Heart's Warming Eve part 1
Author's note: Seriously, I should just call this 'the diaper and dislestia story'.
Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were lined up, and being formally briefed by Twilight.
"Alright girls, listen up! I have a mission given by Princess Celestia herself once again, and I need your help in what is probably our strangest mission yet!
"But we must flap the wings of justice!"
The plastic wings wiggled at Twilight's posturing.
"Uphold the halo of virtuosity!"
The cheap, yellow halo waggled at her sudden head turn.
"And wear the wraps of- what? Why are you girls snickering at me like that?"
The others couldn't hold their faces in, and the giggling and scrunched faces began to scrunch harder and harder; even Applejack who had seen Twilight in her Cupid outfit before and timid Fluttershy could barely hold it in.
"We are so *snicker* sorry, darling," said Rarity with difficulty, her trademark poise destroyed by Twilight's ensemble, "But, wings *snicker*, halo *SNICKER*, wraps *SNICKER*, it's so- AHAHAHAHAHA! OHOHOHO- OH-TWILIGHT-YOU-SO-ADORWABLE!!!!"
And everyone roared in laughter, consumed by the power of the wings, halo and diaper.
It ranged from Rainbow Dash roaring in laughter and pounding on the floor to Fluttershy hiding under her long mane, her giggling smile sticking out like a sore thumb.
Twilight became very red and stomped on the floor almost childishly. "Girls! Stop that!" whined Twilight, but the laughter didn't stop, "It's stuck on me, okay! ...the Princess said I looked cute!"
And Rainbow dash in her laughing fit, meanly yelled, "Yeah! A cute widdle baby! Does wittle baby Twilight want some powder in her diapey-wipey!?"
"What!? No! I've already put some talcum powder on before I came here!"
Everyone stopped and stared at her.
"I felt a diaper rash coming on," she said shyly.
Everyone continued to stare at her.
And they laughed harder than they ever did before, silly baby Twilight.
"Giiirls...!!" wailed Twilight, clearly embarrassed, "Stoooop that! I really needed that powder!!"
it was Applejack who first calmed down, "Awright ladies, we're -whew- done havin' our lil' laugh, let's settle down now. Especially you, Rainbow Dash,"
Whom she clamped shut by shoving her hoof in her mouth, and everyone else got their composure back.
"Thanks Applejack," she said, though still feeling very sheepish, "Basically, we are to keep an eye on Discord as he makes his romantic moves on Princess Celestia, and should the need arise, assist him,"
"WHAT!!?" yelled a shocked Rainbow Dash, "Twilight, has your brain been drained or something!? I mean, we're all aware that the Princess and Discord used to be an item, but helping him win her heart!? Really!?"
"I know that the circumstances has been drastically changed," Twilight replied, "But I've seen how Discord has changed, and how he's never really lost his feelings for the Princess. Think about it, the very embodiment of Disharmony himself, seeking redemption in the Princesses' hooves,"
"Oh my! The scandal! The centuries long romance! The juicy, tabloid journalism!!" Rarity gushed, "If what you say is true, then I see no reason as to why we shouldn't help!"
"Umm... if I may..." began Fluttershy gingerly, "What exactly do you mean by being his minders, 'cos I don't think I'm very good at minding ponies... I'm sorry..."
"That's okay, Fluttershy," said Twilight.
"Princess Luna, Cadance and myself will be in charge of security where we'll set up a perimeter around the date!
"Applejack, Pinkie Pie, you two will be in charge of the decorations and assisting Discord in baking come confectioneries!"
"Discord bakes??" exclaimed the both of them.
"Apparently he used to be head baker back in Old Equestria. Now, Rarity, you'll be in charge in assembling an attire for Discord to wear for his date.
"Rainbow Dash, you're in charge of setting up the decorations. And Fluttershy, you're in charge of the music, and as a medic,'
"A medic!" said an instantly frightened Fluttershy, "But why??"
The night was brightly illuminated by the moon and stars. The setting was the Canterlot Royal Gardens, and in its secluded center was Discord sitting nervously with a large table in front of him, the chair opposite of his still empty.
And Discord's head is wrapped up in bandages, with only his nostrils exposed, and he picked at it incessantly.
"Cun thdis bundeyges vee tayken urf now?" whined a muffled Discord.
"Well Fluttershy?" asked Twilight, "Is the treatment a success?"
