The two princesses, Celestia and Cadance, were having tea and cake on a balcony, close to the ground so they could see their subjects frolic and do things of Hearts and Hooves norm.
After gently sipping a cup of tea (without consuming the whole cupful), Celestia asked again, "Are you sure I'm not taking up your time from Shining Armor, Cadance? This is your special day in more days than one,"
"Oh no, Princess!" scoffed Cadance, "Besides, Shining Armor has to handle a case. Apparently, a rather ambitious colt tried to impress his marefriend by playing the piano. On her rooftop. Umm. Without harnesses," Cadance facehoofed at how dumb that sounded.
Celestia softly snickered, "Ah, young love. I do hope he's alright,"
"In any case, I thought it'd be a nice change handling all the Hearts and Hooves business, to just relax with you, Princess," said Cadance.
And she sprung the question that she's been meaning to ask for years, "But what about you, Princess? Have you been in love? I mean, recently, of course!"
"Me?" Celestia was caught off-guard, "Why do you ask?"
"Well, it's just that I've noticed for a few years on Hearts and Hooves Day," replied Cadance sheepishly, "that you always seem, just a teensiest bit lonely. Like, you'll be quieter, look at a couple and have the tiniest sighs, things like that,"
Celestia giggled, "How observant of you. Why, my dear Cadance, I'm an old pony in spite of appearances, so I can get... nostalgic on love, that's all. And to asnwer your question, no, I haven't found a new special somepony, I'm much too old to be dating again,"
Cadance's jaw dropped. "What!?" she exclaimed, then implored, "but why not? You deserve better, Princess, and I'm sure some stallions have tried, erm, courting you..."
"Oh, there have been a few over the years," she said casually, "In fact, last year, Lord Blackmane, whose mane is now a snowy white, brought me some rather marvelous gifts, and apparently booked an entire fancy restaurant for our date,"
"But didn't you go?" exclaimed Cadance concernedly.
Celestia slowly shook her head, gently smiling. "I've lived a long, full life, my little pony. I've married twice, birthed many bouncing baby foals, cuddled many grandchildren. And of course, took a certain little sister-in-law under my wing, who hatched a baby dragon. Indeed, a strange, but still full life-"
Celestia's mouth hung open, and then closed, realizing something. "Although, there is one thing..."
Cadance was practically inches away from Celestia, body ready at whatever revelation she's about to spring. Cadance rarely got to hear about Celestia's personal life, and she practically ached to understand her mentor better. And Celestia gave it.
"I had a first love. But that relationship..." she sighed deeply, "it soured more dramatically than I ever wanted. I was young, and so was he,"
"Is he someone I've read in the history books?" asked Cadance. Then she noticed that, for just a moment, Celestia's eternally unflappable composure softened, then saddened, but then that little, confident smile came back.
"I doubt he of all ponies will be in the history books, and it's something I've long accepted that it has past," she said.
"But that means that there's still some part of your heart that wants a little of that first love feeling back?" inquired Cadance.
"Well, if he were to ever come back to me.... maybe, just maybe. But it is impossible of course! After all, it's been a few millenniums since then," she said.
And she stood up, "Well, it's been lovely to have tea with you again, Cadance. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to at the moment,"
"Princess Celestia!"
Celestia turned, "What is it, Cadance?"
"Does Princess Luna feel, well, lonely, as well?"
Celestia actually snorted, then laughed, "Oh Cadance! My little sister wouldn't know love if it smacked her headfirst. I would know, I was there when it happened,"
"Huh?" went Cadance, as Celestia walked away.
As Celestia strode away, Cadance was in deep thought. Like almost all other Equestrians, she had immense respect for the Princess. She gave her all for her kingdom, and sacrificed so much of her personal life. In all honesty, Celestia had no time for love anymore.
Cadance can be considered a role model, a picture perfect pony, but that day, on the day where she has in a way become one of the icons of Hearts and Hooves Day, she will do something a little naughty.
For Celestia's happiness.
As Celestia walked further, Cadance very quietly sent the tiniest of love spells to Celestia. This was the Motivate-to-get-a-Date spell, to 'encourage' the mark to look for a date, nothing more.The perfect remedy for Celestia's blues.
The floating pink heart snuck closer and closer to Celestia, and it popped on her flank. Cadance watched closely to see what effect would come up.
And then, Celestia's pace slowed, her body shifted uncomfortably, and trotted to a stop. She began to inhale and exhale, louder, and louder, and finally, uttered.
"What am I doing with my life?"
She kept going.
"All my life, I made sure to give my best to my nation. But I don't have to do these things alone anymore, I have a most wonderful, wonderful student, I have my sister back, even Cadance! Why can't I just let myself- NO!"
She stomped so hard the floor cracked.
"I can save him, I know I can! And then, we can be together once again, as two lovers should, and live a full life! Yes! I will win his love back! Cadance!!" She turned and her expression was what can only be described as a first love's swoon.
She picked her up like a child with her bare hooves, and just blasted it all out, "I'm going my little pony! I'm going on an epic quest to bring my very first love back and right my wrong and romance him and he'll romance me and we'll be the happiest old couple Equestria has ever seen!"
Cadance felt something was wrong, "Err, Princess, didn't you say your first love was-"
"Oh he'll be a cranky old mule when he awakens, maybe even attack me, but I'll change his ways with all my wits and heart!" And she dropped Cadance, "Discord my love, I'm coming!"
"Wha-"
Celestia literally rocketed off into the castle corridors in such a fiery flash Cadance's mane was actually singeing.
And so was Cadance's mind at what she had just done.
Discord was locked away deep underground in a vault that looked as terrifying and dangerous as the things Luna liked, which was exactly the case as Luna helped in its design to deter any ponies that strayed underground.
The vault was filled with locks upon locks upon traps upon- Celestia magically, physically and intelligently (also romantically) unlocked them all. And finally, there he was with a little light-bulb illuminating his terrified visage: Discord.
And she glomped his stony body, hugging him tight around his waist and felt so happy.
And the stone began to crack from where she hugged, and it cracked further and further until-
BOOM!!
"Muahaha, I'm back baby!! LONG LIVE THE CHAOS!!" hollered Discord, flying back in the air stretching his spine in pleasure.
"Now to get my vengeance on those wretched ponies, and that wretched-" He finally noticed the weight around his midsection. And looked down. "what..."
And Celestia looked up and gave him the biggest, goofiest smile possible with the biggest, romantically glazed eyes possible, and murmured, in a lovestruck daze, "Discord I love you,"
Cadance flew as fast as she could to the vault, hoping that Celestia hasn't done anything rash. Yet.
Or worse, do something that will get her hurt. Yet.
Cadance kept walking back and forth in the courtyard, one of the few places that hasn't had a Celestia hugging Discord shaped hole imprinted in its premises. She hoped the chariot she sent to Twilight will get to Canterlot on time.
After a few hours when that 'incident' happened, Twilight finally arrived in chariot.
"I got here as soon as I can, Cadance! What's the situation?" she cried. The letter she received from Cadance was quite telling.
Twilight, I need your help quick! I gave Celestia a little Motivate-to-get-a-Date spell to perk her up, but now she's gone bonkers with D- it's best you see who it is.
Cadance
P.S HURRY!!
Cadance could hear the destruction leaking toward the courtyard.
"Oh Twilight! It's terrible!" cried a flustered Cadance, "Celestia and Discord have been at it for hours, smashing through the castle walls and saying the most inappropriate things to each other!"
Twilight gave a double-take, "WHAT!? Discord?? But I thought he was locked away from any pony sights, and what's that racket? It... sounds like concrete being smashed and... a combination of flirts and denials...?"
Cadance was getting antsier, "Oh, they're getting closer! I tried to stop them, but the Demotivate-to-get-a-Date spell didn't work on the Princess!"
"Why didn't it!?"
"I don't know!"
"Wait, back up a bit! Are you implying that Celestia is in love... with DISCORD!!??"
The destruction got closer. "They were each others' first loves. And from what I saw, Celestia's repressed feelings for him is coming out non-stop!"
"Oh no, Discord isn't hurting her, is she?" she asked. The destruction practically loomed.
"Well, that's actually what can be considered good news..." began Cadance, but before she could elaborate further, a huge explosion rocketed from the castle balcony, a trail of smoke flew towards Cadance's and Twilight's direction.
Discord (with Celestia still hugging) smashed onto the ground. As if it were nothing, he stood and proceeded to push away at Celestia's arms to no avail in a panicked daze. And most tellingly, his face was blushing hard as crimson.
"Celestia, let me go! What in the world has gotten into you!? This is ridiculous!" he screamed.
"No Discord! It's Love! You just need to let the feelings of affection and romance wash all over you!" swooned Celestia. Twilight jaw hit the ground.
"I'd rather wash a minotaur's backside!"
"Can I wash it with you?" she sincerely quipped, before noticing Twilight. Discord looked as if he was trying his best not to explode.
'Oh Twilight, good, you're here as well. I believe introductions haven't been made," she politely chirped, and in spite Discord being slightly larger than her, actually lifted the dracoequus up with her forelegs, adjusted him as if he were some garish pipe, and pointed his reddened face in their general direction.
It was actually a rather cute image if not for the circumstances.
"This is Discord. I believe he's made your acquaintance in attempting to take over Equestria and brainwashing you and your friends," she said it so casually that Twilight grimaced a bit, "But you should be aware that Discord was once my ex-boyfriend. And now he's my Dissy-wissy-squeezy-peezy!"
And rubbed her beautiful face on his neck which he adversely reacted to. "Yech! Don't rub me! I am not your Dissy-squeezy-whatever! In fact, I'm not just your ex-lover with a capital E.X, I am your mortal enemy!"
Celestia gently rebuttled, "But that's all in the past my love,"
"I tried to destroy the Elements of Harmony and take over your kingdom months ago!!"
How she replied so calmly Twilight will never find out, "And I'm quite sure we can work it all out. And seeing as it's the two of us, an eternity is nothing,"
Discord's horrified reaction illustrated how true Celestia's words were. "Now come Discord," she said as she walked away on her hind legs, holding him like baggage, "Let's go to the gardens and catch up. We've much to talk about!"
"What!? NO! Celestia, you senile grandpony, you've forgotten I hate gardens, they're too organized, they're too safe! You always get your way, and I hate that!!"
And Celestia bounded out of the courtyard whilst Discord whined. Cadance desperately turned to Twilight, "What do we do??"
Twilight scratched her chin, thinking. "Well, I noticed something weird,"
"Twilight, now's not the time for you to be dense,"
"I mean besides Princess Celestia's newly revived affection for Discord! Discord is the embodiment of chaos, why doesn't he, I don't know, hypnotize her, conjure up a crowbar, or even just blast her with magic?"
"Now that you mentioned it, he did try to blast her a few times, but it barely fazed her, and even tired him out a bit!"
Twilight was surprised, "But how's that possible!? He was practically unbeatable before this! But let's recap, Celestia has him under severe wraps, so he can't caused trouble... besides some surface wounds..."
She noticed Canterlot castle was pockmarked on one side.
"And as long as he's with Princess Celestia, nothing much would come out of it, except... if the Princess gets her way, then a few things could happen, such as marrying Discord, which is just... ew!! Or turning him to good, if that's even possible,"
"You're saying we should look at this mess as a good thing??"
"It has the potential to be, but only if there's constant surveillance, and- is that the Princess?"
The princess was uncharacteristically trotting up to the two, and asked, "Did Discord by any chances, flew pass here?"
And Twilight instantly panicked, "HE'S ESCAPED!!??"
"Well I wouldn't say escaped," she replied sheepishly, "He requested that I loosen my grip a little, as it was hurting him a bit. So I did, and before I could put some flowers on his head, he conjured up some butter, slid it between him, and slinked away! "
Cadance and Twilight could see her forelegs were covered in the yellow stuff.
"Princess, with all due respect, what you just described was an escape!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Intelligent as always, Twilight," complimented Celestia, "But my Dissy-kins won't escape for long. See you girls!"
And for the second time that day, she rocketed off, leaving Twilight's and Cadance's manes and brains, singed.
"I've created a monster," said Cadance, close to tears.
Discord couldn't believe his luck; he finally broken out, and where is he now?
In the janitor's closet.
But it wasn't so bad now that he's conjuring up a doomsday device. It was a dinky metal bucket admittedly, but the magic flowing into it kept increasing.
"I don't know how you diminished my powers, Celestia," hissed Discord as he enchanted it, "But with this bucket acting as a timebomb, soon, all of Equestria will be flowing in chaos once again... goodness sakes, this will take hours,"
After five minutes of filling the bucket up with pure chaos, it barely even filled up one-eighths way. Discord grumbled to himself, "Sheesh, it's no fun when you have to work for your chaos,"
An entire village, warped into a candyland and its ponies turned into an assortment of candies, from coke ponies where you can see the cola swish in them, to gummy ponies made... of gummies. In one go.
Celestia and Luna couldn't believe their eyes.
"Discord, why? Why did you do this?" Celestia whispered to him.
"To send a message, Celestia," boasted Discord, "that I am your superior, though I have always been your superior, Luna,"
"This be treason, dracoequus!! All this wanton chaos, why art thou doing this?" demanded Luna.
"Why, my thick-headed pony? It's simple. I don't wish to bake any longer, I wish to spread chaos," he said.
Celestia shifted awkwardly when she finally asked, "Is it... is it because of me, Discord?"
He raised an eyebrow, "Oh I wouldn't say that, Tia, in fact, I realized a few weeks ago that you've been holding me back all those happy years. Now for some real happiness. Hold still, I want to see how chaos reacts to you two,"
Discord never officially broken up with Celestia, but that certainly was the final nail in the coffin.
"Hmph, foolish Celestia. Always asking how I was and such nonsense," Discord muttered, "Shy Celestia. Quiet and meaningful Celestia. Unlike now, a bag of hot air and going through a mid-age crisis when she's probably not even middle-aged anymore! Great, now I'm being nostalgic of that mare! Well. nothing a good ol' Bucket O' Disharmony won't fix! Soon everything will be right, Celestia will be barking mad and not come after me, my magic should return to full, Luna will turn into a cow again-"
A lovely voice chimed that shivered his spine, "Discord, are you in there?"
"CELESTIA, LEMME BE- GEWLP!!" and clamped his jaw shut. He's not used to keeping his mouth shut.
He quickly placed the bucket back on the shelf, covered it with a rag, before Celestia came in.
"Are you alright, my love?' she asked concernedly, "You left in quite a huff, and with butter on me, no less," She held up a right hoof with butter glossing it.
"Sheesh, couldn't you have wiped yourself?" he chided.
"Well I had to look for you. Technically, you still are a criminal to civilization," she said frankly.
"I am its savior, Celestia. You're just too slow-minded to pick on the latest facts," Discord replied.
She said sagely, "But would a savior be hiding in a janitor's closet, hmm?"
He didn't have to hide this one, "Well after smashing through walls, and trying to pry you off me, and nearly having daisies tucked behind my ears, I needed a breather, okay!?"
"From me, my love?" she asked.
'From you, my hate," he said.
She smiled at this and stepped closer, which unnerved Discord a teensy bit, "It seems we'll have to work a little harder for this relationship to be unrequited, will it not?'
And she licked her lips. Discord's eyes widened, for this seemed familiar. Horribly familiar.
She was just two feet away from him. She puckered her lip. The horror loomed.
She closed her eyes and moved those huge lips to his horrified face.
Celestia's dreaded plunger kiss has returned.
"NO!!" he screamed, "NO NO NO!!! Not the plunger pucker! Why in your very own name do you still want to do the plunger pucker???"
Celestia opened her yes, annoyed, "Discord, it's been thousands of years, and you still can't get over how I kiss?"
"That's not kissing, that's attempting to swallow my face!" he hissed, "I mean, don't tell me you kiss everypony else that way!?"
She smirked, "Only to the ones I hold dear to my heart. C'mere," And the plunger returned and Discord shied away like it's a vampire's light.
"I will not be covered in your saliva again, you, you, PLUNGER PUCKER YOU!!" he shouted.
This stopped her in her momentum and gasped out sadly, "Discord, you called me 'plunger pucker'. You haven't called me that in so long. Not even when you came back months ago!"
"Why would I want to bring up such a horrible part of you up again!?" he yelled.
"You, you've always hated my kisses, haven't you?" she asked quietly. Discord perked up at this switch.
"Indeed, the arguements we would get over your oversized toilet equipments!"
"They never have led to much a conclusion, haven't they? That's why I rarely even kissed you in those years..."
"Yes, yes, I've always insulted you with that whenever you tried to hit me lips first, that's it!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, hopefully that would encourage her to back off a bit, and he didn't stop there.
"Why, one of my pet peeves with you have always been your oversized lips! I hate them! Ha ha!!" he said happily.
His smile went upside-down when she had happy tears in her eyes, with a happy smile.
"Oh Discord, you do remember those wonderful days!" she gasped.
"Excuse me?"
"How youthful we were! How I would chase you around, you'd run away in terror, how romantic it was then! And how happy I felt when I finally caught your blushing face! How full our life was then, with happiness and pettiness!! C'MERE!!"
And she lunged lips first onto him, tears flying in slow motion.
In a split second, Discord took advantage of her momentum, dodged the plunger kiss, grabbed his bucket and flew away.
Celestia's lips broke through the wall, making another hole in the castle.
Discord flew deeper into the castle, slinking and teleporting (though at an aggravatingly short distance) around various armors, portraits and underneath carpets to avoid detection from the roaming guards and castle staff who are now on high alert.
And most importantly, the Celestial Smooch.
