An engineer transplanted from Earth tries to take his work with him to Equestria, but it's a mare's world here, and he's not taken seriously. Teaming up with a purple alicorn gives him a shot at making his dreams a reality.
I'm actually really happy with this scene. Direct and awkward is refreshing to the hallmark professions all over the place. I feel more connected to this.
Some of the sentences were weirdly structured. Had to reread several times some of them to get what had happened. Also I'm curious what made you decide to make this second person. And why not give the human a name? I think it would be even better if it was third person and had a named individual.
”Okay, fair. But cool it with the socks talk, those are bedroom clothes. You manage to choke back a laugh. ”I’m serious!” Her gravitas is not helped by her pausing to inhale more candy.
There should be a quotation mark after clothes, I assume.
Little point in reading tomes on magic when you can neither use nor understand them.
What happens if Anon and Twilight create new magic by combining physics with magic? Does Twilight gain a second pair of wings? Does Anon pop out a small horn and baby wings?
Good thing you hadn’t done so automatically, or you’d have kicked her in the noggin, and maybe impaled a calf on her horn. That would have been a rude wake-up call for both of you.
Gaaah... THATS an image I didn’t need stuck in my head...
I appreciate the cutting short of a game of idiot-ball via some straightforward communication. Twilight avoided it for an amount of time that leaves her looking reasonable rather than insane, then took care of it.
I'm actually really happy with this scene. Direct and awkward is refreshing to the hallmark professions all over the place. I feel more connected to this.
Love the awkwardness
Some of the sentences were weirdly structured. Had to reread several times some of them to get what had happened. Also I'm curious what made you decide to make this second person. And why not give the human a name? I think it would be even better if it was third person and had a named individual.
Other than that Im enjoying it
I have nothing against Luna, but I'm rooting for Twilight. Go Purple Book Pone!
Could you fix that? Good chapter btw.
plains?
There should be a quotation mark after clothes, I assume.
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All corrected, thanks.
What happens if Anon and Twilight create new magic by combining physics with magic? Does Twilight gain a second pair of wings? Does Anon pop out a small horn and baby wings?
Gaaah... THATS an image I didn’t need stuck in my head...
I got a lot of smiles from this chapter
You can tell this is an engineer. It's in the little details.
I appreciate the cutting short of a game of idiot-ball via some straightforward communication. Twilight avoided it for an amount of time that leaves her looking reasonable rather than insane, then took care of it.
This is Nice