, but the Soldier needed as much sleep as he could get for the coming days of combat. So, he got a bunch of leaves in the surrounding area and put it into a pile. The Soldier then fell straight down onto it and began to snore... loudly. It scared off any predator that wished to feed on him while he was off guard.


Bon Bon burst through the door of the house, looking for any kind of paper nearby. Seeing some on a desk in the work room, she grabbed it as fast as possible and was just about to write, when she heard her voice, "Bon Bon! Why are you back so late? I was very worried about you." Cursing herself, Bon Bon threw the paper back where she found it and went to talk with Lyra.

"I was getting groceries, remember? The commute was so long, though, and I couldn't even get to a shop before they all closed down, it was insane!" Bon Bon talked, lying to Lyra for the millionth time.

Lyra sighed, "Bon Bon, you know that that creature is out there, don't you? You can't worry me like that."

Bon Bon sighed and nuzzled Lyra, "I'm sorry, Lyra, but I just..." She sighed once again.

Lyra responded with a nuzzle of her own, before saying, "It's alright Bon Bon. Here, let's go to bed. It's late and I doubt you want to be tired tomorrow."

Lyra began to walk up the stairs before she turned to Bon Bon and beckoned for her to follow. Bon Bon did so, hesitantly, and went to their bedroom. Lyra jumped onto the bed, wiggled into the covers, and rested her head against the pillow. Again, she beckoned for Bon Bon to follow her lead. Bon Bon did as Lyra asked, repeating Lyra's steps. When she was fully comfortable, Lyra hugged her, locking her inside of her hooves and whispering to her, "Good night."

Bon Bon told her the same, "Good night."

Bon Bon fell asleep quickly, because running as much as she did make her extremely tired. Bon Bon's last sight was Lyra's face before she fell unconscious.


Celestia's sun rose above the horizon, replacing now-Luna's moon, signaling the beginning of a new day and age in Equestria. The same also happened in 2fort. Combatants rose up to meet the sun, and employees began their work. It was almost like any other day for them.

However, among the ponies in Ponyville, there was something different. It was red, violent, and looking for blood. It hid in a barrel, walking in between shops and customers as the day began. It had a single goal, which was to collect information and single out important figures.

Its name was the Soldier, and he was ready for anything they threw at him.

"HI!" Well, almost anything.

The Soldier nearly jumped ten feet in the air when a pink pony with an infuriatingly cheery face surprised him by shoving her face into his barrel. He knew not what he did wrong, he had been undetected since this moment! How did she spot him? The Soldier almost punched her in the face, before she began interrogating him, very, VERY fast.

"Hey, are you new to Ponyville? Because that would be very bad because that would mean that there was a new pony in Ponyville who was not having a party prepared for them! Of course, you're not technically a pony, but everyone deserves a surprise party. So, what color do you like? Red, yellow, orange, blue (Soldier almost pulled out his shotgun upon hearing that cursed word), orange, wait I already mentioned that, purple, green? How about flavors? What flavor of cake do you like? Vanilla, chocolate, lemon, cherry, watermelon, do you like watermelon cake? The only time I made that was when that one foal asked for watermelon flavored EVERYTHING. You would not believe how much watermelon-flavored stuff he had me make. Oh, I forgot, what about themes? What theme of party do you like, friendship, peace, comic book characters, princesses-"

The pink pony's tirade was halted by the sound of a nearby pony Soldier could not see, "Pinkie, why are ya talkin' to the barrel?"

Pinkie turned her head to talk to the new stranger, "Oh, hi Applejack, I'm talking to the creature of the barrel!"

Applejack sounded dumbfounded for a moment before speaking with intelligible words, "Yep, she's lost it, uhhhh, yeah you can do that, I'll be on mah way."

The sound of something... what even was that sound? Anyway, a certain sound was heard as the pink menace jumped up in surprise, "Oh! Something weird is about to happen, I'll go check it out!" The pink monster ran away.

The Soldier was dumbfounded, but nevertheless made a note to avoid that pony at all cost, "Uh, mission accomplished?"


Meanwhile, Bon Bon was currently in the workroom, writing a letter to Princess Celestia, it read something like this:

Dear Princess Celestia,

This is Sergeant Sweetie Drops reporting directly from Ponyville. Last night, I was told of a dangerous creature that had encountered one of Ponyville's residents in a dark alleyway. I went to investigate this matter and followed the path that  I believed the creature most likely took. I was able to locate the creature through sounds of explosions and I came across a battle between a full-grown manticore and a strange monkey-looking creature with red clothes and a bucket for a hat. It used various tubes to fire flying explosive devices as well as beams of light at the manticore and ended up KILLING the manticore. I cannot stress this enough, this creature is not just a threat to you, but a threat to every creature in Equestria. It must, as soon as possible, be captured and put on trial for 

She would have finished the letter had it not been for Lyra interrupting her writing, “Bon Bon, you have to come to look at this! Everyone in Ponyville's going to the library. Let's go!"

Bon Bon tried to tell her she was busy, but before she could get a word out she was grabbed and dragged out the front door.

"Lyra wait! I was busy with something!" Bon Bon told her urgently.

Lyra dismissed her excuse, "It can wait, Bon Bon! We have to come to see what is happening at the library!"

Bon Bon groaned as she knew there was nothing she could do to convince her to stop her from making her go. She reluctantly began to follow Lyra and followed her to the library.

What they found was a pink party pony named Pinkie Pie doing a dance and singing a catchy tune. It seemed no one else knew the reason for this anomaly and ponies began to circle around them.

Suddenly it stopped, and Twilight began to talk about a ticket. When a pony asked what kind of ticket, Pinkie Pie screamed the answer loud and clear for everypony nearby, "Twilight has a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala!"

Bon Bon's complaints to Lyra died in her head. She knew she HAD to get that ticket, or otherwise, she would never get to live out her dream of going to the Gala. She ran after Twilight, along with Lyra, and all that was left near the library was a confused mercenary.


Needless to say, Soldier was having a strange day. He had been observing the ponies and, except for the pink menace, they didn't seem to have any detection magic or technology. There was this one incident that confused him the most. Throughout the day he had observed a purple horse, apparently named "Twilight" get harassed over a ticket to the "Grand Galloping Gala". Soldier groaned in his head every time he heard the name. He hated puns, his others teammates always used them to taunt the opposing team, as had the opposing team used them to taunt him, and it got old real quick. Anyway, he had observed her for a while, and he had followed her with his Portable Bush Disguise© when she was interrupted by the pink menace, who didn't know he was there, somehow. She was currently singing about what she wanted to do at this "gala", which included balloons, partying, and other girly stuff that he hated. When she was done, she had told the whole village that she had a ticket the this "gala" and almost every pony there chased after Twilight. When they all left, he noticed that some ponies, including the pink one, had gone inside the library instead of chasing the purple pony. Thinking they were going to inform Gray Mann of their nefarious deeds, he opted to look through the window that looked down the ponies in the library lobby. He noticed that they hid on top of the bookshelves for seemingly no reason. "Are they trying to ambush someone?" The Soldier was definitely confused now, but it clicked when the purple horse, along with the dragon that traveled with the horse, was teleported into the middle of the room. The ponies approached the horse, who screamed loudly. She eventually spoke to the ponies in a very upset tone, judging by what he could hear. The rest of the ponies listened to her and began to talk amongst themselves. Eventually, the purple horse gave the ticket she had to the lizard, who spit some green fire on the scroll. The scroll was consumed entirely by the flames and traveled out of an open window opposite Soldier's side of the library. However, the dragon burped up a giant flame, which in turn produced a large scroll. The dragon began to read it and pulled out six tickets which the mares took up excitedly. The Soldier watched as they each walked out the front door. When they all walked out, the Soldier thought he had enough information and turned around.

He was met with the eyes of a certain pink menace, "Hey! Whatcha doin'?"

The Soldier yelled, "Agh! Get away from me you pink menace!"

He went to crawl away, but was blocked by the party pony, "I saw you were watching us through the window, do you want a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala, I know it's going to be lots of fun!"

The Soldier decided to tell her his side of the story, "I will not go to any events that are populated with evil robot ponies that work for Gray Mann and have magic! You will not succeed in stopping my goals of freedom and justice for all! I demand you stand down immediately or else!"

The pink pony listened to him, then tilted her head, "Huh, I didn't know I was an evil robot pony! Well, thank you for informing me!" She held out her hoof for him to shake.

And he did return the favor, shaking her hoof and saying, "It is my pleasure!"

The pink menace giggled, "Thank you, mister, I'll go back to my house now!"

Pinkie Pie walked away while the Soldier simply stared at her. Suddenly he realized, "Argh! When did I say something nice to anyone?! I am a man of war, a killing machine! I think I'm getting infected by the ponies! RUN AWAY!" The Soldier simply ran. He did not take precautions, didn't bother hiding, and didn't try to watch out for ponies in his way. 

Ponies in his way had to jump out of the way or face getting trampled by a crazy monkey that was waving its arms around and running straight to the Everfree Forest while saying a multitude of things they couldn’t understand. Ponies watched as the creature ran deep into the woods of the Everfree, then shrugged and continued on with their day.
> A Tired Farmer and a Crocket
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun came up once more ending the previous day's chaos involving tickets. Now, today was a day where a challenge was to be issued. A mare would, in a stubborn way, try and buck apples all by herself! This would come at the cost of her own health, as well as the health of others.

However, the Soldier was going to have an adventure of his own. He was currently walking back toward the village for another day of recon. Although the last day was a complete failure, today was going to be his day.

His luck was at astronomical levels as well, because there was a level 3 Teleporter waiting for him in his path, spinning extremely fast. The Soldier, pleasantly surprised, examined it. He ended up finding a note that was left just for him.

Hello, I'm the Engineer! I've just got this teleporter up and running after I noticed the exit was missing from where you were teleported. It somehow ended up traveling with you and now we're able to send you stuff. If you have seen this note, walk into the teleporter and we'll get you back to 2fort.

The Soldier placed the note back into the teleporter, where it transferred itself to the other dimension. Excited, the Soldier attempted to step through. However, when the teleporter started glowing again, it did not transport him. Confused, the Soldier jumped, seeing if the teleporter was malfunctioning, and it did not transport him. The Soldier, furious, ran over to a tree and kicked it as hard as he could. The result was that Soldier's leg was now sore and in need of medic treatment. Holding back a yell, that Soldier walked over to the teleporter again to find a note there.

Soldier, if you're there why haven't you walked through the teleporter yet? It's a two-way teleporter, it should transport you just fine.