In a particularly long and foreboding corridor, A guard asked another, "Have you seen Discord yet?"
"No sir, I'll keep looking, sir," he replied, and they left the corridor. A rather flattened Discord popped out under the fancy rug and un-flattened himself. He hated to be so discrete, but he needed to be. And now, he needed to gather his thoughts in somewhere secure and safe.
Besides, he needed to use his voice.
He observed the multiple doors in the corridor, and slid under the heaviest one.
To his surprise, the room was completely dark, not even a window to let the afternoon sunlight in. He lit a little fire with his right paw, and to his surprise, it looked like a room for the dark arts.
He picked up a book from a dusty pile and it was a manual on astral projection, which was really advanced.
To his right was a dusty old Black Queen Bar, a really rare and potentially demonic artifact.
To his left were a set of weights, and some he could tell were enchanted.
"Hmph, this must be where Celestia hides the really nasty books and contraptions," he whispered.
And then gave himself a toothy grin. All these deadly tools at his disposal. It looked all too dreary for his personal tastes, but its efficiency would certainly be helpful considering his strangely diminished powers.
"Perhaps there's a remedy somewhere that can cure my little problem," he said to himself. He moved forward into the center of the room, maybe something to his liking, but noticed at a corner of the room were three large objects each covered in white cloth, and they stood out too much to be something to be taken lightly.
He unveiled the first squarish object and was disappointed to find merely a really old closet.
He unveiled the second one that was roughly the shape of an upright oval. Discord was even more confused. "Why is there a makeup table and mirror here?"
Hoping his luck would change, he placed his bucket down and eagerly reached for the third rectangular object. He removed the cloth, which was the same color as the others but felt thicker. As it slid he noticed a silouette at the other corner that looked vaguely familiar.
He moved his flame closer and froze. Didn't move. Didn't even breathe.
Princess Luna.
Her face was uncovered, sleeping. His paw was clutching a piece of Princess Luna's blankie. He was surrounded by Princess Luna's belongings.
Discord was in Princess Luna's bedchambers.
It's not that he was scared of Luna. In fact, from young she had always been an easy target to pick on.
But the tables had been severely turned. He needed to play it cool, for he can get out of this alive.
Luna, after all, was a notoriously heavy sleeper, even when she was a a young mare, she was like a log when sleeping.
But then he thought, wasn't she a very loud log as well? My ears should be in agony by now-
Discord's whole body rattled. He squeezed his jaws tight to stop the chattering.
He tried his very best to control in particular his arm that still held the blankie, but it still shook just a little bit. Discord could feel every single hair on his body standing up; even his scales felt like screaming themselves off him.
Yesterday, one of her guards asked Luna, "... and how has your sleep been, your highness?"
"Very well, fair Zesty Orange!" she happily proclaimed, "According to the therapists, we have been snoring much less as of late!"
After what felt like forever (about thirty seconds), he finally could relax himself.
Discord very, very, very carefully put the blankie down, very, very, very carefully levitated the two other cloths back to their original positions and began to sneak off.
Unfortunately, his tail lightly clanged the bucket, nearly spilling its undiluted contents. Discord panicked and grabbed the bucket, making even more noise.
"WHO GROES ZHERE!!!??" Luna bellowed groggily with a start, bolting straight up and standing on her bed.
And she was face-to-face wide-eyed at a flinched Discord standing on one leg, flame on one hand, holding a metal bucket.
Her confused expression very, very quickly switched to one of pure, classic Luna-tier fury, "YOU!!"
"Wait! Yoursisterunshackledmefrommypriso-"
And Luna gave Discord an overhead hoof smash to his face so powerful the impact created a sonic boom.
KABOOM!!!!!
His body, led by his face, smashed through the floor.
KABOOM!!!!
He smashed through the lower level's floor.
KABOOM!!!
He smashed through the level below it as well.
KABOOM!!
Then his momentum slowed and he crashed out of a ballroom's ceiling, onto the chandelier which couldn't break his fall and he, his Chaos Bucket (which he still gripped tightly) and the lighting fixture crashed onto the floor.
CRASH!!
He was conscious, his bucket still held its insides alright, but he could only mutter one word, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwww..."
And then she appeared.
"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."
"Dissy-kins? No...! DISSY-KINS!!" yelled Celestia from the outside of the ballroom's window. She leaped through the glass elegantly and with another amazing bound landed by his injured side.
She held him gently up in her forelegs, incredibly concerned. "My love, what happened to you? And your face, what happened??"
He would've shooed her off, but his face was in so much pain, her warm embrace was something of a relief to have at the moment.
"Luna..." he muttered. He was getting his bearings back, but more importantly, placed his precious Chaos Bucket away from Celestia.
"Luna?" she said with a disapproving frown, "Discord, did you try to bother my sister again?"
"I... I was trying to hide myself from... you!" he yelled ungratefully. He had enough of her embrace and pushed her away. But she took her hooves and held his face to look at his incredibly large welt on his left cheek.
"Ow! Hey, careful!" he whined.
"Oh dear, my sister attacked first and didn't bother to ask questions at all, didn't she?" Celestia doted.
"Ya' think?" he quipped.
"Oh dear, this injury will take forever to heal," she said, and conjured up a vanity mirror to show him Luna's hoofwoork.
Discord's eyes widened and his mouth uttered, "It's the size of my eyeball!"
And Celestia gently asked, "I can kiss it better for you..."
Discord turned towards her, snarl increasing with every word, "No. Plunger. Puckers!"
Celestia sighed in peace. "Well, let's take you to the infirmary, my love. You're in some serious need of tender, love and care,"
"What makes you think I wish to be anywhere near you right now?" he questioned. Indeed, his Bucket needed some filling of Chaos in it, away from prying eyes.
She looked at him in the eyes a lot more intensely than what was usual since she broke him out, "Discord. Look around you. You're in the castle governed by Luna and I. Everypony is out hunting for you now. The Elements of Harmony are on standy. And worst of all, you of all ponies woke up my sister. And you're not in the best of shape right now,"
Her eyes ached with matronly gentleness, "Please, let me help you,"
Discord gulped. Those eyes of her were actually making him blush, and he winced at this. Partly because he hated her, and partly because his welt actually stung from just blushing. He picked his Bucket up.
"Alright, fine, but only until this heals up. Then we have a lot to negotiate," he relented.
He is really, really annoyed by how much confusion Celestia can create in his heart.
"Wait a minute," said Celestia, and slowly but surely her eyes went from matronly gentleness to mischievious persuasion, "Give me a kiss first, and then will I take you to the infirmary,"
Celestia's smile widened into a toothy one and began her approach.
He backed away. She approached. He backed away. She approached. And their silly dance repeated until Discord realized he was backed up against the ballroom wall.
Lips licked. Lips puckered into a horrifying white flower. Eyes closed. Head raised up and moved forward. Hooves pinned his arms a lot faster than Discord realized.
His sweat beaded out hard. The plunger was so close, so LARGE. Discord closed her eyes, and hoped he'll faint.
That infirmary better had a comfy bed to lie down on from his horrible punishment.
And his enormous welt. That hurt too.
"STAY THINE ENORMOUS SMOOCH FROM THAT MONSTER, SISTER!!" bellowed Luna from the entrance. Twilight and Cadance stroked a pose as well.
Discord's exhaled with sheer relief. Celestia turned to her sister, and curtly said, "Sister, can you not see I'm in the middle of kissing my boyfriend?"
"Celestia, listen to yourself! Twilight Sparkle and Mi Amora Cadenza told us the whole thing," and quickly turned to Cadance, "WE SHALL HAVE WORDS FOR THEE LATER," and turned back to Celestia and Discord.
The trio approached closer. "But we must ask then, Discord, how dist thou managed to enchant my sister so severely and lowered thine own powers?"
"I didn't! This crazy mare was the one who broke me out, she was the one that took my powers! And I don't know how, why, oh why is she so crazy right now!" he spat out desperately. Hooves still pinned his arms up against the wall.
"Oh, you three think I'm still enchanted?" Celestia asked politely.
"I see some clarification is needed. You see, Cadance, your spell did in fact take effect on me to be motivated to get a date. And I had one in my mind already: you, my love," And lovingly placed her head on Discord's neck.
All Discord could think of was to not sniff her beautifully puffy mane.
"In fact, my subconscious must've really been clamoring for you Discord, I must've ached for those days more than I thought, which reacted with the spell severely,"
Cadance asked, "But my reversal spell. Is it because of your subconsciousness that I couldn't reverse it?"
Celestia giggled, "It's not because of that I'm afraid. It's because that spell you hit must've been a very minor one and in fact, wore off when I reached Discord's prison, so what you see here is the real me,"
"But that doesn't make sense!" started Twilight, "You're you! You're Princess Celestia, the calmest of ponies, the most patient of equines! Not like some, well, like Pinkie Pie with a crush or somethin'...!"
"I believe the spell acted as a catalyst no doubt, but I decided, if there's was any time to completely act out my inhibitions, the time would be now,"
"So, you're not under a love spell, at all?" Discord asked. Her dreaded forelegs glomped his body tightly, and rubbed against his neck.
"All my true feelings, all for you Discord," she said.
"But... my powers...!"
"Hmm, I see. I believe it's because what released you was essentially the chaos of love. My impromptu, uninhibited outburst must've dampened your powers! Oh Discord, the power of love has allowed me to be closer to you!"
"Great, just great, I've been released and weakened by the gushiest of chaos, looooooove..." he exclaimed sarcastically.
Luna coughed to interrupt, "Whilst I am glad you have expressed your true feelings, sister, and clarified this ridiculous mess, this madness must stop. We cannot have you be in love with that monster,"
"Don't call him that, little sister!" she glared, "I can change him, I can make him love me again, I can save him!"
Oh brother, thought Discord.
Twilight shook her head sadly, "Princess, as much I hate to disagree with you, I have to disagree with you. Discord is just too much trouble, let's just blast him with the Elements of Harmony and fix this,"
This was bad, thought Discord. He needed to get out fast, or be under the hoof of pretty much the four most powerful ponies in Equestria, but what way out is there?
"Et tu, Twilight?" she answered sadly, "Please you three. I merely ask that you give us a chance, I can feel his heart beating under his coat..."
Discord felt really, really confused by that one, and his heart raced even faster, which made Celestia smile just a little more, but he must make his escape.
"Well, if you really feel he can be changed, Princess... I believe you," said Twilight.
"I as well, Your Highness. The power of love must triumph," added Cadance.
"HMPH! These foals know not the sordid history of Discord! Your desperation must be quelled, sister!" demanded Luna.
And Discord found his opportunity.
"Hey!" yelled Discord at Luna, "Don't you be disrespecting your sister, Mooooh-na!"
Twilight noticed an eye twitch. "What... dist thou call me?"
Discord nodded pompously, "I am merely calling you by what you are, shouldn't you be moooh-ving somewhere to be herded?"
Lightning struck, and it's thunder boomed and reverberated long, and ferociously.
"Discord! Please, don't anger my sister again!" she pleaded, hugging him tighter.
And Luna lowered her horn, aiming at Discord's right cheek. "Hold him still, big sister, I wish to even out that goat's face with some PAIN!!"
And Celestia released her forelegs, and shielded him with her arms. "Luna! I forbid you to hurt him!"
With that release and some quick timing, his tail flung his Bucket of Chaos in the air right in the middle of the group, and gave it a quick blast, exploding it.
It was a huge pink puff of smoke, engulfing them all, stinging their eyes and clogging their nostrils.
With waves of the alicorns' wings, the smoke dissipated, and the soreness decreasing.
"Is everyone alright??" yelled Cadance.
"We art unharmed!" replied Luna.
"Me too!" yelled Twilight, but noticed something, "Why are there plastic wings strapped on my back, a plastic halo strapped on my horn and... great, Discord's bomb gave me a diaper,"
"His magic must be really messed up if that's the worst it can do," Cadance commented.
The four realized that Discord has once again escaped.
And something else happened: Celestia's very rarely used, but equally as powerful as Luna's, Royal Canterlot Voice.
"LUNA, TWILIGHT, CADANCE," bellowed Celestia at the three. Cadance and Twilight immediately cowered, even Luna looked slightly frightened.
"LUNA, INCREASE SECURITY AMONGST CANTERLOT. CADANCE, HAVE CAPTAIN SHINING ARMOR USE HIS SHIELD SPELL TO STOP DISCORD FROM ESCAPING. TWILIGHT, GATHER YOUR FRIENDS AND BE READY THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY. AND LEAVE DISCORD... to me,"
And she rocketed off. Singeing the three ponies' manes. Again.
"Oh, Princess Luna! So that's what your mane would look like if it's singed! Neat!"
To be Continued...
Author's note: Don't worry, there will be a conclusion to this all. I have a plan! Your constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!
Author's note: Firstly, Celestia's room was based off of the design that was in the episode Griffon the Brush Off.
Secondly, this will be still be rated U, though it might go a little, little beyond what the source show does.
Enjoy.
Discord flew as fast as he could out of the castle, even flapping his little wings for more speed.
His huge welt was dragging him down, however.
Anything to get away from the Love Pony, Celestia's overly precious student, Celestia's overly brash sister and the Lips herself.
He got up very high in the sky, but noticed a beam shot up in the sky. Whilst flying as fast as he could, he saw the beam stopped and cascaded in a circular form to create a sphere. And he realized in horror at what it was creating: a shield around Canterlot.
He flapped as hard as possible, but the shield formed before he could even pass the castle's premises.
Alright, Discord, come on, think, think! If you can't get out of here, where's the one place where Celestia will never find me?, he desperately thought. A lightbulb literally sprung above his head, and he raced to it as fast as he could.
In the darkness, Discord felt proud of himself, "This hiding spot is perfect! Took a little more magic than I thought, but there's no way that Celestia can hear me, see me, smooch me or even hand me to little Princess Brute-na!! Haha!
"Now let's see, my chaos powers are hardly adequate for a head on battle, and my poor, poor Bucket of Chaos sacrificed itself for me, may it rest in peace. I'll have to fight guerrilla style instead, maybe a riddle-"
"Dissy-kins, why are you inside Luna's empty Genie's Lamp?"
"AAARGHH!!" he jolted and turned around to see that indeed, Celestia was before him in the pocket dimension within the Lamp.
"You! But how- is this... what, HUH??" his left eye was literally spinning.
"I gave it a thought: where would be the last place you'd think that I'd look for you? Luna's teapot of course!" Celestia chirped.
"Teapot?? Luna uses a Genie's Lamp that could hold dangerous apparitions inside this place, as a teapot?? No wonder it stinks of moon daisies, and I hate moon daisies. ...I need some coffee..." said Discord pathetically as he conjured an extra large mug of latte (four shots), and drank it all down. Celestia sighed.
"Discord, I want to talk," she said.
"No! No talking! No kissing either!" demanded Discord, and threw his mug at her. She swatted it away effortlessly, quite unfazed, and walked towards him.
Which made Discord panic and flew off, "You stay away from me!!"
Which made Celestia follow suit, " But I can't Dissy-kins! I need to speak with you, and more importantly, I NEED YOU TO COME BACK TO ME MY LOVE!!"
"Stop yelling the L word!!"
Celestia could've sworn Discord went down an aisle of library books and she pursued further. She glanced at the section she was in: self-help manuals. Celestia sort of approved.
She stopped when she was right at the eyeline of a green book titled Secrets to Being Left Alone: Escaping your Clingy Girlfriend Edition by Rod-disc. Celestia chuckled at the desperate anagram, levitated the book out and laid down on a couch.
"You should have realized, my now book-shaped love, that your mind is now a little frazzled from all this running you've been doing," she said, "But, I've always wanted to read you like an open book. Who knows, perhaps by the end of the page, I will do what I always do to books that I liked: read until the end, hug it... and then kiss it,"
And she opened the first page.
But when she did, a huge stream of confetti shot out and filled the air with scraps of paper. She was left with merely the cover of the book and Celestia noticed on the ceiling another Discord-shaped hole.
"Best I inform Cloudsdale to go easy on the rain the next few weeks..." she murmured, and pursued once again.
In the sculpture gardens...
"Discord?"
"..."
"I think you've exhausted yourself, my love,"
"..."
"Because you're disguising as a statue of yourself, And using your hands to hide your face, and that bulge isn't helping,"
Discord, in a stooped hunch with his hands barely covering his long face and enormous welt, un-stoned himself, lowered his hand and revealed in fact, a rage-filled face, complete with twitching right eye.
In a shaking rage and shaking hands and shaking welt, he screamed, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME MARE!!??"
Celestia looked concerned, "Firstly, Discord, I want to take you to the infirmary. Your injury is bigger than your eyeball now,"
He remained stubborn and looked away, "No," and flew away.
Celestia looked on. And when Discord flew a fair distance, Luna turned off her Incredibly Intricate Invisibility Spell.
"I must confess, big sister," she said, "Seeing Discord so confouded bringeth comfort to mine heart,"
"Well, he wouldn't be in such a mess if you didn't hit him so hard," she curtly replied.
"We wouldn't be in this mess at all if you didn't tell Mi Amora Cadenza about your confounded ex-boyfriend,"
"Leave Cadance out of this, Luna," Celestia sighed, "But my nostalgia for how things were when we were fillies has been growing more and more every passing year,"
"I understand. But what of Discord? Should I have the guards simply chase and capture him? Perhaps, it would be better if I hunted him down?" she asked.
"You stay away from him," she ordered sharply, "I didn't bring Discord back just so he becomes your striking bag. No guards either, who knows how he might fight back. Hmm... nostalgia... I do have an idea..."
