Conflicted Feelings
“Leo,” Doctor Spark said softly, after I had fallen back asleep for a second time, “it’s time to eat your breakfast.” I opened my eyes to see a tray that, except for a few apple slices, was filled entirely with hay set before me. “I know you don’t like it, but we need to make sure you’re getting what you need to stay healthy.”
“I’m not hungry,” I told her, shaking my head.
“Can you just eat half of it for me please?” she coaxed. “I’ll get you whatever you want for dinner if you do.” I might not have been a doctor, but I was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to say that, which was a testament to how tired she likely was. However, I shook my head, and she looked at me with concern. “You have to eat, Leo. You haven’t had anything since yesterday morning."
“I don’t want anything,” I told her, leaving out the fact that I used to go days without eating. Even in this colt body, I wasn’t that hungry now.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, putting a hoof on my forehead. “Do you feel sick?”
“No,” I said quietly.
She sighed, as though she expected that answer. “I know you don’t believe me yet, but it’s going to get better. You’re going to feel better, even if you don’t think so right now.”
“Where did Herbal Essence go?” I asked suddenly, looking around for her, finally realizing she was missing.
“She had to go take care of something,” she said simply. Then she took a breath and asked, “I know we talked about you staying with Herbal Essence and Thundertail, but how would you feel about living with somepony else?”
I shook my head at that. “They found me,” I told her in a childish way.
“I know that Leo, and I know you like them and they like you. I’m just worried it might not be the best fit for you.”
I shook my head again. “I want to live with them.”
“I know you said you wanted to visit Ponyville or Canterlot. What if we found somepony there for you to live with?”
I wanted to tell her yes. I would much rather have moved to Ponyville than live somewhere with ponies I don’t know. However, my colt body stopped me from answering her. It realized there was something off about her newfound insistence on not living with them.
“How come I can’t stay with them?” I asked.
“I’m just trying to see if there are other ponies who you’d be willing to stay with,” she tried to tell me. “Just in case,”
I already knew what she was getting at, and it made me upset. I didn’t know why though. I shouldn’t have cared. They were two ponies who I met literally two days ago. They should’ve meant absolutely nothing to me. And yet the thought that I might not see them again made me start to cry.
“Celestia, damn it!” Ivory Spark thought silently. “Damn it Thundertail! Why did you put me in this position?”.
She was angry at him and Herbal Essence for not telling her about his charge two days ago, or even yesterday, before she effectively confirmed to the colt in front of her that he’d be staying with them. They just made her job that much harder. And then Blaze and Rose Petal had to go and try and slip him medicine last night. They could have just taken two seconds to run their plan by her first. It was probably going to be impossible to convince him to stay with somepony else now. And before all that, Blue Mist had to go and abuse Leo, whose nightmares of her kept her up last night, which was making her stressed out today.
No, wait. She couldn’t be angry at the last one. Her lack of sleep was nothing compared to what the crying colt went through, and she felt ashamed of herself for even being angry that Blue Mist was the cause of her stress now.
“I don’t want to be this colt!” Leo yelled. “I don’t want to be here!”
A few times now he’d told her that he didn’t want to be a colt, and she’d been meaning to ask what exactly he meant by that. She figured now was a good enough segway.
“Do you think you shouldn’t be a colt?” she asked him quietly.
Leo sniffed. “Not this one,” he told her bitterly.
Ivory spark took a breath to keep her composure at his resistance and tried to ask the question in a different way. “Do you ever feel different from other ponies your age?”
“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen other ponies my age in person,” Leo told her, thinking to himself, “Because of that genie.”
She didn’t go further, quickly getting annoyed with him and feeling guilty because of it. He still presented himself as somepony older, maybe ten or twelve, or even a bit older than that. He seemed like somepony who should have known she was trying to help him, somepony who knew exactly what she was asking him, yet sought to resist her anyway. But Ivory Spark pushed those thoughts out of her head. Even if he seemed older, he was still a colt who was badly hurt, and needed to be handled as such. And right now, tired and stressed, she felt like she wasn’t handling him very well. For his sake she couldn’t let herself handle him poorly. Still, however, the situation in front of her was not ideal.