The Soldier responded by grabbing the note, along with the pen attached, and writing a letter to the Engineer as fast as possible. What came out was barely comprehensible.

ENGINEER IF YOU DON'T SEND A DISPENSER HERE RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO STRANGLE YOU AND SHOVE THIS TELEPORTER UP YOUR ASS YOU SCUMBAG. YOUR DAMN TELEPORTER WON'T WORK AND NOW I'M INJURED. GIVE ME YOUR DISPENSER YOU PILE OF DOG SHIT.

The Soldier slammed the note onto the teleporter, which transported it away. Another minute passed while the Soldier grumbled the whole time, and then a dispenser made itself known to the world of ponies. The Soldier nearly tripped running over to the dispenser, and when he got there he hugged it like it was a son to him. The dispenser responded in kind with healing and ammo, as all of Soldier's depleted resources returned to him. 

"Hehehehe, I like you dispenser." The Soldier planted a big fat kiss on the dispenser, which, if it was alive, would have run away as far as possible.

The Soldier, health and spirit replenished, marched toward the village, hellbent on uncovering Gray Mann's secret hideout that was (probably) somewhere in the village. He speculated it was somewhere near the town hall he had seen earlier. The Soldier decided this was his destination.

Before he could advance, however, he heard the sound of someone screaming. The Soldier turned his head in all 360 degrees before he realized the sound was coming from above. The Soldier looked up to find a bright blue thing falling directly toward him. The Soldier had an immediate urge to shoot the blue thing in the sky when he remembered a situation.


It was in Badwater, the Soldier and his teammates were being pushed back by the opposing team and were currently retreating. No matter how much they tried they were still pushed back with the power of an Übercharge and stickybombs. Currently, he was on a rock shooting at the enemies below. Suddenly, he heard the yell of the enemy Soldier coming from above. He turned up in order to shoot the Soldier, but it was too late, and he was pummeled by a Market Gardener. The enemy Soldier taunted him, "A big mug of my foot up your ass." Standing over his body, the enemy Soldier kicked him and went on to advance through the chokepoint.


The Soldier no longer could contain himself. He pulled out his rocket launcher and shot at the incoming projectile, "CROCKET!"

The rocket slammed into the object with great force and, along with the force of the explosion, pushed the object into the other direction and toward the town of Ponyville.


Twilight was in her library, talking about how Applejack was pushing herself too far and how she would hurt somepony, when an injured Rainbow Dash went crashing straight through the balcony and into her bookshelves. The rainbow-haired pegasus moaned in pain, as a book fell off the bookshelf and into her face.

"Rainbow Dash? What did you do? Are you okay?" The lavender mare rushed over to help her friend, as she noticed she was really hurt.

Rainbow Dash moaned again before giving her an answer, "Applejack tried to help me with something but sent me flying in the air, and then a flying metal thingy hit me and exploded and it sent me here. That mare needs some sleep..." The mare moaned again, and struggled to finish her next sentence, "...And I need a doctor." 

Twilight groaned as she picked up Rainbow Dash in her magic grasp and began to walk to Ponyville's medical center.

She left one comment before leaving the library, "Applejack..."


The Soldier was currently walking through the streets of Ponyville, which were deserted for some reason. He had previously been sneaking around but right now nobody... nopony was home. He had even checked in one house and no one was there! Where was everyone?

He was about to get his answer when he heard chatter coming from the Ponyville Hospital nearby. Using his bush disguise, he crept toward the window nearest to him and look inside. He witnessed a conversation between a white nurse pony and Twilight, which he could barely hear.

"Well, Ms. Dash appears to have suffered many fractures resulting from whiplash as well as a concussion due to a sudden change in direction. If what Ms. Dash has told me is true, the explosion that she was hit with was not made with pony hooves, meaning her magic took the blast instead.” The nurse finally finished her spiel.

Twilight nodded to the nurse while Rainbow Dash was left very confused, "Uh, what do you mean my magic took the blast?"

The nurse turned to Rainbow Dash, "Well, you probably forgot this after school was done, but creatures with magic are at an advantage due to the protection it provides them. The magic inside each and every one of us blocks a significant portion of physical injury when we are harmed. This means that when you were hit with that flying object, instead of you taking the whole blast yourself and taking fatal damage, the magic in your body took it for you. What this means is that you're going to have to take a couple of days off from flying or you may risk your wings failing you mid-flight."

When Rainbow Dash heard she was going to have to take days off of flying, her spirits plummeted. She yelled the loudest she could, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" However, her scream of "pain" was stopped by Twilight given her a silence spell, making it so Rainbow Dash was now mute.

This, however, did not apply to Soldier, since he was not a being of magic. He had to take the full brunt of a loud-ass scream that threatened to make his ears bleed. The Soldier's attempts at covering his ears did not make it any better, as the scream was too loud. Her tantrum eventually went away as the Soldier lied on the ground, hands covering his ears. When he could no longer hear any scream, he uncovered his ears and looked in the window again, only to see that the ponies were now leaving. Angered, the Soldier stomped away.


He eventually stomped so far that he got to Sweet Apple Acres, where he saw an orange mare named Applejack bucking trees. Well, attempting to. The mare was currently falling in bits of sleep, threatening to stop her from completing her task. The Soldier snuck up to the farmer, wanting to do something to wake her up. Thinking of things he could do, he settled on an extreme option. Chuckling, the Soldier plucked all the apples from the tree, being tall enough to reach them. He then tied them all together and attached them to the branch above Applejack. Then, he tapped Applejack in the side. When she didn't respond he did it again... and again... and again. Eventually, he just screamed at her.

"GET YOUR PONY ASS BACK TO WORK YOU WORTHLESS APPLE BUCKING PILE OF TRASH."

Applejack woke up instantly from the loud noise and responded in kind, "OKAY MISTER I GOT YOU!" She kicked the tree as hard as she could, causing the apples above her to fall on her at maximum speed. I am sure you can guess what happened.

Yup, Applejack got knocked the hell out.

The Soldier merely laughed at the orange pony's misery. "Mission accomplished!" was one of the many things he said to taunt Applejack at that moment. However, his joy subsided as he heard the sound of a certain lavender mare. Quickly, he slipped away to terrorize other parts of this world.


Bon Bon was in her workroom, continuing her letter to the Princess. Continuing on from last time, it read like this:

...for its crimes against the creatures of Equestria and beyond. It has violated the rights of others by taking their lives away. I surely do not need to explain to you why this is so abhorrent. I request a detachment of Royal Guards at Ponyville immediately to assist in the capture and arrest of the

However, this letter was to be interrupted in an even worse way than last time, as Lyra barged into the room and charged directly at Bon Bon.

"Hey Bon Bon, you have to- whoops!" Lyra suddenly fell directly on top of Bon Bon, knocking over a jar of ink that Bon Bon was writing with and spilling the contents of the jar all over the paper.

Bon Bon observed her work be ruined by a small mishap that could have easily been prevented with a little more caution. She turned toward Lyra, her face red with rage.

Lyra nervously chuckled when she saw the rage-filled face of her partner, "Hehehe, it was just an accident Bon Bon, I'm sure we can-" Her attempts to calm Bon Bon down did not work, as Bon Bon exploded in rage at Lyra.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT LYRA?" She screamed at the green pony.

She tried to respond but was too afraid of enraging Bon Bon even more.

Bon Bon yelled even more, "I WAS WRITING A VERY IMPORTANT LETTER AND YOU BARGED INTO THE ROOM AND FELL INTO ME! YOU RUINED MY LETTER AND NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN!"

Lyra tried to say it wasn't that big of a deal, "Listen, Bon Bon, I'm sure it didn't take that long to write. I can write it if you want."

Bon Bon simply stormed off toward their room.

Lyra was left staring at the door which Bon Bon went through. She was more skeptical right now, though.

"Why was Bon Bon so mad over that letter? It couldn't have been so important she would scream at me if I messed it up, would it? Ugh, I'll just clean up this mess."


The Soldier at the moment was back at his "home" among the trees. He had established that he would sleep by his dispenser and had taken it to his pillow of leaves. Currently, he was trying to figure out what to do about his teammates and himself, but right now he needed sleep. So, he went to bed and quickly lost consciousness, unaware of the two beings that observed his every move. They watched and waited, for they relied on him for their success. Once he had caused enough mayhem, it would be over, and they would win.
> Playing Pranks on Playful Ponies
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The BLU Engineer was currently discussing the schematics of the teleporter with the BLU Medic, more specifically on why it wouldn't let them teleporter the Soldier back to their base. It was a two-way teleporter, designed for Mann vs Machine, but was authorized by the Administrator in order to get their Soldier back. The fact that a two-way teleporter was not working the way it should was cause for investigation, and that's what they had been doing for the past couple of hours.

The Engineer had been speaking to the Medic and trying to get information about how the human body might stop a two-way teleporter from functioning. However, they had no leads. The only thing that could have stopped the two-way teleporter from functioning completely was if the jarate thrown by the BLU Sniper had been absorbed into the teleporter, which was just ridiculous.

The Engineer finished his explanation for why he thought there was an external force that had somehow messed with the teleporter. "That's why I think that someone wanted to put Soldier somewhere else. They are also probably keepin' the Soldier in that dimension and preventin' the teleporter from transportin' him over here. However, it seems that they want him to be alive, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to transport the dispenser. Now the question is... who is behind all of this?"

The Engineer suddenly heard radio static in his ear before a female voice began speaking to him, "Hey Engie, it's Miss Pauling, the Administrator has just sent you some videotapes of the room at the time of the incident. She said there was something she saw in them that is concerning. She wants you to figure out what it is."

The Engineer responded to Miss Pauling in his usual polite tone, "I gotcha, I'll go get 'em right now." He walked out of his workroom to see a package in front of the door. "Damn, these guys are sneaky. Must have a secret path or somethin'." He picked up the package and put it on the table where the Medic was waiting. Quickly, the Medic grabbed his bonesaw and sliced the box open. Inside, there was a videotape waiting to be examined. Grabbing an old television, they inserted the tape into the slot and began to watch the tape. They fast forwarded to the part where Soldier entered the room and began to look at the teleporter. They slowed down the footage where the sniper threw the jarate and slowed it down the slowest speed at the part where the teleportation occurred and observed every frame. Eventually, they saw something. It was not much, but it was enough to make them pay attention. It was like... a cloud of green mist that disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. The Engineer and Medic have only seen that one place before, and knew what needed to be done.

"Well... looks like we have our suspect. Why don't we..." The Engineer pulled out his Frontier Justice, loading in 3 shots and pumping it so it was ready for action, "...have ourselves a trial."