"Let us hear it,"
"We do need the guards for this, and we need to lure him into the castle...
Discord was now chased by a bevy of pegasi guards, and typically he could run circles around such pitiable foes, but now he all he was thinking of was escape.
Then Luna teleported right in front of him.
"DISCORD, FACE ME LIKE A TRUE PONY!!" she bellowed with thunder and lightning.
"Oh come on!" he gasped, made a sharp right and flew even faster up around the many minarets.
And another platoon showed up and he made a another hard right turn.
He saw a balcony wide open and took the opportunity to zip right into it.
He flew in, and it was a humble purple colored room with a cosy fireplace, with a round deep purple rug, the kind you can sleep on, and a really big golden bolster around part of its circumference.
Hang on a moment, Discord realized, I believe I've been here before-
Suddenly the balcony doors slammed shut, the curtains were drawn in, leaving total darkness.
Then he realized who's room he was in.
"NO! You can't take me Celestia!!" He screamed, conjuring some little bags, "Stay back! I have chili powder and I'm not afraid to use them!"
"Really, Discord? Chili powder? I must say, it doesn't scream Discord, but then again, today has certainly been exceptional," Celestia's ethereal voice echoed throughout the room, "But do you know what is a trademark of yours, Dissy-kins?
"Your inevitable downfall?" he hissed.
"Nope, even better,"
The fireplace lit up a warm orange to reveal what has appeared before a chili powder wielding Discord: Celestia, without any crown jewels on her, splayed on her rug, lightly wrapped with a gleaming purple satin sheet, so light Discord could see her elegantly curved body, but she did leave a wing and a rear leg bare, and a single desiring eye looking at him out from her huge mane.
Around the rug now laid various objects, a large chocolate cake, two milkshakes, a hot pack and for some reason, a really large book.
The sight of that wonderfully timeless image, got Discord looking away, but his blush was much too bright.
She said in a low, attractive tone, "You used to do this a lot for me. Laying by the fireplace, good food that you personally made, and me coming into the sheets, laying by your side,"
And then popped went his little wings, right up, which made Celestia giggle. "Yes, that happens aplenty underneath the sheets as well. Now put those silly things away and lay by my side, and let me tend to that nasty bulge on your face,"
"Now you're just cheating, Celestia," he muttered.
Way, way, way back, by a fireplace in the old castle, Lady Celestia, much younger and with a pink flowing mane, and Discord the royal assistant head baker, was a lot closer to Celestia's size, with a shorter goatee and a fuller, less gaunt snout, so he looked a little more equine.
They laid with a sheet covering them, and Celestia was sleeping soundly. Discord gave her a light peck on the cheek, and slept as well.
"Yep, definitely cheating," he muttered, and honestly not sure what to do next. He could toss the bags of chili and escape again, but then again, he knew Celestia will protect him from anything Luna will toss at him. And that cake does look scrumptious.
Having no absolute power stinks, he thought.
"I'll take the hot pack for my face, and then I'm coming right back to this spot, away from- hey!" and Celestia ignored him completely and levitated him towards her.
"You put me down, Celestia," he ordered, but she plucked the chili bags away and tossed them aside, "Hey! I was gonna' use those on you!"
And she placed him fearlessly beside her, and wrapped him under the sheets a bit and let the magic go. He simply turned away, laid above the golden bolster and sulked hard. He wanted to jump out, but that will probably set off Celestia's 'plunger mode', so he'll just relax himself.
He levitated the hot pack to his face and laid it there. Steam literally emanated from that bulge and a wave of relief came from his body. "Oh, now that's relief..." he muttered.
Celestia sat up and said, patiently facing his back, "Feeling better now Discord?"
"... I'm not talking to you," he mumbled.
"That is quite alright, I'll let my hooves do the talking," she said, and laid her bare hooves onto his shoulders and began to massage his very sore body.
"Ack!!" he began, but as Celestia massaged, he uttered, "Ooooooh..."
"Your body is sore all over Discord!" she commented disapprovingly, "Should've just accepted my offer of talking hours ago,"
"Mmm... still not talking to youuuuu... oooooohhh..." Celestia hit a particularly sore knot, which actually brought a smile to Discord's face, which greatly pleased Celestia.
And after that, Celestia began a heart-to-heart discussion about their how their relationship would go from thereon.
Author's note: Firstly, I wish to thank the fic Burlap (search in EQD!) for its creative use of font sizes, serving as my inspiration for Luna's snores about two chapters ago.
Secondly, I wish to thank mlp.wikia.com for a particular part of this chapter; you'll know what it is when you read it. I will admit I very nearly bend the truth with it, but this whole fic bends, so I go with it.
Thirdly, diapers.
Enjoy.
There were a lot of ponies outside of Celestia's bedchambers: a variety of guards in case of any emergencies, staff of cleaners in case any mess was made (Celestia explained that Discord can be a mule sometimes, no offense) and Luna, Cadance and Twilight stood by.
Everyone patiently waited to find out what would happen next. The slight exception was Twilight, who was off one side trying to remove, disenchant and even scissored the plastic wings, plastic halo and diaper away, but to no avail.
Luckily Celestia's chamber doors were soundproof.
Twilight kept trying. "Stupid diaper! You make me look bad!" she complained as she repeatedly tried to remove it only for it to appear on her rear again and again.
Shining Armor, who just came into the corridor, spoke to her, "Umm, Twilight?"
"Ahh!!" shouted Twilight, not realizing Shining Armor was beside her, "Oh, hi B.B.B.F.F! I, Er, you must be wondering about this getup! You see, I'm dressed as Cupid, a spirit of Love, in honor of today's special occasion!"
"Oh Twilie, Cadance told me the whole thing already," he said, but that smile of his just drew bigger and he was starting to lose control.
Twilight was un-amused, "Don't you dare laugh big brother,"
"I'm, NMPHMF-" he held it in as best as he could, "not! MHPH!!" He looked away, breathed in and out, said, "Okay, I'm fine now!"
And looked back at Twilight as Cupid, and roared in laughter.
"AHAHAHAHA!! OH! OH! MY POOR SISTER IS WEARING A DIAPER-ARGHAHAHA- CUPID!! OH, SO CUUUUUTE!!"
"Captain Shining Armor," said a very stern Luna from behind. And he snapped up and saluted.
"Captain Shining Armor reporting, Your Majesty!" he said in total contrast.
"Status on security and condition of the castle," Luna ordered.
"Foundations of the castle remained intact. No one got seriously hurt, besides some minor injuries. And the maintenance department head fainted at the extent of the damage, but Fixer Upper always does that whenever these big calamities happen, and bounces back okay,"
Luna nodded and turned to Twilight, "What of the other holders of the Elements, Twilight Sparkle? Are they on their way?"
"Yes, Princess Luna, they're on the train as we speak, and I have the Elements ready!"
"You are not wearing your crown, Twilight Sparkle,"
"It... it looks silly with the halo on as well, Princess," she said shyly.
"Fair enough," Luna replied understandingly.
Cadance then approached her, "Your Majesty? Are you sure that Princess Celestia will be fine inside there, alone, with the Spirit of Disharmony? He's incredibly crafty from what I can tell,"
"With his diminished powers, and Celestia's own vast intellect, I have no doubt it is Discord under her hoof," she stated flatly, "but, it is if Discord agrees to be a couple with my sister once again that is my greatest worry, though from the way he reacted, that seemed unlikely, but still..."
"Discord wasn't a very good coltfriend in the past, was he?" asked Twilight.
"On the contrary, Twilight Sparkle, he was. In fact, my sister and Discord were madly in love for a many long years. They may have even married, if it wasn't for Discord's foolishness,"
"What did happen then?" asked Cadance.
Luna gave a deep sigh, "It is a tragic tale. But many years back, before this castle, even before my... my succumbing to the dark magic... my sister and I started off as mere Ladies of Old Equestria. We were granted this by our very nature.
There was another, and he was of course Discord. Even from young, his powers were a clear reflection of chaos and disharmony. His own unique abilities granted him a place in royal and magical societies, to that they may study and understand him and the magic of chaos. But he was always a troublemaker, skipping classes, pranking ponies, the likes. I, in particular, was his favorite pincushion,"
"That's weird, Princess Celestia wouldn't seem the type to go for, err, the bad boys," Cadance commented.
"Oh, Discord was born a, as you say, a bad boy, head to toe. But being alicorns and a draconequus meant that we were the special ponies amongst the special ponies. Therefore, Discord had his own problems, and Tia and I had ours. But being in a unique position that was quite similar, both Celestia and Discord naturally gravitated towards each other, finding love in the loneliness of our powers,"
"Hold on, that means Discord was once on the side of good?" Twilight asked incredulously.
"Indeed,Twilight Sparkle. For the longest time, he was mischievous but never malicious, a wild card but never a mad pony. He was much too rebellious for his own good, however. My Sister and I began to take over the responsibilities of the unicorns in controlling the sun and night. But that prankster toiled away aimlessly,"
"So what happened? Did he go cuckoo or something" asked Cadance.
"Neigh, in fact, Celestia was a big part in cleaning up Discord's ways, so to speak. He had always loved to bake and throw parties, so Celestia encouraged him to join the royal bakery. Which shows in his chaos a great love of candies and other oddities. That he did, and we lived happily ever after. For awhile, at least. Discord give us a lasting gift felt to this day: he was the founder of Hearts and Hooves Day, granted it was for the Prince and Princess of that time, but he really did organize it to impress my sister,"
Luna wasn't really projecting, but the whole corridor was stunned.
And Cadance, uttered, "What...?"
"We might not have given Big Mac and Miss Cheerilee a love potion. We may have given them a love poison," said Sweetie Belle.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo screamed, "What!?"
Sweetie Belle further explained, "Apparently, some prince who long time ago whipped up this recipe and gave it to this princess he liked. He meant it to be a love potion, but things didn't turn out so well,"
"How "not so well" did things turn out?" Apple Bloom nervously asked.
Sweetie Belle continued, "Well, there's something here about a dragon, the kingdom falling, chaos reigning... Okay, apparently it was all because the prince and princess were so lost in each others eyes that they couldn't perform their royal duties,"
"Oh, thou didst not know?" Luna asked.
"I thought Hearts and Hooves Day was founded by the Prince who made the potion!" said Twilight.
"Hah, that bumbling Prince couldn't find his own tail! That potion was concocted by Discord for the Prince, but love potions has never been his forte. In short, the Prince and Princess couldn't perform their duties because they got so lost in each other's eyes, some guards blamed Discord and accused him of attempting to take over the throne, and Tia and myself had to save the day. How that maddening case brought Tia closer to Discord I will never, ever comprehend,"
Cadance flipped, "I-I-I-I-no one knows that! Are you saying Discord, Mr. Chaos himself, was the FOUNDER OF HEARTS AND HOOVES DAY!!??"
To her stunned surprise, Princess Luna perked up, "Ah, Princess Mi Amora Cadenza, 'tis good to see thee finally exercise thine Royal Canterlot Voice! Or is it the Royal Crystal Kingdom Voice? But to answer your question, yes, and I know you are its latest patroness, pity Discord came and ruined the day,"
Princess Cadance nearly collapsed in a daze, but Shining Armor caught her.
"So, what happened after that, Princess?" continued Twilight.
"He eventually became the head baker, and we Princesses of Old Equestria. Our first reign did not last long as Discord felt uncomfortable being merely a baker and Celestia a full-fledged princess. Many of the other royals also did not approve, even from the beginning of them even being in love. He began to cause a lot more trouble again, and this caused a lot of heated arguements between the two. He left his position as baker, left Equestria a few weeks. Which broke my sister's heart. Then he returned, with chaos and madness fully embraced, attempting to conquer Equestria one village at a time,"
"Your and Princess Celestia fought him then?" asked Shining Armor, also curious. In fact, all the other ponies were listening as well.
"Once. And only once. Did I ever tell you why Celestia and I did not confront him directly when he mysteriously returned?" she asked.
"Well, I heard from your sister that you were ambushed and turned into a cow-"
"That is NOT what I meant, Captain Shining Armor," she snapped. She continued.
"It is because when Discord does battle, he does it without hesitation or inhibition. Nor do I, for the matter. Celestia would when directly threatened but of course, but she would rather not. And after that first battle, she made me promise never to fight directly against him again, nor would she,"
"So, in that first battle, you and the Princess lost?" asked Twilight.
"Neigh. In fact, with Celestia's power and mine, we are greater than Discord. But... the destruction that held... it spanned the area that began from what we now call Ghastly Gorge all the way to Ponyville, creating a wasteland,"
The entire group went silent and stunned.
Luna looked around and sighed. "I know it is hard to believe that it can come to that, but believe you me, I would face against him anytime. But after realizing how severe our powers that it could result in a wasteland, Celestia ordered me to retreat. And thusly, Discord overtook the throne and ruled Old Equestria for six long chaos-ridden months,"
"Where were the Elements of Harmony in all this? Shouldn't they have been used then??" asked a near-panicked Twilight.
"My sister and I, with heavy hearts, had to embark on a dangerous quest to retrieve the Elements of Harmony, but that is a story for another day. My story will end with Discord's defeat: he became arrogant and we blasted him with the powers of Harmony. It was rather anticlimatic, but it worked. And my sister mourned,"
"Wow," was all Cadance could say, "So, I guess we now wait for them to come out then, how long do you think they will take, Princess Luna?"
"We shall find out soon enough,"
And so they waited. Shining Armor and Cadance cuddled.
And waited. Luna tried some origami recommended by one of her Night Guards, Pixie Candy. They all exploded.
And waited. Twilight tried to slowly burn the wings, diaper and halo off. The diaper quickly caught on fire. After it was put out, It popped right back on her.
When suddenly, they heard sounds from coming from the door. Faint murmurings.
"Strange, those doors are quite heavy, no sound should be coming out," noticed Cadance, "Wait a second-"
And the murmurings got louder, and it was clearer that it was voices. Cadance's eyes widened, "Oh no..."
And it got louder, harsher and closer to the door. Until finally, the door slammed up for Discord to shout, "...I don't want to be near you, Celestia!"
Celestia herself rushed out her room and confronted him desperately, "You were near me just now, weren't you??"
"That was before all this nonsense-talking on us getting back together! Marriage! KIDS!! You can't just let me be, can you, you have to be the 'savior of everything' don't you!!?"
"What's wrong with me trying to get you back!?"
"What's wrong!? What's wrong!?" And turned around to give her the stink-eye.
"Tia, I'm not your precious boyfriend anymore, I'm your enemy! I tried to take over Equestria twice, turned your sister into a cow, even broke up with you a few seconds ago, can't you take a hint!? I don't want to be with you!!"
"But what about all those good times we had all those years ago? We can start afresh-"
"Afresh!! Afresh!!? How can the two of us possibly start afresh!!? No, no, I don't want to hear it, it's not going to work!"
"But it will, Discord, you just have to trust me!" She held his face gently, "You love me, don't you?"
And Discord lost it, took her hooves off her, and hissed, "No, Celestia, I hate you,"
"What?" she said, very taken aback.
"You heard me, mare! You have been the bane of my existence since the moment I met you! You held me back from what I could truely become, putting me down, having me as a lowly baker!"
"That wasn't my choice to make-"
"You had all the glory and power and respect! Me, I'm Chaos, Celestia! And as a goody-two-shoes, you were always in my way! Always ruining my plans, my kingdom! Even me coming back a few hours ago, my life's been a barrel of monkeys because of you. You turned not just my body into stone, but you turned my heart into stone as well!"
"Discord, please, let's just-" and touched his face, but he slapped her hoof away.
"I regret founding Hearts and Hooves Day for you," he hissed. And all the ponies gasped in horror; Celestia was taken aback, eyes stating to water.
And he turned away from her, arms crossed and glaring at nothing, "All that organizing, all that baking, all that caring... was a waste of my time,"
"Discord, no..."
"I wished I never met you," he hissed again.
Celestia let out a tiny gasp.
"Leave me be," whispered Discord.
The entire room was frozen in silence. Then a sniff. And another sniff.
"Discord, of all the concerns I had when I brought you back, none were greater than were you to flat out reject me, in spite of my efforts. That you will end up clinging to the past and your evil more than you will cling to me.
"If you had said something like, 'you can't be with me because I'm royalty', just like how it was back then, that wouldn't be a problem, because I would simply give my title away to someone else. There are so many others worthy of ruling Equestria besides me in this day and age.
"I would've taken the same decision if ponies protested, that they could not understand us, and again, I would leave the crown. And be with you. And not just to make myself happy, Discord, but to see you smile and be happy again, don't you to be happy and live a full life again? Perhaps... with me?"
He stayed quiet and stayed his back at her, arms crossed. She sniffed again, and coughed, and the tears flowed freely.
"Yes, your right, I'm a savior, I try to be the savior of everything, my sister, the Elements, making Equestria something close to a utopia, defeating you a second time... but instead of defeating you, why won't you let me save you?"
"I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for some stupid, petty love spell," he spited back.
"DOES IT MATTER IF IT BEGAN WITH A LOVE SPELL!!" Celestia screamed. Twilight recoiled in horror, having never seen Celestia so upset before, even Discord flinched slightly at this.
"If the spell dissipated, I would still love you! But yes, yes it was a catalyst, but I'm the one that went through with all this! I'm the one that decided to protect you, comfort you, not some mind-controlled Celestia, not some immature little Tia, but ME, you ungrateful- no, no, I apologize..."
Cadance and Twilight, like the others, were fixed on Celestia, but they both noticed Discord beginning to shift uncomfortably, and his face revealed almost a crackling of emotion, of empathy. They looked at each other with acknowledgment on this.
