• Published 29th May 2020
  • 3,271 Views, 239 Comments

The Distant Princess - GMBlackjack



A purple comet appears in the sky and vanishes mysteriously. Twilight Sparkle can't handle all her unanswered questions, so she travels to the Candy Kingdom to get answers. But all is not well, for the comet heralds great change...

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VII - Adventure Time!

The race of talking dogs is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. We know dogs existed long before the Mushroom War, but they were simple animals without the capacity to vocalize or have higher thoughts. It would be a simple matter of saying they developed afterward like almost every other form of conscious life if it weren’t for a single problem: the Crystal Dimension. A realm occupied by the clearly native rainicorns and an extensive number of talking dogs. Are the dogs native? What is their relation to the animal dogs of old? Can the ancient histories of the Crystal Dimension be trusted?

Nobody knows and, frankly, it might be impossible to find out at this point. They’re just dogs, who really cares in the end?

No, dogs are not naturally stretchy shapeshifters. I would hope that this is obvious.

~~~

Finn and Jake’s treehouse was exactly that: a house built into a tree. It was a pretty massive tree with numerous rooms carved into it. A bedroom, basement, kitchen, living room, and even a few useless rooms separated from all the others by little rope bridges that served no real purpose beyond looking cool. There was a small boat on the roof as well, for some incomprehensible reason.

The sun drifted in through one of the windows, falling on Finn’s face. With a yawn, he sat up and scratched the back of his head through the fabric of his hat. Some people called him strange for sleeping in his hat, but he paid them no mind. Never would anyone take his bear hat away. And if they did… he’d probably just get one of the copies out of the closet and wear that instead.

Lazily, he looked around the bedroom. He had kicked off all of the blankets in the night, again. Jake was sleeping in his strange little cupboard-bed. Why he didn’t sleep in an actual bed or even a dog bed was beyond Finn’s knowledge, and the few times he’d asked Jake why he slept that way the dog had only shrugged and said he didn’t really know either. It just “felt nice.”

Unable to stifle another yawn, Finn closed his eyes and entered a long, drawn-out stretch of his arms and legs. The tiredness temporarily banished from his body, he opened his eyes ready to meet the day.

He was not prepared to meet Marceline looming over him like a desperate vulture.

“AAAAIIIEEEEEEE!” Finn screamed, hitting a pitch so high it was reasonable to assume it had come from a girl.

“Man, I love that scream of yours,” Marceline chuckled. She was wearing her usual “day” outfit: long sleeves, smooth pants, boots, long gloves, and a sun hat with a translucent veil over it. “Never gets old.”

“Marceline…” Jake groaned. “How many times do I gotta tell you, don’t make Finn scream while I’m sleeping.” He flopped over in his cupboard-bed, groaning. “I’m never gonna get back to sleep with that ringing in my ears.”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything.” Marceline raised her hands in surrender. “I just sat here, waiting for him to wake up.”

“You knew what he’d do the moment he saw you,” Jake grumbled, flopping out of his bed like a syrupy liquid.

Finn managed to calm his breathing down. “Yeah. Think about Jake, Marceline!”

“Okay, fine, I’ll just be sure to put earplugs in him next time and then loom ominously. Will that work, hero-boy?”

“Uh…” Finn tried to think of a way to get her to stop terrifying him and quickly came to the conclusion that was impossible. “Not really?”

Jake stood up, grumbling. “Well, I’m gonna make breakfast. Bacon pancakes. Marceline, you get regular pancakes.”

Marceline took out a strawberry and placed it on one of her fangs. The red color drained from the fruit, leaving only a monochromatic berry behind. She popped the drained berry into her mouth immediately afterward. “Eh, I already ate. No need.”

“Suit yourself,” Jake said, moving toward the stairs.

“Oh, before you get on that…” Marceline floated over to stop him from descending. “There’s some guests staying at Bonnie’s house. And at least one of them is interested in… an adventure.”

Finn was suddenly on his feet. “Did you say adventure!?”

Marceline winked. “You betcha. None of them are even from the Candy Kingdom, I bet you could show them some wicked things.”

“Put the bacon pancakes on hold, Jake!” Finn declared. “We’re going to Peebles’ place!”

“...I’m still packing bacon bits,” Jake said.

“Well, duh, what kind of adventuring outing would it be without bacon bits?”

“A normal one?” Marceline asked.

Finn and Jake stared at her like she was from another dimension. The vampire rolled her eyes. “Whatever. If we’re quick we can get there before they wake up.”