The Soldier was currently sitting by his dispenser, contemplating what to do next. He knew the ponies had an advantage over them due to their magic, so he needed to think outside the box. If his rockets didn’t do the job, what would?

The Soldier thought back to his encounter with Applejack, where he dropped a bunch of apples on her head when she bucked a tree. Then, the Soldier knew what he needed to do. If he wanted to stop the evil army of Gray Mann, he would have to engage in sabotage. Set up traps and stir confusion among the populous. They would be utterly confused on his actions and would begin to accuse one another, eventually boiling down to civil war. The robots would fight each other, and the Soldier would come in when few robots were left, finishing them off once and for all. Then, he will have won. The Soldier then advanced down on the village, intent on spreading chaos.

Sneaking into the village, the Soldier observed many of the inhabitants doing their normal evil robot stuff, when he observed some unusual events occurring. He saw that there were two ponies that were doing the thing he had planned to do! They successfully ambushed the green lizard he had seen Twilight with and had just delivered a poisonous package right to the doorstep of a large building. A white unicorn named Rarity looked out the door and put her nose near the powder, sealing her fate while she went into a sneezing fit. Unfortunately, the Soldier knew this pony was done for and there was no saving her. The Soldier was shocked at the two ponies, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, when they began laughing at Rarity's demise. At this point, the Soldier assumed these two ponies were rebels against Gray Mann's evil takeover of the world, so he knew he needed to ally himself with these ponies.

The Soldier followed the ponies as they went away, and eventually, he caught up to them. He tapped Pinkie Pie in the side.

"Hey, you pink monster, are you sabotaging the operations of the robot ponies over there?" 

Pinkie Pie turned to look at the Soldier, and once she recognized him she answered, "If by sabotage you mean prank, then yes!"

The Soldier threw off all of his disguises and jumped up in the air, pumping his fist in victory, "Great! Now we can combat the plans of Gray Mann and-" The Soldier wasn't able to finish his sentence before he was interrupted by Rainbow Dash, "HOLD ON, WHAT IS THAT THING?"

Pinkie Pie turned toward Rainbow Dash, who was staring at the Soldier in shock, "Oh he's an alien from another dimension who is a mercenary hired for Mann Co. who was transported here in an accident involving a teleporter."

Rainbow Dash continued gawking at the Soldier, while he applauded Pinkie's guessing skills, "Bravo! You are right on the money. You have proven to me that you are a spy from Mann Co. sent to assist me with my mission of delivering freedom to the peo-ponies of Ponyville. Have this medal."

The Soldier handed one of his Competitive medals to Pinkie Pie, who happily took it up and hung it on her neck. She stared at it and said gratefully, "Thank you so much, you are the greatest soldier ever!"

The Soldier felt a warmth in his heart that he had never felt before. It was a truly strange experience for him. Alas, he ignored it for now, but this feeling wouldn't go away anytime soon.

However, the Soldier still had a plan for both of them.

"Let's get down to business!"

Rainbow Dash decided to follow along with the strange being. Thinking of a victim, she quickly told them she would be up ahead before zooming off. The Soldier walked, along with Pinkie Pie, toward where Rainbow Dash had flown.


Pinkie Pie and the Soldier arrived to see Rainbow Dash holding a fake turtle with a string. She was looking over the bush and across the pond toward something they couldn't see. The Soldier decided to inform her of their presence.

"Hey, you! We have arrived at our destination and await your command!" Rainbow Dash, startled, flew up into the air with a panicked face. However, when she saw it was the Soldier, she breathed a sigh of relief and flew back down. She looked at him weirdly for a moment before saying, "Um, okay so for this prank we're gonna need something to see the pond with without revealing ourselves. Pinkie Pie, any ideas?" Rainbow Dash turned to her and waited for a response. It took her a bit of a moment before she realized she was holding a telescope.

"I've got a giant telescope right here, why don't you use that?"

Rainbow Dash stared at her before shaking her head and taking it. She threw out the fake turtle and watched through the telescope as it floated toward a yellow mare.

"So, who is in our crosshairs right now, blue lady?" The Soldier asked Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash stuttered a moment before giving a proper answer, "What- no I'm not a... what's a blue- nevermind. We're pranking Fluttershy right now."

Pinkie Pie gasped before telling Rainbow Dash this was a bad idea, "No, we can't prank Fluttershy, she's so sensitive, it'll hurt her feelings!"

Rainbow Dash decided she was right, "Yeah, you're right, we shouldn't prank Fluttershy, you got anyone else in mind?"

The Soldier watched as she turned to face them, and nearly howled in laughter as he saw ink all over the outside of her eyes. His efforts to hold it in were just barely enough for her not to notice.

Pinkie Pie was not doing as well as a job, as she was giggling quite a bit, "Yeah, *snort* and it's one of the toughest ponies in Equestria!" 

Rainbow Dash was very excited, her question making it obvious, "Really? Where, where? Where are they?"

Pinkie Pie giggled a bit more before telling her to look in the pond water. When Rainbow Dash did, she saw Equestria's best flyer have ink-colored eyes.

Rainbow Dash responded with loud laughter, the Soldier and Pinkie Pie doing the same. For a while they sat there, laughing. Eventually they all separated, with Rainbow Dash saying she had to meet a friend and Soldier running off into the Everfree to do who-knows-what.


Inside the Everfree, Soldier thought about his new... ally? No that was too little for it to be known as.

Maybe... he had a friend? Had he just made friends? He looked up to the sun above Equestria, as if he asking it to reveal its secrets. It did not, but Soldier was now confident.

Yes, he had made a friend. Mind you, he would say his teammates were his best friends since he has known them longer and fought wars with them. He had never thought of them that way before. Perhaps these evil robot ponies revealed to him what friends were. Whatever the case, he still needed to complete the mission, and sabotage the operations of Gray Mann. He turned toward the seemingly peaceful village and wondered if now was the best time to sabotage. At this moment, he thought about Pinkie Pie. He smiled and marched toward Ponyville with a spring in his step.


The Soldier snuck into Ponyville with great spirits. However, he started to be more confused than anything when a strange creature was doing all of his work! She knocked over stands and yelled at ponies, and they didn't even do anything to her back! She must be Gray Mann's agent putting the ponies back in place. Or worse, she was going after Pinkie Pie! He couldn't let that happen. So, he snuck toward the table where Pinkie Pie was sitting, using tricks he had seen the Spy use in combat to get near her table.

"Psst, hey Pinkie!" The Soldier whispered to her.

She turned to him and smiled, "Hey... oh no, I don't know your name?"

Before she could panic he told her, "It's the Soldier, and I'm here to ask, who the hell is that bird creature?"

The party pony winced at the poor language this creature was using but didn't say anything about it. She answered him the best she could, "That's Gilda! She's a big mean griffon who thinks she can be mean to everypony! The worst part is Rainbow Dash thinks she's cool! Twilight didn't even believe me when I told her about Gilda. She said I was jealous!" Pinkie Pie sighed in defeat. "Oh well..."

The Soldier did not tolerate defeat on his battleground however, "That is not how you will act! You are a pony of determination and spirit. You will fight through this battle and keep fighting until you win! Don't allow her to bring you down! Stare defeat in the face and scoff, because you're a soldier! Now, do the best you can do to fix this issue! Now..."

The Soldier stopped and for the first time ever thought about what he was saying. He had gotten involved in... friendship, something he had never gotten involved in before, and was befriending this pony for some reason. When he first came here, he had thoughts of war. However, now they were diminishing. The more time he spent with the ponies the more he seemed to be nice. They were growing on him.

He wanted to do something to show his frustration but...

He turned to look at the party pony, who's face looked determined, now that her spirits were lifted by his little speech. The Soldier decided he should just leave now.

"Sorry, pony, but I should leave. It's best for the two of us." 

Pinkie Pie was too focused on her plan to show Rainbow Dash Gilda's true character to see Soldier's sadness before he left. Silently, he snuck toward the Everfree forest, deep in thought the whole way.


Bon Bon had been observing the strange creature the whole time and... needless to say she had mixed thoughts. While he did commit murder on animals he didn't seem to harbor any ill intentions toward the ponies. She was starting to thank Lyra for ruining her letter to Celestia because she wasn't sure she should report the creature to Celestia now. However, she would keep observing the creature, for now, making sure he wouldn't try and hurt anypony in Ponyville.

If he did, he would face Tartarus the likes of which nopony has ever seen. Bon Bon had zero tolerance for anycreature who murdered ponies, and will not hesitate to return the favor to him.
> A New Mindset
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today, in Ponyville, there was a great show happening. A magician, with her awe-inspiring tricks and stories, would provide entertainment for all of Ponyville. Those watching seemed to be transformed by her light shows and did not hesitate to applaud the mare in charge, Trixie.

However, five mares were not very flattered by this unicorn's show. In fact, they believed the mare was just trying to inflate her ego and seem like she was somepony she wasn't. So, they confronted her, and in turn, were humiliated by the showmare as she showed the ponies of the town some unflattering tricks. The only mare that could possibly compete with her was Twilight, who wasn't looking to show off her skills as Trixie was. After the show was over, all went back to their ordinary lives.

Or so they thought. Two colts were about to ruin everyone's day. After hearing Trixie's story about how she bested an Ursa Major, they knew they had to lure one to the town and see her defeat it. So they went, right into the Everfree Forest, with no sense of danger.


The Soldier was currently resting his head against his dispenser, snoring loudly and having pleasant dreams about raccoons and a wizard in which he kicked the wizard's a-.

Suddenly, the Soldier woke up. He heard the sound of voices. Young, male voices. What were children doing in this forest? No matter, the Soldier would protect them. Even if he was a man fit for war and always wanted to shoot everything around him, the Soldier knew he still had a duty. Walking toward the voices, the Soldier followed them until he ran into a cave. Realizing, the voices were coming to the cave, the Soldier rushed inside. Despite the Soldier's stupid bravery, he was still scared when he entered the darkness of the cave.

Inside, the two colts were having trouble finding any sign of an Ursa Major. They were starting to regret their decision as they looked around, seeing absolutely nothing but pitch black. The taller colt urged the second one to turn around and go back, however, he was still adamant about finding an Ursa Major. However, they didn't run into an Ursa Major, rather a trained mercenary with nothing to lose.

"Children, I am here to-!" The Soldier stopped as, instead of human children, he found colts. They were reasonably terrified of the tall monkey, as they started to back away from him.