But Celestia began to cough and cry even more, and through all that, she blurted, "Will... will sort your status out later... communi- but... right now... I still love you Discord, but if you can't... I just... can't..."
And Celestia ran back into her room, sobs at full force, and she magically slammed her doors shut. Thunder struck, and it began to rain.
The corridor was an empty, darkly silence, filled with the sounds of rainfall. And it slowly filled with Discord looking sadly at the door, but he 'hmph-ed', and looked away and began to shuffle away, obviously deep in thought.
His thoughts were broken up by Luna filling the rest of the corridor.
"YOU IMBECILE!!"
"Wha-" started Discord, snapped out of his trance, and saw in horror, an enraged Luna up in the air, with a lot of upset ponies around him. Luna went on.
"MY SISTER WAS WILLING TO FORGIVE THEE, LOVE THEE, MARRY THEE! THAT T'WAS THINE RESPONSE!!?? UTTER AND CALLOUS REJECTION!!?? OF ALL THE FOUL THINGS THOU HAST DONE, THAT MAY BE THE FOULEST!! AND NOW, FOR THINE BETRAYAL AND CRIMES TO MINE SISTER AND EQUESTRIA..."
A lot of ponies were around him.
"ROYAL GUARDS! PREPARE THINE SPEARS OF JUSTICE AND VALIANCE!!
Their spears all pointed Discord.
"MY NIGHT GUARDS! DON THE SHADOWS TO STALK OUR PREY WITHOUT MERCY!!"
And the night guards got into a deadly pouncing pose.
"UNICORNS! MAGIC IS THINE MIGHT, AND THINE MIGHT BE ON THINE SIGHT UPON THIS PATHETIC CREATURE!!
All the unicorns aimed their horns, glowing at ready. Even Shining Armor did so.
"CLEANING STAFF!! THOU SHALT RAISE THINE CLEANING APPARATUS AND CLEANSE THE HORRORS OF CHAOS!!
The cleaning staff raised a plethora of mops, brooms, brushes and the works.
And for the first time ever, in his very chaotic life, he was truly terrified of Luna. And she declared.
"IN BRIGHTEST DAY, IN BLACKEST NIGHT, NO EVIL SHALL ESCAPE OUR SIGHTS. LET THOSE WHO WORSHIP EVIL'S FRIGHT, BEWARE OUR POWER, EQUESTRIA'S MIGHT!!"
And the worst part is, he can't even muster up enough magic to counteract the lunar terror and her dreaded Angry Mob.
So he did the only thing he could do.
Once again, he screamed and ran away.
"HUNT HIM DOWN!! HUNT HIM DOWN!!" Luna bellowed, and the angry mob and Luna pursued, leaving only Cadance and Twilight stunned.
Twilight sighed, "Once again, things got out of hoof,"
"Yep", said Cadance.
"I am wondering though..."
"Yes, Twilight?"
"Do you think Discord's power will one day be back at full power?"
"It's actually quite likely, but first, I think we'll need to beg Luna to spare Discord from eternal... who knows what Luna will do to him!"
"Yep, who knows, but the Princess probably won't be happy if Discord got creamed,"
"You're not just asking to spare Discord's life, just so he's willing to take away your silly outfit, are you?"
"I want to remember what it feels like to use the toilet, okay!?"
Author's note: Sorry it took so long guys! Really wanted to prepare properly for this as we're sort of moving into the new act of this story!
Back when Celestia and Discord were still a new couple, in Celestia's and Luna's posh quarters...
"But Tia, I don't want to babysit your bratty little sister!" whined a young Discord.
"And sister, we don't need to be babysat! Especially not from your ugly coltfriend!" whined Lady Luna, a little but very loud and rambunctious filly, who lacked a cutie mark.
"Look who's calling me ugly..." grumbled Discord sarcastically
"WE WILL BITE YOU, DRACONEQUUS!!" screamed Luna, the two staring daggers at each other. But Lady Celestia got in between them.
"Now stop that you two," she said sternly, "Unfortunately, I have some official business to attend to and Luna's usual babysitter isn't available, so Discord, I need you to take up the responsibility of taking care of her for tonight,"
"But why me??" Discord whined again, "Can't it be one of the maids, or Clover the Clever or something!?"
"Discord, I've already asked everybody else, and they're busy as well," she said with a sigh, "besides, this will be a good opportunity for you to learn some responsibility,"
"Bah! Responsibility-crepuscularity!" he complained, "What makes you think Luna won't eat her own tail after I'm done with her?"
Celestia smirked and retorted, "What makes you think you won't eat your own tail after babysitting my little sister?"
"Tis true, what makes thee thinketh thou wilst not muncheth on thine own tail?" parroted Luna flamboyantly.
Discord raised an eyebrow, "Celestia, are you seriously challenging me to babysit your sister? Really?"
"I've never backed down from your immature games, have I?" said Celestia, and she leaned, "Who knows, if you do a good job, you might be... "and she leaned even closer, "rewarded..."
The sheer proximity of her lips, once again, terrified him. "Okay, okay! Don't kiss me in front of your sister, sheesh!"
Celestia is an absolutely gorgeous pony, but for some bizarre reason, when she puckers her lips, it turns into a beast that scares even Discord himself. To tell her this would be a disaster of course.
Said alicorn turned to her sister, "Now Luna, I know you and Discord haven't seen eye-to-eye for, well, ever, but I trust you'll be a good little filly while I'm away, won't you?"
Luna looked away, frowning, before saying reluctantly, "Okay..."
"And Discord, I can trust you'll be a responsible pony?" she inquired matronly. Discord practically mimicked Luna's reluctance before mumbling, "Okay..." as well.
Celestia's door, creaked open from the inside, with Luna's head popping in, with Cadance underneath, and Twilight below. Luna asked, "Tia, are you alright- oh Tia..."
The three saw a sorry sight of Celestia laid on her mattress, tears stained on her face, aimlessly chewing cake, her muzzle covered in frosting.
She sees the three and shyly sniffed, wiping her face, "Oh, hello girls, come in, I must apologize for my dreadful state..."
"That's okay, Princess," replied Twilight (still in the outfit), and approached her and cuddled her side, which Celestia returned with gentle gusto.
Luna was all business however.
"To inform you sister, Discord has been swiftly captured and imprisoned, a lot easier than we expected actually," she said, "In fact, he just stopped and gave up silently, he did not even insult me in anyway, no brute-na, princess of the fright, not even mooh-na even!"
Celestia nodded quietly, "I am quite sure a lot is going through his mind as well, and I trust you didn't hurt him too severely?"
"Hurt him?" Luna seemed almost offended, "Sister, we are in a new age where we cannot simply punish ponies at a sudden whim!"
This brought a little smile to her face, "That's good to hear that you're not resorting to vio-"
"Neigh, we decided to have a public poll on what Discord's punishment should be!" Luna happily exclaimed, "Imagine that, the Canterlot castle staff voting on what Discord's penalty shalt be, quite wonderful isn't it sister!"
And Celestia sighed, there's no getting to her sister sometimes.
Cadance approached her and said, "Well, since all the troubles has finally slowed down a bit, we thought we'd do something to cheer you up!"
"Indeed Mi Amora Cadenza!" replied Luna, and shouted at the door, "Bring in the first suitor!"
Celestia squinted, "My little ponies, I do not need to be-"
But the suitor came in, and it was Applejack.
Celestia wondered what was the meaning of this, but Applejack announced, "Princess, ah' heard' y'all had some trouble with the stallions, 'specially with a certain Draconequus, so ah' thought I'd present to y'all a suitor that ah'd think y'all would quite like! Introducing my big brother, Big Macintosh!"
And with some inappropriate fanfare, entered a large red stallion with a yoke on his neck with a bowtie on it, looking rather sheepish and silly. But Applejacks's not letting the momentum down.
"This ere's the strongest stallion this side of Equestria! But don't let his size fool ya', he's a real sweetheart on the inside, ain't that right, Big Mac?" she said, elbowing him in jest at his side.
Big Macintosh gulped. and whimpered out, "Eeyup..."
"Thank you for your generosity, Applejack, and Big Macintosh, I'm sure you're quite the stallion, but I don't think we're meant for each other, perhaps you should find somepony else?"
"Eeyup," he instinctively said, which got him a sharper elbow from his sister.
"Big Mac, you're supposed to attract the Princess, not detract from 'er!" hissed Applejack.
"The next suitor, is in fact somepony whom you are acquainted with sister," Luna said, "Soarin of the Wonderbolts!"
And flew in were Spitfire and Soarin in their ceremonial uniforms, with Soarin looking particularly confident and majestic with the shirt and tie combo.
"As you know, Princess," began Spitfire, presenting a Soarin posing in all sorts of ways, "Soarin here is a confident and brave stallion, one of the best flyers in Equestria, not to mention one of its friendliest personalities! All you have to do is feed him pie..."
And she actually whipped out a pie, which Soarin readied himself for. She threw it up in the air and Soarin pounced up and gulped the thing in a slightly messy swoop, landing like a slightly bulky gymnast.
"...and he's yours to keep for life!" she finished.
Celestia's reaction was actually of concern, "Oh dear, Spitfire, Soarin, I'm sorry to embarrass the two of you like this, but I thought you two liked each other..."
The whole room froze, with Spitfire and Soarin slowly turning to look at each other by the corners of their eyes.
"Look, Soarin, I'm not interested in dating again," said Celestia, "On the other hoof, the way you two look at each other after a workout, how comfortable you two are with each other, I even saw with my own two needlessly sharp eyes at a certain wedding how you, Soarin, wanted to give Spitfire a little gift but was too shy to do so and you sadly hid it away.
"What was that gift, if I may so boldly ask?"
Soarin's face began to redden a lot, tugging on his tie. "Oh, ummm... it was a locket, your majesty, of a picture of me and Spitfire, pretty cheesy, yeah, I know..."
Spitifre looked at him straight, "A locket of us, Soarin?"
"Yeah, it's pretty dumb, I know, but you meant a lot to-" Spitfire placed a hoof on his mouth.
"Permission to speak freely, your majesty?" asked Spitfire.
"But of course my little pony,"
She hugged Soarin in a vice grip, reddening his face even further, fire blazing in her eyes, "Mine!"
Celestia nodded in agreement, "Fly away on the wings of love, my little ponies,"
Spitfire's expression softened in gratitude, "Thanks for understanding princess," And she flew him away out a window, while the echoing of 'Yours?' and 'Mine,' and 'Yours?' and 'Mine,' repeated until it went away.
"How do you do that, big sister?"
"Do what?"
"Helping ponies even when your own personal life is in tatters?"
Celestia shrugged, "Hundreds of years of experience I guess. Now let's stop this-"
"Bring in the last suitor!!" bellowed Luna, and fanfare followed.
"...Shining Armor, really?" scrutinized Celestia, and Shining Armor looked even more sheepish than Big Macintosh did, "Twilight, what is the meaning of this?"
"Well, we thought that if all fails," Twilight began a bit more enthusiastically then Celestia would've like,"we'd have Shining Armor be your coltfriend for the day! He is the best stallion we know after all! Hey Shining, use your wooing powers to woo the princess!"
Shining Armor actually looked at Cadance, either for permission or careful approval.
Cadance nodded and Shining Armor clumsily muttered, "Umm, Princess, your cutie marks are really... round?"
Celestia blinked.
Cadance blinked.
Big Macintosh replied, "Eeyup,"
Luna looked perplexed. Cutie marks can be seen as attractive?, she thought.
And Twilight was Twilight. "Oh Shining, that's so nice of you to say that about Princess Celestia!"
Celestia smiled at her, and nuzzled Twilight, which brought a 'squee' out of her. "Thank you for saying that, Captain, but I think that's enough attempts at courting,"
"It is your decision, sister, and we shall respect it," said Luna, "but now you must rest, the rest of us shall handle Discord's affairs,"
Celestia nodded and they all began to leave her quarters. Twilight got up as well, but Celestia gently blanketed her with her wing.
"Twilight, I know this will make me sound like such an old, heartbroken mare," she pleaded, "But could you stay with me by my side a little longer, just like how it was when you were a filly?"
Her eyes literally ballooned with pure joy. "WOULD I- I mean, anything for you princess,"
And she laid by her side once again, and Celestia prodded her plastic wings, and said, "Oh Twilight, you look so cute with the diaper on,"
Twilight giggled. "Yeah, I know,"
Outside...
"Hi, I'm Captain Shining Armor! And I think Celestia's cutie marks are rooound!!"
"Hey, she's practically my boss, Cadance! You don't say things like that to your boss! I felt weird, okay!?"
It was a rather dinky dungeon Discord was in, but the chains that held his limbs and neck were clearly enchanted. But the weight he placed on himself as he laid by its dingy wall was far more than the chains.
...Her kindness...
...DOES IT MATTER IF IT BEGAN WITH A LOVE SPELL...
...Her beauty...
...you ungrateful- no, no I apologize...
...her majesty...
"...the echoes heavy stacking on the past echoes mask of confusion..."
-was what he aimlessly muttered to himself.
And then Luna opened the cell door and appeared before him most severely. He looked away.
"Well Discord, this is the end of the road for thee," began Luna haughtily, "A second time released and a second time squandered. Any last words before I sentence you for your past transgressions and for insulting my fellow royal pony?"
A pause, then he spoke weakly, "... Just one, one question,"
"Speak it,"
"Why were you given a second chance and not me? I mean, I've been released by accident, twice, what about you, why did she save you?"
This took Luna back a bit, and she herself spoke weakly, "You know of the Nightmare Moon incident then,"
"I could feel its dark presence that night, you know. That spark of evil in full force. Nearly broke my out of my prison, but you were too far away and too preoccupied with Tia. Heh, funny, I should be mocking you about it... but I just don't have it in me anymore,"
She looked at him, and he was right. Luna has never, ever, ever seen him look so pathetic as he does now. Eyes glazed, slouching, face solemn, barely a sprite of energy. Even his welt looked depressed.
"Celestia and I have spoken about this at lengths before, especially after you were sealed a second time. Her reasons, essentially, was that Equestria needed the night princess again, for true harmony in Equestria.
"And you, Celestia told me she simply could not see how you could be a part of Equestria again, that helping you redeem yourself is too far off, even compared to me. Then came that cursed love spell..."
"So that's why. It's because I didn't fit in," he muttered bleakly.
"Let me finish, Discord. That was what she thought at first, but then she realized-"
"-but then I realized that there is a place for you, Discord," interrupted Celestia, walking into the dungeon.
Her presence alerted him and he stood up, "Celestia! I-"
"No, let me show you what I mean, Discord," she said firmly, eyes hard as steel, and as royal as her crown.
"But before that, we sentence him!" exclaimed Luna.
"No Luna, no sentencing,"
"But the staff voted...!" she whined.
"No. Sentencing,"
"You never let me have my fun!"
"Alright, alright, let's hear what the public voted,"
"Ho ho, with the staff involved, the fun will be multiplied by ...warmly tarred and then lightly feathered!? By Equestria, ponies these days are far too nice!"
"That's what I thought,"
Author's note: Firstly, that was a haiku Discord muttered; I'm using this fic also to experiment with text structure and online reading. There is a particular scene at the end of this story that's gonna' be the apex of that.
At the edge of the Everfree Forest, came a huge magical 'POP!', and out came Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Discord and a rather singed Twilight, even her diaper, wings and halo were smoking a bit.
"Urrghhh... that may have been a little clumsy," she said groggily, "But we're here, at the edge of the Everfree Forest,"
Discord stared at the rather dazed unicorn. "Goodness sakes Celestia, I know she's talented and all, but mass teleportation at such distances?"
"She's very talented, and knowledgeable," she curtly responded.
"It does make one wonder..." he said cryptically, as if to converse, but Celestia turned to a Cadance helping keep Twilight steady.
"Twilight, Cadance, have you confirmed the theory that I have suspected of Discord?" she asked.
"Just one more thing I need to analyze, your majesty," said Cadance, and walked to Discord with her horn glowing.
"Hey, hey, I am not some lab rat to be dissected!" Discord rebuked.
"Don't worry, Discord, I'm just going to scan a particular energy source from your body," and her horn scanned his body up and down, and Cadance's eyes betrayed a revelation.
"Just as I suspected," she said, "Discord's power is corked up by magic of the chaos of love. From some calculations that Twilight has made, combined with my knowledge in love spells, we've come to the conclusion that since Discord was released from the love, he can only, well, be released from love, as in... specifically your love, Princess,"
Celestia sighed. Discord was at a loss for words.
"So Discord's powers would've returned in full force had he loved me back," she whispered to herself, "what a foolish pony I was,"
"Hey, full power doesn't mean full evil, you know!" Discord snapped.
"And yet, Twilight is still in a cupid outfit because of your little sneak attack!" she snapped back.
Discord pursed his lips and crossed his arms, "At least I tried to remove it,"
"Discord, I couldn't remove it, and neither Cadance or Luna could! Whatever was in that bucket, it was dangerous and potent, and just like how you are dangerous and potent,"
"Sheesh, don't have to spell it out for me, Tia," he said.
"That's Princess Celestia to you... Warden of the Everfree Forest,"
His head snapped to stare at her in shock. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Turning you back into stone, seems cruel, especially for a third time. So I decided that it's best you live in permanent exile, but perform community service on behalf of Equestria, as a warden that will safeguard and protect all ponies who wandered astray in the Everfree, as well as research its strange and chaos-filled properties, under strict Equestrian Royal guard duties of course,"
"So this Everfree Forest is my overgrown prison then?" he asked carefully.