In theory, she could still let him live with the couple he was fond of and just visit with him more often than she was initially planning. She knew that Leo needed therapy, and it could also serve to make sure Thundertail was staying out of trouble. The only problem was Herbal Essence. Ivory Spark felt fairly certain that Leo would lie about Thundertail’s behavior to stay with her, seeing as he already had an extreme attachment to her. So much so that, even at her suggestion to find somepony in Ponyville to stay with, he stayed reluctant in the idea of living with anypony else.
It was not good. She knew she couldn’t let him stay with them. Not in good conscience at least. But for Leo’s well being, they were the best ponies for him. Still, for as many pros as there were, as helpful as staying with them might be for him, as much as it might make him feel better, the potential cons outweighed them.
Somehow, despite my struggle to choke down the hay, Doctor Spark convinced me to eat a third of the meal in front of me. After that, we started work on my magic again, which I could tell I was slowly getting better at. She didn't ask me anything for a while, watching silently as I worked once again on the chips in front of me.
As I worked, I slowly got the impression that she was conflicted, probably about whether or not I'd be staying with the couple who found me, but I didn't know why. The only thing I could think was that she learned something in the past few hours about them that had changed her mind.
I knew it shouldn't have mattered. I was here to change myself and visit the princesses. I wasn't here to stay with two ponies I didn't know. Still, the thought once again started to get me worked up.
"Leo," Doctor Spark told me cautiously, seeing my face and reading my mind, "please don't bite yourself."
"Why can't I stay with them?" I finally demanded, dropping the chip in my grasp.
"I'm not saying you have to stay with your mom and dad, Leo."
“I want to stay with them,” I asserted.
“I thought you said you wanted to stay in Ponyville or Canterlot.”
"I said I wanted to visit those places. I want to stay with Herbal Essence!"
She took a breath at that, and had a look on her face as though her next sentence would be physically painful. “I understand Leo,” she told me, “but that something that might not happen.”
“Then why did you ask if I wanted to live with them?" I asked angrily, starting to shake. "Why do I even care?”
My teeth were chattering as I tried both to keep from crying and biting myself. My mind was conflicted. I did want to care about myself, and knew I had to find something to care about to keep myself out of trouble, but yet I didn’t want to care about the couple who found me, in particular Herbal Essence. And yet my colt body wanted to stay with them, and hated the idea of leaving them. The more time I spent in this colt’s body, the more conflicted I felt.
“Leo,” Doctor Spark tried to tell me sympathetically, putting a hoof on my shoulder, “I know it’s hard…” I turned to look at her, looking her in the eyes. She tried to continue, but paused, looking down, seeming like she didn’t know what she wanted to do, likely because of the sad and angry look I was giving her. After a short while however, she started again, saying, “I’ll see what I can do about having you stay with Herbal Essence and Thundertail.”
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I'm guessing some kind of issue with violence? Bar fight, maybe? Or arrested in a protest?
Interesting, while I do wonder what is the issue with the couple, but it might be better that Leo's foal-ish hope be crushed again and to restart him on stage one, the downside would be that Sparks wouldn't be dealing with his file anymore, so it would be a loss of an ancker anymore. it could be that he is going to be picked up for CSGU could be the next step to his story and get him into a bigger pown and finally get him out of the hospital. I would be curious who in Canterlot or Ponyville could take Leo and would like to see how much things have changed. Maybe a unicorn couple in Canterlot.
Huh, I am somewhat confused. So, the child personality of our main character wants to stay with the first couple that found him. Why? Some type of emotional dependence?
From an author's view, I can understand you don't want to just abandon the great characters you made just so you could send the MC to Ponyville. Not to mention it would be an abrupt ending to this arc. Hell, I am getting really excited about exploring your OCs.
From a realistic view though,I really would've thought he would be gunning for Ponyville or Canterlot.
10126831
It would be an abrupt ending, and I'm still thinking through the decision, but if it did end, I wouldn't completely abandon Herbal Essence, Thundertail, and Ivory Spark.
I wonder if the police note is actualy a legit point or not. I mean sometimes things happen outside our control. Like fraud, getting accused of something that never happen etc.