The Soldier was adamant, though, and advanced upon the two colts, "Oh, I didn't know evil robots could have children. That's... not good. Gray Mann can build a reproducing army of robots now! Damn it!" The Soldier growled in frustration as they continued to back up, fearing the wrath of this dangerous creature.

He continued to monologue, "Well, it is my job to stop Gray Mann... and you're going to be my first victims." The Soldier grabbed his shotgun, pumped it, and aimed it right at the colts.

However, he would not gain any points on his shotgun today, as he heard a growl from right above him. The Soldier looked up and saw a bear. A bear that seemed to be made of space itself, was staring right at him, as well as baring its teeth.

The Soldier yelled in frustration, "DAMN IT!"

Suddenly, the colts watched as the bear slapped him with the force of a train, sending him flying out of the tunnel and into the forest. They screamed their loudest and ran out of the cave as fast as possible. The tall colt was smiling, though.

"At least we can lure it into the town now!"

The second colt was not amused, "SHUT UP AND RUN, SNAILS!"


Ponyville was currently asleep, the inhabitants in the process of going to bed when suddenly, they heard thumps. Loud, powerful thumps shook the earth beneath their feet. They walked outside and stared at the Everfree Forest. As soon as they did they knew it was going to be a long night. 

An Ursa Major was currently barreling toward the town at full speed, with seemingly no intention of slowing down.


The Soldier was knocked the hell out, crumpled up, and with several broken bones. He wanted to yell out in pain, but he just couldn't. He crawled and groped around, looking for any sign of safety. This was it, he was finally going to die. Not in an epic fashion like he hoped, but after being slapped by a big bear. 

However, the Soldier would live to see the light of day again, as his hand grabbed his beloved dispenser. Suddenly, the Soldier felt like he was in heaven, as his bones corrected themselves and he could speak again. He stood up and hugged the dispenser, glad he could still fight like he was born to do. He laughed, "Thank you Engie!" This time with true gratefulness.

However, he soon began to notice that the ground was slightly shaking at the moment, and sometimes there would be loud booms. It came from the direction of Ponyville, and the Soldier knew exactly what was causing it. The Soldier sighed, though, and simply ignored it. "Ponyville is full of robots and hippies. It doesn't deserve my help." He thought of Pinkie Pie, the one he had formerly considered a friend. However, he quickly pushed friendship out of his mind. Friendships are forbidden, he remembered. They get in the way of combat and war. If he allowed friendship to take him over, he would never recover.

Then, he remembered his old friend. He tried not to, but he knew it was futile not to. The BLU Demoman, his once best pal. The Administrator had told him of Demoman's insults. He called him a civilian! He was not his friend!

However, the Soldier continued to think. Was the Administrator telling the truth? He had never considered this possibility before. Perhaps the Administrator was just lying to get him to quit his friendship.

Before long, thoughts of friends began to surface in his mind. His old pal BLU Demoman, his teammates, and Pinkie Pie. He considered those people. All of them were able to make his world a much better place. They were the only ones to listen to him rant about warfare and didn't abandon him in his time of need. They were always there to make his day better. Not only that, but Pinkie Pie made him smile again. She was funny, and she made him feel like he was special.

For the first time ever, the Soldier was reduced to tears. He couldn't contain his sadness any longer. This whole time he had forsaken the idea of friends when they were the best thing he could have possibly had. How could he have rejected them? It was his job to make them better, but so far he only made them worse.

The Soldier heard the thumps again, and even more booms. The Soldier looked on to Ponyville, seeing the Ursa Major attacking the village. Now, he was determined. Now, he knew they were not Gray Mann's own army. They were his friends. Now, it was his job to protect them.

He advanced toward Ponyville, smiling the whole way and willing to put down his life to protect his newfound purpose.


Ponyville was in a bad spot right now. Trixie had just revealed that she had no idea how to beat the Ursa Major, which was currently destroying everything in sight. They were running out of options and if they didn't do something now it would be too late.

Unfortunately for Trixie and the two colts, too late was right now. The Ursa Major was right on top of them, and was drooling. Suddenly, it lashed out, its jaw open and ready to bite. Trixie was done for.

"CROCKET!" A round object that was glowing slammed into the side of the Ursa Major, significantly damaging it and causing it to stumble into a nearby house. The stunned spectators turned to look at their savior. He looked back, waving at the victims of this predator and telling them, "Do not worry, my mission is to protect this town from maggots like YOU!" He turned to the Ursa Major, having just mocked it. He was smiling now, while the bear was furious. It leaped toward the Soldier, determined to crush him with its own body weight.

However, it was not to be, as he rocket jumped, propelling himself above the Ursa Major as it missed its target. He quickly loaded an additional shot into the RPG as he soared through the air. Following this, he fired two rockets while mid-air, hitting it square on the back and causing it to roar. He landed on top of it, rocket jumping again off its back and onto its head, hitting it with a critical hit with his Market Garden. Now that he was out of ammo, he jumped off of it and ran to a safe location. He observed his damage.

The Ursa Major had taken serious damage, now sporting five wounds across its back and head. One of them was open, causing some kind of space juice to flow out of the Ursa Major. It stood up, glaring at the Soldier with eyes full of pure rage. The Soldier glared back, holding two grenades in each of his hands, ready to blow it to shreds.

However, the current battle would be stopped by the sound of music. This confused the Soldier, who turned around to find the source of the noise. The Ursa Major, however, seemed to be at peace with itself, bobbing its head to the music. Soon, it fell asleep and was currently being carried in a field of magic. Then, a silo was carried right into its mouth as if it was a bottle. Then, it was carried back into the Everfree Forest. The Soldier looked at the culprit and found out it was Twilight. He was confused by the recent turn of events. Why would a large predator be beaten by lullaby music and feeding it from a silo? Before he could ask her, he was poked from behind. He turned and was met by Trixie. She hugged him as soon as he turned.

"Thank you so much, sir! You saved my life!" Perplexed, the Soldier responded by hugging her back and telling her, "I'm just doing my job, you don't have to thank me."

Both of them, as well as the rest of Ponyville, had no idea they were being watched.


Currently, the two mysterious entities were fuming, "How is this possible? He shouldn't have developed a friendship at all, the Soldier is a man of war, not friends!"

The second entity didn't seem to know either, "I... do not know either. It seems the friendship power of Ponyville was stronger than I thought."

The first entity groaned, "Will this... get in the way of our plans?"

The second entity waved him off, "Of course not! The Soldier has already caused enough chaos to speed up my escape. Very soon, Equestria will know my wrath! Hehe."

The first entity sighed, before twitching a bit, "Oh! That reminds me. Back at home, there are some people who wish to visit with me. They are not very kind, so I may be gone for a while. It shouldn't be a problem. Anyway, bye!" Suddenly, the entity vanished in a brilliant flash of light, momentarily blinding the other entity. It sighed, "My goodness, that creature gets into way too much trouble. He should know that going to war with a massive corporation would never end well for all parties involved."

He looked down from his prison toward Equestria, smiling. "Oh, Equestria, your land is so beautiful. Too harmonic for my tastes, though. Celestia, Luna, your days are numbered. Soon, chaos shall fall onto all of Equestria, and my reign will be most glorious! You will see! I may be in prison now, but I will break free and all reality will be mine! Mine! Hahahahaha!"

Just then, a crack formed on the side of a statue in the Canterlot Gardens.
> Preparations
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teams BLU and RED were currently in a large conference room, sitting at opposite sides of one another and discussing the mission. There was a large podium situated in front of both teams, with Ms. Pauling and the BLU Engineer standing near it. They were about to go on a great mission to bring back the Soldier from his dimensional mishap. Ms. Pauling tapped the microphone once to get everyone's attention, then leaned forward into the microphone. Both teams were now alert and awaiting instructions.

It is important to note that while both teams have no qualms killing each other at any time, they are willing to team up to preserve their jobs as mercenaries and to have more fun shooting each other. The fact that the RED Soldier was missing was getting in the way of that, and both teams knew that they would have to team up to find him. For now, they would be willing to cooperate.

Ms. Pauling began to speak into the microphone, "Hey guys. As you all know, the RED Soldier was sucked into a dimensional vortex and sent into an alternate reality-" Her message was cut off by the RED Scout yelling, "Wait what?! When did this happen?"

Ms. Pauling facepalmed, "Scout, you were supposed to read the mission briefing before you got here. Please do that next time. Anyway, we now know who is responsible for this mess."

Ms. Pauling clicked a button on the podium, causing a projector present in the back of the room to begin to show a large image in front of the mercenaries.

"Merasmus..." The RED Spy said in frustration. He knew that wizard was going to try something stupid one day. This time, he crossed the line.

The BLU Soldier yelled out in anger at the static picture, "GODDAMN YOU MERASMUS, I WILL KICK A MASSIVE RABBIT UP YOUR ASS AND LOCK YOU IN A CAGE WITH RACOONS. COME HERE YOU-!" The BLU Soldier charged at the image, intent on murdering the light that dared show that cursed face. RED and BLU team members had to hold him back from ruining the meeting.

Ms. Pauling continued her talk, "Yes, it's our old friend. This time he tried to sneakily teleport RED Soldier to some random dimension. However, our BLU Engineer here has been able to figure out his tricks and where he currently is. Tell us your game plan, Engie." Ms. Pauling stepped off the podium to let the BLU Engineer speak.

The BLU Engineer began speaking in his soft, Southern accent to both BLU and RED, "Hey there, ya'll. It seems like this wizard can't get over Soldier screamin' sometimes. Well, now's our time to show him ya don't mess with these mercenaries. Anyway, Merasmus has been located by mah magic detectors and it seems he's in the middle of the desert and staying still. I haven't exactly been able to determine why, but this is our chance to get Merasmus to give Soldier back before he can hide in another realm. All of our equipment has been secured in two vans outside this very buildin' and we'll be able to take off soon. RED team, you'll be approachin' from the North and West, taking advantage of the higher elevation and trapping him from escapin' into non-Mann Co. territory with sentries and heavy defenses. BLU team, we'll be approaching from the South and East, with offensive weapons capable of whittlin' down Merasmus and disablin' him as quickly as possible. Ideal weapons will be the Kritzkrieg and Direct Hit combo, which will do tons of damage. For now, we'll need to depart so we can catch him as soon as possible, but more details are included in the vans. We've got maps as well as weapon recommendations for each of ya'll. There's a resupply locker in each van for retreating and we have access to a specialized respawn point made by me, the RED Engineer, the BLU Medic, and the RED Medic. Thank ya'll for the help, by the way. Any questions?"

The Engineer watched as he saw nearly all hands raise up. He sighed and pointed toward Demoman, hoping to get actual questions.