"Well, I hope so," she replied, "Luckily I've handled bigger boo-boos before, and on weirder places, and whilst covered in blood and snot and horseapp-"
"vy veer Fluffershy," interrupted Discord, posture rigid and uncomfortable, "I am vell avare yoove handled injurees that moist poonies would voomit at feerst site. I yam one of zose pornies,"
"Oh, umm, sorry, Discord, umm, could you repeat that again?" she asked with big earnest eyes.
Twilight could actually see a vein on his forehead pulsating out of the bandages, so she stepped in. "Fluttershy, just take the bandages off,"
And Fluttershy gingerly did, and the results made Twilight gasp.
"What? What do I look like?" exclaimed Discord, "Did the welt grow a face or something?"
Twilight conjured out a vanity mirror to show him. "Oh wow!" smiled Discord, impressed at how, in fact, the welt is actually gone.
He turned to Fluttershy, "Not bad, Flutters, not bad at all..."
"Aww, it was easy! Just a little tender, love and care and very hungry maggots to eat away at the wound, that's all!" gushed Fluttershy.
"Did you just say-"
Before he could finish that sentence and thought, Rarity rushed in with a portable wardrobe and blinds. And Fluttershy walked away with the bandages who cooed at her maggots a job well done.
"Make way, make way!" yelled Rarity, "We are on a deadline people!"
She instantly engulfed him in a dustcloud of fabric, powder and prissiness. Once the dust settled, Rarity placed a mirror before him.
Discord liked what he saw: a classic black tux with a red bow-tie.
"Very nice. I have forgotten how debonair I looked in a suit!" he mentioned to her, "But..." He snapped his fingers and the bow-tie untied itself, draping naturally down, "Much better!"
And Luna yelled into the mike that was connected to a hidden earpiece deep in his ear. Cadance thought it would be a good idea to be in constant communication with him, "DRACONEQUUS, CELESTIA IS UPON-"
"AARGH!! LUNA!" yelled Discord, clutching his ear in pain, and hissed back, "You do not have to scream into it!"
"Oops, err, sorry..." she said sheepishly, "My sister is coming. But remember to stick to the itinerary, and none of your wisecracks,"
"Come now, little Luna, have faith in me!" he said confidently, "I'll just have to put on my charms, and I'll be back in her good books in a snap!"
"She is arriving, Discord. For your sake, I hope you are correct,"
And Princess Celestia appeared from the shadows, and Discord approached her on foot.
"Celestia!" he exclaimed, slinking before her, "Good to see you! Please, come, have a seat,"
He noticed the subtle, unwilling weight behind him as he pulled her by her hoof.
They both sat down. He smiled at her. She stared at him.
"Is there something wrong my darling?" he asked.
"Your welt-"
"-is gone! Great isn't it! I must say, Fluttershy did a bang up job, and now I'm back to my old handsome self!"
"Mmm, yes, " she commented, looking around the gardens, "I would've expected a more flamboyant decor from you, Discord,"
"Ah, so you have noticed!" he bragged, "Watch!"
He snapped his fingers, and with the help of Twilight, Luna and Rarity, magically revealed a bevy of ribbons, bouquets of flowers, even Octavia's band popped out of the bush (still slightly covered in greens) that played a gentle background tune that romanticized the mood.
And most noticeably, a huge banner, appeared behind Discord, and it had Celestia's regal face on it. Celestia raised an eyebrow at it, frowning.
But Discord looked at it with pride, "I personally painted that myself, yep, still got the skills right here!", he said as he wiggled his fingers.
Celestia held up a hoof. "All this is quite nice, Discord. Though having a portrait of myself over your head, is rather, strange,"
"Oh, you don't like it?" he said concernedly, "That's quite alright, I'll just alter it in a jiffy-"
"-Before we begin, Discord, I must inform you of something first, which concerns your position as the Everfree Forest Warden,"
Discord raised an eyebrow.
"I should have told you this earlier, but... circumstances caused me to leave earlier than I wanted," she said, "As a warden on parole, besides being monitored for all hours by the Equestrian Guard and adhering to a strict schedule, you will be required to wear a security anklet to ensure that should you be acting out of line, we know where you are, what to do with you, and how to stop you, understand me?"
"What!? But- I....!" sputtered Discord.
Luna hissed into the mike, "Listen to me Discord, you are to not act out of line, she is testing you, do not act out of line!"
He paused at her words for just half a second, smirked and merely said, "Come now Tia, is there really such a need for something so drastic as a security anklet?"
