• Published 20th Jul 2019
  • 659 Views, 49 Comments

A Series of Great Ideas (Or Not) - TheGuineaPig45



Shining Armor and Flam wake up in bed together, no memory of how they got there or what they did the previous night. All they know is that Apple Bloom has been kidnapped, and they're the guilty party.

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Chapter Fourteen: Why Did It Have to Be Celestia?

The dungeon underneath the Canterlot Castle was illuminated by a sole torch.

Shining Armor looked around. Him and Flam were behind metal bars, with two guards alternately watching over them. Their cell was made of stone, with nothing but a barred window on the wall and a wooden table in the center.

He looked down, and saw the metal cuff around his hoof, linking him to the stallion next to him. Flam was trying to pace around the room, but since Shining Armor was sitting still and wouldn’t budge, he had settled for walking in place. The constant clip clop, clip clop of his hooves against the stone floor was starting to get on Shining Armor’s nerves.

“Flam, please, calm down,” Shining Armor grunted, yanking on the cuffs, “or your hoof steps are going to haunt me in my nightmares.”

“I’m sorry,” the stallion apologized. “As much as the idea of getting to live with you excites me, I can’t say I’m as pleased with the notion of being sent to Tartarus.”

“Why did the Crusaders have to write to Princess Celestia, of all ponies? What was wrong with the local law enforcement?” The prince sighed. “This is why I’m never having kids.”

“Uh, you already did,” Flam pointed out.

Crud.”

Shining laid his face down on the table, and moaned. Flam patted him on the back.

“Hey, you know,” Flam began, “even though our lives are about to end, at least they ended on what was kind of a fun day. I mean, look at us! You’re a beaten-up hayburger who somehow still has whipped cream in his mane, and I’m a sleek gentlecolt in an expensive suit with jet blue hair! We’ve never looked better!”

“Maybe you haven’t…” the prince grunted.

“Come on. I know everything’s about to go down in flames, but at least we’re together. Maybe there is something to this whole ‘Magic of Friendship’ thing.” He paused. “Actually, no, it’s still the ‘Magic of Murder’. I mean, look at what happened to King Sombra!”

Shining laughed. “That was almost touching.”

Suddenly, in the distance, they heard a door creaking, and a stream of careful hoof steps heading in their direction.

It was Princess Cadance.

“Honey!” Shining Armor exclaimed, jumping from the table to the cell’s bars, unknowingly pulling Flam to the ground. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“I can’t say the same about you,” Cadance coldly stated, unable to look her husband in the eyes. She glanced at Flam. “Is this him?”

Shining raised an eyebrow. “Is Flam who?”

“The pony you left me for!”

Shining Armor and Flam both looked at each other in shock. “Left you?!” the former said, reaching for Cadance’s hoof through the bars. “Sweetie, I would never leave you! I love you and Flurry Heart!”

The princess pulled her hoof away, and shoved a piece of paper in his face. “Then what’s this?!”

Dear Cadence,
I’m leaving, just like u asked. I found a new pony to share my time with in Canterlot, and we’re going to have the best love anypony has ever seen! Byeeee!
Shiny Armor

Shining’s mouth dropped. “There’s no way I wrote this,” he said, shaking his head. “Shiny Armor? You as just the letter? Spelling your name wrong? Come on, that’s not me!”

“Then why is it in your hoofwriting?” Cadance snapped back. “Why did I find it in our closet?”

“I feel like this is a good time to mention that I’m all for a polygamous relationship,” Flam interjected. Shining shot him down with his eyes.

“Cadance, I swear,” he pleaded, “I would never leave you! I don’t remember ever writing that!” He paused, and looked at the stallion beside him. “I don’t remember it. Flam, this must’ve happened last night, just like the kidnapping!”

“So we did hook up last night?” Flam asked. Shining rolled his eyes.