"Can Ah' bring me bottle o' scrumpey?"

Clearly, that's not what he was going to get.


All teams were currently driving toward the middle of the desert. There was nothing in sight. No buildings, no cars, absolutely nothing except the orange, rocky terrain of the Badlands. Why two brothers thought having a war over the land was worth it, none of the team members knew. What they did know was they got paid a lot for their work, which shut up anyone looking to ask questions. They were currently discussing the upcoming battle with excitement, seeing as they were unable to battle for several days. The plan was pretty simple, BLU was going to be taking Merasmus on directly and RED would close off exits for the wizard. Slowly, they would close in on the wizard, and when he was defeated they would capture and demand he give the RED Soldier back. The loadouts were as follows:

The RED team had mostly defense oriented weapons. With high rates of fire and Level 3 Sentries to help them out. The Scout had equipped the Scattergun and Crit-a-Cola to allow him to fire multiple high-damage shots at once. The quickness of the Scout would prevent Merasmus from doing too much damage. The Soldier was, of course, gone. The Pyro had equipped the Stock Flamethrower to have more airblasts at its disposal, and the Flare Gun to burn Merasmus from afar. The Demoman had equipped the Scottish Resistance along with the Loose Cannon to push back Merasmus if he tried to approach. The Heavy had the Stock Minigun and his precious Sandvich for long range high-damage, along with access to good healing to quickly get back into the fight. The Engineer had equipped the Stock Wrench to repair his buildings faster and the Wrangler to get more damage out as well as shoot Merasmus from long range. The Medic had his Stock Medigun to have access to Übercharge if they needed to show Merasmus his place along with the Crusader's Crossbow to allow him to quickly heal teammates from afar, and maybe annoy Merasmus a bit. The Sniper had equipped the Sydney Sleeper and Jarate, less for his own benefit, but more for supporting both teams in taking down Merasmus. The Spy had equipped his Ambassador to be able to get headshots to get more damage in, and equipped the Spycicle to offset any burn Merasmus might give him.

The BLU team was focused mainly on offensive capabilities and high-mobility weapons that allowed them to chase Merasmus down. The Scout had equipped his Baby Face's Blaster to be able to chase down Merasmus if he tried to run away. He also equipped the Winger to offset his double-jump disability. The Soldier had equipped his Direct Hit along with the Gunboats for a good combination of high damage and high mobility, and the Soldier also equipped the Market Garden, just in case. The Demoman had equipped his Grenade Launcher and Stickybomb Launcher for quick, high-damage stickies and reliable pills that were good in pretty much any situation. The Heavy had equipped the Tomislav and Second Banana for quick spin-up time and a more reliable healing item that allowed for greater risk and even greater reward. The Engineer had equipped the Gunslinger and stuck with the Stock Shotgun and Pistol for good overall damage. The Medic had equipped his Kritzkrieg for quick and extremely powerful Übercharges that would whittle down Merasmus fast. The Sniper had equipped his Stock Sniper Rifle and his Cozy Camper so he could get consistent headshots on the wizard. The Spy had equipped the Dead Ringer and was carrying the Spycicle and Ambassador for previous reasons.

Together, these teams surrounded the (for some reason) sleeping Merasmus. Each team waited for Übercharge and their upgraded buildings to go to war. Each team was really excited to finally have some fun. The RED Engineer aimed he Wrangler straight at the sleeping Merasmus. In that moment, Merasmus opened his eyes and looked at the laser aimed right at his forehead.

As he saw this, the Engineer knew the battle had begun. He yelled out to all of his teammates, giving them the sign.

"YEEEEEEEHAW! GET 'IM BOYS!"
> Battle Part 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bullets and explosive devices filled the sky as teammates yelled in excitement. The wizard that had been ambushed did not expect to be immediately assaulted with spam. Unfortunately for BLU and RED, he was rather resilient after years of fighting them. The wizard raised his hand and projected an energy shield around himself. All of the spam was immediately stopped when they saw his spell cast. For now, he would be safe from all damage.

“Ugh, you damn fools! Don’t you see that because you have decided to fight me you have fallen for my bait? Now, you are subject...” Merasmus produced large amounts of energy in his hands, both teams worried about what powerful spell he would cast. They resumed their firing, trying desperately to stop him from casting his spell. However, their efforts would be futile, as the wizard cast a massive spell into the air, producing a massive magical construct above him, which had various symbols flash in an apparent cycle.

“...TO THE WHEEL OF FATE!”

The mercenaries observed the cycle continue, progressively slowing down to reveal the pick. They silently hoped and prayed that this cruel wheel would be merciful this time around.
It was not to be.

The Wheel of Fate settled on a final option, showcasing the outline of a person with a disproportionately small head.
“You get small heads now! Included is a tiny voice box. Have fun talking! Muahahahaha!” Merasmus laughed as his shield wore off and he began to fire energy bolts around, catching the disorganized mercenaries off guard. They were forced to retreat from the wizard as he continued to damage them.

“‘Eymedicdidyareallythinkthiswasagoodideayoudumbass?“ The BLU Scout irritably said as he recalled the BLU Medic and Engineer’s planning. Unfortunately, all that came from the Scout was high-pitched screeching as his voice came out faster.
Despite their temporary plight, the teams were able to organize themselves rather quickly. This was demonstrated when Merasmus was pelted with bullets from sentries, minimums, and shotguns. There were also rockets, pills, and quad-missiles being forced onto the wizard. Team TF had the advantage now.

With support from the RED team, BLU was now chasing Merasmus around the battlefield. The Scout was now able to safely use his Baby Face's Blaster, he zoomed across the desert landscape, dodging Merasmus's shots with ease. He was able to get up close to the wizard and do huge damage and come out unscathed. Meanwhile, the Soldier was paired with the Medic with Kritzkrieg activated. Repeatedly, the wizard was blasted back with high-damage rockets. After the Ubercharge wore off, Merasmus would attempt to escape, but the Soldier would chase. His gunboats would allow him to do more rocket jumps and chase the wizard. The Pyro was currently in the front lines of the team, air blasting rockets back at the wizard to prevent casualties. Periodically, the Pyro would also pull out his Flare Gun to douse the wizard in flames. The Demoman was shooting his Stickybomb Launcher at the wizard, doing consistent and high damage to the wizard. Once he would run out of stickies, he would switch to his Grenade Launcher to offset his lack of sticky bombs. The Heavy was shooting his Tomislav at the Wizard and using its quicker rev-up time to allow himself to catch up with the wizard faster. When the wizard hit a lucky shot on the Siberian menace, he would hide and eat his Banana to quickly heal and get back in the front line. The Engineer was erecting mini-sentries wherever the wizard was and using his shotgun to do consistent damage on the wizard. Although his loadout was not very flashy, it got things done. After the Medic has Uber'd the Soldier, he was currently hiding behind his teammates, constantly healing them with his Kritzkrieg and allowing them to remain in the fight. The Sniper was currently shooting the wizard in the head repeatedly, allowing for guaranteed high damage to the wizard at all times.
All of these combined with RED sentries, explosives, and piss led to the wizard losing most of his health in a short time period. Knowing that he would not survive much longer, the wizard unleashed his next weapon.

Suddenly, the wizard glowed with bright energy and all teammates stared in shock as none of their weapons were effective at the moment. Merasmus let out of cold, heartless laugh. As he was laughing, he brought out a large book that had a cover made up of long, sharp teeth. These teeth circled around a mouth full of a large bomb. Finally, two orange eyes stuck out of the cover of the book, surveying the battlefield with excitement.

"I BRING YOU THE POWER OF READING! HAHAHAHA!" Meramus laughed as the book seemed to smile.

"NO, OH GOD NO, THIS IS TOO MUCH!" The Scout screeched as the presence of literature damaged his soul.

The Bombinomicon began to glow an orange color, as it started to shake rapidly. "Yea, let's do dis!"

Bombs flew all over the sky, blotting out the sun and casting the mercenaries into darkness. Then, they were crushed by the never-ending sea of bombs. Then, they exploded. The desert was left as nothing more than a crater as all evidence of there being mercenaries present, save for a van, were wiped from existence. Merasmus laughed, "Ohohoho! You thought you could try and stop me? I'm the greatest wizard known to this foul world! I should not have to deal with useless mortals such as yourself. Anyway, bye!" At that moment, the mercenaries respawned. Each one rushed out of the van, eager not to let Merasmus escape. It seemed, however, at that moment, that their dreams were crushed. They had failed. They watched as Merasmus began to fly away into the sky, aware that Merasmus had won.

Suddenly, a dark figure punched right into the side of Merasmus, sending him tumbling back down to the ground. Another large crater formed inside the crater as the mercenaries watched in utter amazement. Both they and Merasmus turned to look at the new contributor to the battle.

The figure simply jumped up and flew to the sky right above Merasmus, about to stomp Merasmus back into oblivion. It flew down at the speed of sound and crashed right where Merasmus was. Unfortunately, the wizard had managed to dodge the attack right as it came down. Merasmus turned to the figure. In amazement, he said, "Who...? Who are you?! How could you have..." Suddenly, he gasped, "...it's you!" The figure laughed, "Yep, it's me!" The mercenaries suddenly lit up as they recognized the figure they were seeing.

They watched as the figure jumped right toward Merasmus, intent on crushing him, "SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!"
> Battle Part 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saxton Hale came down hard, driving his feet down toward the ground where Merasmus was. The wizard barely dodged the human bullet, jumping to the side as Hale zoomed past him. He turned around and watched as the Aussie formed a huge crater where he once was. He watched Saxton Hale walk out of the massive crater without a scratch. His jaw was dropped as his brain failed to comprehend a human with this much power. Saxton merely chuckled, "Mate, I don't like the way you've been messing with my business lately. I think it's time..." Saxton Hale slammed his foot into the ground, causing the sand around him to jump up into the air in response. Using this force, Saxton launched himself toward the wizard at speeds higher than any normal man could ever even hope to travel at, becoming a blur in the eyes of every observer. Saxton Hale cracked a smile as he clenched his fist and reeled it back behind his head, ready to make a fine paste of the man who had caused a halt in a once good business.

“TO FILE A LAWSUIT!”

Before Merasmus could even react, Saxton slammed his fist into the wizard’s face. Blood splattered in the air as Merasmus's once recognizable face was now completely demolished. If it were not for his magical abilities, Merasmus would have most definitely died.