"Yes,"
"Oh, well... anklets aren't fashionable on me. Something else, perhaps?"
"Choker?"
"Haha, very funny,"
"Bracelet then,"
"Oh fine, bracelet it is!" he said, a little annoyed, and said sharply "Is that all?"
Celestia actually smiled, "Yes actually, I just wanted to get that out of the way first,"
"Oh... well good then!" this brought his spirits back up a bit, and he clapped his hands, "Bring in the first course!"
"Whew!" exclaimed Cadance, "Thought Discord would've blown it! Well, he's out of the deep end now!"
Applejack served them some exquisite salads for starters. And before she could reach for the teapot, Discord stopped her with a hand.
"Uh-uh Applejack, Celestia likes coffee during the night," he said and levitated the coffee pot to her cup.
"I do not, Discord," she said.
"What? Yes you do, you've always had a cup for those nights where you had to slog away at the books,"
"That was then, now I simply prefer tea,"
"But that's Luna's preference!"
"Yes,"
"Pfah! Now why would you be trying to pretend to be your sister?" he teased, "Tea is so plain, so mild, so-,"
Discord could feel the ice in her reply, "-I drink it in memory of my sister whom I lost a thousand years ago,"
"Aah, right, the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco, right... umm... sorry..."
"Sorry for snapping, Discord," she said more gently, and looked away, "It's just, well... you can pour me some coffee, I don't mind,"
The awkward silence that followed as Discord gingerly poured the coffee could be cut with a knife. Applejack even tiptoed away.
"Well that could've gone better," Twilight commented.
She didn't touch the coffee.
After a long awkward moment of salad munching, the entree came.
Cadance took this opportunity to turn things around.
"Psst! Discord!" she whispered into the mike, "Ask her about her personal life, you know, get to know her better!"
His ear twitched at this.
"So... Tia," he began, swirling his soup around aimlessly, "Err... how has it been?"
She looked up from her own soup, and stared at him, incredulously, "What do you mean?"
"Your life, you know, how's it been for the past few millenniums? Anything interesting I should know?"
Celestia gave it a thought and offered, "Well, what would you like to know?"
"What's it like? Ruling Equestria in this day and age?"
"Hmm... that's a rather complicated question. I suppose it's been eventful, and I get to travel a lot. But in all honesty, it can get pretty lonely, even with Luna back. You know how it is, she stays up at night, I stay up during the day,"
Discord saw an opening and he took it, "Lonely, eh? Well, I believe I know a certain doctor that could remedy that,"
Celestia looked hesitant and sputtered awkwardly, "Well... I-"
But Discord instantly glided his serpentine body around her. His warmth made her blush a bit, and turned away from his obnoxious smirk.
"With some tender, love and care-" he curled even tighter, which caused her to gulp but she didn't fight back.
Rather, she smiled at him almost shyly, "-to cure my lonely and eternally single pony's heart-"
"-wait, single? Err, Discord..."
"Why, your loveless, innocent heart must be pounding right now-"
"Discord-"
"Shush shush, my rather large filly. I will-"
"Discord-"
"'Single' to 'in a relationship' in three, two-"
"DISCORD!"
"What!?" exclaimed an annoyed Discord, "I am trying to woo you and cure your loneliness here!"
"I'm trying to inform you that I have married before. With foals,"
"... what?"
Discord suddenly realized he's coiled himself around his one true love, professing to cure her 'eternally single pony heart' without realizing that she had in fact married. With kids.
"You... you have?"
"Yes, twice. I have had children with both my husbands, if you were wondering,"
"WHAT!?" he exclaimed in shock, which released his grip on her.
"I'm a mare of many years, Discord," she said sternly, "Of course I would've had partners and children,"
"Ah, umm, well, whaddaya' know! Haha...!" blabbered Discord pathetically, totally lost at what to say.
"Say you're glad for her that she was able to move on!" ordered Cadance quickly.
"I am- I mean!" He did a double-take and said more slowly, "I'm glad that you were able to move on,"
Celestia glared at him. "Are you?"
"Umm... yeah?"
"Really?"
"Yeah! Really!"
"Well, good,"
He sat down on his side again, and once again, awkwardly drank his soup.
"Do you want me to talk about them?" she asked, "If you want to, that is,"
"No offense, Celestia, but I'd rather this date be about us instead of your... hubbies," he stated.
"But of course," she looked at her coffee, and decided to drink it. She frowned a bit at how black it was.
