The Distant Princess

by GMBlackjack

V - The Cabin Just Outside the Woods

With the proper application of magic, assistance from earth ponies, and luck, it is possible to grow pumpkins in a matter of weeks. This time can be cut down considerably if one is an expert in creating life from basically nothing, but that is a rare title.

Factoids like this make me wonder why farms are even still a thing. There are much more efficient ways to produce food through arcane prowess.

~~~

Pinkie sniffed the air. “I smell… butterscotch.”

The group had left the Everfree Forest about a minute prior and were now walking across some grassy hills under the glow of starlight. In the distance they could see several lights indicative of civilization, but otherwise everything was decidedly rural, if not complete wilderness.

“Butterscotch?” Marceline blinked. “Oh, that’s just Lake Butterscotch.”

Pinkie’s jaw dropped. “A lake… made out of butterscotch!?”

“Yeah...? That’s why we call it Lake Butterscotch.”

“Can I drink it?”

Marceline chuckled. “Yes, though there’s a lot of fish that do their business in there, so…”

“Pinkie, don’t drink the entire lake,” Twilight warned.

“I won’t! I won’t!” Pinkie assured her.

“She can’t actually do that…” Marceline turned to Twilight and Rainbow. “Can she?”

“I won’t put it past her,” Twilight said.

“I’ve seen her eat multiple cakes larger than her,” Rainbow added. “Mare’s a guzzling machine.”

A look of concern came over Marceline’s face. She turned back to Pinkie, only to find that the pink mare was nowhere to be found. “Oh no.”

“This is amazing!” Pinkie called from over a hill.

Twilight, Rainbow, and Marceline hurried over to Pinkie’s location, finding Lake Butterscotch easily. It was a valley filled entirely with butterscotch syrup. The light of the moon provided an excellent view of the tar-like sugar as it rippled under the wind. Pinkie was currently doing the backstroke in the lake as if it were made of normal water and not a tremendously viscous substance. After every breath, she would dig her face into the lake and take a swallow of the sugary delight.

“Pinkie!” Twilight called. “I know you’re having fun, but we really should get to that cabin!”

“Oh, all right, just one more drink.” Pinkie jumped into the air and rammed her face into the lake, sucking as hard as she could. For a moment, Twilight and the others held their breaths, wondering if she would lower the syrup level.

The mystery of if she could have drained the lake would remain, however, because she sucked a strawberry gummy fish into her mouth, clogging her butterscotch intake. Scrambling in a sudden panic, Pinkie jumped to the beach and spat the fish out onto land. “Gah! What were you doing, flopping into my face like that, you delectable strawberry delight you?”

The gummy fish kept flopping around.

“Strawberry…” Pinkie licked her lips. Turning to Marceline with puppy-dog eyes, she pointed at the fish. “...Can I eat it?”

“Pinkie!” Rainbow gasped. “That’s a fish!”

“But it’s candy…” Pinkie countered. “And I already licked it. Like, allll over. Can I? Pleeeeeease?”

“It’s just a fish, go nuts,” Marceline said with a shrug.

Pinkie quickly stuffed the fish in her mouth and bit its head off. “Hmm… just like the gummies Granny Pie used to make!”

“I think I’m gonna be sick…” Rainbow moaned, a hoof over her mouth.

“...Doesn’t Fluttershy have you feed her wolves?” Twilight asked.

“That’s… that’s different!”

“You know somebody that keeps wolves?” Marceline grinned. “Metal.”

“Yeah, Fluttershy’s awesome, but she doesn't eat fish,” Rainbow huffed. “She just cooks it for her animals and... she looks at it kinda funny whenever I’m around… kinda like...” Slowly, Rainbow’s eyes widened. “Oh my Celestia…”

Twilight put a wing around Rainbow. “It’s all fine, Rainbow. Just part of the circle of life.”

“Yeah. Speaking of, can I eat the red out of your mane?” Marceline asked.

“What? No!” Rainbow stumbled a few steps back.

Marceline chuckled. “Man, you guys are so fun to mess with. I rarely get fresh meat out here.”

Rainbow paled considerably.

“She’s speaking metaphorically, Rainbow,” Twilight explained.

“Do you mean… meataphorically?” Pinkie said, having finished dining on her fruity prey. Marcie laughed at the terrible pun while Twilight and Rainbow let out agonized groans.

“Maybe the color pink just makes great personalities,” Marceline mused after her laughter died down. “Speaking of, the cabin’s just across the lake.” She pointed at a small, warm light on the far shore. “Not much further.”