"Indeed, and you shall have no further say in this," she replied stiffly.
"Wow. Wow. I... I mean, the Everfree Forest is hardly my kind of decor, but I can't say I'm not grateful, the job will probably be interesting, so yeah, thanks,"
"That's surprisingly humble of you, Discord," she said.
"Well, after being tossed around all day, beaten up all day, broke a heart of a lovely lady, well, all day, then yes, humble is all I have. And, well, I've been meaning to apologize, for the way I acted today,"
And he turned to a rather amazed Twilight, "I'm sorry Twilight Sparkle, for acting so heinously to you and your friends,"
And turned to Luna, "Especially to you, Luna, for a rather uncountable number of things,"
"Apology not accepted, Draconequus," Luna said frankly.
Discord said," Naturally," and turned to Cadance, "Now there's something I've done that ticked you off isn't there?"
"First time you came back, my head had my wings and my back had my horn,"
"Ohhh, so that was you, right! Sorry about that, really not used to being delicate about anything,"
Then Discord shifted awkwardly, clearly not comfortable with the most complicated subject, "And Celestia, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times I've acted as a bad coltfriend and well, trying to take over Equestria and all that jazz,"
Celestia said whilst looking at the ground, "Then I must apologize as well, for causing all this to happen. But you're here now, and this will be a good oppurtunity for you to better yourself,"
"Please Celestia, stop. Just stop with all this politeness. I need to tell you something,"
She didn't say anything. Neither did anypony else.
"That time when I yelled all those things at you so cruelly, well, I didn't mean them!"
"Excuse me?" hissed Celestia, an accusing eye glaring at him.
"I was just so exhausted and confused and scared to hurt you again, alright, that I ended up hurting you again! I wasn't thinking right! I never do, y'know! Our weird and crazy history is literally stacking on my head, not leaving me alone! Let me make a right this time, Celestia!"
She shifted very uncomfortably, her face looking as if about to burst something ferocious, and she did.
"Oh, this is just like you to be so indecisive and foalish! Meandering around without any aim! It is far too late for that, Discord! I'm done with you,"
"Why!?" he cried, desperate.
"I'm sorry Discord, but you had your chance. This conversation is over," she said, turning away, but Discord glided and faced her with pleading eyes.
"Please, Tia, another chance, just one more!" he pleaded, even making a little heart gesture with his hands, but Celestia's face remained stony.
"You can as a warden, Discord, a warden without full chaotic magic,"
"Urrgh! To blazes with my magic! I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about the two of us together!" his hands held her shoulders suddenly, which caught her off guard, even a slight blush on her face.
But she rebounded easily.
"Let go of me, Discord," she ordered.
"Please- aargh!"
Luna's horn pressed against his welt.
"Thank you Luna," and Luna backed off, and before Celestia could even fully spread her wings to fly off and could finally let go of her mask and find a place to cry her eyes out-
"Give him another chance, Tia," said Luna.
Celestia froze, and everyone's else's jaw impacted the ground. Discord was the first to crank it up and weakly uttered, "what?"
"He could take you out on a date, perhaps? That is the way it is done these days, indeed?" she offered.
Celestia turned away to reveal a most confounded look. "Are you my sister?" she actually asked.
"Tch! Yes, it is I," said Luna snidely, "And no, I am not playing around,"
"YOU'RE PLAYING BALL FROM MY SIDE OF THE FIELD!!?" yelled a confounded Discord, "But you hate me! You rejected my apology! You even wanted to do worse than warmly tar and lightly feather me!!"
"Aye," she said, "And I intended to tell sister this right after,"
Celestia confronted Luna and sternly demanded, "Why, are you, of ALL ponies, asking me to give this, this, pony, another chance!?"
Luna huffed, clearly annoyed.
"Look here, Celestia. the fact is, Discord is here, now and probably forever. And the two of you, are incredibly skilled, incredibly long-lived, incredibly clever! And you are avoiding a problem by tucking away where you can't see it, where it could fester and worsen once again!! You and him are forever bonded, whether by love or hate, it does not matter to me!
"What matters is that you give him another chance, as you did for me,"
"My little sister, your circumstances were different-"
"My circumstances were disturbingly similar to his, sister," she hissed heavily, "Let him not hide away, Celestia. Give him one more chance, on even grounds, as his ultimate challenge to win your heart once again, or live a lonely life as a warden. At the very least to give yourself and Discord a semblance of a closure!!
"ONE. MORE. CHANCE,"
Her eyes glared right into Celestia's.
The two stayed still, until finally Celestia sighed, and turned to the others. "Twilight, Cadance, and you, Luna, are to assist Discord and to be his minders in preparation for whatever Discord wants to do to... to court me,"
"YES!!" whooped Discord, looking much more spiritedly than before, "Oh Celestia, you won't regret this, I promise you! It'll-"
She raised a hoof and that shut him up, and turned away again.
"I expect some homemade cake from you, Discord," and she teleported away.
Cadance and Twilight could only stare at Luna, dumbfounded. Discord conjured up a notepad, and began to scribble plans, wonderful plans to win his love back.
"What?" said Luna.
And Cadance smirked, "Softie," she chided.
Luna frowned, "This remains a secret, I have a reputation to uphold. Especially from you, Discord!"
"Oh...!" Discord's concentration broke from his jotting, "Oh right! Umm, I honestly don't know what came over you, Luna, but thank you, thank you. Errmmm... hug?"
And he goofily placed a pen behind his ears and outsretched his arms, with a genuine smile.
He chilled on Celestia's couch, just lazing. All whilst Luna pretended to be some raging Minotaur, making a racket all around the rooms, stomping around, terrorizing inanimate objects and such.
"Rarrgh!!" went Luna the little Minotaur, with fake horns on her head to boot, "I am Mooh-na the Minotaur! Fear my superiority!!"
Discord heard her shout that and spat a raspherry, "Pfff- Moooh-na the Minotaur! Can that filly's imagination be anymore dumb?"
Suddenly, Discord heard a huge crash that seemed to originate from the library, and worse still, he heard Luna screamed.
"Horseapples-horseapples-horseapples-horseapplese-HORSEAPPLES...!" repeated Discord as he flew to the library.
And an entire bookshelf was on the floor, books and toys everywhere. Discord lifted the shelf up effortlessly, and there was a pile of books under. He dug through it whilst yelling, "LUNA! LUNA!"
Until finally, he found her, huddled up like a fragile ball, fake horns dented, and sobbing. And she looked up at him with such fear and guilt. Discord was at a loss for words. He decided to do what he does best: smile and suck up.
"Hey there kiddo! Lookit' you! An entire bookshelf fell on you and barely even a scratch! And oh? what's this?" he noticed, and gently lifted her right hoof.
"Oh dear, a little boo-boo! Don't you worry! Look!" And Discord used his magic to slowly but surely heal the wound. Luna looked on in wonder, distracted from her frightened composure.
"Are... are you going to tell big sister about this?" she whispered timidly.
"Nah! We'll just spruce this place up nice and new! It'll be fine!"
And so they did. And they organized everything good as new.
Turned out Luna had a real knack for detail and precision, which she could happily boss Discord around with to magically catalog the books back.
After the job was done. Luna looked up to Discord and said, "Thank you Discord, for saving me and fixing the shelf,"
“That’s what friends do, little Moooh-na!” said Discord.
Luna giggled at this, and he conjured an ice-cream cone for her to have as a snack.
A secret that even Celestia, knew not.
“Will you accept my friendship?” echoed Celestia.
"Forgive me if I withhold my emotions," Luna said, holding back, "But your challenge is not just to Tia, but to myself as well,"
Author's note: Firstly, yes, warden. Kind of headcanon-esque, but hey, had to put the guy back somewhere.
Secondly, it's weird writing Discord as pathetic. Really weird, but hopefully, he'll be more spirited in the coming chapters! More fun that way!
Author's note: Seriously, I should just call this 'the diaper and dislestia story'.
Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were lined up, and being formally briefed by Twilight.
"Alright girls, listen up! I have a mission given by Princess Celestia herself once again, and I need your help in what is probably our strangest mission yet!
"But we must flap the wings of justice!"
The plastic wings wiggled at Twilight's posturing.
"Uphold the halo of virtuosity!"
The cheap, yellow halo waggled at her sudden head turn.
"And wear the wraps of- what? Why are you girls snickering at me like that?"
The others couldn't hold their faces in, and the giggling and scrunched faces began to scrunch harder and harder; even Applejack who had seen Twilight in her Cupid outfit before and timid Fluttershy could barely hold it in.
"We are so *snicker* sorry, darling," said Rarity with difficulty, her trademark poise destroyed by Twilight's ensemble, "But, wings *snicker*, halo *SNICKER*, wraps *SNICKER*, it's so- AHAHAHAHAHA! OHOHOHO- OH-TWILIGHT-YOU-SO-ADORWABLE!!!!"
And everyone roared in laughter, consumed by the power of the wings, halo and diaper.
It ranged from Rainbow Dash roaring in laughter and pounding on the floor to Fluttershy hiding under her long mane, her giggling smile sticking out like a sore thumb.
Twilight became very red and stomped on the floor almost childishly. "Girls! Stop that!" whined Twilight, but the laughter didn't stop, "It's stuck on me, okay! ...the Princess said I looked cute!"
And Rainbow dash in her laughing fit, meanly yelled, "Yeah! A cute widdle baby! Does wittle baby Twilight want some powder in her diapey-wipey!?"
"What!? No! I've already put some talcum powder on before I came here!"
Everyone stopped and stared at her.
"I felt a diaper rash coming on," she said shyly.
Everyone continued to stare at her.
And they laughed harder than they ever did before, silly baby Twilight.
"Giiirls...!!" wailed Twilight, clearly embarrassed, "Stoooop that! I really needed that powder!!"
it was Applejack who first calmed down, "Awright ladies, we're -whew- done havin' our lil' laugh, let's settle down now. Especially you, Rainbow Dash,"
Whom she clamped shut by shoving her hoof in her mouth, and everyone else got their composure back.
"Thanks Applejack," she said, though still feeling very sheepish, "Basically, we are to keep an eye on Discord as he makes his romantic moves on Princess Celestia, and should the need arise, assist him,"
"WHAT!!?" yelled a shocked Rainbow Dash, "Twilight, has your brain been drained or something!? I mean, we're all aware that the Princess and Discord used to be an item, but helping him win her heart!? Really!?"
"I know that the circumstances has been drastically changed," Twilight replied, "But I've seen how Discord has changed, and how he's never really lost his feelings for the Princess. Think about it, the very embodiment of Disharmony himself, seeking redemption in the Princesses' hooves,"
"Oh my! The scandal! The centuries long romance! The juicy, tabloid journalism!!" Rarity gushed, "If what you say is true, then I see no reason as to why we shouldn't help!"
"Umm... if I may..." began Fluttershy gingerly, "What exactly do you mean by being his minders, 'cos I don't think I'm very good at minding ponies... I'm sorry..."
"That's okay, Fluttershy," said Twilight.
"Princess Luna, Cadance and myself will be in charge of security where we'll set up a perimeter around the date!
"Applejack, Pinkie Pie, you two will be in charge of the decorations and assisting Discord in baking come confectioneries!"
"Discord bakes??" exclaimed the both of them.
"Apparently he used to be head baker back in Old Equestria. Now, Rarity, you'll be in charge in assembling an attire for Discord to wear for his date.
"Rainbow Dash, you're in charge of setting up the decorations. And Fluttershy, you're in charge of the music, and as a medic,'
"A medic!" said an instantly frightened Fluttershy, "But why??"
The night was brightly illuminated by the moon and stars. The setting was the Canterlot Royal Gardens, and in its secluded center was Discord sitting nervously with a large table in front of him, the chair opposite of his still empty.
And Discord's head is wrapped up in bandages, with only his nostrils exposed, and he picked at it incessantly.
"Cun thdis bundeyges vee tayken urf now?" whined a muffled Discord.
"Well Fluttershy?" asked Twilight, "Is the treatment a success?"
"Well, I hope so," she replied, "Luckily I've handled bigger boo-boos before, and on weirder places, and whilst covered in blood and snot and horseapp-"
"vy veer Fluffershy," interrupted Discord, posture rigid and uncomfortable, "I am vell avare yoove handled injurees that moist poonies would voomit at feerst site. I yam one of zose pornies,"
"Oh, umm, sorry, Discord, umm, could you repeat that again?" she asked with big earnest eyes.
Twilight could actually see a vein on his forehead pulsating out of the bandages, so she stepped in. "Fluttershy, just take the bandages off,"
And Fluttershy gingerly did, and the results made Twilight gasp.
"What? What do I look like?" exclaimed Discord, "Did the welt grow a face or something?"
Twilight conjured out a vanity mirror to show him. "Oh wow!" smiled Discord, impressed at how, in fact, the welt is actually gone.
He turned to Fluttershy, "Not bad, Flutters, not bad at all..."
"Aww, it was easy! Just a little tender, love and care and very hungry maggots to eat away at the wound, that's all!" gushed Fluttershy.
"Did you just say-"
Before he could finish that sentence and thought, Rarity rushed in with a portable wardrobe and blinds. And Fluttershy walked away with the bandages who cooed at her maggots a job well done.
"Make way, make way!" yelled Rarity, "We are on a deadline people!"
She instantly engulfed him in a dustcloud of fabric, powder and prissiness. Once the dust settled, Rarity placed a mirror before him.
Discord liked what he saw: a classic black tux with a red bow-tie.
"Very nice. I have forgotten how debonair I looked in a suit!" he mentioned to her, "But..." He snapped his fingers and the bow-tie untied itself, draping naturally down, "Much better!"
And Luna yelled into the mike that was connected to a hidden earpiece deep in his ear. Cadance thought it would be a good idea to be in constant communication with him, "DRACONEQUUS, CELESTIA IS UPON-"
"AARGH!! LUNA!" yelled Discord, clutching his ear in pain, and hissed back, "You do not have to scream into it!"
"Oops, err, sorry..." she said sheepishly, "My sister is coming. But remember to stick to the itinerary, and none of your wisecracks,"
"Come now, little Luna, have faith in me!" he said confidently, "I'll just have to put on my charms, and I'll be back in her good books in a snap!"
"She is arriving, Discord. For your sake, I hope you are correct,"
And Princess Celestia appeared from the shadows, and Discord approached her on foot.
"Celestia!" he exclaimed, slinking before her, "Good to see you! Please, come, have a seat,"
He noticed the subtle, unwilling weight behind him as he pulled her by her hoof.
They both sat down. He smiled at her. She stared at him.
"Is there something wrong my darling?" he asked.
"Your welt-"
"-is gone! Great isn't it! I must say, Fluttershy did a bang up job, and now I'm back to my old handsome self!"
"Mmm, yes, " she commented, looking around the gardens, "I would've expected a more flamboyant decor from you, Discord,"
"Ah, so you have noticed!" he bragged, "Watch!"
He snapped his fingers, and with the help of Twilight, Luna and Rarity, magically revealed a bevy of ribbons, bouquets of flowers, even Octavia's band popped out of the bush (still slightly covered in greens) that played a gentle background tune that romanticized the mood.
And most noticeably, a huge banner, appeared behind Discord, and it had Celestia's regal face on it. Celestia raised an eyebrow at it, frowning.
But Discord looked at it with pride, "I personally painted that myself, yep, still got the skills right here!", he said as he wiggled his fingers.
Celestia held up a hoof. "All this is quite nice, Discord. Though having a portrait of myself over your head, is rather, strange,"
"Oh, you don't like it?" he said concernedly, "That's quite alright, I'll just alter it in a jiffy-"
"-Before we begin, Discord, I must inform you of something first, which concerns your position as the Everfree Forest Warden,"
Discord raised an eyebrow.
"I should have told you this earlier, but... circumstances caused me to leave earlier than I wanted," she said, "As a warden on parole, besides being monitored for all hours by the Equestrian Guard and adhering to a strict schedule, you will be required to wear a security anklet to ensure that should you be acting out of line, we know where you are, what to do with you, and how to stop you, understand me?"
"What!? But- I....!" sputtered Discord.
Luna hissed into the mike, "Listen to me Discord, you are to not act out of line, she is testing you, do not act out of line!"
He paused at her words for just half a second, smirked and merely said, "Come now Tia, is there really such a need for something so drastic as a security anklet?"
"Yes,"
"Oh, well... anklets aren't fashionable on me. Something else, perhaps?"
"Choker?"
"Haha, very funny,"
"Bracelet then,"
"Oh fine, bracelet it is!" he said, a little annoyed, and said sharply "Is that all?"
Celestia actually smiled, "Yes actually, I just wanted to get that out of the way first,"
"Oh... well good then!" this brought his spirits back up a bit, and he clapped his hands, "Bring in the first course!"
"Whew!" exclaimed Cadance, "Thought Discord would've blown it! Well, he's out of the deep end now!"
Applejack served them some exquisite salads for starters. And before she could reach for the teapot, Discord stopped her with a hand.
"Uh-uh Applejack, Celestia likes coffee during the night," he said and levitated the coffee pot to her cup.
"I do not, Discord," she said.
"What? Yes you do, you've always had a cup for those nights where you had to slog away at the books,"
"That was then, now I simply prefer tea,"
"But that's Luna's preference!"
"Yes,"
"Pfah! Now why would you be trying to pretend to be your sister?" he teased, "Tea is so plain, so mild, so-,"
Discord could feel the ice in her reply, "-I drink it in memory of my sister whom I lost a thousand years ago,"
"Aah, right, the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco, right... umm... sorry..."