"You want me to get some sugar for that?" asked Discord.
"No, thank you," and continued drinking it, enduring the bitterness.
And the awkward silence continued.
An emergency huddle was organized that had Twilight, Luna, and Cadance in it.
"Okay, those two are driving each other part!" exclaimed Cadance, "It's as if Celestia doesn't want to even be near Discord and Discord keeps saying the dumbest of things!"
"That's because the two of them are thinking of each other as how they previously remembered them!" explained Twilight.
"Their history doth smothers them both," said Luna with great severity, "but what can we do to remove this blanket of history?"
"Would Discord's cake help? Celestia did want to have his cake again, after all," said Cadance.
Luna sighed, "At this stage, I don't think any form of confectionery will help,"
"Hmm... Pinkie Pie," said Twilight,
"Ah, I see, Twilight Sparkle!" responded Luna with a glint, "We have Pinkie Pie distract my sister and Discord, whilst Cadance casts a more potent love spell on them!"
"No! No love spells! "Twilight said straightly, "Pinkie Pie will play the role of the merry jester, to give a more merry atmosphere!"
And Pinkie dropped down from the trees, and onto Twilight.
"Aargh!" went Twilight.
"Did someone say MERRY!? With an E!!?" exclaimed Pinkie, determination gleamed from her eyes.
"Yes, Pinkie," said Cadance, "we need you to liven things up with the two. I mean, look at them,"
Pinkie got off of Twilight and peeked at Discord and Celestia, who were both silently eating and barely even giving glances to one another. Discord looked at her, Celestia glanced back but Discord withdrew further back in,
"Sheesh, they're acting elderly and immaturely," she commented.
"Can you do it Pinkie? Cut the tension between the two?" asked Cadance.
"Cut it!? I'll do better than that!" replied Pinkie with gusto, "I'll cream the tension! I'll whisk the tension! I'll even make it my private cadet so I can yell AH-TENSION!"
"Umm, Tia?" Discord asked nervously.
She didn't respond, and continued looking at her soup, sipping it slowly.
He increased his volume a bit, "Tia!"
"Wha...!" said a startled Celestia, and looked up at Discord, realizing that she was indeed, still on a date.
"Oh, I am so sorry Discord-"
"Its alright, a lot has-"
"My mind was somewhere-"
"National affairs, of course, of cour-
"I am right here, right-"
"Of course, of course...' he said with understanding hands raised, with a slightly forced smile, "So... I'll bring in the cake? My special, homemade cake?"
"Oh, you've made cake?"
"Yes, you wanted me to make my famous cakes, remember?"
"I did...? Oh yes, so I did!"
"Uh huh," He clapped his hands and yelled, "Pinkie! We are moving ahead of schedule! Dessert time!"
"Comin' right up boss!" yelled Pinkie from the bushes and out she came with a silver try and lid bouncing on her back.
She enthusiastically placed it on the table, and was all smiles. Celestia and Discord remained curt.
Then she opened the tray, but it wasn't a cake, but a duck.
"Pinkie Pie, what is the-" before Discord could finish, it began to sing.
Celestia and Discord's jaws dropped as it sang the famous Neightalian aria from The Stylist of Stallionville.
The lyrics fast. The pronunciation and projection crisp. It's eyes remained vacant black.
Rainbow Dash with whistle and hat looked at it funny.
And the duck sang its finale and belted an incredibly long and sonorous finale before it screeched to a halt.
It waddled off the table and hopped onto Pinkie's head, and they both gave a deep bow and Pinkie waddled away.
Celestia and Discord both looked at her in disbelief as she disappeared in the bushes. Then they looked at each other, and they both couldn't hold back their laughter any longer.
Discord gave a howling roar, almost tipped himself over; Celestia held her two hooves over her mouth in a silly-looking attempt to cease the giggling.
"OH! Oh that Pinkie Pie," said Discord in rare admiration, "I knew I would have a soft spot for that one the moment I met her!"
"She is quite unpredictable, that pony," said Celestia, "I remember this one time when I had a little get-together with Twilight and her friends, and Pinkie walked up on my table, and yelled," with surprising accuracy, "'YOU GONNA EAT THAT!?' And immediately gobbled up my cupcake!"
"Well! That does like something I would do," said Discord, eyebrows arrogantly wagged.
She sat closely to the table with a smirk, "Don't flatter yourself, Dissy, you lack her charm,"
"Yes! It worked, it actually worked!" exclaimed Twilight as Discord and Celestia finally relaxed around each other.