“I’ve got line of sight, it won’t be long at all.” With a grin, Twilight cast the teleport spell. All four of them appeared in front of the cabin with a flash of lavender light.

“I wish I could do that,” Marceline said, wistfully.

“Everypony does,” Rainbow confirmed.

“I’m not a pony.”

“You know what I mean.”

Twilight took a few steps forward, taking in the cabin’s appearance. It was a decently sized wooden shack that had recently gone through some renovations, given the uneven wear on the logs it was constructed from. The fence surrounding most of the property was new—so new that a gate hadn’t even been installed yet. The path led right through an opening to the front porch. Surrounding the property were several small pumpkin patches with little budding fruits, a few of which had been recently torn apart by wild animals.

Marceline floated up to the front door and knocked on it. “Yo Bonnie! You awake!?”

The door swung open, revealing the previously named Bonnie to be a bipedal creature that was very pink in color. She wore a simple white shirt, jeans, muddy boots suitable for the most back-breaking of farm labor, and a simple green baseball cap. Twilight’s eyes were drawn to the shotgun-like weapon slung over her back while Pinkie’s were drawn to her hair done up in a ponytail but clearly made out of a dark pink substance that glistened slightly in the light of the cabin’s fireplace.

Bonnie fixed Marceline with a tired glare.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Marceline grinned. “I’ve got some shipwrecked ponies who need a place to crash that isn’t the middle of a ravenous forest of doom. I’m sure you won’t mind.”

She let out a short sigh before quickly replacing it with a soft smile. “Yeah, I don’t have any beds though, just rolls.”

“We can sleep standing up,” Rainbow commented. “We just don’t want to get eaten by any monsters.”

Twilight nodded. “The bed rolls are appreciated anyway. Thanks for your hospitality… Bonnie, right?”

“My name’s Bonnibel, but Bonnie’s fine. I’ll have Peps set up the rolls. Marcie, are you staying too?”

“Eh, might as well,” Marceline said, stretching her arms out and twirling her axe-bass in the air. “I’ll serenade all the little ponies to sleep with my sick tunes.”

“I doubt you’ll be able to refrain from ‘jamming,’ ” Bonnibel observed.

“Eh, maybe, maybe not.”

Bonnibel’s smirk grew. “Well, come on in, make yourselves at home.”

As they walked into the homely cabin, Twilight spoke up. “I’m Twilight, and these are my friends Pinkie and Rainbow. We’re really thankful, Bonnie. Our ship crashed in the Everfree and… well, we weren’t sure what to do. This is a huge load off all of our chests.”

“Don’t mention it, it’s not like I mind the company. And I—” Bonnie noticed that Pinkie was standing very close to her and staring at her hair intently. “...Uh…”

“You’re made out of bubblegum…” Pinkie breathed.

“Oh. Right. I look delectable, don’t I?”

“Yes, but… do you ever eat yourself?”

“Pinkie!” Twilight chided.

“It’s quite alright,” Bonnie said. “Yes, Pinkie, I have tasted myself before. I believe most candy people have. It’s a taste you get bored of after a while.”

Pinkie nodded as though this information were the secret to life itself.

“Though I can do this…” She worked her jaw for a few seconds, somehow blowing a bright pink bubble afterward.

“That’s… kinda cool, actually,” Rainbow admitted.

Bonnibel nodded, turning to one of the cabin doors. “Yo! Peps! Bed rolls!”

“Already on it, my lady.” A giant peppermint disc in a blue suit walked out of the door, three bedrolls under his spindly arms.

Pinkie gasped. “You’re so cute!”

“I am Peppermint Butler,” he said, huffing as he laid the bedrolls down next to the fireplace. “I am not cute.”

“You so are,” Pinkie said, sliding up to him.

Peppermint looked up to Bonnibel. “Should I be worried about her eating me?”

“Yes,” Marcie answered for her. “Be very terrified.”

“What? No!” Pinkie waved a hoof frantically. “I would never eat such an adorable little wafer of culture!”

“And if she tried…” Bonnibel pointed to the shotgun on her back. “Boom.”

“M-message received!” Pinkie stammered, jumping onto her bedroll like a child who knew she’d been bad.

Rainbow yawned, landing on her roll and spinning in circles a few times before lying down. “Mmm, I’m beat.”

Marceline started strumming a calm, soothing tune on her axe-bass. Bonnibel sat down in a chair and closed her eyes to listen.

“Guess we’re going right to sleep then…” Twilight said, stretching before setting herself down on her bedroll. “See you all in the morning.”

“G’night,” Pinkie said.

“G’night,” Rainbow added.