"Sorry for snapping, Discord," she said more gently, and looked away, "It's just, well... you can pour me some coffee, I don't mind,"
The awkward silence that followed as Discord gingerly poured the coffee could be cut with a knife. Applejack even tiptoed away.
"Well that could've gone better," Twilight commented.
She didn't touch the coffee.
After a long awkward moment of salad munching, the entree came.
Cadance took this opportunity to turn things around.
"Psst! Discord!" she whispered into the mike, "Ask her about her personal life, you know, get to know her better!"
His ear twitched at this.
"So... Tia," he began, swirling his soup around aimlessly, "Err... how has it been?"
She looked up from her own soup, and stared at him, incredulously, "What do you mean?"
"Your life, you know, how's it been for the past few millenniums? Anything interesting I should know?"
Celestia gave it a thought and offered, "Well, what would you like to know?"
"What's it like? Ruling Equestria in this day and age?"
"Hmm... that's a rather complicated question. I suppose it's been eventful, and I get to travel a lot. But in all honesty, it can get pretty lonely, even with Luna back. You know how it is, she stays up at night, I stay up during the day,"
Discord saw an opening and he took it, "Lonely, eh? Well, I believe I know a certain doctor that could remedy that,"
Celestia looked hesitant and sputtered awkwardly, "Well... I-"
But Discord instantly glided his serpentine body around her. His warmth made her blush a bit, and turned away from his obnoxious smirk.
"With some tender, love and care-" he curled even tighter, which caused her to gulp but she didn't fight back.
Rather, she smiled at him almost shyly, "-to cure my lonely and eternally single pony's heart-"
"-wait, single? Err, Discord..."
"Why, your loveless, innocent heart must be pounding right now-"
"Discord-"
"Shush shush, my rather large filly. I will-"
"Discord-"
"'Single' to 'in a relationship' in three, two-"
"DISCORD!"
"What!?" exclaimed an annoyed Discord, "I am trying to woo you and cure your loneliness here!"
"I'm trying to inform you that I have married before. With foals,"
"... what?"
Discord suddenly realized he's coiled himself around his one true love, professing to cure her 'eternally single pony heart' without realizing that she had in fact married. With kids.
"You... you have?"
"Yes, twice. I have had children with both my husbands, if you were wondering,"
"WHAT!?" he exclaimed in shock, which released his grip on her.
"I'm a mare of many years, Discord," she said sternly, "Of course I would've had partners and children,"
"Ah, umm, well, whaddaya' know! Haha...!" blabbered Discord pathetically, totally lost at what to say.
"Say you're glad for her that she was able to move on!" ordered Cadance quickly.
"I am- I mean!" He did a double-take and said more slowly, "I'm glad that you were able to move on,"
Celestia glared at him. "Are you?"
"Umm... yeah?"
"Really?"
"Yeah! Really!"
"Well, good,"
He sat down on his side again, and once again, awkwardly drank his soup.
"Do you want me to talk about them?" she asked, "If you want to, that is,"
"No offense, Celestia, but I'd rather this date be about us instead of your... hubbies," he stated.
"But of course," she looked at her coffee, and decided to drink it. She frowned a bit at how black it was.
"You want me to get some sugar for that?" asked Discord.
"No, thank you," and continued drinking it, enduring the bitterness.
And the awkward silence continued.
An emergency huddle was organized that had Twilight, Luna, and Cadance in it.
"Okay, those two are driving each other part!" exclaimed Cadance, "It's as if Celestia doesn't want to even be near Discord and Discord keeps saying the dumbest of things!"
"That's because the two of them are thinking of each other as how they previously remembered them!" explained Twilight.
"Their history doth smothers them both," said Luna with great severity, "but what can we do to remove this blanket of history?"
"Would Discord's cake help? Celestia did want to have his cake again, after all," said Cadance.
Luna sighed, "At this stage, I don't think any form of confectionery will help,"
"Hmm... Pinkie Pie," said Twilight,
"Ah, I see, Twilight Sparkle!" responded Luna with a glint, "We have Pinkie Pie distract my sister and Discord, whilst Cadance casts a more potent love spell on them!"
"No! No love spells! "Twilight said straightly, "Pinkie Pie will play the role of the merry jester, to give a more merry atmosphere!"
And Pinkie dropped down from the trees, and onto Twilight.
"Aargh!" went Twilight.
"Did someone say MERRY!? With an E!!?" exclaimed Pinkie, determination gleamed from her eyes.
"Yes, Pinkie," said Cadance, "we need you to liven things up with the two. I mean, look at them,"
Pinkie got off of Twilight and peeked at Discord and Celestia, who were both silently eating and barely even giving glances to one another. Discord looked at her, Celestia glanced back but Discord withdrew further back in,
"Sheesh, they're acting elderly and immaturely," she commented.
"Can you do it Pinkie? Cut the tension between the two?" asked Cadance.
"Cut it!? I'll do better than that!" replied Pinkie with gusto, "I'll cream the tension! I'll whisk the tension! I'll even make it my private cadet so I can yell AH-TENSION!"
"Umm, Tia?" Discord asked nervously.
She didn't respond, and continued looking at her soup, sipping it slowly.
He increased his volume a bit, "Tia!"
"Wha...!" said a startled Celestia, and looked up at Discord, realizing that she was indeed, still on a date.
"Oh, I am so sorry Discord-"
"Its alright, a lot has-"
"My mind was somewhere-"
"National affairs, of course, of cour-
"I am right here, right-"
"Of course, of course...' he said with understanding hands raised, with a slightly forced smile, "So... I'll bring in the cake? My special, homemade cake?"
"Oh, you've made cake?"
"Yes, you wanted me to make my famous cakes, remember?"
"I did...? Oh yes, so I did!"
"Uh huh," He clapped his hands and yelled, "Pinkie! We are moving ahead of schedule! Dessert time!"
"Comin' right up boss!" yelled Pinkie from the bushes and out she came with a silver try and lid bouncing on her back.
She enthusiastically placed it on the table, and was all smiles. Celestia and Discord remained curt.
Then she opened the tray, but it wasn't a cake, but a duck.
"Pinkie Pie, what is the-" before Discord could finish, it began to sing.
Celestia and Discord's jaws dropped as it sang the famous Neightalian aria from The Stylist of Stallionville.
The lyrics fast. The pronunciation and projection crisp. It's eyes remained vacant black.
Rainbow Dash with whistle and hat looked at it funny.
And the duck sang its finale and belted an incredibly long and sonorous finale before it screeched to a halt.
It waddled off the table and hopped onto Pinkie's head, and they both gave a deep bow and Pinkie waddled away.
Celestia and Discord both looked at her in disbelief as she disappeared in the bushes. Then they looked at each other, and they both couldn't hold back their laughter any longer.
Discord gave a howling roar, almost tipped himself over; Celestia held her two hooves over her mouth in a silly-looking attempt to cease the giggling.
"OH! Oh that Pinkie Pie," said Discord in rare admiration, "I knew I would have a soft spot for that one the moment I met her!"
"She is quite unpredictable, that pony," said Celestia, "I remember this one time when I had a little get-together with Twilight and her friends, and Pinkie walked up on my table, and yelled," with surprising accuracy, "'YOU GONNA EAT THAT!?' And immediately gobbled up my cupcake!"
"Well! That does like something I would do," said Discord, eyebrows arrogantly wagged.
She sat closely to the table with a smirk, "Don't flatter yourself, Dissy, you lack her charm,"
"Yes! It worked, it actually worked!" exclaimed Twilight as Discord and Celestia finally relaxed around each other.
"I'll get Pinkie to bring in the cake!" said Cadance.
Pinkie quickly ran back in with, a silver lid and tray on her back once again. She popped it on the table to reveal a most scrumptious looking chocolate cake.
"Epic Cake Time of Historyyyy!" announced Pinkie grandly, and quickly left to give them their personal space back.
Celestia's eyes sparkled at Discord's creation and licked her lips. Discord cut two pieces out, making sure to give Celestia the bigger slice.
"It's been a long, long time since I had this..." she said, and Discord was full aware she was speaking to herself than to him. He watched her, awaiting the approval.
She cut a little piece, and gulped it, and chewed. It was sweet but not ridiculously so, and had all sorts of flavors in it, and the banana pieces all added to make a- she paused, and her eyes widened. And swallowed.
"Well, did you like it?" asked Discord, "It's your favorite creation of mine: my banana split special!"
She stared at him with wide eyes. "You, you don't remember, Discord?"
Her tone took him off guard, "Remember? What's there to remember, this was your favorite cake! You've always bugged me to make you the banana split special!"
"Well, that is true, and this cake does taste as divine as before. It's just, that there was that time you and I argued..."
"Oh no..." gasped Luna in terror, "Oh no no no no no...!"
"What's the matter, Luna!?" asked Twilight, "What's wrong?"
"The banana cake incident... that imbecile! How could he have have baked that cake and not remembered the banana cake incident!?"
And that's when it all hit him in a split second. When she said 'argued', right after eating a piece of banana split special.
And the memories flooded back like a leaky Ponyville dam.
How he presented her in the royal kitchens the banana split special.
She confronted him on his practicing on chaos magic. He lied.
They argued, and they did not stop arguing, nor did it die down.
He remembered that their relationship was at a knife's edge at the time. And it was cut, and what bled out was everything.
Discord missing Celestia's (and Luna's) coronation. Multiple warning letters from Celestia herself to cease practicing chaos magic. How often Discord embarrassed her in front of the other royals with his immature antics. How they complained about each other behind their backs. Even how Discord always insisted he kissed her and never vice-versa.
Until finally the shouting match got so bad, and Celestia so boisterous and regal, that Discord shut up her via grabbing her banana split special and smashing it against her face.
And he finally remembered what he said as he left the kitchens, leaving Celestia, crown and cake on her face and all, on her own.
"Consider that my resignation, Princess," the poison in his tone actually twitched his eye, as if the welt wanted to return.
"Oh," he whispered in reaction.
"So, you didn't remember?" asked Celestia.
He blushed and shifted and tugged at his collar, "It's not as if I- well! I mean I remember it now, it's just there were so many other things to recall, and splatting a... cake on your..." he sighed, "I just forgotten, sorry..."
"No no no! It's alright, Discord!" she said with genuine concern, "Everyone forgets, especially at our age,"
"It seems that that particular one never left you," he said, and sighed again, hands on his head.
Celestia sighed as well, "I'll be lying if I said it didn't break my heart. I wish I didn't go to the kitchens that day, how I let my big, newly royal head get out of control..."
She got out of her seat. "Discord, thank you for tonight's dinner. It was strange but... strange. It's great to see you trying to be so earnest, that's definitely going to help in your conduct as a Warden. But, considering our history and what happened recently, I think it's best if we simply remained-"
And she said it. The one word that Discord didn't realize he dreaded, but did.
"-friends," And Celestia, clearly crestfallen, turned and walked away.
"KISS ME," it was Discord's first time using the Royal Canterlot Voice. He could always do it, but hated it for its royal implications, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
Celestia turned in surprised, "Excuse me?"
Discord's face remained steely at what must be done, "Kiss me. As in, not me kissing you, but you kissing me,"
"As in, you kiss whilst I not kiss back?"
"As in, you and I kiss at the same time, though this time, you lead,"
Celestia's squinted with suspicion, "But, you hate it when I kiss you. Why should I kiss you now?'
"Because I love you," he said flatly.
"You've come up with plenty of names to make fun of my kissing," she said flatly.
"And I promise to not make fun of you or make faces or make a passive-aggressive retort, or any other dumb things I've done before, so bringeth the smooching!"
He closed his eyes and puckered his lips as a form of invitation.
Celestia blushed at this, looked left to right to ensure no one was looking (the others were at the treetops), and got close to Discord, hugging him close.
Celestia gulped, unable to rely on Cadance's spell anymore. Discord's lips still puckered. She closed her eyes, and let all the wonderful memories sweep her away.
"Girls, prepare yourselves," said Luna severely, "You are about to witness a Celestial Smooch,"
"Princess, you're saying this as if Discord's in mortal peril!" Twilight laughed, "I mean, sure, her lips are- oh wow, they pucker that big? Oh, she's cocking her head back, but I mean, she's not gonna' launch her whole face on hi- OH MY GLOB!!"
And she kissed him with all her celestial love and might. Their bodies slammed on the ground, creating a small crater.
Celestia's lips were still smaller than Discord's, but she was sucking every single breath out of his tortured face. Celestia's swayed and sucked and liplocked and sucked and caressed and sucked, as if her life depended on it.
Or as if she had never done it for a few thousand years.
Discord had to fight against every fiber of his being, trying his very best to stiffen his body and to not shove her away like how he always did eons before. It didn't help that Celestia's legs were squeezing every last breath out of him.
Until finally, she released him. And there laid Discord, who perspired heavily and gasped for air. He turned to look at Celestia, who sat straight up.
He forced a smile even though his lips still stung. "S-s-s-see, no smack talk from me..." he said weakly.
"...I didn't feel it," she said.
"Feel what?"
"I was kissing you, but as always, you weren't kissing back,"
"What!? Of course I was kissing back, you were too busy being a vampire that sucks air!"
"There! You see! I knew you were unable to hold that tongue of yours back!"
"Look who's talking about tongues!"
And Luna threw her hooves up in defeat, "There they go again!! Impossible, simply impossible!"
And the bickering went on and on.
"This is just like you to always want to have the last word!"
"Me?? The last word!? What have I been doing all day!? I make you a dinner for the ages and this is my thanks!?"
"You ended it with a banana split special, for Equestria's sake!"
"Please! You didn't even want to drink the coffee, I saw your face!"
"I was being polite, Discord! Something you always had problems in!"
"Oh, and etiquette is something 'little miss perfect' is simply divine in!" mocked Discord, "My little ponies, bow before my almighty politeness!"
Celestia's face reddened in fury, "I am not a little miss perfect!"
"Oh yes you are! For Pete's sakes, you cried your eyes out when you didn't get a hundred for your Advanced Maths test!"
Celestia gasped, "Discord! Sh-sh-shut up! I did not cry over that test!"
"Oh yes you did! The moment you found your score out, you blazed to Professor Clover's hooves, begging for forgiveness! 'Wahh-Hahhh! Professor Clover, I'm so sorry I failed you!!' Hah, little miss perfect indeed!"
"Oh you want to talk embarrassing! Look who I'm talking to!" yelled Celestia, cheeks still burning red, "I still remember the announcements made in the Old Equestrian Streets: Draconequus Mistaken for Baby Dragon! Juvenile Delinquent Mollycoddled by Ferocious Beast!"
Now Discord blushed red, "What!? I was not mollycoddled by her, I was trying to save Luna who wandered too far into the forests!"
"And what did that dragoness do in return?" she said with a smirk, "I was there in the end, Discord, she held you like a little baby, rocking you side to side! Cooing at you!"
"I was not cooed!"
She leaned in close to savor Discord's would-be response, "And the best part was? You didn't see me for the first five minutes, and I saw you enjoying being babied,"
"AAAARGH!!"
Twilight was very confused, "Err, should we stop this?"
Cadance was in deep thought, "No, they're letting everything out. All the secrets, all the bickerings, everything. This could be what they need, right Luna? Luna?"
Luna, held her hooves, wriggling on the floor and trying to not roar in laughter.
"It's true!" managed Luna, "He couldn't look straight at our condescending smirks for weeks!"
It was rare to witness two all-powerful beings being reduced to bickering at each other like a pair of teenage ponies. This would be one of those times.
Discord and Celestia were at literal loggerheads.
"Snake!" insulted Celestia.
"Teacher's pet!" insulted Discord.
"Trickster!"
"Swan!"
"Baby dragon!"
"Know-it-all!"
"Old goat!"
"Oversized pony!"
"Oversized lizard!"
"FAT FLANK!!"
And that stopped Celestia's spats, her whole face beating red hard, and she cracked the earth beneath her in anger, "My derriere is not big!!"
"Oh please! It's hasn't gotten smaller over the eons, that's for certain!!" said Discord smugly, "You could practically block out the sun with those two titans!"
And in a move no one saw coming, Celestia levitated Discord's slice of banana split special and splatted it on his face.
Discord jaw dropped at what she just did, the cake dribbled down on the earth.
Even more shocking was Celestia smugly smirking, "Looks like this time, I took the cake,"
Steam practically shot out of Discord's ears,and proceeded to grab a handful of the cake and tossed it at Celestia, and it landed square on her muzzle.
She wiped it from her face, and her expression could be equated to the phrase, "BRING. IT. ON,"
And with the banana split special as their weapon, they grabbed pieces of the cake and propelled it at each other with terrifying speeds.
"This is for turning me to stone twice!"
"This is for constantly harassing my sister!"
"This is for stopping me from harassing your sister!"
Until finally, there was no cake left, and Celestia and Discord stood facing one another, covered in cake.
They stared and stared, and the more they stared, the more they smiled. And the more they smiled, the more they started to laugh.
And the more they started to laugh, the more they started to howl with laughter and they dropped on the cake-ridden floor.
"We acted like a pair of idiots!" yelled Discord up in the sky, "IDIOTS!!"
"I haven't acted so childishly for a millennium!" exclaimed Celestia giddily, rolling on the floor to Discord, grass sticking on her body.
"What was I thinking!?" he said to her with a smile, "Coffee at night!? Your big swooshy mane on the banner!?"
"What were you thinking!? What was I thinking!? I came in as if I was some kind of prune!' exclaimed Celestia.
"My goodness, I don't think there has ever been a courting this disastrous as when-" and Celestia knew exactly what Discord was about to say and said it with him.
"-when the Great Mandolini tried to court Luna!" and they laughed and laughed.