"I'll get Pinkie to bring in the cake!" said Cadance.
Pinkie quickly ran back in with, a silver lid and tray on her back once again. She popped it on the table to reveal a most scrumptious looking chocolate cake.
"Epic Cake Time of Historyyyy!" announced Pinkie grandly, and quickly left to give them their personal space back.
Celestia's eyes sparkled at Discord's creation and licked her lips. Discord cut two pieces out, making sure to give Celestia the bigger slice.
"It's been a long, long time since I had this..." she said, and Discord was full aware she was speaking to herself than to him. He watched her, awaiting the approval.
She cut a little piece, and gulped it, and chewed. It was sweet but not ridiculously so, and had all sorts of flavors in it, and the banana pieces all added to make a- she paused, and her eyes widened. And swallowed.
"Well, did you like it?" asked Discord, "It's your favorite creation of mine: my banana split special!"
She stared at him with wide eyes. "You, you don't remember, Discord?"
Her tone took him off guard, "Remember? What's there to remember, this was your favorite cake! You've always bugged me to make you the banana split special!"
"Well, that is true, and this cake does taste as divine as before. It's just, that there was that time you and I argued..."
"Oh no..." gasped Luna in terror, "Oh no no no no no...!"
"What's the matter, Luna!?" asked Twilight, "What's wrong?"
"The banana cake incident... that imbecile! How could he have have baked that cake and not remembered the banana cake incident!?"
And that's when it all hit him in a split second. When she said 'argued', right after eating a piece of banana split special.
And the memories flooded back like a leaky Ponyville dam.
How he presented her in the royal kitchens the banana split special.
She confronted him on his practicing on chaos magic. He lied.
They argued, and they did not stop arguing, nor did it die down.
He remembered that their relationship was at a knife's edge at the time. And it was cut, and what bled out was everything.
Discord missing Celestia's (and Luna's) coronation. Multiple warning letters from Celestia herself to cease practicing chaos magic. How often Discord embarrassed her in front of the other royals with his immature antics. How they complained about each other behind their backs. Even how Discord always insisted he kissed her and never vice-versa.
Until finally the shouting match got so bad, and Celestia so boisterous and regal, that Discord shut up her via grabbing her banana split special and smashing it against her face.
And he finally remembered what he said as he left the kitchens, leaving Celestia, crown and cake on her face and all, on her own.
"Consider that my resignation, Princess," the poison in his tone actually twitched his eye, as if the welt wanted to return.
"Oh," he whispered in reaction.
"So, you didn't remember?" asked Celestia.
He blushed and shifted and tugged at his collar, "It's not as if I- well! I mean I remember it now, it's just there were so many other things to recall, and splatting a... cake on your..." he sighed, "I just forgotten, sorry..."
"No no no! It's alright, Discord!" she said with genuine concern, "Everyone forgets, especially at our age,"
"It seems that that particular one never left you," he said, and sighed again, hands on his head.
Celestia sighed as well, "I'll be lying if I said it didn't break my heart. I wish I didn't go to the kitchens that day, how I let my big, newly royal head get out of control..."
She got out of her seat. "Discord, thank you for tonight's dinner. It was strange but... strange. It's great to see you trying to be so earnest, that's definitely going to help in your conduct as a Warden. But, considering our history and what happened recently, I think it's best if we simply remained-"
And she said it. The one word that Discord didn't realize he dreaded, but did.
"-friends," And Celestia, clearly crestfallen, turned and walked away.
"KISS ME," it was Discord's first time using the Royal Canterlot Voice. He could always do it, but hated it for its royal implications, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
Celestia turned in surprised, "Excuse me?"
Discord's face remained steely at what must be done, "Kiss me. As in, not me kissing you, but you kissing me,"
"As in, you kiss whilst I not kiss back?"
"As in, you and I kiss at the same time, though this time, you lead,"
Celestia's squinted with suspicion, "But, you hate it when I kiss you. Why should I kiss you now?'
"Because I love you," he said flatly.
"You've come up with plenty of names to make fun of my kissing," she said flatly.
"And I promise to not make fun of you or make faces or make a passive-aggressive retort, or any other dumb things I've done before, so bringeth the smooching!"
He closed his eyes and puckered his lips as a form of invitation.
Celestia blushed at this, looked left to right to ensure no one was looking (the others were at the treetops), and got close to Discord, hugging him close.