~~~

Marceline slowly stopped playing her tune. “...Huh. They’re asleep.”

“And I was too, until you stopped playing,” Bonnibel muttered, rubbing her eyes.

“Oh! Sorry.”

“This chair isn’t that comfortable anyway…” Bonnibel stood up and stretched. “Marcie, you have no idea who they are, do you?”

“Uh… some lost ponies who crashed in the forest? Should I know?”

“Maybe.” Bonnibel pointed at the sleeping form of Twilight. “That’s Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, Princess Celestia’s personal Protegée and one of the strongest wizards of the modern era.”

Marceline almost dropped her axe-bass. “What the glob? Seriously?”

“Shhh,” Bonnibel warned. “Yes, it’s her, I’m certain of it, the horn-wing combo doesn’t really exist in many other situations.”

Marceline glanced nervously at the pony. “Should I have found them somewhere else to stay?”

Bonnibel shook her head. “I would have let them in anyway. They are lost. Just… be careful around them. They have to be here for a reason.”

“Huh. Probably should have asked them, now that I think about it.”

“Probably.” Bonnibel yawned. “I’m going to bed. Don’t haunt them too hard.”

“Aww, fine, I won’t.”

“And leave Peps alone too.”

Marceline put her hands on her hips. “You know me too well. Maybe I’ll fly over to Finn and Jake’s, have some… recreation.”

Bonnibel waved dismissively as she went to her bed. A second later, Marceline heard a loud thump.

“Poor girl’s exhausting herself,” Marceline said under her breath. Getting no response, she shrugged and floated out a window into the night.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

This time can be cut down considerably if one is an expert in creating life from basically nothing, but that is a rare title.

Careful, you're edging towards Skaia there. And I have to wonder who's writing these opening bits...

Pinkie jumped into the air and rammed her face into the lake, sucking as hard as she could. For a moment, Twilight and the others held their breaths, wondering if she would lower the syrup level.

I'm reminded of Thor in the hall of Utgarda-Loki. (No, not that Loki. Though he was there.) For Pinkie's next trick, she'll wrestle Marceline's grandma!

“Maybe the color pink just makes great personalities,” Marceline mused after her laughter died down.

You may be a bit biased there, Marcy.

There is the question of just what Bonnibel's doing out here. I suppose we'll find that out in good time. For now, it's been an eventful day. The magical anomalies will still be there tomorrow. Probably.

[Mal Masque]

The zogging guzzling line is still there, COME ON GM, YOU’RE KILLING ME HERE.

[GMBlackjack]

10278545
Your dirty mind is your problem, not mine.

-GM, master of toffee.

[Mal Masque]

10278552
You are VERY CORRECT!

[alfonso_rd_33]

10277899
I'd say that, in this continuity, King Of Ooo(.com) is Princess of the Candy Kingdom

[Puzzling Frost]

10279665
So king of ooo era and old man biker jack. This is getting interesting.