• Published 20th Jul 2019
  • 659 Views, 49 Comments

A Series of Great Ideas (Or Not) - TheGuineaPig45



Shining Armor and Flam wake up in bed together, no memory of how they got there or what they did the previous night. All they know is that Apple Bloom has been kidnapped, and they're the guilty party.

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Chapter Nine: Breaking and Entering and More Breaking

The journey through Ponyville was slow.

Rarity, understanding the urgency of the situation, tried to briskly stride through the streets and get to their destination as soon as possible.

Shining Armor, understanding the urgency of the situation, followed Rarity to the best of his ability, although the mare was significantly faster than him, which made him feel a little self-conscious.

Flam, paranoid as ever, hid in a bush.

“Darling,” Rarity said, pulling Flam by the tail out of his hiding space, “while I admire your attempt at staying incognito, we simply do not have the time for it.”

“Yeah,” Shining agreed, jogging in place. “Nopony knows what we’ve done yet! We don’t have to hide!”

“But what if they DO?!” Flam grunted, his teeth clinging onto the bush. “What if they’re calling Princess Celestia right now to take us away?!”

“Honestly,” Rarity replied, pulling harder on his tail, “this is attracting more attention to us than normally walking ever could.”

Flam thought about that for a moment, then finally conceded. “You’re right. Onwards, Unicorn Squad!” he exclaimed, pointing a hoof in the air and running ahead.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “That is the wrong direction.”

“I’ll go get him,” Shining sighed.


Eventually, the Unicorn Squad made it to Scootaloo’s house. The two minute walk had almost taken ten, but the important part was that they had arrived.

“Okay, so there’s a good chance Apple Bloom is in there,” Rarity said, peeking through a window. “And if she’s told the other Crusaders what happened, I doubt they’re going to want to see you.”

“Right,” Shining agreed. “We’ll fall back and let you do the talking for now. Ease them into the idea of talking to us.” He took a step back, then pulled Flam’s tail back with him.

Rarity knocked on the door. She waited a couple of seconds, but there was no response. She knocked again, and was met with the same silence.

“That’s strange,” Rarity muttered to herself. “I was certain they’d be here.” She looked through the window again, hoping her observation skills would provide a clue.

Meanwhile, Shining Armor looked around, making sure nopony was watching them. He looked up at the second floor of Scootaloo’s house, and noticed a pair of eyes through the window, peeking out from behind a curtain.

“Oh no,” he sighed, nudging the other stallion. He pointed at the window. “Look. They know we’re here.”

“Um, isn’t that the point?” Flam asked, searching the ground for something. “We’re here to talk to them.”

“Yes, except they don’t know that! All they know is that Apple Bloom’s kidnappers are back, probably here to take her away again!”

“Well, that’s not why we’re here, so I’m sure we’ll be okay,” Flam replied, picking up a stone from the ground. He looked at the window. “Scoot-aboo! Open up! We just want to talk!”

What are you doing?!” Rarity hissed, dashing over to the stallions.

“Scoot-aboo! Hey!” Flam continued calling, eliciting no response from the fillies. “You up there! Can you hear me? Open the window!” Still garnering no response, Flam turned to Shining Armor. “I don’t think they can hear us.”

“No, I think they can, but--”

“Don’t worry,” Flam said, cutting Shining Armor off. “I got this.”

Flam closed one eye, balanced the stone on his hoof, and leaned back. In one swift motion, he tossed the stone straight at the window.

It went straight through and shattered the glass.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders screamed, as sharp shards of glass rained down on the Unicorn Squad. Rarity quickly used her magic to make a big umbrella, shielding her and the stallions from the glass daggers, then shot her own daggers at Flam.

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” she shouted, pulling Flam by the shirt.

“It was only supposed to hit the window, not break it!” Flam explained, through a mix of panic and shock. “That’s what happens in movies, right?!”

“With PEBBLES!”

“Oh.”

Scootaloo suddenly appeared in the remains of the window. “We’re never letting you in!” she shouted down to the Unicorn Squad. “You’re never going to take her away again! We’re going to protect Apple Bloom with our lives!”

“Wait, could we die from this?!” the voice of Sweetie Belle screeched.

“We better not!” Scootaloo replied. She turned back to the ponies on the ground. “If we die, my parents are going to beat you up, I promise!”

“Scootaloo!” Rarity called. “I demand to speak to my sister!”

“No!” the filly yelled down. “You’re working with Apple Bloom’s kidnappers!”

“Hey, hey, not so loud,” Shining Armor said, lowering his voice in hopes that it would lower the entire conversation. “We just want to talk.”

“Oh yeah, we’ve heard that one before,” Scootaloo replied. “Nice try. Why do even want to take her away?!”

“We don’t know!” Flam admitted.

“Excuses, excuses!”

“Once I figure out which spell it is,” Sweetie Belle piped up, although the group could not see her, “we’re sending a letter to Princess Celestia, telling her what you’ve done!”

“Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo whispered through clenched teeth. “You’ve said too much!”

“Oops, sorry!”

“It’s over!” Scootaloo shouted back at the Unicorn Squad. “You’re never getting to Apple Bloom, and you’re definitely not getting away with this! Game, set, and match!”

She tried to close the window for dramatic effect, but then remembered it was broken and just walked away.

Flam started hyperventilating. “Princess Celestia?!” he panted. “Oh no, we ARE going to Tartarus!”

“My reputation? Done for!” Shining panicked, pacing in a circle. “My position? Done for! My marriage? Done for!”

