Mind Over Matter

by Boopy Doopy

A Brief Mental Breakdown

I was a pony now, even in my dreams.

I was very cartoony and out of place in the real world. I dreamt that I was back in the city I used to live in as this anxious blue pony. I was standing on the corner looking at my human self as people passed by. I couldn't help but smile as I saw myself laying down and sleeping on the sidewalk, all my possessions next to me as I slept. I was dirty and smelly, with my hair a tangled mess. Bone thin, teeth rotten, skin gray, face covered in sores. I was almost excited to see him, myself. That was not the life I would live anymore.

"Having fun lying in the street?" I asked in my new squeaky voice.

“Get away from me,” The old me mumbled.

I made a wide grin at that. The human version of me was probably high, as per usual. That version of me was going to be dead within a year, tops. But, that wasn’t my problem. “I feel so sorry for you,” I told my human self.

“I feel sorry for you,” he told me.

I wasn’t expecting that response, but I humored him. “And why is that?”

“Cause I get to get high!” he said, suddenly raising his arms in the air in excitement, then dropped them back down. He turned to look at me and said with a smile, “Get high before I die!”

I shook my head in mock sadness at that. “I pity you,” I told him.

“I pity you, pony me,” he answered back.

Okay, that was unnerving. There was no way he could know who I was, even in a dream. “How did you know I was you?” I asked, trying to hide my surprise.

“Cause I know what I look like, dude,” he told me, his speech ever so slightly slurred. “You think I don’t know what I look like, especially when I’m high?”

"I think you're mistaken," I told him. "You may be high, but I'm not."

"I know I'm high, and pony me is high, too."

"I think you're delirious."

"If you say so," he said, and turned to go back to sleep.

And now, a feeling of dread was creeping up on me. I felt like this dream was about to become a nightmare. “I’m not high,” I told him matter of factly.

“Yes, you are,” he told me, turning back to face me, saying it as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I most certainly am not,” I said definitively. “I know what I’m like when I’m high, and I’m nowhere near where I've been before or what I see in you.”

“Why do you think you're a pony?” he questioned me, then answered for me. “Cause you're high. You were high when you made this wish. Probably OD’d, and now you're in some fever dream.” With that, he turned over once more to go back to sleep. “Probably gonna die soon,” he mumbled to me.

I sat up quickly, gasping for air. I was still on the hill I, my body, stopped on. It was the middle of the night, the sky illuminated with stars. My blue-coated pony body was shaking harder than it was when I tried to go into the forest, and tears were already streaming down my cheeks. My pony body was upset and afraid, but my human mind was panicking.

"How could I be so stupid?" I thought, on the verge of hyperventilating. "I was high when I made this wish! I could be lying in the street right now- OVERDOSING AND DYING!"

I suddenly bit down on my pony leg. Hard. Hard enough to bleed. My pony body let out a choked sob, but I kept biting down, now desperate to get out of this dream, desperate to get out of what might have been some sort of drug induced coma.

I bit down so hard that my teeth went completely though, the tops and the bottoms once again able to touch each other. I picked another spot on the same leg and desperately bit down again. Nothing came from it except more loud sobs and pain. I wasn’t waking up.

My panic was slipping away, being replaced by fear, and my pony body took over my emotions. It sobbed, I sobbed, at the thought of my body lying in the street in a coma, people passing by, not caring. I desperately hoped that someone would pass by and shake me awake. I didn’t want to die. I did not want to die. I might not have cared about that before, but I suddenly cared now. I didn't want to die. I prayed to God that I would wake up. I promised that if I just woke up, I’d never use drugs again.

“That’s a lie and you know it,” my human mind said to me.

“No it’s not!” I pleaded desperately. “I just want to wake up! I just want to go home…”

“Really?” my human mind snapped at me, angry. “You want to go home? Back to your miserable life? So you can wake up and think that you just overdid it and get high again? There is nothing there for you. You’re here now, and you’re not going to die, so snap out of it!”

There was nothing there for me.

That was true. There was nothing there for me. But still, I didn’t want to die. I’d rather go back to the real world and live my pathetic life than die now. At least then there would still be hope that I could change my life. Hope I wouldn’t have if I died here.

“Stop it!” my human mind told me. “You’re not going to die! It was a nightmare. That’s it. You’re not even high.”

