A Series of Great Ideas (Or Not)

by TheGuineaPig45

Chapter One: The (Unethical) Plan

Shining Armor didn't want to open his eyes.

Even though he knew he was already awake, he wanted to go back to sleep. After all, he was so comfortable under the covers of his bed. His entire body was warm, his legs were perfectly placed, and the snoring of the pony next to him provided the perfect soothing noise for sleep.

The pony next to him. Princess Cadance. His wife. His love. Shining Armor turned over to face her, absorbing the warmth from her body. This, in particular, was the feeling that made him want to stay in bed. With an alicorn foal, an empire to rule, and Equestria seemingly ending up in danger every two minutes, moments like these were hard to come by.

Shining Armor leaned close to his beloved’s face, and gave her a quick kiss. Except, something didn't feel quite right about it. He had kissed Cadance numerous times, but this experience felt more… hairy. He opened his eyes.

A mustache.

Shining Armor yelped and fell right off the side of the bed, taking the cover with him. His heart began racing.

Who is that pony?! he thought, backing up into the corner of the bedroom. Why was in bed with him? Why did I kiss him?! Am I cheating?! I have a wife and a child, I can’t--

His flood of thoughts was interrupted by a sudden observation. He was not in his bedroom. Instead, he was in a beige room, with a king-sized bed on one side, and a closet on the other. Three open, but empty, suitcases were strewn across the floor, and several crumpled up pieces of paper surrounded a trash can.

Where am I? What’s going on?!

Gasping for air, Shining Armor slowly stood up. He stumbled around the room, making his way to a window. He saw several, regal looking buildings in the distance, and high-class ponies decorating the streets. Canterlot.

He heard a noise behind him, and jumped. It was the sound of the other pony yawning. He rolled over in bed and blinked his eyes a couple times.

“Good morning, Flim,” he said, stretching his legs out. He looked around. “Flim?! FLIM?!” His eyes locked onto Shining Armor’s. “You’re not Flim!”

“Who’s Flim?!” Shining asked, backing away from the strange pony, who he could now see was dressed in a blue and white striped shirt. “Actually, who are YOU?!”

“Who are you?” the pony shot back, before shaking his head. “Actually, I know who you are. You’re the king of the Crystal Empire! What are you doing in my--” He paused, and took in his surroundings. “Wait a second. This isn’t my bed!”

“I’m the PRINCE of the Crystal Empire,” Shining corrected. “And you still haven’t answered my question!”

The pony got up from the bed and stroked his mustache. “I’m Flam. You might’ve heard of me. I’m the better half of the Flim Flam brothers.”

“The Flim Flam Brothers?!” Shining gasped. “Twilight’s mentioned you before. She says you’re con-ponies!”

Flam’s face dropped. “Con-ponies is a strong term. Slightly unethical businessponies, sure, but--”

“What is this? Some sort of con? Kidnap Equestrian royalty and ransom me off for a quick bit? Cause I’m telling you, it won’t work! My sister and her friends will take you down with the Magic of Friendship!”

Flam scoffed. “One, that’s not a real thing. And two, I don’t perform cons without my brother. I have no clue why either of us are here.” He twirled his mustache, and a smirk emerged on his face. “Wait a minute. I see what this is. This is some kind of secret Royal Guard initiation, right? Well, you can send me on home, cause I have no interest in defending the door to the throne room for seven hours a day.”

Shining Armor rolled his eyes. “No! I don’t know what’s going, either! I don’t even know you, and yet here I am sharing a bed with you!”

Flam started pacing around the room, casually stepping on the crumpled up papers. “Wait a minute. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Shining Armor thought for a moment. “Umm… I think… Cadance threw me out of the house for some reason yesterday? I don’t know. Everything is kind of… hazy.”

Flam nodded. “Well, the last thing I remember is having an early dinner with Flim. So, something must’ve happened last night that brought us together and prompted us to share what I assume is a hotel room.”

“Except neither of us can remember what that something is, apparently,” Shining sighed, putting his face in his hooves. “I can’t believe this. A whole night just… gone. Out of our heads! I don’t even remember meeting you!”

As Shining Armor sat back down on the bed, Flam noticed a piece of paper stuck to his flank, and used his magic to bring it towards him. “And the plot thickens,” he muttered, reading over the note. “It’s a letter from us addressed to… Applejack?! You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“Applejack?!” Shining gasped. “What does it say?”

Flam shook his head. “No idea! I can’t read a word of this past Deer Apple Jeck,” he admitted. “Everything else is either misspelled or illegible. You must’ve wrote this. My hoofwriting is impeccable.”

“Well, if Applejack is involved, then I say we find her,” Shining said, heading for the door. “Maybe she can clue us in on what happened last night and bring back some memories!”