Merasmus's whole body shot through the sky, spiraling out of control as only the air itself slowed his rise. Once he reached the peak of his temporary flight, he came crashing down, turning into a fiery meteor as he tumbled through the atmosphere of the earth. As he approached the ground, the mercenaries observing the scene winced as the wizard smashed into the ground, creating a massive crater where sand and dirt once was. Still shocked at the utter beatdown of the wizard, they turned to Saxton Hale as he chuckled, clapping his hands while looking at the destruction he had caused.

"Alright, boys, I want my business up and running as soon as possible. Go on, pick that bastard up. I'll be waiting at the base while you boys get him over there."

He pointed to the wizard in the crater, who was barely alive at this point, and began to command the mercenaries once more, "Go on! Pick 'em up. We don't got all day, now do we?"

The mercenaries immediately sprung into action, running toward the crater and jumping down. Once they were down, they decided to get a good look at Merasmus.

The Blue Soldier laughed, "Hahahaha! That's what you get you, magical mischief maker! I haven't seen such a fine ass-whooping on someone in a while! Even less on someone who's deserved it! Too bad I didn't do it."

The BLU Engineer called out, earning everyone's attention, "Alright boys! Am Ah gonna have to pick him up or what? C'mon and help me."

Everyone got to work quickly, moving to each side of Merasmus and crouching down, putting their hands around the sides of the massive wizard. On a countdown from 3, they lifted Merasmus up into the air and began to carry him out of the hole. Although the team was strong, Merasmus was also pretty huge, so the team began to pant and sweat as they got to the van. Finally getting to the van, they dropped him down.

The RED Heavy breathed a sigh of relief as he sat down on the sand. He breathed in and out heavily for several seconds before looking back up. When he did, he noticed something was wrong with their plan.

"Um, how do we transport?"

The BLU Engineer, still red in the face, turned to the RED Heavy. He scrunched his face at the Heavy's statement, "Huh?"

The RED Heavy pointed to the van, "Is too big for inside van. Where do we put him?"

The BLU Engineer stared at the van, finally realizing that the RED Heavy was right. He groaned, "Ah shucks. Well, looks like we'll have to improvise."

The Engineer began to walk around the van, observing spots on the van where he could possibly put Merasmus. After doing this, he came back to Heavy.

"Alright, I've got a spot, but we'll need some rope."

The Heavy cocked his eyebrow at that statement.

"Rope? Why need rope? Oh, you're going to put on roof? How do that? He might crush van or we are seen."

The Engineer shrugged his shoulders at Heavy, "Well, it's either that or nothing. Now, get off your rear end, and let's get him up there."

Shortly after this interaction, he called out to everyone else, "Alright boys! Merasmus won't fit inside the van so it looks like we're going to have to put him on the roof of the van! C'mon, let's get him up there!"

The teams released a collective groan at that moment.

---

A being floated in the void, shaking in violent fury at the recent turn of events at the Badlands.

"WHY, WHY, WHY?! THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! HOW COULD HALE HAVE INTERVENED? I THOUGHT I HAD THAT COVERED! AHHHHHH!"

It writhed in agony as its situation was now made infinitely more difficult thanks to the loss of its ally. After it had calmed down enough to not be thrashing about, it thought about its situation.

"It's ok, it's ok, it's ok. I have enough power to do this myself. The snowball has already been pushed off the ledge, and soon enough I will finally be able to show these foals what Equestria should truly look like! My power is infinite, not even the stars could stand up to me! Soon, Celestia, Luna, your reign will come to a short end. You will be my playthings for all eternity! Hahahahaha!"

---

At that moment, Soldier felt something. It was small, but it reeked of the same magic of Merasmus. He looked up, and toward a city on the side of a mountain. It was beautiful, to say the least, but he knew at that moment that it held a dark secret.
> Dragonshy Part 1: Planning
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The RED Soldier was out of breath, fighting desperately to remain standing despite the situation. His knees were shaking beneath him, wanting to collapse at every step he took. Every time he breathed he unleashed a fountain of drool and mucus out of his mouth, and his lungs echoed their pain to the rest of his body, resulting in the Soldier vomiting several times during his journey from the pain and fatigue. He could barely hear any other sound, all his focus on his steps and where to place them in the rocky terrain.

Yet through all this, the Soldier refused to quit. He had certainly gone through worse than this, and he wasn't about to embarrass himself by failing to will himself up the rocky slope. He looked up and observed the top of the mountain. He couldn't calculate the exact distance he was from the top, but he could tell he was a long way from the top. He gathered and himself and began to push himself further up, in defiance of his body's fatigue. He would not fail this mission, he could not fail this mission, his colleagues and newfound friends counted on it, and if he failed, then they would fail as well. That was not something he could tolerate.

As he pushed, he heard the sound of laughing and stopped. It was from a familiar voice, a certain blue-furred, rainbow-haired, tomboyish pegasus with a fascination with pranks' voice. He looked up toward the voice and saw her observing himself, all the while almost choking on her laughter.

Angrily, he gathered up the energy to question her, "Wha... wha's so... fun...ny?"

Rainbow Dash snorted before answering his question, "Look at you! You're nearing passing out from taking a quick hike up this mountain! You're seriously telling me a "soldier" can't do that?"

If Soldier had the energy to, he would have run over and smashed in her face, but as it stood, he could not do much. in light of this, he resorted to simply glaring at her and giving her the middle finger, and then he passed out from exhaustion.

------ Earlier that day... ------

It was like any other day. The sun rose above the horizon, signaling the awakening of ponies all across Equestria. Ponies got up and began their preparations for school or their jobs.

There was one glaring darkness in Equestria, however. One that was growing every minute and turning Equestria into a massive fog of ash and smoke. This was a dragon, a mythical creature larger than (almost) any other. Their massive scales protected them from most hazards and their throats burned with the magma erupting from below the crust of the planet.  Of course, this magma was a problem for other creatures as it burned them, and, combined with the food eaten by the dragon, produced smoke. This smoke was enough to cast a dark shadow over Equestria as a dragon slept atop a mountain, blowing smoke from its nostrils every second.

This was enough to attract the attention of Princess Celestia herself, and she observed the smoke as it cast a large shadow upon her lands. Eventually, she picked up a piece of paper and started writing to her student.

To my faithful student,
At this moment, you may have noticed a large amount of smoke building up in the sky above Equestria. This is the result of a sleeping dragon, and it currently lies on a mountaintop west of Ponyville. I wish for you to approach this dragon, and, if you can, convince it to move out of its perch and find somewhere else to live. If you do not do this, I fear Equestria will be put into darkness for a hundred years. I recommend you take your friends with you, as they will surely benefit you in your journey toward the top. They may also be of benefit at the peak...

Celestia frowned as she stared at the word "friends". Recently, she had learned of a new... rowdy friend of Twilight. One who was not afraid to resort to violence if he did not get his way. Her student only named him "the Soldier", and he was one of the most violent people she had heard of. She described him as a "hairless monkey" who stood at around 5'11". This was surprising since this meant he was almost as tall as Celestia (at least without her horn), and she was very tall.

She knew of the dangers of such an explosive individual. She also knew of how explosive dragons were if they didn't get their way. If these two creatures were to encounter one another, only one would come out alive. She wasn't so sure it would be the dragon, though, given the monkey's abilities.

Celestia quickly began writing again, wishing to finish the letter.

of the mountain, when you meet the dragon. However, I implore that your new friend, the Soldier, remain at Ponyville. He is simply too explosive and violent to diplomatically handle a dragon. I fear that, if the two were to meet, only one would come back alive. I know that you will be able to overcome this challenge and spread friendship to even the most unlikely of creatures. Stay safe.

Your mentor and your friend, Princess Celestia.

After she finished the letter, her horn magically lit up, and the letter was sent off toward Ponyville.

------ In Ponyville, where danger brews... ------

In Ponyville, all was calm and peaceful. Foals played in the park while the adults watched, and ponies of all kinds went to work, acting in ignorance of the giant cloud of smoke that billowed above them. Only a few ponies were aware of the situation.

One of these ponies was Fluttershy, who was currently staring up at the sky in a mix of worry and fear. She had heard of the danger from Angel Bunny, who was coughing from the amount of smoke building up in the atmosphere. Currently, she was staring at the smoke that threatened to blot out the sun entirely.

She turned her head to stare at the ponies around her, who were currently not minding the massive cloud of smoke above them. Several thoughts went through her head, thoughts of blazing fires and ash that consumed everything in its path. The thought of ponies being caught in this fire terrified her. However, it also encouraged her. She could warn them before it was too late.

Quickly she sprung into action, attempting to warn the ponies around her of the danger that slowly crept their way. Despite her efforts, they remained ignorant. They either watched Rainbow Dash attempt to beat her ball-bouncing record or simply went on their merry way, going through the park to their jobs, or just because they were going for a walk. Fluttershy's quiet and unassertive voice could not get through to them.

Luckily, her purple friend would save the day, as her more loud and assertive voice convinced ponies to heed her words. She informed them of the smoke building up above them and encouraged them to retreat to their homes to protect themselves from the dangerous fumes.

Eventually, a meeting is called to take place in Twilight's home, the Golden Oak Library. As they approached the library, something felt off.

"Twilight, dear, where is our... new friend?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow before looking around the area. She saw no sign of the crazed madman near the library.

"I'm not sure. Pinkie, he lives with you, where is he?"

After the incident of the Ursa Minor, the Soldier was introduced to the townsponies that he had helped to protect. The Main (or Mane) Six, as they are called, were the first he was introduced to. Some of them he had already met, but some, like Fluttershy, he had not yet seen or even heard of. After some quick introductions, he was thanked for his role in saving 3 lives from the jaws of the Ursa Minor, and rewarded with many bits.

However, this left the question of where he had to live, as he claimed to live in the Everfree (which horrified many, for only monsters came out of the Everfree). Since he had made quick friends with her, it was decided he would live with Pinkie Pie in Sugar Cube Corner (she demanded it herself). While the others had their doubts about the crazed monkey soldier living in a bakery, they eventually relented and decided it was probably the best thing they were going to get, since no one else wanted to house a crazed gunman

Twilight turned to look at Pinkie Pie while she asked her question. The Party Pony was currently bouncing up and down with a goofy grin on her face, something Twilight did not understand about the pony.

Pinkie quickly answered her, "He's coming, don't worry! He was looking through the garbage can by the store! I think he was looking for something he threw away."

The other five were confused by this behavior. What kind of weirdo looks through the trash? Who knows what's in there!

They were about to head inside the library when they heard a boom in the distance. They turned around to see the Soldier a fair distance away. He was above Ponyville, flying toward the library at a great speed while mid-air explosions propelled him faster. Twilight's eyes widened as she realized he was flying straight toward them.

