The Distant Princess

by GMBlackjack

XXVIII - Just Let Me Make a Few Calls

Long-distance communication is an inconsistent reality on Ooo. The old satellite infrastructure for transmitting cell signals is mostly gone, the communication lines have worn away, and a lot of what remains people don’t know how to use. However, all the phones and books on how to use phones are still around, if you know how to read them. Those with the proper education can, and do, hook up communication lines between different cities. However, the world is ever-changing, and is often hostile to long-lasting structures that aren’t ancient hunks of immovable rock.

So exterior communication is often crushed by a wandering beast or random magic storm of some kind. Many of the larger cities don’t bother with setting up phone lines outside their limits, satisfied with just being able to talk from one end to another. Magic spells and long-range teleports make up for the need of longer-distance messages, though this is not common enough to be of use to the general public.

Some of the more technically minded leaders—such as Bonnibel Bubblegum—have managed another solution. She has set up her own network of dishes, receivers, and subterranean phone cables across the Candy Kingdom. The irony is the network’s original purpose was not to foster communication between her people, it was to feed her paranoid need to watch everything. The public use was an unintended side effect.

Even the most paranoid acts can have a silver lining.

~~~

Twilight slowed her flight as she neared the mountain for two reasons. First, she didn’t want to crash and break her neck. Second, the chill made it decidedly uncomfortable to move her limbs quickly. The sun was setting, and at this altitude the temperature was plummeting.

Despite her best efforts, the landing wasn’t perfectly smooth. She hit the ground harder than intended, forcing her to stumble over herself for a few steps on the icy ledge. She didn’t fall, but it gave Bonnibel a mild scare.

“W-we’re here!” Twilight chattered. “C-c-cold…”

“Let’s go inside,” Bonnibel said, walking through the maw-like opening in the mountain. Apex Daffodil maintained his small size, though he took to orbiting Bonnibel’s head rather than staying in Twilight’s mane.

To Twilight’s shock, the moment they entered the ice cave the temperature increased significantly; it was still chilled, but no longer did she feel like her wingtips were about to fall off. Less surprising was the light coming from within the cave—Bonnibel had said the Ice King lived here, so of course there would be some light.

Though the presence of penguins waddling around was a tad confusing to her.

The interior itself was composed almost entirely of finely carved ice. The floors were so smooth they were slippery; even most of the furniture appeared to be shaped out of the surrounding ice, fixed to whatever position they were made in. There were a few exceptions to this rule of ice, seeing as the lights weren’t ice and there were a few old posters here and there, but for the most part the Ice King’s home was living up to its occupant’s name.

“Hey Ice King!” Bonnibel shouted. “Get in here!”

There came a shout from somewhere deeper into the abode. It was harsh and ragged, but full of energy. “Why should I!?”

“Because it’s Princess Bubblegum! Come on!”

“Princess Bubblegum!?” There was a loud crash, followed by several “ow ow ow” grunts and a few loud thumps before the Ice King walked into view. He was a shorter man with blue skin and an exaggerated beard. He wore an oversized blue robe, giving him the appearance of a crazed wizard. Upon his head was a golden crown with three crimson gemstones in it, of which the arcane energy made Twilight uneasy. “Well well well! What brings you here to my castle?” The Ice King raised his eyebrows repeatedly.

“I need to use your phone,” Bonnibel said.

“Well, hang on, you don’t just show up at someone’s house and ask to use their phone without first stopping to visit, having a mea—”

“There are aliens attacking the Candy Kingdom.”

“Oh.” The Ice King scratched his ear. “So that’s a no to dinner then?”

Bonnibel pressed her hands together and took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “That’s a no.”

“Well, can’t blame a guy for trying! Phone’s this way.” After gesturing, he noticed Twilight seemingly for the first time. “This your new steed? What happened to Lady Rainicorn?”

“Twilight is not my steed,” Bonnibel explained. “...And for that matter neither is Lady Rainicorn, she’s just one of my friends.”

Twilight bowed to the Ice King. “Hello! I’m Princess Twilight of Equestria.”

Bonnibel smirked. “Careful. He has a princess kidnapping habit.”

Twilight glanced at the Ice King. “...What?”

“Hey, hey, I don’t do that anymore!” the Ice King said, waving his hands rapidly. “...Much.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“Uh…” the Ice King took a step back from her. “Would, uh, you like to go to dinner, Princess Twilight?”

Bonnibel couldn't help but let out a snort. “Going after ponies now, Ice King? Really?”

“Hey, when a man’s desperate…”

Twilight coughed. “Ice King, I would be honored to dine at your estate—at a later time. Currently we have a bit of an emergency that requires our immediate attention.”