Wondering if he couldn't turn the investigation around and reverse-interrogate her. She's distracted enough that a flinch from a targeted question could be all that's needed to start doing math.
Wonder also if there are such things as meal replacement smoothies for those who couldn't chew but otherwise don't need direct forced feeding... Might be easier to say "gulp this down" than dwell on eating raw material...
Keep going! ;)
I can't really speak for anyone else but, I'm starting to get a little annoyed at how much our MC is flip flopping on how much control he has.
I get that it's one of the main problems with his character but, it just seems like it doesn't follow any rules. The amount of self control he has just seems to change to fit the story. He can either start bad mouthing the doctors and nurses then suddenly not be able to speak a single word of his own.
I think the main thing that's making me feel this way is that we were told that the original colt was transferred to the human body. So who is he actually fighting? Just doesn't make sense to me.
10127342
I was realizing how much back and forth their was too which is why the time skip is probably coming to get him more settled. in regards to who he's struggling against it's his colt body because everything about him is a child except for his mind.
10126965
If it's public intoxication/Disorderly Conduct he probably just had a bit to much to drink at the bar one night got kicked out and told the police to fuck off when they came to stop his drunken antics.
At the worst he maybe was involved in some kind of drunken altercation that wasn't serious enough to warrant assault/battery charges.
It's not a violent felony so it's not enough to completely bar him from being a foster parent, but it is a red flag that he may have a drinking problem which would be a disqualifying factor.
10127437
I see. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Wile i hope its nothing if they get him , there is to consider that Leo is broken and additional shock could doom him
Hey my friend, as always I am excited to see an update and was glad to see this one as well.
I have a suggestion for you. Maybe it’s helpful maybe not. But I would like to offer it anyway:
If you are thinking of a hiatus from writing at all, I recommend you do not. Hiatuses don’t tend to help with writer’s block. They make it worse. If you’re struggling I instead suggest a word sprint. Those are helpful at getting the words out!
If you weren’t considering one then I apologize if I wasted your time. But just some food for thought.
Suppose Leo lives with them and is sent to school down the line in Ponyville?
10127672
Yeah, I learned the hard way that hiatuses really don't help. I was struggling mostly because I think I've gotten everything I can out of him being in the hospital.
10127733
Then go with your instinct. If it’s time to move on, it’s time
To move on. I for one would love to see how he adjusts to living with Herbal and Thundertail. Hell, a chapter of him getting settled with them will open many more doors for you to try.
Or a plot twist where Leo is actually da Vinci in some
Alternate universe where his fame didn’t take off!
On second thought avoid the plot twist.
10127874
Here's the problem: I'm still debating whether or not Ivory Spark is going to trust Thundertail with Leo, or if shell send him to somepony else. Although, either way, he will be adjusting to life in Equestria.
10127919
From a story perspective it would make more sense to leave him with your selected characters. But given the information we now have about Thundertail that complicates things.
I still don’t exactly know for certain what he did. But maybe we should hear it from him? Maybe he tells Leo in a gentle manner what he did. Leo reacts however he reacts and you can achieve a decision from his perspective.
Mind, he is still a 5 year old so they would have to tell him in a manner a 5 year old would understand. But more importantly, Leo has to react. Whether this means he is no longer comfortable with them or he wants to be with them anyway is up to what the plot of this story dictates to you. You might even be able to have Ivory tell him what she found, or have herbal and Thundertail do so together. But I think the stronger impact would be from Thundertail himself alone though. That’s just my take on it.
The question is, assuming he does tell Leo what happened and Leo still wants to stay, AND assuming Ivory is willing to give him a chance, does Thundertail have it in him to avoid whatever vices he fell for previously?
10127972
I foresee AA meetings in Thunder tail's future.
Why doesn't Ivory Spark simply ask Thundertail what happened to him that warranted the conviction?
10129323
Because she already read what was on the report
10129353
The reports often leave out crucial details. The lawyers on those cases often don't care about the whys or the situations they were in, they only care about nailing someone to the cross.
In the case of Thundertail, everyone makes mistakes and whatever it was couldn't have been all that bad if someone like Herbal Essence is still with him.