"LOOK OUT!" she screamed in fright as she jumped out of the way. Everypony else quickly followed suit, clearing the way for the Soldier to fly straight into the library's door.

The ponies heard a loud crash as the Soldier's body collided with the door. They heard another loud crash when the Soldier hit the shelves that held the library's books. They listened (Twilight did in dread) as the books tumbled toward the floor, many of them falling on the Soldier.

The ponies quickly stood up, and ran toward the door, looking to see the state of the library. Needless to say, it was a mess. The door was destroyed, leaving nothing but the frame to hold the broken wood in place. The inside was a complete disaster. The shelves the Soldier hit were destroyed, causing all the books to tumble down. The shockwave of the Soldier hitting the shelf had caused the rest of the books to fall from their shelves, leaving a large mountain of books to litter the library floor. Meanwhile, the Soldier himself was hidden under a massive pile of books. 

Suddenly, the Soldier burst out from the pile, holding a strange contraption in his hands while he had a large smile on his face, despite crashing into a building at the speed of a car on the highway. He shouted toward the wide-eyed group of ponies in front of him.

"I GOT ANOTHER ONE!"

The ponies just looked at him in confusion (save Pinkie Pie, who was just happy that he wasn't hurt), while a purple-green form walked into the room. At the sight of such a mess, he yelled at the top of his lungs, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I JUST CLEANED THIS UP!"

Seeing things escalating quickly, Twilight stepped in and her horn lit up, encompassing all the books on the ground in her magic before moving them all into the corner to be organized later. She spoke in a calm, but assertive voice to de-escalate the situation, "It doesn't matter right now. What matters is we're all here. Right now there is a threat to possibly the entire country of Equestria!"

Everyone in the room was now suddenly paying attention at the news of danger approaching Equestria, and the former anger at the disorganization of the library dissipated. The Soldier was unfazed by the news, though it did interest him a tiny bit, and was currently inspecting his contraption. 

Twilight pulled out her letter from Celestia, holding it in the air with her magic to show it to the group.

"According to Celestia, the smoke that is coming over Equestria is not from any normal fire, but a slumbering dragon from atop a mountain! If it doesn't leave, it could cover Equestria in darkness for a century!"

The ponies looked at each other in apparent worry at the thought of smoke covering the entire land of Equestria and blotting out the sun. Applejack spoke up, "So, who's gonna stop that darn dragon?"

Twilight smiled at her, and Fluttershy was scared of what she'd say next.

"That's why we're here, Applejack. We're gonna go up there and make that dragon leave!"

This elicited excitement from the ponies in the room, spurring up thoughts of saving Equestria once again from the clutches of evil (even though their opponent wasn't so evil). However, Fluttershy was less than pleased to hear this news. Adult dragons were some of the most dangerous creatures to inhabit Equestria. They were almost the size of a building and their fire breath could melt almost anything. The thought of going up to one and telling it to leave sounded like a really bad idea to her. She attempted to tell them the risks of such a plan.

"Um, I know you girls are really excited to get to save Equestria again, but, um, isn't telling a dragon to leave, like... um, a bad idea?"

She was cut off by a yell from the Soldier, who looked like he was ready to go to war, "BULLSHIT! WE GO UP THERE AND WE KICK THAT DRAGON'S ASS FOR THE PONY PRESIDENT!"

While the group was confused by the last few words the Soldier said, they were inclined to disagree with the thought of "kicking the dragon's ass". Nonetheless, they appreciated the spirit.

Twilight took this opportunity to speak directly toward the Soldier, "Actually, Soldier, you're not going to be coming along."

The Soldier looked like he had just been punched. He tried to come up with something to say, but only sputters came from his mouth. The other ponies looked almost as shocked, wondering why Twilight wouldn't bring along such a highly-skilled soldier.

Twilight began to explain, "Celestia says that you are too explosive and violent for this mission. She fears that if you encountered the dragon you would begin to attack it."

The Soldier retorted, "HELL YES I WOULD!".

Twilight responded in kind, "That's exactly the problem! We are to solve this problem diplomatically. We can convince the dragon to leave on our own, I don't think we'll need your help."

The Soldier growled at Twilight, seemingly ready to pounce on her at any moment. However, something prodded him in the side, and he turned to see Pinkie Pie poking him with her hoof. As soon as he was paying attention, she spoke, "Don't worry, Solly! We'll be fine! We'll make sure that dragon sleeps somewhere else!"

After thinking for a moment, the Soldier relented, "Alright, fine. You'd better not get hurt."

Pinkie Pie smiled, "Don't plan to!"

Twilight smiled, happy that the Soldier could be convinced to stay. She spoke up once again, "Alright girls! We're ready to head out!"

Fluttershy suddenly interrupted, "Um, actually, I have to take care of my animals, so I'll just stay here..."

Twilight frowned at this problem, before smiling once again when she found her answer, "Spike!". She turned to Spike, who was still standing where he was before, watching attentively. He saluted once she addressed him, "Yes ma'am?". Twilight pointed at Fluttershy, "All of us will be gone for a while, so I need you to take care of Fluttershy's animals while we're gone. Can you do that for me?"

Spike groaned. He had already done so much, but he accepted the offer, given that it was to save Equestria, "Sure thing, boss."

Fluttershy doubted Spike could do such a thing, but she wasn't going to attempt to stop him. Once all the present issues were solved, Twilight stared through the former doorway to the library with a determined look on her face. She flashed a smile before she uttered the warcry, "Alright girls, let's roll out!"

Suddenly, the group ran out of the library, eagerly traveling toward their homes to prepare for the perilous journey up the mountain.

The Soldier remained in the library, still standing where he had landed from the crash. He had his arms crossed across his chest, mumbling to himself about how unfair it was he didn't get to go up the mountain. He turned his head to look at Spike, who was looking at the pile of books in the corner with a small amount of anger.

"I can't believe you smashed up the library!" Spike turned to face the Soldier, "I had to spend SOOOO LONG cleaning that up! Now I have to do it again!"

The Soldier couldn't care less about his library, and quickly retorted, "Whatever, it's just some books. At least you aren't being left behind while your comrades go on to save the world! I'm a soldier! I'm meant for that sort of thing!"

He growled in frustration at the idea of being left behind while the others did something important. Then he thought about what his friends could be facing. Not only just a dragon but possibly an evil wizard! What if it was Gray Mann and he was using it as bait to draw his friends in and blast them with tons of money-powered robots? What if it was Sniper, and he was waiting to shower them with piss?

He couldn't leave them alone, not now. They needed him.

He frowned. How was he supposed to reach them in time before it was too late?

Then, he looked down toward his contraption. It looked like garbage (because it was), to say the least.

He smiled. This was no ordinary garbage, it was the Beggar's Bazooka. The rocket launcher was strange. You would put three rockets into the tube at a time and it unleashed a barrage of three rockets onto its foes. However, it had a downside. If you loaded more than three rockets into the clip, it blew up on you. At least, this was supposed to be a downside. In reality, the Soldier used this explosive blast to propel himself mid-air, where there were no walls to rocket jump off. This essentially meant the Soldier could fly, at least with enough ammo.

The Soldier ran out the front door, realizing that, if he made it in time, he could save them from themselves.

He stopped himself. He had to check his ammo first. Looking everywhere on his person, he could clearly see he had no ammo. He groaned, before walking toward Sugar Cube Corner, which is where his dispenser was.
> Dragonshy Part 2: Firefight
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they got closer to the base of the mountain, it looked more and more ominous. It stuck out like a spike and billowed smoke at the top as it infected the atmosphere around it and blocked the light of the sun. Every few minutes, they could hear a loud groan as the dragon snored and unleashed another massive cloud of smoke into Equestria's atmosphere. The ponies looked at each other for a few moments with blank expressions. Beneath their masks of non-emotion, there was a great feeling embedded. Was it fear perhaps? Was it great awe? Was it the special type of fear one encounters when venturing into the unknown, possibly to never be seen again?

Each pony felt none of these things. Instead, in the place of these common feelings was great excitement and determination. The prospect of going to face a mighty beast head-on certainly carried with it great prestige unlike any other. It also promised a great adventure. The challenge of scaling the mountain in the first place brought with it a great difficulty. Walking up such a slope was difficult for even those trained for it. Many supplies would need to be carried in order to progress up the entire mountain, as attempting to do so without was obvious suicide. Water was a must-have, as well as food. Ropes were also needed in the event that walking up a ledge was not possible due to the angle at which to walk. All these things were carried with the ponies in case any of these things needed to be used. Luckily, these ponies were not scaling a mountain comparable to Everest, and oxygen tanks were not needed. The ponies were also, well, ponies. Scaling such mountains was going to be much easier than for a human, as horses were built for running long distances.

Then, of course, there was the dragon.

Dragons were truly fearsome creatures. Just one was enough to endanger a village and more than that is overkill on the dragon’s part. Each dragon is massive, being higher than buildings if standing on their hind legs. A dragon could easily cause massive damage to a building if falling into them, and just leaning on them is enough to strain a house.

Despite their size, the most dangerous thing about them is their fire breath. A dragon’s breath is hot enough to completely melt a wooden building in mere seconds. This has given them their reputation of being some of the most dangerous creatures to exist in Equestria. It has also caused massive smoke to build up in the atmosphere. Now, ponies are being sent to deal with a scorching hot fire-breather who could likely cook them instantly.

This mission was especially dangerous given the dragon race’s behavior. Dragons were known to be especially short-tempered. Even a single ounce of criticism is enough to send dragons into a fit. Dragons are also known to be very careless with smaller things, as dragons often roughhouse with one another regularly. Dealing with things carefully was not generally in their interest.

This was why Fluttershy was shaking like a leaf as she walked up the mountain. The idea of facing such a creature was unthinkable to her, as she knew her friends would most likely anger the dragon and make it… she couldn’t even think about the consequences without feeling squeamish.

Her friends noticed her plight and Rainbow Dash decided to try and encourage Fluttershy.

“C‘mon, Shy! You can do it! Look, it’s not that scary to go up the mountain. You can fly! You’re brave, I know you are!”

Fluttershy continued to shake despite her friend’s encouragement. She did agree with Rainbow Dash, she wasn’t scared of the climb up the mountain.

“T-t-that’s not what I’m scared of Rainbow,” she managed to spit out.

“I’m scared of what we will be meeting… up there,” Fluttershy pointed up as she finished, right toward the top of the mountain.

Rainbow Dash frowned as she understood why Fluttershy would be scared of such a thing, but tried to play it off like she didn’t.