"The famous mandolin player from Old Equestria?" queried Twilight, "He tried to court you, Princess?"
Luna hid under her mane, "They promised they would never speak of that!!"
"My thick-headed sister was so horrible! Mando tried everything, he gave her flowers!"
"She ate them for lunch!"
"He gave her a box of chocolates!"
"She gave it to her servants!"
"Mando even sang her a love song!"
"She adopted it as her anthem for the Night Guards!"
"And remember how Mando, got so desperate, struck her with a magic love spell!?"
"I was there, I was there!" squealed Discord.
"You were!?" Celestia actually squee-ed with wiggling hooves, "Oh you must tell me everything! Luna never wanted to let me know what happened!"
"Picture this! A private plaza where I was drinking some tea, and I saw this desperate Earth Pony who's clearly lost his mind, tossed a ball of magic dust, impacted on Luna's flank, and immediately ran up to her face, so that Mando would be the first thing she sees.
"But poor Mando! I don't know what is wrong with Luna's mind, but she looked at him funny like some curious over-sized dog, looked around the plaza and said these exact words: Ah, Mando, good to see you! I seek a lifelong partner... could you recommend any strong, brave stallions for me?"
"SHE SAID THAT!?" exclaimed Celestia in disbelief, "Oh but of course she did! So the stories of him wailing like a big filly on top of a hill were true?"
Luna couldn't take it anymore and yelled out from the trees, "I DATED HIM THEREAFTER!!"
"Just goes to show that no matter how hard I fail in love, Luna has failed harder!!" Discord commented, which got him a quick jab on his ribs from Celestia.
"Discord, don't be mean," said Celestia with a straight face, then stood up with an outstretched hoof, "Come, the night is still young,"
He took her hoof and got up, "Got someplace in mind?"
"Yes, but..." her horn glowed and he felt his earpiece come out of his ear, and Celestia tossed it aside.
"WAIT! TIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" yelled Luna again.
"Come, let's go have some fun," said Celestia quietly, the excitement in her voice clear as crystal. She held his hand close, and they teleported away.
"What!?" exclaimed Luna, "Where did they go!?"
Cadance gave a smile, "Our job is done, Luna. Now it's up to them to start from scratch,"
1. Special thanks goes to the guy who made the Opera Duck, love that bit. And Mandopony! 2. Next chapter is the big one, and it has a special scene that I'm particularly proud of; hint: five years. 3. Oh my glob, Season 3 is coming soon. Will it affect this fic and will I change some things based on canon? Depends, depends. 4. Stay tuned, for the climax of An Ancient First Love Returns.
Author's note: 1. there are two hyperlinks that're important when reading, you'll know it when you read it. 2. I feel like I'm writing an indie dramedy, weird... 3. The apex I mentioned is the second hyperlink. 4. I am not Plucky, capiche?
Celestia and Discord did not in fact teleport far away.
A golden light shone and popped in the Wonderbolts public locker room.
Celestia used her neck to nudge him and herself into a rather small shower area, meant only for normal sized pegasi. It didn't help that they stunk of cake and had plenty of it stuck on them.
"Well, this is uncomfortably cosy," muttered Discord with a blush, "Move your mane, it's waving on my snout,"
"I'll let the ice cold water do that for us," she said with a giggle.
"Ice- wai-" Celestia turned the cold faucet at full blast, "YAAAAAUGGHHH!!"
They both got out of the shower sparkling clean, if not a bit shocked by the cold.
"Was that really necessary, Celestia?" Discord exclaimed, handing Celestia a towel as he turned his claw hand into a blow dryer to warm himself up.
"Having my coltfriend looking like some Creature from the Sugar Lagoon would hardly be fitting," she confidently answered, wiping herself dry.
As Discord combed his fur down, Celestia's horn glowed and covered her body in an aura that shrunk her down until she was a regular sized white unicorn with wavy pink mane and tail.The sun cutie mark remained.
"And what is this about?" asked Discord incredulously.
"If I am to show you around town Discord, you'll need a disguise as well," said Celestia, "Otherwise, the whole of Equestria will be on your head,"
"Alright, fair enough, Celestia," he reasoned, and cast his own spell as well. The aura did engulf him, but his face was strained, began to sweat, and finally gave up.
"It's no use!' he wailed, "My powers aren't strong enough to transform!"
Celestia approached and nuzzled him on his stomach. "I'll help you, Discord," she said sweetly.
But he sighed and looked away in guilt. The both know full well what will happen if they do get together again.
She jumped up and smacked him on his head.
"Ow!" yelped Discord, "What was that for!?"
"Now, Discord, this is the first time we're going out to town in pretty much forever," she said sternly, and placed a gentle hoof on his chest, "C'mon, give me that famous smile of yours,"
Her gentleness surprised him, but he did smile, and tried his magic again, with Celestia assisting.
And he turned into a lanky brown Unicorn, with messy brown mane and tail, a deliberate contrast to his hodgepodge form. He looked behind on his flank: nothing.
"That's right," he said, "I am my cutie mark,"
"What did I say, Discord?" she reminded him matronly.
He looked at her with a smirked, and smiled a toothy, razor-sharp grin with a single long fang that he left on, that made Celestia giggle a little.
They popped out of a costume store with cutie mark stickers: a pink candy for Celestia, and to play up the irony a bit, a pair of clown shoes for Discord.
Discord was impressed at how modern and beautiful the Canterlot Streets were at night: well-lit, beautiful architecture and a still bustling night crowd, something he was sure would please Luna.
"So where are we going exactly, Tia?" he asked as he trotted with her uptown, the streets became busier with neon lights and a weird thumping noise increasing in volume.
"Are you familiar with the concept of nightclubs, Dissy?' asked Celestia, opting to use nicknames to keep a down-low.
"Like a carnival after-dark?" he offered.
"More like a dance club at night, in the dark. Luna loves it," she explained and finally stopped before an especially large and gaudy looking structure, "Here we are! Firefly and Co! i heard DJ PON-3 is really good!"
Celestia was half right: the strobe lights and heavy beats and all the ponies in some form of trance dancing their flanks away.
"What kind of music is this!?" yelled Discord over the heavily distorted clashes of sound and arrhythmic madness.
"It's dubtrot!" yelled Celestia, "You like it!?"
"I love it!!"
"The dance floor is in the center and the juice bar is on the right!" yelled Celestia, "But I'm pretty sure you know what I wanna' do!"
"Sip prune juice!?" yelled Discord, and he got a kick on the ribs for his mouth.
"Just follow me, you lizard!" as she dragged him right down into the dance floor.
"Wait! How do we dance!?"
"You don't!!"
"...I LOVE IT!!"
After quite awhile of non-dancing, the two did made their way to the juice bar to cool down. Celestia ordered a Cherry Mary and Discord a vanilla milkshake.
"There is a reason why I brought you to this place, you know, besides to unwind," she said.
"And what, pray tell, is that?" he implored.
"Come with me,"
And Discord followed Celestia right up to DJ PON-3's booth, who was busy keeping the beat up and jiggy-fly with it, yo.
She waved a hoof right in front of DJ PON-3's face, and she turned around with a smile.
"Wazuuup ma' partay' ponies!!" hollered DJ PON-3 with gusto, "Anything I could do for you..."
"Special someponies!"
"A pair of special someponies post Hearts and Hooves Day! Gutsy, I like that!" she yelled, "So what'll it be? Slow jam? Classical remix?"
And she shoved her snout right on to Celestia's, much to her surprise, "And don't you dare say Golden Oldie,"
"Actually, DJ, I was wondering if your other two DJ friends were with you tonight, you know, DJ Eurobeat and DJ Tombstone? I want that song to be played,"
"Nice choice, girl!" she said, giving her a high hoof. And she yelled at a table with two stallions on it, "HEY! EURO!! TOMBSTONE!! SPECIAL REQUEST!! GET YOUR FLANKS HERE NOW!!!"
And Celestia and Discord made their way to the dance-floor again. "What song did you ask them to play?"
"Oh, you'll know soon enough," she said with wagging eyebrows.
The current song stopped, and a simple, unassuming beat came up, with the lyrics, "I'm not a fan of puppeteers but I've a nagging fear/ someone else is pulling at the strings..."
The crowd actually went wild and danced even harder, leaving Discord confused if excited as well, "I don't get it-"
"-just wait a bit!" yelled Celestia.
And he heard the chorus: Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon Discord, whatever did we do To make you take our world away?
He stood stunned, as the crowd bounced away.He looked at Celestia's eyes, reflecting the strobes around, and shook his head with disbelief. He pecked her a quick one on the forehead and danced the night away as well.
Celestia and Discord were finally out of Firefly and Co, on the now deserted streets of Canterlot.
And Discord couldn't stop humming the tune of his namesake, "Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon, and sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon, Discord, whatever did we do, to make you take our world away...!"
"Oh Dissy! I showed you that song so you could have some fun, not inflate your already enormous ego!" giggled Celestia.
"But my darling Tia, I can't help it, I am a meme personified!" he boasted, "But in all seriousness, what's a bunch of musicians doing singing about me, someone who tried to take over Canterlot?"
"Well, there was some controversy of course, but honestly, they sang about you because the idea of you was too good of a chance to pass up in song," explained Celestia, "Because the idea of Discord can be fun and not harmful, get it?"
"Pfft, such a little miss perfect you are!" teased Discord as he happily cantered.
Celestia let that one slide with a smile, and stopped. "Here we are, Donut Joe's! Canterlot's best late night donut joint!"
They entered it, only to freeze in shock at the sight of a nearby table, that thankfully, did not notice them: Luna, Cadance and Twilight and a mountain of donuts.
"DONUT JOE!! WE WISH TO PURCHASE MORE DONUTS! EXTRA SPRINKLES!" commanded a miserable-looking Luna, who slammed on the table, rattling the entire shop.
"Y-y-yes, your highness!" complied an unusually terrified Donut Joe as he brought out another large tray of donuts.
"Thank you, Joe," said Twilight who turned to Joe, "Princess, you should really lay off the donuts. Princess and Celestia were only teasing! I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it,"
"It matters not what they say, but what happened can never be erased," moaned Luna, who gave a heavy sigh, Celestia and Discord hid on the other side of the counter where they can't be seen but can still hear hear them.
"Mandolini was such a good friend, always there to calm me down when I caused another lightning storm, playing that wonderful music of his. All I could think of him was merely a harp that calmed the angry giant that was me. After that day, he never wanted to see me again,"
She slammed the table yet again, "HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT BELLA LUNA WAS REFERRING TO ME AND NOT THE NIGHT!!? IT SOUNDED SO MYSTERIOUS AND POETIC AND EPIC, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO REALIZE THAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE ROMANTIC!!?"
"Bella Luna?' asked Cadance.
"The old Equestrian song for the Night Guards,' said Twilight.
"Ah, well, all things considered, Luna," said Cadance, "That's all in the past, look at Celestia and Discord! You could find a new special somepony!"
"No one wants me," whined Luna darkly, and wailed with her hooves on her forehead, "BY CELESTIA'S RIDICULOUS MANE, HIS CUTIE MARK WAS A PAIR OF HEARTS AND I TORE IT TO PIECES!!"
"Luna, come on! Don't be like-"
A hoof came up to Cadance's face and Luna dove into the donuts yet again.
And Donut Joe crept out his counter and approached Celestia and Discord who were eavesdropping all the way.
"Hey Prin-" before Joe could say '-cess', Celestia shushed him.
Discord turned to her, "He knows who you are?"
Celestia looked rather sheepish, "Let's just say I had to drop in incognito here from time to time to keep an eye on Luna in one of her favorite haunts. Joe here is simply sharp-eyed. Joe, this is my coltfriend, Distort,"
Discord gave her an annoyed look, but Donut Joe looked at him, impressed. "Great dunkin' donuts!" he commented.
He spat on his hoof and placed it out for Discord to shake, "Put 'er there! You look a little skinny but any stallion that could snag this lovely lady here has my utmost respect!"
And Discord almost cringed, but weathered it and shook the slimy hoof.
He turned to Celestia again, "Prin- I mean, Ma'am, what's up with the Night Princess this time, sounds like she's got the Heart and Hooves Blues,"
"My coltfriend and I teased her about an old flame of her, The Great Mandolini, but the two of us may have taken it too far,"
"Oh, so she wasn't talking about my cousin, whew!" said Joe with relief.
"You have a cousin named Mandolini?" said Celestia, surprised.
"A cousin named Mando-Stein!" said Joe, "And yeah, Mando's even got a mandolin cutie mark! He's one of those independent musicians, not well known but does gigs all around town, so he does okay,"
"Does he, by any sliver of a chance, have a special somepony himself?" asked Discord.
"No, why'd ya'..." and Joe realized, "Oh... I get it! His parents sure would like him to settle down, not sure if being a Princess's squeeze counts as settling down, either way! Bit of a softy, but a nice guy! What's your plan?'
"Discord, you're putting on your scheming face again," Celestia said disapprovingly. The scheming face referred to Discord's eyes rolled up with a toothy grin to boot.
'I have a cunning plan. About time I did something nice for Luna, anyways,"
Luna was literally completely covered under a mountain of donuts and refused to come out. You could still hear her munching on them.
Cadance and Twilight could only stare in frustration. But something caught their attention from the diner's entrance.
It was a white pony with a vaguely familiar pink mane and tail gesturing them with her hoof a pulling motion, as if to follow her.
Cadance and Twilight looked at each other with confusion. Celestia sighed, peeled a little of the sticker back to reveal her royal mark. This perked them up a lot and they followed suit.
Leaving Luna, alone.
'Distort', with no sound from his steps or breath, levitated a vase and candle-stick onto the table's center, and fresh utensils for the opposite side of the table. He left Luna and one chair alone.
His horn then magicked the lights down, and only the candlestick illuminated warmly.
Out from the backdoor came Donut Joe and a yellow Earth Pony with a scruffy orange mane and tail, wearing a black fedora. And a mandolin cutie mark.
"Are you sure this mare even wants to see me, Joe? You're not even telling me her name," whispered Mando with uncertainty.
"You'll like her, she's exactly your type and all that," Joe said as he shoved his cousin out of the counter, "You're only young once you know!"
"Okay, that's a mound of donuts, Joe," he said sharply, "Have you been inhaling the sugar or something?"
And he turned, but it wasn't before his eyes Donut Joe, but a tall unicorn with an unnervingly razor-fanged grin.
Before he could scream, Discord shoved his hoof into his mouth to shut him up. "Can't have your date hearing you scream like a little filly, can we?' he whispered to Mando.
"Now, she likes the nightlife, astronomy, symphonic metal, wanton destruction, and mandolin music, -yes, I am on the nose here- and especially a stallion that's understanding," he explained quickly, and removed his hoof.
"Who... who are you? Is this one of Joe's lame pranks?" Mando accused.
"Tch! Hardly. Look, I know her first impressions looks, well, pathetic," his horn gestured at the donut mountain, "But she'll be a fun date, that I can assure you,"
Mando still looked at him funny, "Who are you?"
"Well, I'm..." he really didn't want to say his true name, or even 'Distort', so he persuaded even further, "She's my sister, and she's had a rough night, okay? Give her a chance, c'mon,"
Mando still stared at him funny, but said, "Well, if Joe thinks she and I are a match..."
And Mando walked to the table and took his seat.
Discord walked up to the mound, gave an acknowledging nod and Mando nodded back. And Discord levitated the donut hill up, revealing a miserable-looking Luna whose muzzled was caked with icing.
She jolted straight up when she realized a stallion was sitting opposite of her.
"BY EQUESTRIA, A STALLION!!"
Mando's reaction was more extreme.
"BY CELESTIA'S MANE, PRINCESS LUNA!!" he screamed, limbs flying everywhere.
"..."
"I mean... by your mane, heh-heh?" Mando sheepishly corrected.
"Ah, Luna, my little sister, glad to see you're awake!" exclaimed Discord as he used a napkin to wipe her muzzle clean, "He's a musician, plays the mandolin, nice colt, you'll like him, have fun on your date, bye!!"
And he leaped into air, and the very moment he took off the transformation spell cast on him, he flew out quick as lightning.
Luna looked at the direction where Discord left, and back at an equally stunned Mando, back again, and repeated two more times.
Until she finally said in confusion, "Date?"
Mando gulped a deep one, but from the corner of his eye, he saw Discord and Princess Celestia herself, in full form, giving him two big winks.
And he took the winks in.
"Hi there Princess," Mando chirped, "My name is Mando, and yeah, apparently, I'm your date for tonight!"
Luna looked at him with a quizzical tilt, but her frown slowly turned into a smile and she produced a light blush.
Discord and Celestia looked on a little longer from out the window, and were glad to see Luna being her usual boisterous, rowdy self again. Judging by her dramatic hoof gestures, she was describing some adventure she was in. Mando looked bewildered still, but clearly enjoyed her company.
"That was a very sweet thing you did, Discord," said Celestia.
"Well, I figured if I'm going to be around, I might as well get Luna on my good books," he said with a shrug.
"And if my ears did not betray me, you actually said that she's your 'little sister'?" she said smugly, which caused Discord to to look away with a "Humph!"
"I know her almost as long as you do!" he replied sharply, "You can't be her wingmare all the time! ...say, that time when we argued in your room..."
"Discord, why are you bringing that up?" she questioned.
"What was that big book that was by your side, looked liked a photo album, seemed you wanted to show me something from it,"
"It is a photo album, a photo album of my most cherished memories, I... well, I wanted to show it to you some silly things from it, such as anything to do with Twilight, or some of Luna's recent shenanigans-"
"Show me all of it,"
"All of it?"