“That’s not the worst thing,” Flam said through his heavy breathing.

“Stop it,” Rarity said, interrupting Shining Armor’s circle. “This is not the end. Sweetie Belle’s magic is excellent, if I do say so myself, but she’s not quite at the level where she can send a letter just yet.”

“So we have time!” Shining Armor said, his eyes wider than usual. “All we have to do is to do is stop your sister!” He began chuckling to himself, without any signs of stopping.

“Uh, Shining Armor, are you okay?”

“Never better,” the prince laughed. “I know what to do.” He walked up to the door, then his back to it. “We’ve already kidnapped a filly. What’s a little breaking and entering?”

“At this point, it’s pretty much just entering,” Flam said.

Shining Armor nodded, and in his sudden delirious state, leapt onto his front hooves and bucked down the door. It fell over with a loud “thud,” revealing Scootaloo’s well-maintained house.

“Easy-peasy,” Shining giggled, his eye twitching. He walked into the house, and Flam followed. Rarity, after using her magic to put the door back in place, looked at the prince.

“Um, Shining Armor,” she said with some trepidation. “Not to alarm you, but you appear to be… Twilight-ing.”

He turned and looked at her. “Twilight-ing?” he asked, clearly confused.

“You know. When she starts freaking out just a tidbit… hyperventilating, over-planning, eye twitching, mane-frizzing…”

“Oh no,” Shining sighed, sitting down with his face in his hooves. “I’m sorry. There’s just so much happening. I’ll admit it, I’m struggling! Yesterday, I was a happy father, co-ruling the Crystal Empire with my beautiful wife. Today, I’m kidnapping fillies, accidentally kissing grown stallions, lying to the ponies I care about, and running around Ponyville like Flurry Heart before bath time!”

“It’s okay, honey,” Flam said, putting his hoof on Shining’s back. “We’re going to figure this out.”

“Please don’t call me honey,” Shining Armor replied. “But, thank you. I feel better now. I think I just needed to vent.”

Shining Armor shared a smile with Flam, which quickly turned into a frown when the latter blew him a quick kiss.

“Well, while I don’t agree with breaking in,” Rarity admitted, “we’re already in, so I suppose we have to keep going now.”

“Right,” Shining agreed. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders are upstairs! Let’s go!”

Shining Armor ran towards the steps, and began taking them two at a time. On the fourth step, however, he felt something under his hoof.

A marble.

He slid on the marble, and, unable to regain his balance, fell back down to the bottom of the stairs.

Suddenly, Scootaloo emerged at the top of them.

“That’s right,” she said, looking very proud of herself. “We booby-trapped the house! You’re never getting Apple Bloom! I told you, game, set, and match!” She ran away, giggling.

Shining Armor looked up at her from the ground. “My child better not be like this.”

“Well, the joke’s on them!” Flam laughed, using his magic to levitate all the marbles off the stairs. He proudly began walking up the steps. “Game, set, and match, huh? More like game, set, and Fla--”

Suddenly, he walked straight into a wall of plastic wrap. In shock, he lost his balance and fell back down the stairs, landing right on top of Shining Armor.

Rarity facehoofed.

“Get your flank out of my face!” the prince shouted, pushing the other stallion off of him. He got up slowly. “Clearly, this is going to be harder than we thought. Get up, Flam, let’s keep trying!”

“If you two want to keep falling for the most juvenile pranks,” Rarity sighed, shaking her head. “Go right ahead. I’m going to find another way up.” She walked away, into what looked like the kitchen.

Shining Armor and Flam just looked at each other and shrugged.

“Let’s go!” Flam exclaimed.

Slowly, they took out the Crusaders’ traps, one by one. Shining Armor made it halfway up the stairs, but was met with a pie to the face, sending him back down. Flam made it to the top, but was shot with a confetti cannon and tripped down to the bottom. They tried going up together, but Flam slipped on a banana peel, taking Shining down with him.

They even tried taking a break, but ended up sitting on thumbtacks.

“Oww!” Shining Armor said, jumping a foot into the air. “How did they even know we’d sit there?!”

“They know everything,” Flam replied, his eyes wide with horror. “We’re about to lose to a bunch of children!”

“No, we’re not!” Shining growled, running back up the stairs. He made it to the very last step, but then tripped on his own hooves and tumbled back down. “Okay. Yes, we are.”

Rarity walked back into the room, and raised an eyebrow. Shining Armor was lying on the floor, whipped cream in his mane, and Flam was rubbing his flank, sporting a disheveled mane full of confetti and a banana stuck to his hoof.

“Honestly,” she sighed. “I leave you alone for one minute.”

“We need help, Rarity,” Shining Armor moaned from the ground. “Your sister and her friends are creaming us!”

“Oh, I get it,” Flam said, perking up. “Cause you have whipped cream all over you?”

Shining groaned and rolled over. Rarity picked him up with her magic and brought him over to window. “See that building next door?” she asked, pointing to the neighbor’s house. “It has a fire escape. All we have to do is climb on top of it, and we’ll be able to jump through the window onto the second floor of this house. And by we, I mean you, because I am not jumping through a window.”

Shining Armor held his head back and sighed. “Nothing’s ever easy, is it?”

“Not in the slightest.”


When Princess Cadance made it to Canterlot, dozens of ponies were asking for her autograph and for a picture, but just walked right past them. She didn't hear or even see them. Her mind was focused on one thing, and one thing alone.

The hotel room.