I forced my pony body to quiet its sobs, myself to calm down. I had to think. Was I high? I didn’t feel high. Despite my mental breakdown, my head felt clear enough. While I was in a TV show, it wasn’t heavily distorted like I would expect if this was a delusion. Things made sense, and my body felt real. I was afraid of dying, whereas high me normally wouldn’t bat an eye. That was good, but was I high when I made this wish? Actually, it didn’t matter. If I was, I was either overdosing and about to die, or, more likely, already dead. If the former, I’d just wake up and go back to my pathetic life. This was all fake, so nothing mattered. If the latter, then this was a sort of reincarnation? But I did just sort of pop into existence here. Which, in my human mind, didn’t make that much sense.

I started to calm back down again, feeling embarrassed by my brief breakdown. The most likely explanation felt to me like my wish was granted and I was here for real. Which would explain the whole ‘popping into existence’ thing. Of course, only a high mind could come up with “I wish to be a pony in Equestria”, which gave more credence to me just being overdosed. Which meant I might be going back to being a homeless junkie. But I tried to force that thought out of my head. I didn’t want to give either my human mind or pony body any material to work with to go back to the state I was in just a few minutes prior.

I tried to focus on what I should do. I was here right now, which meant, at the very least, a brief escape from real life. Of course, a brief escape also featured a higher risk of death in an attempt to recreate this experience, but that was a problem for later, if such a problem even existed. Even if it was brief, I couldn’t know that for sure. I had to assume that I would be here permanently, and take appropriate measures. Find a house. Get a job. Be a productive member of society. Make the most of this opportunity to start over. Don’t be a junkie. I was not going to screw up my chance to start over.

I was finally calm. I wasn't going to die. Even if I was, there was nothing I could do about it. Take time to appreciate being here now. Don't have another mental breakdown. This could be a new opportunity for me. Don't screw it up. I might not get a third chance.

So with that, I lay back down, my pony body still slightly shaking, shivering out a few tears. As I fell back to sleep, my human mind, while not as ecstatic as it was before, was still content with the opportunity ahead.

While the rest of my sleep was thankfully dreamless, my pony body woke up with eyes still wet with fresh tears. I breifly wondered why my front leg was in pain and looked down to see the two bite marks left in them, caked in grass and dirt, some of the skin beneath my coat hanging by threads.

“Oh, Yeah. That. Oops,” my human mind thought, slightly ashamed of its panic last night, as my pony body started to cry silently at the awful looking injury. “Come on, come on, come on,” my human mind tried to tell it. “We’ve got to get moving. We’re wasting daylight.”

But my body stayed put. It wasn’t ready to leave. I could feel its sadness and pain and fear, feeling it work its way into my thoughts, making me upset. I felt alone and scared and didn’t know what to do. I mean, I knew in theory, but did I really? All I was doing was walking around, not knowing where I was going. I was hungry and tired and in pain and afraid. I was afraid. I’d only been here a day, and yet, I was actually afraid of being here. Why I was afraid, I didn't really understand.

I cried for a minute, but just for a minute. One minute. After that, my human mind gently nudged me. “We have to get going,” it said patiently, as if talking to a small child. So, after a longer than expected rest, I stood up, wiping my tears on my legs, and walked down the hill I stopped on, heading towards the forest ahead.

Or, at least, that was the plan. I hadn’t counted on tripping and falling down the thing. By the time I was at the bottom, my pony body was understandably a mess of tears. One of my hooves was in pain, twisted and pinned under me, and the leg with bite marks now had a sizeable patch of coat and skin missing from it, it being ripped off during the tumble. My mane was now a tangled mess, my coat full of dirt… and that forest still lay ahead of me, waiting to be entered.

“Help!” I screamed in a squeaky voice. I looked around desperately for someone to answer, but no answer came. “Somebody help me!” I cried louder as I shut my eyes. Still, nobody answered. “Please,” I begged, crying loudly, but no one was coming.

I wanted at that moment to be home, and this time my human mind didn't argue. As pathetic as my life was, at least at home I could be high and delirious. Here, my drug-free mind was forced to be focused on my current state. After the initial excitement of being in Equestria, all I’d been was hungry, thirsty, nervous, panicked, fearful, anxious, lonely, and in pain. I was starting to regret my wish after just a day.

That guy was definitely a genie. Genies always pulled things like this. You wish for one thing, and you get what you asked for in the most twisted way possible. I wanted to be a pony in Equestria, not in this small, anxious body in the middle of nowhere. But, of course, I didn’t specify that, and he took advantage of it. He was probably watching me suffer right now, getting some kind of sick pleasure from it. If I saw him again, I'd give him a piece of my mind.