"All of it,"
Back in Celestia's room, the fire warmly roared again.
Celestia and Discord laid before the huge album, with a soft blanket snuggling them close.
Celestia flipped the first page to show a series of photos of Celestia and Luna sitting on their thrones, looking majestic and regal.
"Photography was only invented after you had been turned to stone," explained Celestia, "And the first picture taken was myself and Luna,"
"Bah! Pictures of you looking majestic, it doesn't show the real you," Discord chided, "Come on, let's see the juicier stuff!"
"Are you sure, they do involve family you know," she said, "I wouldn't want you to get jealous,"
"Tia, what am I if not part dragon?" he said confidently.
"You mean being greedy and possessive?"
"Very funny, just turn the page!"
And Celestia skipped ahead a little, to a page that contained a family photo.
"This, Discord, was my first family," she said, pointing to a photo of herself, a shy-looking unicorn in a rather raggedy hood and cloak, and two foals.
"That stallion, that hood, he looks familiar, wait... no... NO!"
"That's right, Discord, That's Professor Clover the Clever's son, Plucky. My first husband,'
"WIMPY PLUCKY MARRIED YOU!!?" cried Discord in shock, "But he's so pansy that he makes Commander Pansy look like ole' Commander Hurricane! How did... what did... you're such a teacher's pet that you married the son of a teacher!"
Celestia giggled, "I knew you'd be jealous,"
"Just explain yourself,"
"Alright, alright. We got together shortly after you got turned to stone. I honestly was emotionally drained, rebuilding Equestria again, helping with ponies, and... feeling betrayed, by you,"
Discord bit his lip in guilt.
"And Plucky, bless his heart, became one of the clerks directly under me. And he became a good friend and emotional support. And one thing led to another, and we fell in love,"
"I couldn't even pick on Wimpy Plucky as there's no fun out of it! He's so shy, and plain, and untalented-"
"And emphatic, sweet and nurturing. Basically everything you weren't at the time," said Celestia. Discord rubbed his temples.
"Alright, moving on, moving on!" he whined, "What's the next important memory of yours that I missed out?"
"His funeral,"
"What?"
Celestia flipped the pages and landed on some photographs depicting a wake. Pictures of a beautiful graveyard, and an open casket with a very elderly Plucky looking like he fell asleep.
One photo caught Discord's eye, where Celestia was by the casket, alongside whom apparently were her children. Luna was also near the casket, but looked away from the camera. Celestia's face was covered by a veil, and one hoof, but Discord could see her pained expression all too well.
"It was from thereon that I realized I would have to live life knowing that my body was different from others," she said sagely.
"How did... how did Plucky pass on?" asked Discord, almost fearfully.
"Old age," she simply replied.
"Let's move on,"
More pages turned, and the pages that were before him shivered Discord's spine.
There was a photo of Nightmare Moon in combat with Celestia.
Another photo of Celestia screaming, or rather, begging at Nightmare Moon as she destroyed a castle minaret.
Another one had Celestia blasting Nightmare Moon with what seemed to be the Elements of Harmony.
And the final photo had Celestia crying her eyes out at the sight of a moon that now bore the silhouette of a pony.
"Of course this would be in here," Discord remarked grimly, and held Celestia closer, "What happened, Tia?"
"In a word: loneliness. My sister barely saw anypony at night, including myself. And she obsessed with her night more and more, even I wasn't aware as to how far she's gone," Celestia explained, "Some... magic happened, inflicted upon her, and turned her into Nightmare Moon.
"The months after were the darkest periods of my life. Losing you was horrible, losing Plucky was terrible, but my own sister-" Celestia burst into tears.
"It was that time I truly felt like a failure," she said through her sobs.
"Tia, please don't..." said Discord, who conjured a hankie and wiped her tears away. He hugged her close and Celestia embraced back.
"We can stop if you like, I have seen enough," he said.
"No," she said to him, "I need to confront this, and you have every right to see all this, if we are to be together,"
She turned the pages again, and it was a picture of Celestia holding up an adorable, pudgy purple filly and a purple baby dragon, suckling on his tail.
"Twilight Sparkle and the hatchling?" said Discord.
Celestia nodded, "She hatched Spike via the power of magic alone, and that's how she became my personal student,"
"Wait, wait, now hold on just a minute!" he exclaimed, "Mass teleportation I can believe, wielding the Element of Magic, sure, but you are telling me, she hatched one of the most magically immune things in all of history, when she was a filly!?"
"Twilight Sparkle, is very, very special," she beamed.
Discord flipped the pages forward, and all of it were pictures of filly Twilight and baby Spike doing normal everyday things, such as reading, feeding Spike, taking naps and more reading.
"What can I say?" said Celestia proudly, "She's my dearest student,"
"Huh, practically a daughter," he said coolly.
Celestia gave a long sigh and looked almost sad, "In a way, I want her to be. She is very dear to my heart, but I must see her as a student. The journey that lies ahead of her... it's best that way,"
She magicked the pages forward, and the photos showed, to Discord's surprise, a teenage Luna, looking rather shy.
"Was this taken here, in your room?" asked Discord.
"Yes, Discord. This is Luna, returned to Equestria once again, thanks to Twilight Sparkle and her friends. I personally took photos of her when she returned. She was in a weakened state when she returned, but look!"
She flipped to the next page, and Luna looked as how Discord remembered her, even the photos where she placed the guards she was obviously training in excruciating locks and powerful slams.
"Showing the new guard ways of the old I presume?" Discord smirked.
Celestia flipped to the next page, and it was a photo of an entire regiment lying on the floor with ice packs all around their bruised bodies, whilst Luna looked at them disappointingly.
"Ha ha! That's our Luna!" chuckled Discord. Before Celestia could flip the pages, Discord closed the book.
"You don't wish to see anymore?' asked Celestia.
"Perhaps in another time, but now," he held her close, and cupped her beautiful face, "I need to do something that I should've done eons ago: I am going to teach you how to kiss,"
Celestia instantly blushed and pushed him in offense, "Discord! Don't be a colt!"
"I am serious! I want to teach you how to kiss!"
"I kiss fine!"
"You mean you turn into a black hole just fine," he remarked, and Celestia turned away in a huff.
"Tia, why is it that when you kiss, you lunge, you suck, you constrict as if your life depended on it?"
Celestia shifted uncomfortably, almost embarrassed by her answer, 'A kiss, especially with a special somepony should be special. One should give it your all when expressing love in it most purest,"
"Pah! So that's it!?" scoffed Discord. He again, cupped her face, and looked straight at her eyes, "Follow my instructions,"
"Pucker your lips- not so much! Smaller, smaller, nice, that looks better. Ah-ah, don't pull your neck back, you are smooching, not headbutting! Just, tilt your head one side a bit, much better! Now when we lock lips, we close our eyes and feel each others' lips and gently embrace, not squeeze... my goodness, you are blushing crimson, ha-ha!"
"I am not!" she scoffed, turning away to hide her completely flushed face.
"Celestia, kiss me," he whispered. She turned to him and he was ready. She started hesitantly, but he moved slowly towards her, she as well, until finally, they kissed.
Celestia felt like in another world, a world with Discord. And she had never felt closer to him than ever before. The kissing intensified, and she felt like squeezing even more, but she remembered to give and take.
Until finally, what felt like an eternity, she let go. She breathed slightly heavily, but had a goofy, adolescent smile on her, "That was... I liked that, Discord, I can't believe after all this time, I finally kissed you,"
But Discord looked down, his face had an expression that was of worry and revelation.
"Discord...?"
"Celestia... I..." he held her hoof close, his eyes opened to her in a way she had never seen before. Then he gave her a rare, toothless and got out of the blanket.
He levitated a quill and paper and began to write on it, with his back towards Celestia.
"Discord, what are you doing?" but he didn't turn around. She tried to peek, but he hid it close. Them he folded it into a paper plane and conjured it so that it flew away.
"Discord," said Celestia, confused, "What are you doing?"
He held her hoof and they began to fly. "Dawn is coming, let's go,"
"-and then he told me when his next musical performance would be, and how he'll be singing Bella Luna!"
"Of course, Princess," said Twilight.
"And I even admitted to him how I terrified Ponyville during Nightmare Night, and he found it funny!"
"Of course, Princess," said Cadance.
"But Mando is too nice! Someone made the remark that he gained some weight, and he bawled his cute little eyes out. It seems I would need to be his keeper!"
Twilight and Cadance giggled at that remark. Then Luna noticed a paper plane flying towards them. She caught it, and read it. Her eyes widened larger and larger.
Luna gave Cadance and Twilight a look of pure determination, "Girls, we have one final job to do, then off to the peak of Mount Canterlot,"
Discord and Celestia flew up to the top of Mount Canterlot almost lazily. The view was beautiful and vast and forever stretching.
He held her hoof. Dawn was coming.
The whistling winds carried a tune that sang something different, yet altogether understandable.
Discord casually pointed around the the various locales. His voice seemingly more youthful.
"No, that one's The Big Dipper. That one's Ponyville, there. No, the Everfree The Ghastly Gorge is up a few miles. Have you been inside the Caverns? We should go. Meet the Diamond dogs. Celes-tia,"
And they were up at the peak. Luna, Cadance and Twilight were there in bow ties, all smiles.
Discord sees the little box that Luna held, levitated it to his hand, and got on one knee before a stunned Celestia.
He showed two rings.
And asked. "Will you share your life with me For the next ten minutes? For the next ten minutes: We can handle that. We could watch the waves, We could watch the sky, Or just sit and wait As the time ticks by, And if we make it 'til then, Can I ask you again For another ten?"
Celestia dropped to her knees and was in tears.
Discord continued. "And if you in turn agree To the next ten minutes, And the next ten minutes, 'Til the morning comes, Then just holding you Might compel me to Ask you for more. There are so many lives I want to share with you... I will never be complete until I do."
He slid her ring onto her horn.
Finally Celestia spoke up, her own voice lighter, more bell-like. "I am not always on time. Please don't expect that from me. I will be wrong, But if you can just wait, I will right it eventually. Not like it's in my control, Not like I'm proud of the fact, But anything other than being exactly correct, I can do. I don't know why ponies run. I don't know why things fall through. I don't know how anypony survives in this life Without someone like you. I could protect and preserve, I could say no and goodbye, But why, Discord, why? I want to be your wife! I want to bear your foal! I want to die Knowing I Had a long, full life in your arms. That I can do, Forever, with you,"
And she gave him his ring.
Discord, "Will you share your life with me?"
Celestia, "Forever,"
Discord, "For the next ten lifetimes?"
Celestia, "Forever,"
Discord, "A billion summers"
And together. "'Til the world explodes! 'Til there's no one left Who has ever known us apart!"
Discord. "There are so many dreams I need to see with you..."
Celestia. "There are so many years I need to be with you..."
Discord, "I will never be complete,"
Celestia, "I will never be alive..."
Discord. "I can never change myself Until I do..."
Celestia, "I do..."
Discord, "I do..."
Celestia, "I do..."
And together, at last, "I do..."
Cadance declared them married, and of course said you may kiss the bride, but the whistling winds lulled everything down as Discord and Celestia fully embraced one another.
Cadance, Twilight and Luna left them alone.
Celestia and Discord held each other close and looked at horizon.
No words needed.
Discord could feel his powers back and he shot up magnificent firework from his hands that were as quiet as morning-dew. He even snapped his fingers and Twilight's Heart and Hooves outfit disappeared. She cried like a happy baby.
The sun assuredly rose.
Celestia lazily spoke, thinking of their honeymoon. "Is that one Ponyville? That's the Ghastly Gorge. Isn't that the Caverns? Can we go see the Diamond Dogs?"
The whistling winds slowed down and a new day has come.
Author's notes:
1. Epilogue right after. 2. Mando-Stein subplot turned out much bigger, but I liked the link with the main story, so I go with the flow. 3. The weight thing is based on one of his videos, it's funny! Go check it out! 4. I call Plucky Plucky 'cos it's a cute name. 5. Why The Next Ten Minutes? It fitted the situation, it's very dramatic and I wanted to experiment with online reading.
"AAARGHH! HELP!!" screamed Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie, as they were cornered onto a huge boulder thanks to the hungry, growling Timber Wolves.
The Timber Wolves closed in, and just before they pounced, a familiar voice to both the Wolves and the Cutie Mark Crusaders whined.
"You three? Again?"
The trio looked up to the voice and there was Warden Discord, lying on the rock and was rather annoyed, "It's the third time this month, Crusaders. Honestly, it's as if you want to be devoured!"
"We're sorry, Warden Discord!" said Applebloom.
"We just wanted to try to be Timber Wolf whisperers!" said Scootaloo.
"But I think we just made them mad," said Sweetie Belle.
"They're not the only ones..." muttered Discord, and conjured a water pistol.
He squirted at them with its incredibly powerful water stream, which sent the yelping Timber Wolves packing. "Shoo! Shoo! Run along now doggies!"
Once they ran far off, he leaped off the boulder to confront the fillies. "Now what do you say to the Warden of this Forest whom you have greatly bothered in his research?"
"We're sorry," the trio said, head held down.
"Now that that's done... who wants to go on a magic Draconequus ride?"
"YAY! WE DO! WE DO!"
Whilst the fillies hung onto his back as he flew, Applebloom asked, "Hey Discord, what do the two rings on your claw hand mean? If they have a meanin' that is,"
"They in fact do, little Applebloom. This one here is the one Princess Celestia gave to me when we married. And this big one here is what the Canterlot guards uses to keep track of me, and if I'm being naughty, zap me with potent anti-chaos magic!"
"Oh my! That sounds painful!" said Sweetie Belle, "Have you gotten zapped before?"
"Once, when I tried to sneak into Celestia's room when I hadn't informed the guards about it yet,"
"What happened then?" asked Scootaloo.
"Let's just say I smelt good to carnivores for weeks,"
After dropping the Cutie Mark Crusader off at the Everfree Forest's edge that was by Fluttershy's house, Fluttershy approached him.
"Oh, oh dear," she muttered as the playful fillies ran past her, "They went inside again, didn't they?"
"I really should just let one of the many ravenous creatures of the Everfree take a small nip at them, just to really keep them away!" Discord snapped sharply.
Fluttershy gasped, "You wouldn't! ...would you?"
Discord raised an eyebrow at her.
Then he smiled, which gave Fluttershy a sigh of relief.
"So then, any new news from Ponyville?" asked Discord. Thanks to her close proximity with the Forest and her kindly disposition, Fluttershy became Discord's unofficial courier and spokespony.
"Nothing new, well, umm, Twilight did try one of the chaos spells that you taught her just hours ago!"
"She blew something up again, didn't she?"
"Actually, she turned Spike into a little colt, and he looked so cute as a pegasus!"
"Ah, well that's better news than usual!"
"Twilight's now a dragon however, and wants your help, when you have the free time that is... oh, and that magic diaper is also on her again! She quite upset about it, but I think she looks lovely!"
"...Celestia help us..."
After receiving permission from the guards to assist in Twilight (again), he called it a day and flew back to Canterlot to put some files back. He wasn't a fan of paperwork, but his wife said it's the responsible thing to do.
Which meant he'll leave a few slimy surprises or two for the researchers.
Once he got back to the castle, he saw Luna lowering the moon with her magic by her balcony.
He smirked, and silently flew behind. He was twenty trots behind her, conjured an air horn, and just before he could honk it, Luna completed her moon setting, turned as quick as a whip, and honked first.
"HOOOONNNK!!!"
And Discord slammed onto the balcony wall. He managed to utter whilst he painfully peeled himself off the concrete, "You do realize that one day, I will get you, right?"
"Likely story, Draconequus," said Luna flatly.
"So then, how are you and Mando doing?" he asked as he finally got his foot out.
"We are doing fine," she said, "Mando is treating me to dinner as his ringtone sales, as he says, are through the roof. Also, he said he will explain what ringtones are,"
"So then, little sister," Discord finds it hilarious how, even after a few months of him saying that, her eye still twitches, "When can we expect wedding bells, hmm?"
"In due time, Discord," she said, "There is... something I want to say to you, something Mando thought I should've told you earlier on,"
"Ooh, this should be good!"
Luna looked away and took a deep breath, and announced, "We wish to thank thee for assisting us in finding us a special somepony, somepony who hath brought much joy to mine life. For that, we will honor our familial relations by dubbing thee br- br-"
Luna struggled to get the word out, and tried desperately to go beyond 'br'. She sweated, she stomped, she flailed, until finally, her mouth blurted out:
"BROTHER!! WE ACKNOWLEDGE THEE AND WILL CALLEST THEE BROTHER!!!"
Luna was on the floor, panting, "That... was difficult,"
Discord threw his hands up, "Finally! Took you long enough! Well, it's worth the wait, I suppose, especially since the whole kingdom has heard it by-"
A large white streak flew towards them and grabbed the two in one swift swoop.
"Luna! I am so happy you have called Discord brother!" said Celestia happily, "Now we are a real family!!"
"Ack! Sister, let us go!"
"Wait just a moment, Luna, look!" Celestia levitated a camera before them.
"Tia, dearie, we have so many photos already!" whined Discord, "photos from our honeymoon, the time I got zapped, Luna's first kiss, our first gala dance-"
'And now we are celebrating the day Luna called you brother!" she replied happily.
"My heart aches with joy," stated Luna.
"Say cheese, everypony!" yelled Celestia.
And they did.
And the photo that went into Celestia's album was that of Celestia holding the two mid-air, whilst she planted a big wet kiss on a Discord caught off-guard, and Luna grimaced in disgust.
