• Published 20th Jul 2019
  • 722 Views, 49 Comments

A Series of Great Ideas (Or Not) - TheGuineaPig45



Shining Armor and Flam wake up in bed together, no memory of how they got there or what they did the previous night. All they know is that Apple Bloom has been kidnapped, and they're the guilty party.

  • ...
2
 49
 722

Chapter Eight: Unicorn Squad, Assemble!

Flam’s legs were starting to hurt.

He had done too much running today. As much as he liked to brag about being a phenomenal runner, not a single one of his schemes had ever required this much trotting. He could barely keep up with Starlight, who was several feet ahead of him.

Eventually, he just fell on the ground. After a moment, Starlight quickly ran to him and looked down at his face.

“Just… leave me… to die,” Flam panted, his body completely numb. “I’m sure the birds… will love picking at my corpse… serves me right… for slaughtering them…”

Starlight began levitating him. “You didn't actually slaughter any birds, you know that, right?”

“Apparently… I kidnapped Apple Bloom… so who knows what I’ve done?”

The mare began trotting away from Sweet Apple Acres. “Just breathe, okay? We’re almost there.”

The exhausted stallion could barely keep his eyes open. Within seconds, he had passed out.


When Flam came to, the first thing he saw was Shining Armor’s face.

He could barely see it, since the room he was in was very dark, but he recognized Shining Armor’s eyes, alongside the dim magical aura around his horn.

“Shining Armor, are you about to kiss me again?” Flam asked through a yawn, invoking a jump from the prince. “Cause if you are, it’s okay, but I just wanna know.”

“What?! No!” Shining Armor shouted, backing away from the other stallion. “I didn't even mean to kiss you the first time!”

Flam raised an eyebrow at him. “How do you accidentally kiss somepony?”

“Okay, the kiss was intentional, but I-- I mean-- Look, I was just making sure you were awake.”

“If you say so,” Flam said, winking. He blew a kiss to Shining Armor, who ran to the opposite side of the room, straight into Rarity’s face.

“Goodness!” she cried out, falling to the ground. “That wasn’t very gentlemanly of you!”

“Sorry,” Shining apologized. “But, look! Flam’s awake.”

“Thank goodness,” Starlight Glimmer said, emerging from the shadows.

“Excuse me,” Flam started, walking around the room, “but where are we exactly? How did we get here? And what are we even doing here?!” He turned to Rarity. “Although, it’s always a delight to see you.”

“Choose one pony to flirt with and stick with them,” Starlight sighed, her hoof on her forehead. “Or even better, don’t flirt with anypony at all!”

Shining Armor took a giant step over Rarity, who was still on the floor. “Rarity found us out, Flam,” he said, ears drooped. “She’s quite the detective.”

Rarity flipped her mane and posed from the ground. “Darlings, it’s easy. Just a little observation, a little luck, and a lot of fashion.” She levitated her hat onto her head.

“She got me to confess, but once she realized that we hadn’t kidnapped Apple Bloom on purpose and that we’re just trying to find the filly to solve things peacefully, she generously decided to help us.”

“Huh,” Flam said, nodding his head. “I guess there is something to this ‘Magic of Friendship’ thing after all. Although, I take it you didn't mention to her that you wanted to erase Apple Bloom’s memories.”

The mare looked at Shining Armor in shock, who nervously chuckled.

“That was the old plan,” Shining groaned through gritted teeth. “The current plan is talking to Apple Bloom and clearing things up before she exposes us.”

“We found you wildly running through Ponyville like a bunch of hooligans,” Rarity continued, finally getting up, “and quickly brought you inside before anypony saw you. We’re inside the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse now, trying to come up with a plan.”

“Yes,” Starlight agreed. “We’re working as a team to fix your mess.”

“Alright!” Flam cheered, doing a little dance on his front hooves. “The Unicorn Squad has assembled!”

“We’re going to be a team for, like, twenty minutes,” Shining Armor replied. “We don’t need a team name.”

“Well, I want a team name, so we’re The Unicorn Squad now.”

Shining rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine.”

“Listen, we’re running out of time,” Starlight Glimmer said, trying to recapture everypony’s attention. “Apple Bloom is still on the loose, plus Big Mac knows you’re the culprits.”

“What did you tell Twilight?” Flam asked.

Shining shrugged.

“Assuming they haven’t already,” Starlight continued, “we’ve only got a matter of minutes before Apple Bloom and Big Mac start telling ponies that you’re kidnappers. And once that happens, it’ll be hard to undo. So, we need to: one, silence Big Mac so he can’t spill the truth, and two, find Apple Bloom so we can talk to her and explain that this is all a big misunderstanding.”

“Hopefully, when she understands that this was all an accident, she won’t go to the authorities, and everything can go back to the way it was,” Shining said, a tone of hope in his voice. “My reputation as lovable leader as pristine as ever.”

“Right,” Starlight agreed. “Plus, no Equestrian panic over one of their rulers being a foal-napping creep.”

“That too.”

“Now, it would appear your theory about Apple Bloom running to either here or Sweet Apple Acres was incorrect,” Rarity said, “since she is neither here nor there.”

“Which means we’re back to square one with all of Ponyville,” Flam sighed.

“Not necessarily,” Rarity replied, twirling her hat on her hoof. “What you failed to consider is that Apple Bloom trusts the CMCs more than anypony else. She would undoubtedly go to them in a situation like this. But they’re not always here. Sometimes, they hang out at Scootaloo’s house.”

Flam marched to the door. “Great! Let's roll out, Unicorn Squad! To the house of a Scoot-achoo!”

“Scootaloo,” Starlight corrected. “You’re really bad with names.”

“What even is a Scoot-achoo?” Shining Armor asked, shaking his head.

“What’s a Scootaloo?!” Flam retorted.

The other unicorns looked at each other, deep in thought. They didn't have an answer.

“Listen, we’re using up precious time,” Rarity said, pushing Flam out the door. “She’s probably already told Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Let’s make sure that she can’t tell anypony else.”

“I’ll spell Big Mac so he can’t talk and meet you guys there,” Starlight Glimmer stated, walking back toward the farm. “He already doesn't talk much, so I’m sure nopony even notice.”

“Boys, you’re with me,” Rarity said to Shining and Flam, tossing her hat to the latter. “Try to keep up. Remember, the ‘Unicorn Squad’ is doing this for you!”

Rarity began a speedy, yet graceful trot toward Ponyville. Shining and Flam stayed behind for a moment and looked at each other.

“Glad to have you back,” Flam said, nudging the prince, who smiled. “How are you enjoying conning ponies for your own benefit?”

“I have a strong distaste for it,” Shining admitted. “It's causing a lot of anxiety within me. How do you do this daily?”

“I have a partner,” Flam replied, before running off to join Rarity.

Shining Armor took in his words for a couple of seconds, then followed.