The Distant Princess

by GMBlackjack

XIX - The Greatest

There are a lot of things in space.

This is nothing compared to the amount of nothing in space. Everywhere there is something, there is more nothing. Even on planets, there is more empty space within atoms than there are particles. Every thing is composed mostly of nothing.

Still, there are a lot of things in space. Not so much in volume, but variety. Planets, stars, moons, asteroids, comets, space stations, banjo-playing morons floating in bubbles, veins of pure chaotic magic, and people.

You’d think any person who could get their hands on a spaceship would be at least smarter than average since it’s not exactly easy to get into space.

You’d be wrong.

~~~

Bonnibel glanced behind herself. To the casual observer, it was a completely normal scene—a largely deciduous forest with a deer walking between the trees, occasionally stopping to munch on a leaf or two. If said hypothetical observer had been informed that the deer was recently named Apex Daffodil, they would find the name odd, but readily believable.

To Bonnibel, the sight of Apex Daffodil behind them was terrifying.

“He’s still following us,” she hissed to Twilight.

“Yes. Yes he is.”

“What do we do?”

“Nothing,” Twilight said, continuing on her trot to the smoky tendril—which was now close enough for them to smell. “I think he’s just a deer.”

“With abilities I can’t even begin to explain!”

Twilight nodded. “Yes… but he hasn’t tried to harm us, and I really don’t detect anything more going on in his head than basic animal instincts. I think he’s just an enchanted deer.”

“That you can’t sense magic on.”

“I sensed magic while he was using his powers a while back.”

“Yes, but… from where? All magic has a source, unless I’m completely off base.”

“All magic… should have a source.” Twilight stood still for a moment, turning to the unconcerned form of Apex Daffodil. “I just don’t understand where his comes from.”

Apex Daffodil turned his hooves into suction cups and climbed up a particularly tall tree to eat some of its blue fruit. The juices dropped into Bonnibel’s hair. She shivered, but couldn’t take her eyes off the deer.

“He could destroy us with a thought,” Bonnibel breathed.

“Maybe? He wouldn’t, though. He likes us!”

“You’re way too trusting for a Princess.”

Twilight smirked. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Regardless… we’re almost there. Try to take your mind off Apex Daffodil and let’s make a discovery.” She trotted forward, coming to the edge of the treeline.

Glancing nervously at Apex Daffodil up in his tree, Bonnibel shook her head and ran after Twilight. She burst through the treeline, ready to take every conceivable measurement she could think of.

“Get down!” Twilight hissed.

Bonnibel detected the urgency in her voice and obeyed, dropping to the ground in a roll. She slid up to the rock Twilight was hiding behind and whispered, “What?”

“Look… but be careful.”

Bonnibel peered around the edge of the rock, shotgun at the ready. They were at the edge of an elongated impact crater, telling of an object that had plowed into the earth at an angle. The gash in the earth was long, but they were luckily near the end of it and could see the crashed object clearly. Despite having fallen through the atmosphere on fire, the majority of the object was smooth untarnished chrome in the shape of a skull almost as large as the Candy Kingdom’s castle. The eyes were red-tinted windows, one of which was cracked, while the back of the skull spouted what Bonnibel identified as engines, most of which were smoking. Cracks ran across the jawline, having popped a few of the chrome teeth loose, allowing a brief glimpse into the technologically advanced interior. Bonnibel’s heart fluttered as she made out electric wiring, computers, and lighting elements she couldn’t identify. New technology.

Unfortunately, this fallen spaceship was not without passengers, and as such accessing the technology wasn’t as simple as walking in and investigating. Surrounding the craft were dozens of short, bipedal aliens with a single eye atop their bodies instead of a head. They wore simple black uniforms with red boots and gloves while their eyeball-heads mounted a helmet, upon which stood a single stylized lighting bolt. The tiny men were rushing around the ship like panicked ants in a frenzied attempt to fix it. Even having no idea what the ship operated on, Bonnibel didn’t give them favorable odds.

Under normal circumstances, she would have considered walking up to them and talking, offering them assistance. However, every last one of the aliens had a small gun on them. Paired with the uniforms, this led Bonnibel to an uncomfortable conclusion: these were soldiers. There was a significant chance that they were here to invade Ooo, crash or no.

She was about to suggest to Twilight that they teleport away to get help when two beings walked out of the crashed ship. One was a larger, though still small, eye-alien with a bigger lighting bolt on his head, most likely a higher ranking officer. The other was anything but small—a massive hulk of a being, he moved with power. His crimson robes demanded that people look at him with respect, and his face only cemented that perception. It was not that he was stern-looking, or angry, or some other aspect of his expression that carried him—it was the simple fact that he was a hulking skeleton with unnaturally green eyes and golden lightning bolts for horns.

This, no doubt, was the leader of these aliens. Bonnibel ran through the options. A necromancer of some kind? Or perhaps he was just one creation of a cosmic necromancer, a tiny pawn in some galactic game they knew nothing about. If they were lucky, that game didn’t involve Ooo at all, and they had just crashed here by accident.

“Commander Peepers,” the skeleton spoke. The voice was gravelly and deep, but nowhere near as menacing as Bonnibel had expected. There was more than a slight hint of sadness to it, of a man who didn’t fully believe in himself. “How long until we can fly again?”