Celestia gulped, unable to rely on Cadance's spell anymore. Discord's lips still puckered. She closed her eyes, and let all the wonderful memories sweep her away.
"Girls, prepare yourselves," said Luna severely, "You are about to witness a Celestial Smooch,"
"Princess, you're saying this as if Discord's in mortal peril!" Twilight laughed, "I mean, sure, her lips are- oh wow, they pucker that big? Oh, she's cocking her head back, but I mean, she's not gonna' launch her whole face on hi- OH MY GLOB!!"
And she kissed him with all her celestial love and might. Their bodies slammed on the ground, creating a small crater.
Celestia's lips were still smaller than Discord's, but she was sucking every single breath out of his tortured face. Celestia's swayed and sucked and liplocked and sucked and caressed and sucked, as if her life depended on it.
Or as if she had never done it for a few thousand years.
Discord had to fight against every fiber of his being, trying his very best to stiffen his body and to not shove her away like how he always did eons before. It didn't help that Celestia's legs were squeezing every last breath out of him.
Until finally, she released him. And there laid Discord, who perspired heavily and gasped for air. He turned to look at Celestia, who sat straight up.
He forced a smile even though his lips still stung. "S-s-s-see, no smack talk from me..." he said weakly.
"...I didn't feel it," she said.
"Feel what?"
"I was kissing you, but as always, you weren't kissing back,"
"What!? Of course I was kissing back, you were too busy being a vampire that sucks air!"
"There! You see! I knew you were unable to hold that tongue of yours back!"
"Look who's talking about tongues!"
And Luna threw her hooves up in defeat, "There they go again!! Impossible, simply impossible!"
And the bickering went on and on.
"This is just like you to always want to have the last word!"
"Me?? The last word!? What have I been doing all day!? I make you a dinner for the ages and this is my thanks!?"
"You ended it with a banana split special, for Equestria's sake!"
"Please! You didn't even want to drink the coffee, I saw your face!"
"I was being polite, Discord! Something you always had problems in!"
"Oh, and etiquette is something 'little miss perfect' is simply divine in!" mocked Discord, "My little ponies, bow before my almighty politeness!"
Celestia's face reddened in fury, "I am not a little miss perfect!"
"Oh yes you are! For Pete's sakes, you cried your eyes out when you didn't get a hundred for your Advanced Maths test!"
Celestia gasped, "Discord! Sh-sh-shut up! I did not cry over that test!"
"Oh yes you did! The moment you found your score out, you blazed to Professor Clover's hooves, begging for forgiveness! 'Wahh-Hahhh! Professor Clover, I'm so sorry I failed you!!' Hah, little miss perfect indeed!"
"Oh you want to talk embarrassing! Look who I'm talking to!" yelled Celestia, cheeks still burning red, "I still remember the announcements made in the Old Equestrian Streets: Draconequus Mistaken for Baby Dragon! Juvenile Delinquent Mollycoddled by Ferocious Beast!"
Now Discord blushed red, "What!? I was not mollycoddled by her, I was trying to save Luna who wandered too far into the forests!"
"And what did that dragoness do in return?" she said with a smirk, "I was there in the end, Discord, she held you like a little baby, rocking you side to side! Cooing at you!"
"I was not cooed!"
She leaned in close to savor Discord's would-be response, "And the best part was? You didn't see me for the first five minutes, and I saw you enjoying being babied,"
"AAAARGH!!"
Twilight was very confused, "Err, should we stop this?"
Cadance was in deep thought, "No, they're letting everything out. All the secrets, all the bickerings, everything. This could be what they need, right Luna? Luna?"
Luna, held her hooves, wriggling on the floor and trying to not roar in laughter.
"It's true!" managed Luna, "He couldn't look straight at our condescending smirks for weeks!"
It was rare to witness two all-powerful beings being reduced to bickering at each other like a pair of teenage ponies. This would be one of those times.
Discord and Celestia were at literal loggerheads.
"Snake!" insulted Celestia.
"Teacher's pet!" insulted Discord.
"Trickster!"
"Swan!"
"Baby dragon!"
"Know-it-all!"
"Old goat!"
"Oversized pony!"
"Oversized lizard!"
"FAT FLANK!!"
And that stopped Celestia's spats, her whole face beating red hard, and she cracked the earth beneath her in anger, "My derriere is not big!!"
"Oh please! It's hasn't gotten smaller over the eons, that's for certain!!" said Discord smugly, "You could practically block out the sun with those two titans!"
