• Published 24th Jan 2020
  • 10,338 Views, 498 Comments

Mind Over Matter - Boopy Doopy



I got one wish. So what did my drugged mind come up with? To be a pony in Equestria.

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The First Of Many

"How has he been?" Ivory Spark asked the couple.

Leo had only spent one day alone with them, but as she promised, she would visit Leo twice a week, her first of many visits being today.

"He's doing good," Herbal Essence said. "We took him to the park yesterday, and I showed him around my shop. Then we went out to eat, and not much else after that."

"That's good to hear," the doctor said as she wrote down what the mare told her.

"He does still seem a little… sad though," she added.

"Sad?" Ivory Spark asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, not sad exactly. It's more like…"

"Apathetic?"

"You don't think it's us, do you?"

"No, it's not you," she assured her. "And I've spoken with the school teacher, Cheery Leap, about that, and we have something planned for him to help with that."

"Oh, that's good news."

"How have you two been though?" Ivory Spark suddenly asked. "How have you been getting along? Herbal Essence?"

"I'm well. I'm going back to work on Tuesday."

"Thundertail?"

"I'm good," he responded nonchalantly.

"You're going to go to those sessions right?" she asked him. "The first one's on Saturday."

"Of course, of course," he told her casually. "Absolutely."

It took all of her willpower to not scowl at that. She really didn't like the attitude he gave off, and was suddenly starting to feel like she made a bad decision having Leo in his hooves. He seemed to her like he acted more like a teenager than an adult, and had it not been for Leo's attachment to Herbal Essence, wouldn't have ever considered him as a potential foster parent. His attitude just seemed so… she didn't even know. The point was that she didn't like it.

Not that he didn't seem to understand. She explained to him that Leo didn't need an older brother, he needed somepony to take care of him and make him feel safe, and he seemed to take it well enough. The problem was that, from what she'd briefly seen and read about with him, it seemed he had a lack of maturity. She was hoping he could change her perception of him, and thought that Herbal Essence might keep him from acting out of line, but wouldn't hesitate to pull Leo away from him if she thought he couldn't handle him adequately.

"I'm trusting you on that," she told Thundertail.


“So Leo,” Doctor Spark asked me with a smile on her face, “how do you like your new home so far?”

I lay on the ground in front of her, still not wanting to walk much, and she lay on the ground with me to keep at eye level. I had expected to see her again, but I thought it would be in a month, or a few days at least. Although I did like it here thus far, I didn’t really have much of an opinion after one day.

“It’s good,” I answered simply.

“That’s good. How are you feeling?”

I was feeling… better. Less chaotic than I was before, like me and this body were starting to mesh together. I felt a lot more in control of myself now than I did before, and felt a little embarrassed by my actions in the previous days.

"Good," I told her again.

She let down her smile at that, but didn't frown. "You can tell me if you don't like it here," she said.

"I do. I like it," I told her.

"Are you still itchy at all?"

I shrugged. "A little," I admitted to her.

She paused for a second, then asked, "Is it okay if we talk about your parents?"

"I guess," I said, shrugging again.

“What kinds of things did you normally do with them?”

“What do you mean?” I deflected, not wanting to lie.

“Well, I know you’re having some trouble using your magic right now. How did they try and help you with that?”

For the second time, I saw a flash of something. This one was more detailed than the first one several days ago, but still kind of unresolved. The word that came to mind for me was memory, which was what I didn’t want to start having. I was just starting to get over how bad I felt about this colt’s problems, and had enough memories of my own problems. I did not want to add this colt’s memories to those.

I shook my head at her quietly, and she looked at me with sad eyes. "I know it hurts, Leo, but keeping everything in won't make you feel better."

I wasn't trying to keep anything in, I was trying to push things away. "I don't remember what happened to me," I told her.

"Leo-"

"I know that I was hurt, but I don't know how, and I don't want to know how. I don't want to know how other ponies hurt me, since I hurt myself enough as it is."

"Do you think it's your fault for what happened to you?"

She already knew that answer. I told her multiple times before how I felt. Right now, though, I made sure to tell her exactly what I meant. "It's my fault that I'm here right now."

"Why do you think that's your fault?"

"Because I didn't care about what happened to me."

She got up from laying down and moved into a sitting position on the ground. "How do you think you hurt yourself, Leo?"

I sighed. "I told you before."

"Can you tell me again please?"

"I took medicine I didn't need," I huffed.

"And you took it on your own, by yourself?"

"Yes."

"Did anypony know you were taking medicine?"

"No."

She put on a weird expression at that, like she didn't want to ask the next question. "Did anypony tell you to say that, Leo?"

I looked at her, suspicious of her question. "Do you think I'm lying?"

She took a breath and answered, "I don't want to say you're not being truthful, but I don't know if you would have been able to take medicine by yourself because of your magic."

I turned away from her, getting upset. I knew what she said made sense. This colt couldn’t have taken medicine by itself. It couldn’t have done anything by itself. I could see why she didn’t believe me. But still, it hurt that she didn’t believe me.