"We can't stay here," I told my pony body. It was still crying loudly, still shaking like it seemed to be doing ever since I got here. "There's no help here," I said to it. "We need to find someone to help us."

Slowly, very slowly, I stood up. The leg that was pinned under me felt bad. The hoof was definitely twisted, but probably not broken. It was already starting to swell though, which did nothing to comfort me. But still, I had to get moving. There was no one out here, and my top priority right now was getting help.

As I very slowly limped into the forest, I began to hope that this was the forest that the mane six always seemed to be in. If I could find one of them, or anybody really, I would be helped in no time, and I'd probably get to meet Twilight Sparkle. Of course, my money was on this being just some random forest, and even if not, my odds of stumbling into somebody out of the blue were pretty low.

The forest was actually fairly tranquil and nice, and my human mind might have appreciated it had my pony body not been so injured and afraid. I saw a few birds here, a rabbit there. The sunlight on the trees cast elegant shadows on the forest floor. It had a calming effect on me, and eventually made me stop shaking.

I trudged on for a couple of hours, my breaks being much more frequent than yesterday because of my limp, before I came upon a small stream. I was excited to see it, suddenly remembering how thirsty I was, and my human mind tried to rush towards it. However, my pony body declined, opting instead to limp slowly to its edge.

As I slowly drank from the stream, I tried to remember the last time I had water. Certainly not in a long while. My sickly, drugged up human body instead preferred soda, and alcohol the few times I could get my hands on it. It had been so long that I couldn't even remember what water tasted like. It had a slightly sweet, clean taste to it, the kind that made even my human mind long for home for a second.

But for just one second. At home, I was sick and drugged up. Although my pony body was damaged here, it wasn't in the poor state my human body was. Although my human mind was made more anxious and afraid by being in this body, its thinking was clear here, unlike in my human body. My human mind remembered that home sucked, and that, even my current state, it was far better here than being there in my human body.

The stream was moving slow enough for me to examine myself. I saw that I had dark green eyes, which were red and puffy from my crying. My coat was dirty, part of it sprinkled in blood from my bites. The bites themselves didn’t look too bad, but I looked away from them quickly out of the shame of what I had done to myself. I once again got the impression that I was small, much smaller than normal. So much so that I began to wonder if I was even in a stallion's body. Maybe I was in a child’s body? That would create problems, more problems than I’d have if I were in an adult body, but it would also explain some things better, like why I had such a nervous disposition here.

"Maybe nervousness is your natural state," my human mind thought.

"No," I thought back. "I'm not a naturally nervous person."

"How would you know? You spent the last several years of your life drugged up and delirious. Maybe now that your clean, your returning to your natural state."

I hated that thought. I didn't like the idea of being a naturally anxious person. I tried to remember. Was I like this when I was a child? I didn't think so, but I could easily have been mistaken. That was so long ago, and even in my clean pony body, my drug use still had an effect on my human mind.

"No," I tried to convince myself. "I'm not an anxious person. This pony body is making me anxious." I was not an anxious person. I was not.

With that, me and my pony left the stream and continued to limp through the forest, moving much more slowly than my human mind would have liked. I had to keep taking frequent breaks due to the pain from my limp, or just plain weariness. Walking all day was tiring me out and making me frustrated. I found myself desperately wishing I could move faster, wishing that I hadn’t fallen down that hill. I wished my pony body would have just gone through this forest yesterday, especially considering that there was nothing here. My pony body got itself worked up over nothing. If I would have gone through yesterday, I might not have had bite marks in my leg or a limp as I walked. It was especially frustrating because I began to feel like the forest wasn’t that big. What might have taken a healthy stallion a couple of hours to cross was taking me so much longer. So long that, before I knew it, the sun was once again setting, and night was falling. However, eventually, just before dusk, I saw a sight that made my damaged pony body sigh in relief. In the distance, just beyond the trees, was a clearing, and beyond that, a town.

Once again, my human mind tried to run, and once again, my damaged pony body declined. It opted instead to find a tree to lay down under, now too tired to be afraid of being in this forest at night, especially since we were only at its edge. My human mind, while frustrated at the thought of being so close to someone who could help me, gave in. My pony body had been limping all day and was nearly exhausted. Even though its fear kept me from getting here sooner, it still deserved to rest for a little while.
“Just a few minutes,” I thought. “Just a quick nap, then we’re getting up again,” I told myself as I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep.