And in a move no one saw coming, Celestia levitated Discord's slice of banana split special and splatted it on his face.
Discord jaw dropped at what she just did, the cake dribbled down on the earth.
Even more shocking was Celestia smugly smirking, "Looks like this time, I took the cake,"
Steam practically shot out of Discord's ears,and proceeded to grab a handful of the cake and tossed it at Celestia, and it landed square on her muzzle.
She wiped it from her face, and her expression could be equated to the phrase, "BRING. IT. ON,"
And with the banana split special as their weapon, they grabbed pieces of the cake and propelled it at each other with terrifying speeds.
"This is for turning me to stone twice!"
"This is for constantly harassing my sister!"
"This is for stopping me from harassing your sister!"
Until finally, there was no cake left, and Celestia and Discord stood facing one another, covered in cake.
They stared and stared, and the more they stared, the more they smiled. And the more they smiled, the more they started to laugh.
And the more they started to laugh, the more they started to howl with laughter and they dropped on the cake-ridden floor.
"We acted like a pair of idiots!" yelled Discord up in the sky, "IDIOTS!!"
"I haven't acted so childishly for a millennium!" exclaimed Celestia giddily, rolling on the floor to Discord, grass sticking on her body.
"What was I thinking!?" he said to her with a smile, "Coffee at night!? Your big swooshy mane on the banner!?"
"What were you thinking!? What was I thinking!? I came in as if I was some kind of prune!' exclaimed Celestia.
"My goodness, I don't think there has ever been a courting this disastrous as when-" and Celestia knew exactly what Discord was about to say and said it with him.
"-when the Great Mandolini tried to court Luna!" and they laughed and laughed.
"The famous mandolin player from Old Equestria?" queried Twilight, "He tried to court you, Princess?"
Luna hid under her mane, "They promised they would never speak of that!!"
"My thick-headed sister was so horrible! Mando tried everything, he gave her flowers!"
"She ate them for lunch!"
"He gave her a box of chocolates!"
"She gave it to her servants!"
"Mando even sang her a love song!"
"She adopted it as her anthem for the Night Guards!"
"And remember how Mando, got so desperate, struck her with a magic love spell!?"
"I was there, I was there!" squealed Discord.
"You were!?" Celestia actually squee-ed with wiggling hooves, "Oh you must tell me everything! Luna never wanted to let me know what happened!"
"Picture this! A private plaza where I was drinking some tea, and I saw this desperate Earth Pony who's clearly lost his mind, tossed a ball of magic dust, impacted on Luna's flank, and immediately ran up to her face, so that Mando would be the first thing she sees.
"But poor Mando! I don't know what is wrong with Luna's mind, but she looked at him funny like some curious over-sized dog, looked around the plaza and said these exact words: Ah, Mando, good to see you! I seek a lifelong partner... could you recommend any strong, brave stallions for me?"
"SHE SAID THAT!?" exclaimed Celestia in disbelief, "Oh but of course she did! So the stories of him wailing like a big filly on top of a hill were true?"
Luna couldn't take it anymore and yelled out from the trees, "I DATED HIM THEREAFTER!!"
"Just goes to show that no matter how hard I fail in love, Luna has failed harder!!" Discord commented, which got him a quick jab on his ribs from Celestia.
"Discord, don't be mean," said Celestia with a straight face, then stood up with an outstretched hoof, "Come, the night is still young,"
He took her hoof and got up, "Got someplace in mind?"
"Yes, but..." her horn glowed and he felt his earpiece come out of his ear, and Celestia tossed it aside.
"WAIT! TIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" yelled Luna again.
"Come, let's go have some fun," said Celestia quietly, the excitement in her voice clear as crystal. She held his hand close, and they teleported away.
"What!?" exclaimed Luna, "Where did they go!?"
Cadance gave a smile, "Our job is done, Luna. Now it's up to them to start from scratch,"
1. Special thanks goes to the guy who made the Opera Duck, love that bit. And Mandopony!
2. Next chapter is the big one, and it has a special scene that I'm particularly proud of; hint: five years.
3. Oh my glob, Season 3 is coming soon. Will it affect this fic and will I change some things based on canon? Depends, depends.
4. Stay tuned, for the climax of An Ancient First Love Returns.
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glad to see this make it back into the feature box, it was in there at least once before and i read it and liked it but forgot to favorite it and lost track of it
Making Luna the but of the joke is always funny.