“Noooo!” Flam moaned. “Applejack hates me! I can’t show my face in Ponyville!”

Shining telekinetically pulled the other unicorn toward him. “Come on! If we want to figure out what’s going on, we need her.”

Flam dragged his hooves against the floor, trying to resist the pull of Shining’s magic. “Wait! I need my hat!” he cried out, leaping away from the prince and frantically searching the room. “Where’s my hat?!”

Shining Armor let out a heavy sigh, then sat down on the floor. He uncomfortably shifted in his seat, until he realized he was sitting on another crumpled up piece of paper. Using his magic, he straightened out the paper and levitated it toward his face. The words were crossed out, so it was hard to read, but Shining Armor thought he could make out, “Applejack, leave us alone.”

“Hey, Flam, I found a--” Before he could finish his sentence, he looked up and saw Flam, frozen in front of the closet with a horrified look on his face. “Is everything okay?”

“There’s a pony in there.”

“WHAT.”

Shining Armor rushed toward Flam’s side, and, sure enough, in the center of the closet was tied up, blindfolded, unconscious Apple Bloom.

The two unicorns just stood there in silence for a full minute, unable to take their eyes off the filly.

“This is bad,” Flam muttered, breaking the silence. “We kidnapped a child.”

“M-Maybe she was kidnapped by somepony else,” Shining Armor said, nervously rubbing his nose, “and we came to save her!”

“And then decided to take a nap before freeing her?”

“Okay, maybe it’s a little far-fetched,” Shining admitted. “But so is ME kidnapping a filly!”

Flam gasped. “Wait. Are you saying that I would kidnap a filly?! Hold on, stallion! I said I was only SLIGHTLY unethical!” He thought for a moment. “Wait a second. The note was written from us to Applejack. This is her little sister. Do you think…”

“...we kidnapped her and were holding her for ransom?” Shining asked, unbounding Apple Bloom. “Maybe. But in exchange for what?”

“Does it MATTER?!”

“No, not really. But, the good news is, it looks like we didn't actually send any of these letters, so Applejack has no idea we kidnapped her sister. We can just send her on her way to Ponyville without facing the Apple Family’s wrath! No one would know we did anything!”

“Unless Apple Bloom still has her memories!” Flam pointed out. “She might remember who kidnapped her, and tell the authorities! She could tell PRINCESS CELESTIA! We could get sent to Tartarus!”

Shining’s heart began to race. “That would destroy my reputation as the lovable leader of the Crystal Empire!”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Flam chuckled. “I’ve heard some gripes about your ruling. Mainly revolving around that demon-filly of yours.”

“Hey!” Shining shouted. “Flurry Heart is a sweet, innocent filly! Everypony loves her!”

“If it helps you sleep at night, keep telling yourself that. But right now, we have more pressing matters to deal with! Remember, there’s a pony in the closet.”

Shining Armor banged his head against the wall, trying to think of something. A plan. An idea. Even the faintest piece of an action. But nothing was coming to his brain.

“Obviously, Applejack is out of the question now,” Flam said, thinking aloud. “But maybe her friends aren’t.”

The prince gasped. “You’re right! You’re so right! With my sister, we could kill two birds with one stone!”

“We already kidnapped a filly, Shining. Bird slaughter is not exactly on my to-do list.”

“Hush. Twily probably knows about memory spells. We could get her to restore our memories AND erase Apple Bloom’s! That way, we know what happened last night, and we don’t have to worry about being ratted out for kidnapping!”

“Great plan,” Flam said, slowly nodding his head. “Except for the fact that Twilight Sparkle would NEVER erase a filly’s memory.”

“She owes me,” Shining casually replied. “Besides, if she won’t, we could just steal the spell from her library. I used to be Captain of the Royal Guard. I can get past whatever security she’s set up. If any.”

“Kidnapping, bird slaughter, and now theft,” Flam sighed. “This is past my level of unethicality. Unethicality? Is that a word?”

“We’re in this together,” Shining said, grabbing onto Flam’s frowning face. “Look, I don’t like this either, but what other choice do we have?! This is the only way to set our lives back to normal. Besides, I KISSED you! I need to know HOW that happened!”

“You KISSED me?!”

“Come on,” Shining Armor said, levitating Apple Bloom and the crumpled papers into one of the empty suitcases. “We’ve need to make it to Ponyville!”

The prince ran out the door, taking every step with urgency. Flam bit his lip, shook his head, and followed in close pursuit.

“Okay, but don't think we’re done with this kissing thing!”

Comments

[Powdered-Toast-Mare]

Oh, I like this

[Nailah]

Just what the hay? Intrigued but will wait to read for now.

[Dashie04]

This is a story that exists.

This is a very funny story that exists.