I sniffed, and she quietly told me, “Leo, you don’t have to be afraid of them hurting you…”

“I’m not lying,” I told her.

“Oh, Leo, I’m sorry,” she said to me quickly, realizing exactly how her words were making me feel. She laid back down, a bit closer to me now, and put one of her hoofs on mine, “I’m sorry I thought you were lying.”

There was a long silence before I finally told her, “It’s okay.”

Another long silence passed before she started to ask me questions again. “Were you trying to hurt yourself, Leo?” she whispered.

“No,” I whispered back.

“Did you think taking it would make you feel better?”

Not technically, no. But still, I answered her with a nod, opting to take the answer that took less explaining.

“Did you know it would probably hurt you?” she asked, and I nodded again. “Leo,” she said, letting her hoof rub my front leg, “I know how much you’re hurting, but you can’t do that. I know it's hard to keep caring, but doing that’s not going to help you.”

Her premise was wrong. I didn’t care about myself in the first place, which was why I started using. Not to make myself care, but because I didn’t care. But I still accepted her words. I knew she was trying to help me, and was doing her best with what I was giving her.

“I know,” I told her.


"She doesn't have to embarrass me," Thundertail complained in a whisper as he and Herbal Essence watched a conversation they couldn't hear. "It's ridiculous."

"You embarrassed her first," Herbal Essence told him, "with what you said to that stallion a few days ago."

"He started it."

"Stop acting like a foal. It doesn't matter who started it. You told him something you were supposed to keep to yourself, and now she doesn't trust you because of it. And then when you add on the fact-"

"That was two years ago!" he interrupted, still whispering. "I bet a third of the ponies in Baltimare have gotten a public intoxication charge."

"That's not the point. Even if it was ten years ago, she's taking a risk on us," she told him. She turned to look him in the eye, adding, "On you. She could lose her job if Leo gets hurt, so she has to make you go.”

“You and I both know-”

“And so does she, otherwise she wouldn’t have even considered him staying with us. She wants to see if you’ll listen to her, because all she sees right now is that you’re immature.”

“What have I done that’s immature?” Thundertail asked. Herbal Essence gave him a look at that, and he said, “Okay, I might have been a teensy weensy tiny little bit immature, but-”

"No buts. You're going to go."

He let out an annoyed sigh. "I didn't say I wasn't going to go. I'm just saying that it's dumb."


Ivory Spark thought about what Leo had told her, and realized it actually made a lot of sense.

Even though he didn’t have magic, he’d likely try to make up for it with increased dexterity in his hooves and with his balance. Him getting to any sort of medication was plausible enough under that assumption. And any colt who was hurting as badly as Leo was would see “medicine” and might use it to make their hurting stop. And then when that option was taken away from him, he resorted to self-harm. However, it didn’t make sense why he resisted medication in the hospital, but, then again, she still didn’t have the full story, and believed it was likely because he was forced to be drugged at one point, or several points, and simply didn’t trust other ponies attempting to administer it to him. And, although Leo did seem to have an adult understanding of the consequences, he still had a foalish view of what medicine was supposed to do.

As much as it hurt her to hear what happened to him, it did make it easier to help him. His logic likely was “I know this is going to hurt me, but I don’t care because I want to stop feeling this way.” Knowing that would help her lay out the groundwork for what they would need to work on during their next few visits. First and foremost would ideally be getting him to realize it wasn’t his fault for what Blue Mist did to him. Although, that would be quite difficult to accomplish until he was ready to tell her what happened. So for now, they would likely be working on his self confidence.

She was also still noticing a bit of a split personality from him, and it almost felt like he had two sets of problems. However, it didn't seem nearly as bad as before. It was like he was... settling. Settling down after leaving his parents. And while it was a good thing, it made her worried about what happened to make him have to settle down again. But that was something to figure out and work with him on later. She already made him uncomfortable enough, and figured now would be a good enough time to change subjects.

"Are you excited about school, Leo?" she asked the colt.

He shrugged, answering, "I guess. I don't really like school though."

"Oh, I think you'll like this school," she said encouragingly. "The school teacher there is really nice, and you'll get to spend time with colts your age."

Leo looked unamused at that, and didn't seem like he really wanted to go. He didn't think he'd be able to bond with them. No, he knew he wouldn't be able to bond with them. But still, for the mare before her, he let out a simple, "I guess."

Despite his lack of enthusiasm, Ivory Spark put on a smile for him. "It won't be bad. I promise. We'll stop by tomorrow so you can meet your teacher and take a test." The look on the colt's face didn't change, so she added, "I actually heard they'll be having a field trip to Canterlot in a few weeks."

"Really?" Leo asked quickly, his face suddenly lighting up.

"Yup," she confirmed, her smile getting a bit bigger. "It'll be at the end of the month or the beginning of May. Would that make you want to go to school?"

"Yes," the colt said happily, putting on a smile.

The sight of him happy made Ivory Spark happy. She was glad he could give him something to look forward to.