• Published 25th Aug 2012
  • 21,101 Views, 624 Comments

An Ancient First Love Returns - Wasabi-beans

Cadance puts a small love spell on Celestia, but Celestia settles for nothing but the biggest...

  • ...

Party of Two Part 1

Cadance kept walking back and forth in the courtyard, one of the few places that hasn't had a Celestia hugging Discord shaped hole imprinted in its premises. She hoped the chariot she sent to Twilight will get to Canterlot on time.

After a few hours when that 'incident' happened, Twilight finally arrived in chariot.

"I got here as soon as I can, Cadance! What's the situation?" she cried. The letter she received from Cadance was quite telling.

Twilight, I need your help quick! I gave Celestia a little Motivate-to-get-a-Date spell to perk her up, but now she's gone bonkers with D- it's best you see who it is.



Cadance could hear the destruction leaking toward the courtyard.

"Oh Twilight! It's terrible!" cried a flustered Cadance, "Celestia and Discord have been at it for hours, smashing through the castle walls and saying the most inappropriate things to each other!"

Twilight gave a double-take, "WHAT!? Discord?? But I thought he was locked away from any pony sights, and what's that racket? It... sounds like concrete being smashed and... a combination of flirts and denials...?"

Cadance was getting antsier, "Oh, they're getting closer! I tried to stop them, but the Demotivate-to-get-a-Date spell didn't work on the Princess!"

"Why didn't it!?"

"I don't know!"

"Wait, back up a bit! Are you implying that Celestia is in love... with DISCORD!!??"

The destruction got closer. "They were each others' first loves. And from what I saw, Celestia's repressed feelings for him is coming out non-stop!"

"Oh no, Discord isn't hurting her, is she?" she asked. The destruction practically loomed.

"Well, that's actually what can be considered good news..." began Cadance, but before she could elaborate further, a huge explosion rocketed from the castle balcony, a trail of smoke flew towards Cadance's and Twilight's direction.

Discord (with Celestia still hugging) smashed onto the ground. As if it were nothing, he stood and proceeded to push away at Celestia's arms to no avail in a panicked daze. And most tellingly, his face was blushing hard as crimson.

"Celestia, let me go! What in the world has gotten into you!? This is ridiculous!" he screamed.

"No Discord! It's Love! You just need to let the feelings of affection and romance wash all over you!" swooned Celestia. Twilight jaw hit the ground.

"I'd rather wash a minotaur's backside!"

"Can I wash it with you?" she sincerely quipped, before noticing Twilight. Discord looked as if he was trying his best not to explode.

'Oh Twilight, good, you're here as well. I believe introductions haven't been made," she politely chirped, and in spite Discord being slightly larger than her, actually lifted the dracoequus up with her forelegs, adjusted him as if he were some garish pipe, and pointed his reddened face in their general direction.

It was actually a rather cute image if not for the circumstances.

"This is Discord. I believe he's made your acquaintance in attempting to take over Equestria and brainwashing you and your friends," she said it so casually that Twilight grimaced a bit, "But you should be aware that Discord was once my ex-boyfriend. And now he's my Dissy-wissy-squeezy-peezy!"

And rubbed her beautiful face on his neck which he adversely reacted to. "Yech! Don't rub me! I am not your Dissy-squeezy-whatever! In fact, I'm not just your ex-lover with a capital E.X, I am your mortal enemy!"

Celestia gently rebuttled, "But that's all in the past my love,"

"I tried to destroy the Elements of Harmony and take over your kingdom months ago!!"

How she replied so calmly Twilight will never find out, "And I'm quite sure we can work it all out. And seeing as it's the two of us, an eternity is nothing,"

Discord's horrified reaction illustrated how true Celestia's words were. "Now come Discord," she said as she walked away on her hind legs, holding him like baggage, "Let's go to the gardens and catch up. We've much to talk about!"

"What!? NO! Celestia, you senile grandpony, you've forgotten I hate gardens, they're too organized, they're too safe! You always get your way, and I hate that!!"

And Celestia bounded out of the courtyard whilst Discord whined. Cadance desperately turned to Twilight, "What do we do??"

Twilight scratched her chin, thinking. "Well, I noticed something weird,"

"Twilight, now's not the time for you to be dense,"

"I mean besides Princess Celestia's newly revived affection for Discord! Discord is the embodiment of chaos, why doesn't he, I don't know, hypnotize her, conjure up a crowbar, or even just blast her with magic?"

"Now that you mentioned it, he did try to blast her a few times, but it barely fazed her, and even tired him out a bit!"

Twilight was surprised, "But how's that possible!? He was practically unbeatable before this! But let's recap, Celestia has him under severe wraps, so he can't caused trouble... besides some surface wounds..."

She noticed Canterlot castle was pockmarked on one side.

"And as long as he's with Princess Celestia, nothing much would come out of it, except... if the Princess gets her way, then a few things could happen, such as marrying Discord, which is just... ew!! Or turning him to good, if that's even possible,"

"You're saying we should look at this mess as a good thing??"

"It has the potential to be, but only if there's constant surveillance, and- is that the Princess?"

The princess was uncharacteristically trotting up to the two, and asked, "Did Discord by any chances, flew pass here?"

And Twilight instantly panicked, "HE'S ESCAPED!!??"

"Well I wouldn't say escaped," she replied sheepishly, "He requested that I loosen my grip a little, as it was hurting him a bit. So I did, and before I could put some flowers on his head, he conjured up some butter, slid it between him, and slinked away! "

Cadance and Twilight could see her forelegs were covered in the yellow stuff.

