• Published 20th Jul 2019
  • 688 Views, 49 Comments

A Series of Great Ideas (Or Not) - TheGuineaPig45



Shining Armor and Flam wake up in bed together, no memory of how they got there or what they did the previous night. All they know is that Apple Bloom has been kidnapped, and they're the guilty party.

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Chapter Thirteen: Going Off the Rails

Author's Note:

Originally titled, "Horsing Around on the Friendship Express"

Shining Armor was the last to arrive at the train station.

The combination of being injured and being trapped in a giant hayburger made the journey slow and painful, but he eventually made it, two minutes before the train was scheduled to arrive.

“You made it!” Flam exclaimed, noticing the prince walking toward them. He tried to give him a hug, but he couldn’t successfully wrap his hooves around the hayburger buns and instead went with a chest bump, which almost knocked Shining Armor over.

“We were getting worried that this was all for naught,” Starlight said, rushing over.

“Well, it’s not,” Flam chuckled. “Get it? Not? Naught? Anypony?” He hoof-bumped himself.

“We’ve gained a Gallus and some Crusaders in your absence,” Starlight continued, pointing to the group by the bench. “They had the same idea as us, so we figured we should all head to Canterlot together.”

“The more, the merrier,” Shining Armor replied.

The train arrived seven minutes late, much to every creature’s chagrin, but they were successfully able to get on without any hassle, outside of figuring out how to fit a giant hayburger through a small door. After forcefully shoving the costume inside, they group took seats in separate cars to remove suspicion from themselves, with Rarity, Shining, and the CMCs in one, and Flam, Gallus, and Starlight in the other.

“Why am I doing this?” Gallus asked himself, banging his head on the window. “This is wrong. This is very clearly wrong.”

“Curiosity killed the cat,” Starlight joked.

“Wait, are we killing a cat now, too?!” Flam exclaimed. “Haven’t we already done enough?!”

As they settled into their seats, Shining Armor, who had scored a window seat, noticed a pony out of the corner of his eye. He gasped, then rapidly tapped Rarity on the shoulder.

“Ow! Stop tapping me!” she hissed. “Honestly, you do need a class on common courtesy.” As she brushed herself off, the hayburger pointed a hoof at the pony.

It was Soarin.

“Oh, great,” Rarity sighed. “The Wonderbolts must’ve caught wind of our plan!”

“Well, we did say it on a rooftop while they were flying at us,” Shining realized. “They were definitely in earshot.”

“Maybe he won’t recognize us in these fabulous costumes.”

Soarin noticed the farmer and the hayburger pointing and glancing at him, and started walking over.

“OR maybe he will,” Shining panicked, trying to climb over Rarity out of his seat. “I’m going to warn the others!”

“Hey! Stop! Wait!” Rarity cried, being crushed under the stallion’s weight. Shining tried to squirm toward the train aisle, but got his back hooves tangled in the hayburger and fell over, knocking both him and Rarity onto the floor.

In the commotion, Shining Armor’s horn tore through the top of the burger, creating a giant rip in the fabric. As his body was lying on the floor, he noticed that he could see much better than before.

His head was sticking out of the costume. His eyes met Soarin’s, and both stallions gasped together.

“I would’ve let you out if you had just waited three seconds--” Rarity began, until she noticed the pegasus looking at the prince. “Hmm. This is quite the predicament.”

“Ya think?!”


Gallus had fallen asleep, his cheek pressing against the window. Every time he breathed out, the glass fogged up, prompting Flam to reach over and draw a heart in the moisture.

“You know that heart’s going to fade in, like, ten seconds,” Starlight pointed out, chuckling.

“Then, I’ll just draw a new heart,” Flam replied, smiling. “By the way, I really like your pigtails, Starlight.”

“Thank you. And I’m digging your suit!”

“Much appreciated!”