~~~

Finn, Jake, and Marceline arrived at Bonnie’s front door. Finn reached out to knock, but Jake held his hand back.

“What if we… made an entrance?” Jake suggested.

Finn gasped. “Yes.”

“They won’t know what hit them!”

“On three.”

Marceline facepalmed. “Oh boy…”

“One…” Fin said.

“Two…” Jake continued.

“Three!” In unison, they kicked the door in. “It’s adventure time!”

Rainbow, who had been asleep until the moment they smashed the door in, was suddenly at full attention. “We’re under attack!”

Finn lowered his sword. “Wait, n—”

Rainbow tackled Finn to the ground, a hoof on each of his legs and arms. Finn, to his credit, had enough strength to force one of his arms out from under Rainbow and grab her by the knee. Twisting, he made her knee buckle. She didn’t topple over like he wanted, but it was enough of an upset that he could pry himself out from under her other hooves. Stumbling, he attempted to right himself, but Rainbow swept out with her wings, tripping him. He entered into a roll to protect his face, but his lower position made it easy for Rainbow to grab hold again, this time with her wings. He kicked, spiking her right in the gut. The force separated the two of them, skidding across the floor of the cabin.

Both were up in less than a second, but by that time Pinkie was up and shouting “STOP!” while waving a blue stop sign in between both of them. “We’re all friends here!”

“Aww…” Marceline deflated. “That was just getting good, Pinkie!”

“They can keep sparring later,” Pinkie huffed. “When they aren’t trying to hurt each other!”

At this point Bonnie and Twilight ran up the stairs, giving everyone in the room annoyed glares.

“Uh…” Marceline did her best to look innocent. “Sup, Bonnie?”

“I was hoping that science was…” Bonnie muttered. “Twilight and I have just discovered a mutual appreciation for the natural world.”

Twilight nodded. “We were in the middle of some excellent discussion on cosmic phenomena when…”

“Oh no,” Marceline said, staring at Twilight with a haunted expression. “You’re a nerd. You’re only going to make her worse.”

“I… what?”

“Yeah, I have no idea what’s going on either,” Jake said, raiding a random pantry and eating a bagel whole. “All I know is that this looks like some sweet party just waiting to happen.”

“Party!?” Pinkie lit up. “I can do a party! I’d just need to order some cake and streamers and…”

Bonnie put her hand to the bridge of her nose. “Everyone, let’s just calm down. Finn, why did you bust my door down?”

Finn glanced nervously at the half-busted door lying on the floor. “Uh… I was making an entrance!”

“...Why?

“Well, uh, Marceline said—”

“I had nothing to do with the door!” Marceline interrupted, waving her hands in an attempt to secure her innocence.

“—that there were some peeps here that might want an adventure,” Finn completed.

“Adventure?” Rainbow’s ears perked up. “What kind of adventure?”

“Uh… the usual? Exploring, monster-smashing, dungeon-crawling, treasure-hunting?”

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “Yes. Yes. I’ve been waiting for this!”

Finn put a hand to his chin. “I don’t know… think you can handle it, pony?”

With a smirk, Rainbow tapped his chest. “Bucko, I could pin you again, and this time you wouldn't be able to get out. I was born ready.”

“She really could, Finn,” Jake said, dipping his hand into some peanut butter he’d found. “The horse-bird’s got the muscles and the skills.”

“Jake, stop eating everything in my pantry,” Bonnie deadpanned.

“I’m not eating everything!” Jake objected. “Just… most of it. ...I wanted bacon pancakes this morning, okay?”

Twilight raised a hoof. “I’m confused. What’s going on?”

Marceline shrugged.

Pinkie coughed. “Ahem! I think we all need to get introduced before we go any further! Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, and this is Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash! You two are…?”

“Finn and Jake, heroes of the Candy Kingdom!” Finn declared, holding his sword high in the air. It scraped the ceiling. “Uh… heheh… oops?”

Rainbow tried, and failed to suppress a squee. “You guys… are, like, adventurers? All the time?