Bonnibel stopped short. “Wait, did you just…”

“Yes, I did just agree to it.” Twilight ruffled her feathers.

“It’s your funeral.”

“I’m just shocked somebody said yes,” the Ice King said, rubbing his eyes. “Am I dreaming? Gunter, am I dreaming?”

“Gunter?” Twilight asked.

“My number one penguin,” the Ice King said, holding a hand up to his face to scan the room. “Hmm. I’m going to go find him. He needs to see this…” He marched off, leaving Bonnibel and Twilight alone.

“That was a mistake,” Bonnibel said, coming to a rotary phone sitting atop a simple ice table. “You don’t know the crazy he has.”

“He seems like a tired, old man who just needs a friend,” Twilight counterd.

“He wants a wife.”

“Then I’ll direct him to Cadence later. Right now, he just needs somebody here other than… a bunch of penguins.”

“Marceline would agree…” Shaking her head, Bonnibel picked up the phone and dialed a number. Nothing happened. “I have no idea what the King of Ooo has done, but the phone lines to the capital aren’t working.”

“Is that bad?”

“Not really, I didn’t really expect him to be useful. I’m here to make other calls.” She dialed another number, smirking as it went through. “Hey! Lemongrab! This is Bubblegum!” Twilight heard a harsh shriek from the other end of the phone that Bonnibel ignored. “Don’t you ‘unacceptable’ me, mister! Are you aware that there is an army of one-eyed aliens invading the Candy Kingdom? No? Then you’re lucky I called, because there are, and they’re probably going to the capital! Get your lemony guards up and ready, I’ll be meeting you in the Earldom as soon as time allows. ...I will be flying on a purple pony. Lemongrab, I don’t care if you don’t have to listen to me legally, I know you will. Got it? Good.” She hung up the phone.

“Lemongrab…” Twilight scratched her chin. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

“He’s the regent in case the current Princess is unable to rule,” Bonnibel said. “Though, these days, I think he’d just manage things from his Earldom, which is best for everyone. He has a… personality.”

Twilight held up a hoof. “I’ll make my own judgment of him when we arrive. Shall we go?”

“No, he may be the closest army, but I’ve got someone else I can call…” She picked up the phone again and dialed. “Hey, Phoebe, it’s Bonnibel. Yes, I know, I know, I haven’t called, but I’ve been busy with the pumpkins and—Phoebe! There are aliens invading the Candy Kingdom. I’m having Lemongrab mobilize his forces, but there’s a chance we fail to stop the incursion, I need you and the Fire Kingdom to be on guard, ready to bring that fiery rage of your people to war if need be. ...Thank you. They’re a bunch of small one-eyed aliens with advanced technology. Individually they are pushovers, but together they pose a threat. Their leader is a massive skeleton with control over lightning and who knows what other kinds of powers. ...You don’t have to do that. All right, after you get done there, you can meet us at Lemongrab’s. Thanks. Yes, I’ll owe you, but considering—actually, ol’ Koo might owe you one after this too. I’d love to help you check that one in. ...Yes, yes, right, bye.” She hung up. “Now we go.”

Twilight nodded, walking back to the exit. The Ice King was there, hands on his hips. “Where is he?”

“Gunter?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah! I have no idea where he’s gotten off to! I’m not sure I’ve seen him all day, now that I think about it…” The Ice King scratched his beard. “Hey, Princess, is that deer spinning around your head Gunter?”

Bonnibel forced a smile. “No, this deer isn’t smart enough to be Gunter.” Apex Daffodil landed in Bonnibel’s hair and started messing it up with his antlers. “Not by a long shot.”

“Huh. Well, if you see him, bring him back. The outside world is a scary place. And Princess?”

“Yes?” Bonnibel asked.

“Uh, other one.” He turned to Twilight. “Next week?”

“I am not sure how long I will remain, but I will be sure to come by before I leave the Candy Kingdom,” Twilight said, bowing to him. “Bonnie?”

Bonnibel mounted her and pointed to the southwest. “Lemongrab’s that way.”

With a burst of wind that toppled the Ice King over, Twilight, Bonnibel, and Apex Daffodil were in the air once more.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

“You don’t know the crazy he has.”
“He seems like a tired, old man who just needs a friend,” Twilight counterd.

Honestly, they're both right.

Gunter on the loose... Oh, that can't be good. Given the evil stewing within that mind, all the darker forces swirling about may find a knife in their back and a webbed foot shoving them aside. We'll see how this goes from here.

[alfonso_rd_33]

10498861
Agreed... Billy E. Cypher meeting Orgalorg? it smells trouble... for the 2Diot

[Supertoe]

10499020
Imagine a meeting between Bill and Discord. Run if you value your sanity!

[Draco Dei]

Right now, he just needs somebody here other than… a bunch of penguins .

This seems slightly off for someone who is friends with Fluttershy. Granted, Flutters had her parents and then Dash, and, at some point that might have predated Nightmare Moon's return for all I can remember, Tree Hugger but... still slightly off.