• Published 12th Oct 2020
  • 1,995 Views, 67 Comments

Soldier in Equestria - robberrito

The soldier is a simple-minded man. He sees blue colors? He shoots. He sees bread? He teleports it. He is a man destined for combat and war. However, what happens when he is transported to a realm of peace? Chaos ensues.

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Panic and Investigations

Lyra burst through the doorway of her house, still panting from her sprint.

"Bon Bon!" She screamed the loudest she could, just as she lost her footing (hoofing?) and tripped. Thankfully, Bon Bon appeared just in time to stop Lyra from hitting the ground.

"Calm down, Lyra! You scared me with that scream, I thought you were in trouble! What's the matter?" She asked the panic-faced Lyra as she set her, correctly, on her hooves. Lyra caught her breath before telling her the story.

"So you know how you sent me to get groceries for us? Well, on the way I heard the sound of a stallion whispering nearby. I went to check the noise, and there was a creature in red clothes with a bucket for a hat! It looked sort of like a monkey and it was sitting down and just whispering to itself like a madmare. Then, it stared at me! I didn't know what to do when suddenly it roared at me and I ran away just in time, and I outran it before it could eat me!"

Bon Bon through the story was not very concerned until she mentioned the strange creature. She had never heard of this creature before and the threat of another monster terrorizing Equestria was too much for her to not focus on. Bugbear could wait, she needed to know the exact threat of this creature.

However, she needed to fabricate an incentive to be alone. While she really wanted to tell Lyra about her true job, she knew that it would be foolish of her. So, she kept her poker face and spoke to Lyra in a smooth voice.

"Don't worry about it, Lyra. The creature ran away, don't you see? The streets of Ponyville would be deserted if it was chasing you. Catch your breath and I'll go handle the groceries. Is that fine?"

Lyra seemed to be completely calm now, and responded by nuzzling Bon Bon, as well as telling her, "Yeah, of course! Thanks for that Bon Bon. You're right, I don't need to worry about stuff like this. Thanks again."

Bon Bon smiled, she was glad to see Lyra in a good mood again. Grabbing some bits, Bon Bon walked out of the house and told Lyra she would be back soon. As soon as she was out of sight, she slipped into an alleyway and continued forward until she was out of the village and running toward the Everfree forest. She knew this was the most likely place the creature would retreat in the event of an emergency, and she was determined to locate this creature as soon as possible. With no hesitation, she ran straight into the forest. By now, she noticed the sun was moving beyond the horizon and the moon was soon to take its place, so she ramped up the effort, running as fast as possible until she heard an explosion nearby. The explosion occurred very close, so she turned to where they were coming from and ran. There, she saw the source of the carnage.

A manticore was being attacked by a seemingly random explosion and roared in pain as it took major damage from the nearby explosion. Bon Bon had hidden near the manticore when she heard two explosions behind her. She quickly took cover behind a tree and watched as an unknown creature launched six beams of light at the manticore using an unknown object. Bon Bon watched as the manticore fell to the ground and stopped moving. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Did it really do what it looked like it did? She watched as the creature blasted a tree with an explosion that came from a... tube. It then went on to grab a pickaxe from seemingly nowhere and repeatedly strike the tree with it

So it did do what she thought it did. This creature was not just a threat to the crown, but a threat to society. Bon Bon ran home as fast as she could and never once looked back.

Meanwhile, at 2fort, the BLU Engineer just finished doing some tests and was planning on examining where the event happened. He had told the team of what had happened just a while ago, and they began to check the base for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, nothing of note showed up so far. The Engineer was walking through the hall when the BLU Scout walked up to him.

“Damn it.” The Engineer tried to walk by as fast as possible but was stopped by the Scout.

“Hey, egghead! Where are ya goin’? You still trying to find out where that dumbass went?”

The Engineer grumbled but eventually answered, “Enemy or not, if a member of either team goes missing we need to find them. If we never find the Soldier then we can’t enter combat with the other team without it being fair. The only other option than that is to find a replacement, which won’t work at all. So, why wouldn’t you want to find the Soldier?”

The Scout laughed, “What do ya mean overalls, we get a free vacation! I get to pick up hot chicks all day while you’re going to be stuck herdin’ cattle! It will be better this way if that dumbass is gone. Plus, if it’s a replacement then I get to bully a beginner!”

The Engineer gave him a hard glare, “Listen, boy, you’re not getting any vacation, at least not now. You know how strict they are with this stuff, they can find a reason to keep you working. Now, if they get a replacement, then the chances it will be a beginner are low, considerin’ the company hires MERCENARIES and not civilians. So, you’re better off helpin’ get the RED Soldier back.”

The Scout scoffed and walked past him. Not hearing the Scout say anything, the Engineer walked into the intelligence room and observed it. It seemed like nothing was there other than leftover piss.

Then it clicked, nothing was there!

The Engineer ran back upstairs on the spiral staircase and ran into BLU spawn. There in BLU spawn was his team of mercenaries. Currently, they were having lunch, but the Engineer knew what he had found was more important than lunch.

"Guys, guys!" the Engineer called out.

BLU team turned to the Engineer, wondering what important thing had just happened. Medic called out eagerly to the Engineer, "What is it? Have you found something to bring back ze Soldier?"

The Engineer smiled, "I sure have, come down to the intelligence room."

The team jogged down to the intelligence, finding themselves an empty room save for the intelligence. The whole team seemed to be disappointed.

The Scout groaned and berated the Engineer, "Seriously? You called us down in here for freakin' nothing? I coulda finished my lunch right now and I'm sittin' here staring at our intelligence."

The Engineer chuckled a bit before answering the Scout, "Well, you're right about one thing, there's NOTHING here."

The Scout was confused with what the Engineer was saying, but the rest of the BLU team began to put the puzzle pieces together. Heavy began to chuckle as he found out the answer, as did Medic, Spy, and the rest of the BLU team as they figured out the answer.

Scout was red in the face as he was left out of the answer to this problem, "W-what's the big deal, chuckleheads? Hey, I'm talkin' to you guys! What's so funny? The Engineer led us into the intel room with literally NOTHING in it!" Scout then realized what the Engineer meant, and hung his head in shame.


The Engineer chuckled before throwing down a teleporter entrance on the ground, "Looks like we got our RED Soldier back!"