Comments

[Mix-up]

Nice chapter, good to see an update so soon, it is certainly off on an interesting start, and I do fine his backstory very interesting as being a homeless drugger certainly, who is not entirely sure if he is dreaming or not and certainly added a lot worrying implication for him, which certainly adds a lot of issues about him if he is doubting his own senses or if he is actually dying for an overdoses, which sadly the former seems all to much likely. I wonder if it was only recently became homeless of if it has been going on for a while now. I do like the introspection he is doing in the moment and he does seem to genuinely want to leave his past behind especially his drug addiction, which sadly it will probably follow him still until he gets proper treatment for it and I am not sure if the ponies really have the means to help him for his needs. I would guess that he would be taken in for a foster home and be grilled about where he comes from or if Equestria is that laxed maybe just taken in by a family without crown over site. From the tages it doesn't sound like he will going to Ponyville or meet any of the Mane six as much as his bronyness would love too, I hope he will handle the disappointment , if that is the case. I would wonder how he got into MLP and how he deal with it in his previous life, I would guess, that it was a way to cope with his personal issues or at least ignore them. Well being a colt, he will probably get some really help and support at least, I would be curious to see how he will learn magic in this world.

The spiteful jinn is certainly an interesting way to get there, I would wonder if we will learn more about him later on in the story and why he picked a homeless dude to grant a wish, was it meant as an act of mercy, a prank, or did he had plans for him in the future?

As for the writing, I think you already showed a lot of improvement, so far, and I am happy to see this noticeable progress, keep it up.

[Boopy Doopy]

10053875
Oh good! I'm glad you like what I've posted so far! I was a bit worried while writing this chapter. I was thinking that people might think nothing was happening in the story yet and lose interest. Although I did receive a couple of excellent tips on how to structure out chapters better, which certainly helped me work out this chapter a lot better than what I originally wrote. This was actually initially intended to be two chapters, broken up halfway through.

I do have a general in my head for where I want this story to go, probably out to eight or nine chapters in the future, as well as a whole lot of ideas I want to put into the story. I've also been thinking about the general idea I want for my resolution, but this early, its way, way, way, way, waaaaaaaaay too far out in the future to be anything more than an idea.

[Tohshi]

so my thought is that he isn't as free of drugs as he may think he is and that his body is withdrawing from them which would explain the anxiety and general clumsiness, when I'm going through withdrawal symtoms (my head meds are super particular about when I take them and if I miss by more than a couple of hours my body starts up with withdrawal symptoms) they are ubtle enough it took me months to figure out what what happeneing to me.

[Boopy Doopy]

10054458
That might be the case. We'll have to wait and see!

[Black--Soul]

Ok this is harh. To be in a foal body without anything is quite the mess but as long the human mind can overcome its pony weakness its going to work out.
Otherwise its finished rather quickly...

[Vaalintine]

10062324
True. Though I hope his new body doesn't come with a new foal pony mind attached, he already HAS a mind or his own. Adding another in there to override him or subsume/destroy him would just be a bit TOO dark.

[Boopy Doopy]

10095156
Me: *reads this comment*
Me: *already has "Unexpected Circumstances" posted*
Me: Oh, boy

[keybounce]

10095384

Me: Oh, boy

You say that, in a story where the protagonist has suddenly appeared in a new body?

[NIchtraucher]

Maybe now that your clean, your returning to your natural state,"

*you're *you're

Wow, that pony body must have been in incredibly good shape. He's been constantly walking for 2 days straight part of it while injured and has yet to be hungry and had only had something to drink halfway through the second day.

In what world is walking into a forest when looking for civilization a good plan?

Ok enough criticizing. I'll continue reading as I kinda want to see where this borderline schizophrenic drug addict on withdrawal ends up. Both literally and figuratively.

[Amos Anon]

"No," I tried to convince myself. "I'm not an anxious person. This pony body is making me anxious." I was not an anxious person. I was not.

Hmmmm... as someone who suffers from anxiety myself, it's not infeasible for someone to turn to drugs to try to reduce their symptoms.

[Lavender Love]

10095384
Oh. Well that's disappointing but I guess it saves me the trouble of getting invested in something only to find out I don't like it later.

[Zanec]

human mind

Personally, about as subtle as a hoof to the face.

It had been so long that I couldn't even remember what water tasted like. It had a slightly sweet, clean taste to it, the kind that made even my human mind long for home for a second.

Clean water does not have a taste and "clean" is not a taste. How would this make either(especially the latter) of them long for home?

Why didn't they clean themselves in the stream?

[ImClinicallyDepressed]

"Dude how high are you?!"

"6ft 3"