The larger eye-alien, presumably Peepers, tensed considerably. “Uh, well, Lord Hater, sir, the watchdogs are working as hard as they can to bring us back to operation, sir!” Bonnibel spent the next few moments wondering how, in the world, an eyeball was talking without a mouth. The iris was moving in time with the words - was it a mouth?

“How long, Peepers?” Hater asked, a growl forming in the back of his throat.

“Uh, w-well, I, er…” Peepers let out a sigh and saluted. “Sir! We would need replacement parts we do not have to fix the Skullship, sir!”

“And where do we get them!?”

“Any spaceport should have it.”

“Then go to a spaceport!”

“We don’t have any orbal juice, sir.” The certainty in Peepers’ voice began to waver. “You used it all last week whe—”

“I SAID DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT!” Hater shouted, a fire rising from deep within him that shook past his sullen exterior. “I JUST got that banjo out of my head! And now you put it back…”

“S-sorry sir, won’t happen again.”

“Now… where can we get orbal juice?”

“S-spaceport?”

Hater facepalmed, dragging his gloved hand over his smooth skull. He let out a dejected sigh and sagged, losing all fire. “Suggestions, Peepers?”

Peepers must’ve known his commander, because the instant Hater sighed, Peepers’ fear was gone. “Right, sir. This is a backwater planet with no orbal juice or replacement parts. It isn’t even part of the galactic charter—an undiscovered nowhere. We can’t expect to find a ship or expect anyone to find us. ...Unless we waited long enough for Lord Dominator to get here, but let’s not think about that.”

“Please.”

“The one good thing this planet has to offer is vast quantities of ambient vis energy. If we can find a way to harness that—perhaps by seeking out the locals—we may be able to create the Skullship’s replacement parts.”

Twilight nudged Bonnibel. “We might be able to help with that.”

“I don’t trust them,” Bonnibel whispered back. “Let’s keep listening before we offer our help.”

Twilight didn’t protest, returning to her silent observance.

Peepers adjusted his uniform, trying to stand tall and proud, though he barely reached Lord Hater’s waist. “We’ll survive this, sir! We can use what we have at our disposal and get back to space!”

Hater’s forlorn slouch began to vanish. The chuckle came first, followed by a deep, cackling laughter. “Yes! Yes, this is but a temporary setback! We will take whatever power these primitive natives have from their pathetic fingers and return to the stars with a vengeance! The planets we’ve lost will be ours once more, conquered by the only one worthy of conquering! No more will sandwiches, cubes, and that stupid Dominator I don’t care about make fools of me! The universe will remember why they used to call me the Greatest in the Galaxy!” He spread his arms wide, shooting arcs of green lightning into the sky, prompting cheers from the watchdogs.

Bonnibel glanced at Twilight, both of their expressions matching the other with deep seated worry. They noticed at the same time that Apex Daffodil was standing just behind them.

“Apex Daffodil…” Twilight hissed. “Get down, before they see y—”

The lightning came back down from the sky and hit Apex Daffodil in the antlers. He was completely unharmed by the event—Bonnibel wasn’t even sure he noticed the lightning struck him—but the shockwave of power tossed Bonnibel and Twilight over the rock and into the plain view of every watchdog and Lord Hater.

Bonnibel raised her shotgun. “All right, nobody mo—”

“Let’s not be hasty!” Twilight shouted, grinning nervously. “We don’t have to fight! I am Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, and I couldn’t help but overhear that you needed help getting back to… space? W-well, we sure like helping people here, a—”

Lord Hater pointed at her, sending a bolt of lightning right into her horn. The alicorn let out a pained scream before flopping onto the ground, unconscious.

“Sir!” Peepers shouted.

“She reminded me of him.” Hater growled. “I wasn’t taking any chances.”

“But… but… oh who am I kidding, she was clearly trying to put us at ease.” Peepers sighed. “They definitely heard your little talk of conquest and there was no way they’d just help us after that.”

“She might’ve,” Bonnibel said. “I won’t.” She pointed the shotgun at Lord Hater and pulled the trigger. The front of the gun sparked with yellow light, exploding in a ring of energy parallel to a beam of pure golden light. It sailed true, right for Hater’s head.

He held out a hand, blocking the attack with a green forcefield. “Good…” he said, grinning. “They rarely fight back properly.”

Bonnibel readied the shotgun again. “I’ve got more where that came from!”

“And so do I,” Hater said, sneering. “Watchdogs! Capture her. And the deer, while you’re at it.”

Bonnibel suddenly remembered the several dozen aliens swarming around the crash site. For a moment, she considered running—but then she saw Twilight, lying there, all alone. In pain.

With a sigh, Bonnibel dropped her shotgun and raised her hands. “I surrender.”

This did not stop Peepers from shooting her with a stunning blast.

Apex Daffodil was the only one of the party still standing, and he was finding the bark of a cinnamon tree particularly delicious at the moment.

Comments

[Mal Masque]

HATE'S GREAT, BEST VILLAIN
HATE'S GREAT, BEST VILLAIN
HATE'S GREAT, BEST VILLAIN
HATE'S GREAT, BEST VILLAIN
HATE'S GREAT, BEST VILLAIN
HATE'S GREAT, BEST VILLAIN

[guldringr]

T H E G R E A T E S T I N T H E G A L A X Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Twilight nudged Bonnibel. “We might be able to help with that.”

Twilight, this fellow is literally named Lord Hater. Read the freaking room.

Seriously, I can understand wanting to resolve things nonviolently, but teleporting far away was probably the better option here. Especially in light of the lightning-backed villainous monologue.

[alfonso_rd_33]

I only have two words: MR. PEEPERS!!!