“Well, not all the time,” Jake said. “I spend time with my pups a lot.”

“Are you kidding? We go out and have something fun like… every day!” Finn jumped up and down. “And then we kick evil’s butt!”

“Take me with you,” Rainbow breathed.

Twilight gave Bonnie a quizzical look. “Are they trustworthy?”

“They have good hearts,” Bonnie explained. “As to if they can be trusted… they won’t hurt her intentionally.”

“Twilight, let me have this,” Rainbow begged. “You can do… what I can only guess is ‘egghead stuff’ while Pinks and I go out with these guys and have some real fun.”

“I like your spirit!” Jake said, munching on a pickle.

“Jake!” Bonnibel chided. “I’m serious!”

“What? Oh.” He glanced at the pickle with bafflement. “Where did you come from?”

Rainbow trotted up to Twilight. “C’mon Twi? Please?”

Twilight melted. “...Oh, all right, it will give me and Bonnie more time to do, ahem, ‘egghead stuff.’ ”

“But what about going to the Candy Kingdom itself?” Pinkie asked. “There’s entire cities of candy to look at!”

“Well… I’m not sure we need to anymore.” Twilight scratched her chin. “Bonnie here has most if not all the information I need, and… oh, right, ponyfeathers, I’m visiting royalty, I have to pay the princess a visit.”

“Ugh.” Marceline floated to the ceiling. “That guy’s a pain…”

“...Guy?” Rainbow cocked her head. “A princess?

“The King of Ooo hasn’t realized he can change the title to Prince yet,” Jake said. “Guy’s only been in charge, what, a month? Not really the smartest tool in the shed if you know what I’m sayin’.”

Twilight sighed. “If there’s been a change of leadership that makes it even more important that I go visit to establish diplomatic ties. I’m… I’m sorry Bonnie, I—”

“That’s it!” Pinkie declared, stamping a hoof. “I can’t stand to see you so disappointed, Twilight. I will go to the Candy Kingdom as Ambassador Pinkie Pie and meet with ‘Princess-but-a-guy Koo’ in your stead!” She saluted.

Rainbow blinked. “Pinks, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“What? I’ve got ambassadorial experience! I stopped the yak war!”

“You almost caused the yak war too.”

“Po-tay-to po-tah-to.”

Twilight frowned. “Pinkie…” She glanced to Bonnibel, to Finn, and then to Pinkie, the last of which was bouncing up and down excitedly. “...Okay.”

“YES!”

“There are conditions!” Twilight snapped. “You have to promise not to eat the people.”

“Easy.”

“And promise not to eat anything else unless you’re told you can.”

“Gotcha.”

And actually hold yourself like an actual ambassador. You’re really good at making friends, I know, but you’re going to be talking to the leader of an entirely different kingdom. Use what you learned from the yaks to work with them.”

Pinkie saluted. “You can count on me. If they’re a bunch of party-poopers I will be—” she shuddered “—serious.”

“I’m putting a lot of trust in you, Pinkie. Are you absolutely, positively, 100% Pinkie-promise sure you can do this?”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” At the word eye, Pinkie touched her eyeball with her hoof, making the non-ponies in the room shiver with discomfort.

Twilight’s worry vanished in an instant. “Great! That’s that, then. Bonnie and I will stay here, Pinkie will go to the Candy Capital, and Rainbow will go with Finn and Jake for… adventure. Marceline…” Twilight cocked her head.

“I’ll do my own thing.” Marceline strummed an ominous chord on her bass.

“Sure.”

“When do we leave?” Rainbow asked.

“Right globbing now!” Finn shouted. “To adventure!”

Finn led the charge, followed by Jake, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Marceline, all leaving through the front doorway. The mish-mash of laughs, shouts, and excited chattering died down as they got further from the cabin.

Bonnibel looked down at the busted door. She sighed. “Peps? Can you deal with the door?”

“Yes, my lady…” Peppermint said, walking into the room now that it was no longer a half-insane madhouse.

“Oh, no need, I’ve got this.” Twilight levitated the door off the ground and used a simple mend spell to affix it back to the doorframe. “There we go! Good as new!”

Peppermint tapped it and it fell outward. “The hinges aren’t standard issue, ma’am.”

“...Okay, fine, Peps, you can deal with it…”

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