"Princess, with all due respect, what you just described was an escape!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Intelligent as always, Twilight," complimented Celestia, "But my Dissy-kins won't escape for long. See you girls!"

And for the second time that day, she rocketed off, leaving Twilight's and Cadance's manes and brains, singed.

"I've created a monster," said Cadance, close to tears.

Discord couldn't believe his luck; he finally broken out, and where is he now?

In the janitor's closet.

But it wasn't so bad now that he's conjuring up a doomsday device. It was a dinky metal bucket admittedly, but the magic flowing into it kept increasing.

"I don't know how you diminished my powers, Celestia," hissed Discord as he enchanted it, "But with this bucket acting as a timebomb, soon, all of Equestria will be flowing in chaos once again... goodness sakes, this will take hours,"

After five minutes of filling the bucket up with pure chaos, it barely even filled up one-eighths way. Discord grumbled to himself, "Sheesh, it's no fun when you have to work for your chaos,"

An entire village, warped into a candyland and its ponies turned into an assortment of candies, from coke ponies where you can see the cola swish in them, to gummy ponies made... of gummies. In one go.

Celestia and Luna couldn't believe their eyes.

"Discord, why? Why did you do this?" Celestia whispered to him.

"To send a message, Celestia," boasted Discord, "that I am your superior, though I have always been your superior, Luna,"

"This be treason, dracoequus!! All this wanton chaos, why art thou doing this?" demanded Luna.

"Why, my thick-headed pony? It's simple. I don't wish to bake any longer, I wish to spread chaos," he said.

Celestia shifted awkwardly when she finally asked, "Is it... is it because of me, Discord?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Oh I wouldn't say that, Tia, in fact, I realized a few weeks ago that you've been holding me back all those happy years. Now for some real happiness. Hold still, I want to see how chaos reacts to you two,"

Discord never officially broken up with Celestia, but that certainly was the final nail in the coffin.

"Hmph, foolish Celestia. Always asking how I was and such nonsense," Discord muttered, "Shy Celestia. Quiet and meaningful Celestia. Unlike now, a bag of hot air and going through a mid-age crisis when she's probably not even middle-aged anymore! Great, now I'm being nostalgic of that mare! Well. nothing a good ol' Bucket O' Disharmony won't fix! Soon everything will be right, Celestia will be barking mad and not come after me, my magic should return to full, Luna will turn into a cow again-"

A lovely voice chimed that shivered his spine, "Discord, are you in there?"

"CELESTIA, LEMME BE- GEWLP!!" and clamped his jaw shut. He's not used to keeping his mouth shut.

He quickly placed the bucket back on the shelf, covered it with a rag, before Celestia came in.

"Are you alright, my love?' she asked concernedly, "You left in quite a huff, and with butter on me, no less," She held up a right hoof with butter glossing it.

"Sheesh, couldn't you have wiped yourself?" he chided.

"Well I had to look for you. Technically, you still are a criminal to civilization," she said frankly.

"I am its savior, Celestia. You're just too slow-minded to pick on the latest facts," Discord replied.

She said sagely, "But would a savior be hiding in a janitor's closet, hmm?"

He didn't have to hide this one, "Well after smashing through walls, and trying to pry you off me, and nearly having daisies tucked behind my ears, I needed a breather, okay!?"

"From me, my love?" she asked.

'From you, my hate," he said.

She smiled at this and stepped closer, which unnerved Discord a teensy bit, "It seems we'll have to work a little harder for this relationship to be unrequited, will it not?'

And she licked her lips. Discord's eyes widened, for this seemed familiar. Horribly familiar.

She was just two feet away from him. She puckered her lip. The horror loomed.

She closed her eyes and moved those huge lips to his horrified face.

Celestia's dreaded plunger kiss has returned.

"NO!!" he screamed, "NO NO NO!!! Not the plunger pucker! Why in your very own name do you still want to do the plunger pucker???"

Celestia opened her yes, annoyed, "Discord, it's been thousands of years, and you still can't get over how I kiss?"

"That's not kissing, that's attempting to swallow my face!" he hissed, "I mean, don't tell me you kiss everypony else that way!?"

She smirked, "Only to the ones I hold dear to my heart. C'mere," And the plunger returned and Discord shied away like it's a vampire's light.

"I will not be covered in your saliva again, you, you, PLUNGER PUCKER YOU!!" he shouted.

This stopped her in her momentum and gasped out sadly, "Discord, you called me 'plunger pucker'. You haven't called me that in so long. Not even when you came back months ago!"

"Why would I want to bring up such a horrible part of you up again!?" he yelled.

"You, you've always hated my kisses, haven't you?" she asked quietly. Discord perked up at this switch.

"Indeed, the arguements we would get over your oversized toilet equipments!"

"They never have led to much a conclusion, haven't they? That's why I rarely even kissed you in those years..."

"Yes, yes, I've always insulted you with that whenever you tried to hit me lips first, that's it!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, hopefully that would encourage her to back off a bit, and he didn't stop there.

"Why, one of my pet peeves with you have always been your oversized lips! I hate them! Ha ha!!" he said happily.

His smile went upside-down when she had happy tears in her eyes, with a happy smile.

"Oh Discord, you do remember those wonderful days!" she gasped.

"Excuse me?"

"How youthful we were! How I would chase you around, you'd run away in terror, how romantic it was then! And how happy I felt when I finally caught your blushing face! How full our life was then, with happiness and pettiness!! C'MERE!!"

And she lunged lips first onto him, tears flying in slow motion.

In a split second, Discord took advantage of her momentum, dodged the plunger kiss, grabbed his bucket and flew away.

Celestia's lips broke through the wall, making another hole in the castle.

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