The Distant Princess

by GMBlackjack

XXV - What Makes a Princess

“Princess”, in a literal sense, means “daughter of the reigning monarch.” In legend, princesses are often considered frail and dainty, those who get captured and need to be rescued. Historically, this wasn’t a common practice, since kidnapping royalty was immensely difficult and risky business.

Strictly speaking, when a princess rose to absolute governing power, she was considered a Queen. Prior to the Mushroom War, this was standard practice. However, afterward, things got… muddled. Rulers called themselves any random sort of thing they felt like, leading to a lot of confusion and awkwardness amidst the early wars of division.

But then one particular individual rose to power and specifically kept the title Princess, as a reminder of her childhood. She went on to establish the first major power in Ooo, and the others that worked with her in the Discordian Era followed in her footsteps. Now, the reigning woman of virtually every power in Ooo is considered a princess. Those who choose the title of Queen do so out of spite or arrogance.

The irony is that kings are still kings. Prince rulers don’t exist. The exception are the yaks, who probably chose that title out of stubborn pride.

~~~

“Okay, I’ve bought us some time…” Twilight said after she was sure Hater and Peepers were gone. “But he’s dead set on this conquest thing. What’s the closest settlement?”

“There are a few minor villages,” Bonnibel said, staring vacantly at a wall. “But the closest large settlement is the Candy Capital. That’s probably his target.”

“What are their defenses?”

“The King of Ooo has recalled all the Gumball Guardians to the city walls in a crazy paranoia stunt. So… exceptionally high, at the moment.”

“Could they take Hater on?”

“I’m… unsure.” Bonnibel pressed her hands together. “The King will probably surrender the moment it looks like he’s losing, but the Gumball Guardians are strong. But…” She fixed Twilight with an unreadable expression. “If… If they try to use me as a bargaining chip…”

Twilight cocked her head. “Why would that matter? Do the soldiers know you?”

“You could… say that.” Bonnibel tapped her fingers against the wall in a slightly offbeat rhythm. “Twilight…”

Twilight sat down, fixing Bonnibel with a calm, understanding expression. The bubblegum person clearly wanted to say something close to her heart that required some vulnerability—Twilight wanted to make it as easy on her as possible. “It’s okay, Bonnie. I’m here and I don’t bite.”

“I know.” Bonnibel forced a half smile. “So, remember when you called me a Princess back there to stop Hater from taking me to the torture room?”

“...Oh, did you have a plan to get us out from the torture room? I’m so—”

“No, no, no, nothing like that! You did great. Too great. I am a princess.”

Twilight stared at her blankly. “I… huh, I had heard princesses were common in the Candy Kingdom’s lands, but—”

“You don’t understand, Twilight. I am The Princess. The First Princess. Founder of the Candy Kingdom, recently voted out of office… Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum.”

Twilight made sure to keep her face flat while she processed this.

“I’m not in power anymore, but… if they try to use me, the candy people might just throw everything away. The gumball guardians are so literal-minded they might just shut down at a threat to their princess, if it were explained to them. I suppose Finn and Jake could try to break us out, but they could be anywhere. And…”

“Bonnie,” Twilight said, holding up a wing. “You’re rambling.”

“Oh.” She backed up into a wall.

Twilight took in a deep breath. “Well, I know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Luna’s warning about you was unfounded and baseless. You are not a paranoid controlling despot.” Twilight smiled. “You’re my friend, even if you hid who you were from me. Honestly, I can understand why you’d want to keep it a secret. It can’t be easy on you being… stuck on a farm like that.”

“A paranoid controlling despot…”

Twilight could see Bonnibel mulling the wrong words in her mind. “No, Bonnie, I said that’s what you weren’t, don’t go into the self-doubt tailspin. That’s a bad place!”

Bonnibel smiled—but it was a bitter smile. “You don’t know anything about me, do you? You’ve known me for a day.”

“And I already know your heart. It beats with the fire of a loving hero. You’re not a despot—look at you, farming pumpkins instead of trying to depose the King! I know you don’t like him, but you’re letting him have it anyway. And Controlling? Please, you and I have worked as an excellent team so far, an—”

“I had a surveillance network of spy cameras spread across Ooo,” Bonnibel interrupted, wringing her wrists. “I watched your ascension, Twilight. I know the location of the Tree of Harmony, the secret code to Celestia’s Vaults, and where you hid Smarty Pants a few months ago: under the cupboard behind Arcane Mysteries: Sixth Edition. I know your brother’s favorite spot to meet Cadence.” Her hands were trembling now. “I…”

Twilight forced herself to swallow. “You… used the word had.”

“What does it matter!?” Bonnibel shouted. “Yes, it doesn’t exist anymore, but it still used to! And oh, do I want it back! Right now, I’m thinking ‘it would have been great if I could look at this place from a distance to see the danger before it came’ but no, no, I had to dismantle the network! I…” She kicked the ground, knocking up a cloud of dust. “I don’t know. All I know is that you shouldn’t be okay with any of this. I am paranoid.”

“You definitely are,” Twilight admitted, cautiously standing up. “But so am I. And both of us see that it’s a problem.”

“I wouldn’t have changed anything if it wasn’t for Phoebe, I j—”