The pair stayed silent for a second, but then it hit Starlight. “YOU REMEMBERED MY NAME!” she exclaimed, her sudden loudness startling Gallus. The griffon woke up with a yelp, his wings extending and hitting Flam in the nose.

“Owww!” the stallion said, rubbing his nostrils. “That hurt!”

Sorry,” Gallus snarked, glaring at Starlight, “but some of us don’t appreciate being rudely awakened.”

“My bad,” Starlight admitted. “You can go back to sleep now.”

Suddenly, Shining Armor burst into their train car, rushing down the aisle past them. Soarin was right on his tail, speedily flying past.

“On second thought, you might want to stay awake,” Starlight sighed.

Gallus banged his head on the window again.


Shining Armor was running as fast as he could, dashing through train cars, the hayburger suit clinging to his torso. Soarin was flying close behind him, almost able to touch the prince’s tail.

“Stop right there!” the pegasus shouted. “Twilight Sparkle just wants to talk to you!”

“I really don’t want to talk to her!” Shining Armor yelled back, nearly tripping over himself. Adrenaline had given him the strength to run for now, but he knew it wasn’t going to be long before he curled up in pain again.

Shining opened a door, hoping to make it to the next train car, only to be greeted with a burst of sunlight and fleeting train tracks before him. He had reached the caboose.

Looking up, the prince saw Spitfire, Misty Fly, and Rainbow Dash flying closely behind the train. The Wonderbolts had the train surrounded.

Shining Armor quickly shut the door behind him, but Soarin to crashed straight through it, slamming directly into him. Both of the stallions went tumbling off the train, but Shining managed to grab onto the railing before falling off. He tried to pull himself back up, with no success.

“End of the line, fake Shining Armor!” Spitfire yelled, swooping in to grab him. Shining used his back legs to kick her away.

Fake?!” Shining asked, nearly slipping. “I’m not a fake!”

“Then why’d you trap Twilight and I?!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “The real Shining Armor would never do that!”

“You can’t run from us, whatever evil creature you are!” Misty Fly added.

Flam, Starlight, and Rarity emerged from the caboose, and immediately caught onto what was happening. Starlight used her magic to lift the prince into the air, and was about to bring him back onto the train, when suddenly, a squadron of at least twenty Royal Guards started flying in from the distance.

“For Celestia’s sake!” Rarity cried out. “Give us a break!”

“Hey, that rhymed!” Flam chirped.

Not the time!” Starlight shouted.

“Oooo, that did, too!”

“FLAM!” the mares shouted simultaneously.

“Oh. Sorry!”

Flam and Rarity leaned on the railing, and started firing blasts of magic out of their horns at the pegasi. All of them were expertly trained flyers, however, and easily dodged the shots.

“Starlight!” Rarity said, charging her horn. “We could really use a spell right about now!”

Starlight Glimmer nodded, then put Shining Armor down beside Flam. “I’ll meet you in Canterlot!” she called out, engulfing herself in her magical aura. She flew straight up into the sky, and, like a bowling ball trying to knock out pins, started hurtling herself at the Wonderbolts and guards. Not expecting such a move, many of them back out of the way, pushing them further into the distance.

“YES, BROTHER!” Flam shouted. “You’re doing great! We’re going to win this!”

Suddenly, without the slightest noise, two stray Royal Guards swooped in from the back of the caboose. Before they could even blink, Shining Armor and Flam found themselves hoofcuffed together.

“What the-- WHOA!”

Shining Armor and Flam had no time to react. One moment, they had been safely on the train, the next they were being lifted into the sky, looking down on the train as it grew smaller and smaller in the distance.

They could hear Rarity below them, screaming.

Shining looked up, and saw the two burly armored guards carrying them. He sighed. “Well, time to say hello to our new home in Tartarus.”

“Wait, our new home? We’re going to be living together?!” Flam asked, hopefully. Shining Armor growled at him. “Oh. Sorry! Focusing on certain doom right now. Got it.”

Shining groaned, the wind flowing through his mane as he was flown toward Canterlot.