“Oh c’mon Shy! The dragon won’t be that scary! It’s just really big with melting hot… never mind. It’s not like we’re going to fight it! Immediately that is.”

Twilight facehooved as she heard Rainbow’s “advice” to Fluttershy. She honestly thought it would have been better if she just said nothing at all.

Despite her advice being objectively terrible, Fluttershy recognized her effort to make her more courageous and didn’t want to let that effort go to waste. Seeing that her friends were looking out for her and we’re counting on her, she stopped shaking and a determined look appeared on her face.

“Alright… you’re right Dash! Nothing on this mountain is so scary. I’ll go to the top with you, and we’ll stop Equestria from being covered in smoke.”

Suddenly, a loud scream was heard approaching behind her. Fluttershy’s eyes widened and her pupils shrunk as she heard it. She thought of one thing.

“DRAGON!” Fluttershy screamed at the yelling and fell on her back, her legs locked up and pointed to the sky. A large, red flying object flew into the mountain, causing some rocks to slide off.

The red figure stood up with its thumbs-up.

“Mission accomplished,” Soldier said with a smile on his face.

Twilight’s left eye began to twitch as Pinkie Pie rushed to him.

“Solly! You got my note!” She squealed with delight.

Soldier patted her head as she squished against him, and his other hand held the Beggar’s Bazooka on his shoulder.

“No, I completely ignored it. I am here, however. We shall fight this fire-breathing menace together!” Soldier raised his head to stare at the top of the mountain with a determined look in his eye.

“No, no, no, no, NO!” Twilight almost screamed at Soldier as she marched toward him, “You are NOT supposed to be here! Princess- erm President Celestia ordered you to stay out of the situation!”

Soldier grabbed his hat off his hat and held it near his waist, staring at nothing with a solemn look on his face.

“I am aware I am disobeying the President herself, Sparkle,” Soldier’s grip on his helmet tightened as he spoke, as if he was fighting to say what he must say, “but this situation is simply beyond that at this point. If you are to survive your encounter with this beast, then you need help from me to defeat it!”

Twilight’s eyes began to bulge harder than before, the eating to literally pop out.

“We don’t need to defeat anyone! We’re taking a DIPLOMATIC APPROACH Soldier!” Twilight was now fully screaming at the Soldier, and things looked like they were about to escalate. Luckily, Fluttershy, who had just escaped her temporary paralysis, was there to help.

“Um… actually,” Fluttershy gulped as both of the instigators turned to her with fire in their eyes, “I think that Soldier coming will be fine… we don’t have to fight the dragon as soon as we see it, and… um, if it tries to fight us Soldier can help… maybe?”

Both parties turned to one another, looking them in the eye with anger. Twilight spoke first.

“Of course, Fluttershy, I agree to your terms.”

The Soldier stared back with his right hand squeezing the helmet and his left hand clenched in anger. Finally, he responded.

“I… agree.”

Done with the confrontation, he sprung up and began to walk up the mountain. Meanwhile, he was spouting out orders to match forward. He spoke with vigor and excitement. However, he also spoke with joy at finally being able to advance up toward their goal, a far cry from the previous moment.

Twilight stared dumbfounded at Soldier’s attitude, before turning to Fluttershy. She spoke quietly, still shocked, “Um, thanks Fluttershy. I got a little too worked up there. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Fluttershy smiled nervously before replying, “You’re welcome, Twilight. I’m just glad I could help you guys. Now, we need to hurry and stop this disaster!”

Suddenly, a loud snore erupted from the mouth of the cave, and the mountain shook with it. Small rocks tumbled down the mountain and into the abyss below. Hearing the snore, Fluttershy fell on her back once again, with her legs straight and stiff. Twilight rolled her eyes before picking Fluttershy up and carrying her up the mountain.

——

Soldier laid on the back of Applejack, sucking in as much air as he could through his mouth. His bones ached and he felt like he was on fire. He tried to do something, anything, but nothing happened. All he could do was breathe and breathe until he was normal once again.

Applejack looked concerned at the state of the Soldier as she walked up the mountain.

“Ya alright sugar cube?” Applejack asked with more concern.

Twilight answered for the Soldier, “Soldier is a primate, Applejack, which means that’s he going to be a LOT more tired trying to climb up a mountain. You probably should carry him up these slopes.”

The group had witnessed Soldier pass out from walking a steep slope, and Applejack was forced to carry the man the rest of the slope. After getting to the top of the slope, they went around a spiral path up the side of one of the mountain’s spikes. After walking up the spiral, they came across an obstacle in the form of a split land bridge. With nothing else to do, the group was forced to jump. By this time, the Soldier had gained enough of his energy to jump the gap. He managed the jump, but nearly fell off when he landed and had to be saved.

Fluttershy struggled the most with the jump, trying her best to overcome her fears and jump. However, she failed to come off the ground, and instead, her front hooves landed on the other side of the bridge. Following this incident, the group advanced up the main part of the mountain. When they neared the top, however, they caused a massive rock slide that threatened to crush them all. Soldier simply rocket jumped over to the safe ground, the pegasi flew over the hazard, and the others were forced to dodge and weave through the rocks (or, in Twilight’s case, teleport out of the way of the rocks). After they all successfully dodged the rocks, they had finally made it to the top of the mountain.

The Soldier jumped up in victory after finally having achieved their first goal.

“LET’S GO! WE’LL-“ suddenly his mouth was shut by purple magic, and Twilight glowered at him.

“How about we don’t scream so loud that the dragon will be agitated and attack us!” she said in a loud, but not too loud voice.

Soldier held his thumb up for Twilight to see. Twilight groaned, not thinking that Soldier was being sincere, but released her hold on him anyway.

The Elements then attempted their diplomatic approach. Needless to say, it didn’t go too well. Each one attempted to convince the dragon to leave in methods befitting of them, yet they failed to convince the dragon. The dragon itself was very large, with its head bigger than a pony's body, and its body as big as a small Ponyville shop. It sat atop a treasure trove of gold, wrapping its legs firmly around the gold in order to sense any kind of movement from it. The dragon did not speak to any of the ponies it met. Instead, it either waved them off or blew smoke in their face to make them go away.

Once Twilight came out of the tunnel, both Soldier and Rainbow Dash smiled wickedly. Twilight groaned as their mission had reached a major obstacle. She had no idea of what to do with the dragon, who was now being outright hostile to them. She looked on as the two people she feared would do something stupid did something stupid.

"CHARGE!"

"LET'S SHOW THAT DRAGON WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T LISTEN TO EQUESTRIA!"

Both Rainbow Dash and Soldier rushed into the cave, leaving behind a flabbergasted Twilight Sparkle. She sputtered as she watched them go.

"NO! STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELVES KILLED!" she cried out to the battle-hungry creatures, who paid her no mind. Rainbow Dash got there first. The dragon looked up to see what the commotion was when it received a kick to the face at extremely high velocity. Rainbow Dash stabilized herself in the air to see the damage she had caused and saw she had caused a large dent in the scales of the dragon. Soldier came to add fuel to the fire. He had pulled out a large pickaxe and was charging at the dragon while wailing loudly. As he reached melee distance he stabbed the pickaxe into the side of the dragon. The pickaxe punctured the scales of the dragon due to Soldier's pure strength. The dragon gave out a roar at the two combatants before swatting at them. Both Rainbow Dash and Soldier managed to dodge the dragon's attack and repeatedly retreated out of the cave. When they emerged out of the cave, the dragon followed close behind with its teeth bared. The non-combatants were surprised by the dragon's hostility and were knocked back by the dragon suddenly landing near them. Rainbow Dash attempted to get the drop on the dragon but was stopped by its wings as it flapped her back to where her friends were, knocking her out in the process. The only thing left was Soldier, who was currently loading rockets into the Beggar's Bazooka. The dragon sneered at the human, thinking it had already won and had the human cornered. This couldn't be more wrong.

The Beggar's Bazooka suddenly unleashed three rockets in quick succession straight at the dragon. The dragon took the full effects of each blast, causing many of the scales on its body to fall off and start bleeding from the wounds. The dragon roared with furious anger and flew at the Soldier, hoping to crush him. The Soldier skillfully rocket jumped away right as the dragon bit down on where he was. The dragon ended up flying into a rock head first, causing several of its teeth to pop out and to make it even angrier. It turned around to find two rockets flying toward it. Seeing this, it blew out a massive burst of air from its mouth, causing the rockets to fly straight back at the Soldier. The Soldier did not react quickly enough and was sent flying back from the explosion. The dragon approached quickly, hoping to take advantage of Soldier's injury. However, before it could take advantage, it was met by a small yellow pony with pink hair.

"STOP!" said the tiny pony. The dragon slammed down its legs before it could run over Fluttershy, and it stared inquisitively down at her.

The dragon attempted to step over Fluttershy, but when she started to stare at it, it stopped. Her stare caused it to fear, something it hadn't done in a long time. It rapidly backpedaled away from Fluttershy until it was cornered.

Fluttershy flew up close to the dragon's face with an angry look on her face, "How DARE you hurt my friends like that? You have no right to be that violent towards guests."

The dragon slumped down as she spoke and tried to talk as best it could, "B-b-but he hit me!"

The dragon pointed toward Soldier, who was currently trying to stand up from taking two rocket blasts.

Fluttershy responded in a softer tone, "I know, and that's very rude of him, but you are bigger than him! You should be more considerate of creatures smaller than you. Also, your attitude toward ponies is very inconsiderate! Your smoke is endangering the entirety of Equestria, and you still refuse after we nicely asked you to leave. Are you that selfish?"

The dragon gulped before responding, "No, no, no, no. I'm not selfish! I'll leave, I promise!"

After saying this, the dragon flew up into the air and flew away from the mountain as fast as it could, never to return.

Fluttershy turned to Soldier, who had gotten back up from his injuries but was still bleeding.

"YOU! HOW DARE YOU ATTACK A CREATURE UNPROVOKED LIKE THAT? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!" Fluttershy yelled as loud as she could at Soldier.

Soldier's eyes were wide as he didn't know the pegasus could yell that loud. He responded in a low voice, "Um, I'm sorry?"

Fluttershy hmphed before turning to her friends, who had gotten up from being knocked into the rock.

"O-oh, hi guys. Um, the dragon left... so... we can go back down now," Fluttershy said timidly.

Fluttershy proceeded to walk back down the mountain, keeping her face behind her hair.

Twilight turned to look at Soldier with a raised eyebrow. Soldier simply shrugged, then lifted a thumb up.

"Mission accomplished!"

Soldier then passed out from blood loss.