“That just means Phoebe’s a good friend.” Whoever Phoebe is. “That’s one of the many reasons why we need friends. To tell us when we’re messing up, to get us to look at ourselves…” She extended a hoof to Bonnibel. “To let us realize we have problems. And to help us with them.”

Bonnibel stared into Twilight’s eyes. “You know, when Celestia coronated you, I thought she had finally lost her mind. ‘Princes of Friendship? What is she thinking?’ Now it’s very, very obvious to me why you’re here. You bring something we ambitious rulers usually try to ignore.”

“Oh?”

“A conscience.”

Twilight felt herself blush. “I-I’m not that important.”

“Then I’m a paranoid controlling despot.”

“Wh—hey! No fair! You can’t use my words against me!”

Bonnibel smirked. “Watch me.”

Twilight let out a delighted laugh, flapping her wings to keep herself stable. “All right, fine, if you agree you’re not a paranoid controlling despot, I’ll agree to be the conscience or whatever.”

“Deal.”

They shook on it.

“Okay, now that sappy emotion time is over…” Bonnibel turned to the force field. “How on earth are we going to get out of here? The candy people need us.”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea,” Twilight admitted. “What about you, Apex Daffodil?”

Apex Daffodil ate the last leaf that had been brought into the cell with him. The fact seemed to shock him. Carefully, he began to search the room for more leaves, snorting every few seconds.

Twilight put a hoof to her mouth. “Oh… oh…”

“What?” Bonnibel asked, turning away from her examinations of the forcefield.

“Apex Daffodil!” Twilight called, grabbing the Deer’s attention. “There are leaves on the other side of this barrier!” She pointed at the forcefield and drew a leaf shape in the air with her wingtip.

Apex Daffodil walked into the forcefield. His antlers hit it, a shock forcing him back an inch. Snorting in annoyance, his antlers turned bright white. A wall of ice appeared in front of him, taking place of the forcefield. As if nothing unusual had happened, he walked right through the ice, burning a deer-shaped hole into it.

Bonnibel stuck her hand through the hole, finding that there was no forcefield. “...Freak deer.”

“He’s a precious little boy!” Twilight chided, squeezing through the hole to pet the deer on the back. “Yes you are!”

Bonnibel twisted through the hole as well, unable to keep from smiling. “Let’s just hope nobody figures out how to turn him against us.”

“He’d never betray us, isn’t that right Apex Daffodil? Aren’t you the best?” Twilight cood, prompting an audible groan from Bonnibel.

There was only one watchdog on guard at the edge of the brig. When he saw them, he yelped and pulled his ray gun out. “Don’t move, I’ll shoo—”

Bonnibel kicked the gun out of his hand. “You should stand further away from enemies who are taller than you.”

The watchdog let out a scream and ran off.

“He’s probably getting help,” Twilight pointed out.

“Yeah…” Bonnibel frowned. “We can’t fight them, we need to run.”

Twilight spread her wings and stooped down. “Get on.”

Bonnibel gaped. “Are you sure? I know it’s not socially—”

“You say you’ve watched me, right? You know Spike? Little dragon, rides me all the time? I know how to be a steed. Get on.”

Bonnibel swung her legs over Twilight’s back, bending her knees to keep her legs from scraping the ground. Twilight rose to her full height, smirking. “Hold onto the base of my neck, this might get rough. Apex Daffodil? I’m sorry, I can’t carry you, bu—”

Apex Daffodil shrunk to the size of a baseball and nestled himself just above Twilight’s horn.

“...Convenient,” Twilight said. She knew she didn’t have time to mull on the deer’s abilities, so she put them out of her mind. With a burst of wind, she took to the air, flying down the Skullship’s corridor until she found a break in the hull. No one tried to stop her as she burst out into the outside world.

No time was wasted looking at her surroundings; she rose into the air as fast as her wings would let her. Only a few watchdogs noticed her and shot in the time, and none of them got even close to hitting the speeding purple blur.

“Yes! We’re out!” Twilight laughed. “Woohoo!”

“That was too easy…” Bonnibel said, clutching tightly to Twilight. “There were a lot more when we first arrived.”

“They’ve already mobilized…” Twilight realized. “We have to move fast! I’m taking you to the Candy Capital!”

“No,” Bonnibel said. “We need to get help.”

“From who? I… I guess I could try to call Discord, bu—”

“Oh please no!” Bonnibel sputtered, shivering. “I can’t even… no, there are other armies in the land besides what the Candy Capital has. We just need to make some calls. And the closest long-distance phone…” She pointed to the north at a tall, icy mountain. “Is in the Ice King’s lair.”

“Say no more, Princess!” Twilight banked to the side, redirecting her course directly northward. “Hold on!”

“I am holding o—” Bonnibel words were shoved down her throat the moment Twilight pushed all her energy into forward velocity, blowing Bonnibel’s hat completely off and threatening to remove her from the alicorn steed altogether. It was in this moment Bonnibel truly learned how to hold on properly.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Hmm. The obvious assumption is that Celestia was the one who set the princess precedent... but the obvious answer isn't always the correct one.

and where you hid Fancy Pants a few months ago

Just going point out that Twilight's old toy is Smarty Pants, whereas Fancy Pants is that unicorn stallion with the mustache and monocle.

In any case, good to see Twilight at her best. And she's not just an excellent royal conscience. She also excels at gathering reinforcements. Let's just hope the Ice King's feeling relatively lucid today...

[GMBlackjack]

10470180

Just going point out that Twilight's old toy is Smarty Pants, whereas Fancy Pants is that unicorn stallion with the mustache and monocle.

...

-GM, master of oops.