“Shining Armor,” Cadance said, tears in her eyes. “I’ve given you nothing but love. And yet, last night, when I told you to get out of the house for a couple hours so I could spend some quality time with Flurry Heart, you went and betrayed that for this random stallion!”

Flam’s ears drooped. “I’m not random…”

“Cadance, you’re my everything,” Shining begged. “Please, listen to me. I could never hurt you.”

“You already did.”

The princess ran out of the room, sobbing. Shining reached out to her, but it was too late. She was gone.

One of the Royal Guards glared at the prince. “She didn't say this, but I know she was thinking it,” he grunted. “You make a terrible hayburger.”

Shining banged his head on the table.


After about an hour of complete and utter silence, the Royal Guard put a key into the lock and opened up the dungeon cell. The two stallions perked up.

“I’ve been instructed to bring you to the princesses,” the guard said, grabbing onto the chain connecting Flam and Shining Armor. “They will hear your case, discuss your actions, and decide your fate.” He pulled them forward. “Come along.”

“Hi, Mr. Intimidating-But-Attractive Guard,” Flam said, giving him a wave. “I just wanted to know. What are the chances of us going to Tartarus?”

“Whatever the princesses decide, they decide. But kidnapping a filly? Not a good look.” He paused, then blushed. “Although, that suit is a good look.”

“Why, thank you. It’s a Rarity.”

“Oh, I know her! She interrogated me once!”

“Ughh, kill me now,” Shining Armor groaned. “Let’s just get this over with. Not that it matters anymore.”

“Uh-oh,” the guard whispered to Flam. “Somepony’s upset about his failed romance.”

I heard that.”

The three walked through the long, regal halls of the Canterlot Castle. While Flam and the guard continued quietly conversing with each other, Shining Armor moped, trudging behind the others with his head down and his lip out.

As they passed room after room, Shining Armor heard a noise.

“Pssst!”

At first, he ignored it, but then he kept hearing it over and over again. He looked to his side to find the source, and on the opposite side of a window, he saw Starlight Glimmer.

He nearly jumped at the sight of her, and quickly gestured for her to leave before she got caught. The mare nodded, and mouthed a phrase to him before leaving.

We’re going to get you out of this.


Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sat in their respective thrones, with Princess Cadance and Princess Twilight Sparkle sitting on the floor between them. From their elevated surface, they all looked down upon the shaking Shining Armor and Flam in the center of the room, solemn looks on their faces.

“Shining Armor, Flam,” Twilight began. “We have called you here today to discuss the charges recently brought against you, including, but not limited to, kidnapping, breaking and entering, and trapping me in a magical bubble.”

Flam leaned to Shining Armor. “Sounds like they didn't hear about the bird slaughter,” he whispered. “We might be better off than we thought.”

“Honestly, I’m simply appalled,” Princess Celestia said. “To think one of our own would commit such a series of terrible crimes.”

“And your choice in partner?” Luna added. “Rather questionable.”

“B.B.B.F.F.,” Twilight continued. “We all love you here, and before we make any rash decisions, we want to hear your story. So, please, explain yourself. What is happening? Why have you done this?”

Shining Armor and Flam looked at each other. “We don’t know,” they said simultaneously.

“Excuse me?”

“We can’t remember what happened last night,” Shining Armor clarified. “Like, at all. We just woke up this morning, in a hotel room together--”

“After he kissed me,” Flam interjected. Cadance gasped, and Shining quickly punched him in the arm.

“--and then we found Apple Bloom in our closet. Honest. We don’t remember why we kidnapped her, how we kidnapped her, anything!”

The four princesses looked at each other, and then collectively nodded.

“In that case,” Princess Celestia said, getting up from her seat, “we cannot properly come to a decision yet. There’s only one thing we can do” Twilight Sparkle stood up next to her, and their two horns began to glow.

“Let’s find out what really happened now, shall we?”

Their horns began to glow brighter and brighter, until the entire room was engulfed in a blinding white light.