That amazing climax
/)
(\
; ;
Why doth thou torture the poor Mandolini in such a way? Did he get Woona in the end, or was his heart shattered?! I MUST KNOW! (Since I can't, you know, ask him myself. That would be awkward, and if they broke up, that would be painful to bring up. You know how it is.)
Awww, the insulting of others brings people together. Celestia should tell discord about the time, she brought her molting pet phoenix to Ponyville, didn't explain that it was a phoenix and the local zoo keeper lost her damn mind trying heal it. How about the time she had Twilight and her friends evacuate a full grown dragon rather than sending a garrison of troops.
^ See Celestia can be just as much of a troll
as Discord. 
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DAMN! i read all chapter up till now and after im done reading ANOTHER chapter appears? im too lucky for this xDD the story in its entirety is utterly sweet and hillarious xD upvote from me cant wait for the next ch. :D
That. Was. AWESOME! The Wait was SOOOO tottally worth it!! XD
A great chapter as always
, way to keep it suspenseful
and funny
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.... Dat Celestia Smooch... No wonder Discord called it the plunger.
I was laughing far too incredibly hard by the end of this chapter.
...
Or at least I would have if it wasn't 1:30 and my parents were in the room next door.
...
I think I busted something holding it in.
Poor Mando.
LOVED IT
Aw man! Just... wow... I have been waiting for this in a while and you sir did not disappoint.
Have a stache since its November now.
how has that smooch not killed her previous husbands
1548446
According to my school, the climax is usually the middle of the story, that means eight more chapters!!!
Oh my lord that was hilarious.
1548934 Who's to say it didn't?
Haha, kidding! But yes, next chapter will touch on that.
1548496 good point actually. Might make a short segment in the coming parts to address that.
I have read all the chapters in the last two hours, and I have to.say, this is some piece of work. I would have loved to to see more detail into the love connection between our two love love ponies. But hay, I believe I'm a little late to make such comments, so I will end with this, I love the story and wait for your epic finally on this beautifully-comedic story.
P.S.
I hope stay with what you believe in and not on what might happen in season 3 of MLP: FIM. Fanfics were created to express our thoughts and desires on we wish things to portray. If you go with what season has to offer, I feel as though you're loosing a part of what made this Fic so wonderful. But hey, I'm just another voice behind a computer screen.
i can't believe that i had that duck video open, BEFORE I BEGAN READING THIS CHAPTER!
"Princess Luna, Cadance and myself will be in charge of security where we'll set up a parameter around the date!
I think you mean perimeter, I figure it would be odd to see Twilight set up a mathematical concept around the date c.c
Good stuff by the by
5 years. Of Twilight stuck in that diaper.
That was perfect for them.
Also poor Luna
Oh dear god!
I burst out laughing so hard because of this chapter!
Poor Luna, failing harder in love than Discord!
I just love this story!
AHHH I WOULD YELL IN OTHER MANE 6 FACES THAT HER CUPID COSTUME ISN'T FUNNY! I wouldn't normally stand up for Twilight, ever, but this situation calls for it.
Calling somepony who makes techno/dubstep music "great".... INFIDEL, DIE!
That last piece with Mando killed me
I have the worst mosquito bite ever.
SO MUCH ITCHING.
"vy veer Fluffershy," interrupted Discord, posture rigid and uncomfortable, "I am vell avare yoove handled injurees that moist poonies would voomit at feerst site. I yam one of zose pornies,"
Look at the last word and tell me if this needs fixing...
Because it Looks kinda bad. 
THAT PART JUST CRACKED ME UP!!!
I don't say oh my g o d ether well the exact words I use are OH MY GLOB!!!!
YOU ADVENTURE TIME FAN YOU!
I was wanting to murder discord during the date....
I spy a "Epic Pony Battles History" Reference. My favorite is Luna vs. Celestia (Luna won) and
vs. 
(
won)
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! MY SIDES! MY SIDES! ALL MY DAMN YES! COMEDY FRICKING GOLD!
"Can you do it Pinkie? Cut the tension between the two?" asked Cadance.
"Cut it!? I'll do better than that!" replied Pinkie with gusto, "I'll cream the tension! I'll whisk the tension! I'll even make it my private cadet so I can yell AH-TENSION!"-...
...
...
...
...
Not. millenniums it's millennia
9263291
I think that might be the point. Discord is messing up the word because he's discord
Fluffershy!