A Pony Named Nope

by Nyerguds

Nope 01: Nope and the Alicorn Effect

When the filly was born, everypony realized something special had happened.

There was the fact she had a horn, while neither of her parents had one.

And then, there was the fact she had wings, too, again, like neither of her parents.

"An alicorn?" the mother said, sagging back on her hospital bed. "Oh, no."

"Now, dear, these things are known to happen," the father assured her. "She's just a... pegasus-unicorn. Not some sort of—"

"Look at her hair!" the mother exclaimed, and the father went silent. There was no denying the hair. A newborn baby's mane and tail are not supposed to look like several hundreds of bits were spent on styling it. And it flowed. Like an invisible wind in slow-motion breezing through it, sparkling all along the length of the hair.

"She's a protagonist!" the mother wailed. "I can't handle this! I can't raise a child like that!"

"Now, dear..." the father started, but he was cut off.

"No! You know how these things go! Look at what happened to Ponyville after the Princess' student moved in! Nightmare Moon, parasprites, dragon attacks... and when they visited Canterlot for the Royal Wedding? Then everything went wrong there!"

"It'll be all right," the father assured her, half-heartedly. "We don't have an Everfree Forest around here for hundreds of miles!"

The mother shook her head. "I- I can't stay with this child."

"Please, honey," the father said, trying to calm her down. "Think of the consequences! You'll give her a tragic backstory! That's not helping at all!"

The mother blinked, and sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry."

They looked around, and saw a whole flock of nurses pressed against the room's window, admiring the newborn.

"Ohh!" the mother said, frustrated. "It's already starting! See?"

"I'll fix it," the father said. He grabbed a pair of scissors with his mouth, and before the horrified nurses, he cut off the baby's beautiful, flowing mane with a couple of rough cuts.

It didn't work. Her hair seemed to curve to accentuate the rough cuts, which gave the filly a cut that would probably be describable as "daring", "modern", "stylish" and other such nonsense. The point was, it didn't look, in any way, bad.

The father sighed, and opened the window to get some fresh air. In the evening sky, a faint green glimmer was visible in the distance. He squinted his eyes, and saw it was some kind of swirling portal thing.

"Oh, come on!" he said as he slammed the window shut. Several dozen breezies flattened against it. "That's it. We're leaving."

"You can't just leave!" one of the nurses yelled as she ran after the couple. She caught up with them just as they reached the building's exit. "The child needs to have a name, first!"

The father frowned. "Nope."

"What?" the nurse asked, dumbfounded.

"Nope. I'll name her 'Nope'."

"That's not a name for a filly like that! I'd even say, it's not a name at all!"

"No...ble, P...inions," the father finally said. "Good enough for you?"

The nurse gave him a suspicious look. "You just made that up so you could call her 'Nope', didn't you?"

The father turned around and followed his wife out of the hospital building. Before closing the door behind him, he turned to the nurse and smiled.

"Yep."

Author's Note:

Alright, so this is a bit of silliness I actually wrote years ago, in 2014... but I never quite knew where to take it, since it's just a silly whimsical thing, without any structure, point, or conclusion. But, still... it's a fun little ride, even if I only wrote four chapters. So I wrote slightly better endings to the last two chapters, expanded some bits here and there, and decided to go ahead and post it.

Comments

[Nyerguds]

First comment reserved for the author!

Alright, so this is a bit of silliness I actually wrote years ago, in 2014... but I never quite knew where to take it, since it's just a silly whimsical thing, without any structure, point, or conclusion. But, still... it's a fun little ride, even if I only wrote four chapters. So I wrote slightly better endings to the last two chapters, expanded some bits here and there, and decided to go ahead and post it.

I'm going to go with one release per week; it'll give me time to review stuff more carefully and eliminate those last errors hiding under the furniture. After all four chapters have been posted I will mark this story as Finished... but if I ever want to revisit Nope and her silly, silly situation, I might write more of it. You never know.

Anyway, here it, is for your enjoyment: A Pony Named Nope.

[edit]

Copied the core of this post into the author's note, to make it slightly more obvious to the casual reader.

[edit again]

If you read this now, the story is actually, really, 100% truly finished.

[Lofty Withers]

If a superhero comes to town, chase them out, because for each superhero, you'll get a dozen supervillains. You don't need that kind of drama in your city. Just say ”No” to Alicorns. Say ” No” to Nope.

Make our city safe again. Vote Lofty for mayor.

[hiroandre]

Love the father. He's being realistic, without being cruel.

[Snowliasion]

She's a protagonist.

[Perpetually Confused]

It didn't work. Her hair seemed to curve to accentuate the rough cuts, which gave the filly a cut that would probably be describable as "daring", "modern", "stylish" and other such nonsense. The point was, it didn't look, in any way, bad.

Oh God...
What is it with totally not deities and having good hair
i.imgur.com/HajnzvC.jpg

[Venerable Ro]

Ananke can sod right off with that mighty destiny buggery, it's more trouble than it's worth.

[Bookworm]

"Think of the consequences! You'll give her a tragic backstory! That's not helping at all!"

Alright, this single sentence will probably shape the whole story, I just love this kind of humor.

[Nyerguds]

9634450
To be completely fair, that one was stolen wholesale from the thing that inspired this

But yeah. Couldn't really not include it. It is indeed the kind of humour you'll see in this

[PonyDragon]

The mother shook her head. "I- I can't stay with this child."
"Please, honey," the father said, trying to calm her down. "Think of the consequences! You'll give her a tragic backstory! That's not helping at all!"

Best part of the chapter!
But she is still missing an more-loved sister. And be (unintentionally) left by her boyfriend. And a few other things I'm probably forgetting.

[Merula]

Oh shit, protagonists!

[Alondro]

Wouldn't it be easier to just kill it with, I dunno, cyanide and arsenic mixed with death cap mushrooms?

I mean, a protagonist isn't really a person...

[Nyerguds]

9635421
Wouldn't be much to write about then, except a very short clear-cut trial case and a trip to the dungeons

[Aotrs Commander]

9635421

Nah, merely making the attempt would not only end in failure (in increasing levels of improbability), but would kickstart the Tragic Backstory. You can't go around trying stuff like that anywhere there's a high concentration of narrative energy (Equestria, Discworld, Calernia...) it just backfires.

[ChronoMitsurugi]

9635421
Silly Alondro, dont you know that attempting to kill the protagonist only makes them even more badass?

Goku, Guts, Luffy, Naruto, Ichigo, Jotaro, Alucard, Kenshiro...etc. Need i go on?

[honeyhoneyhoney]

Such clean writin.
Eeyup.

[Asolem2]

"Please, honey," the father said, trying to calm her down. "Think of the consequences! You'll give her a tragic backstory! That's not helping at all!"

That's...a very good point

[Dragonin]

9678140
Too bad the name is so tragic it qualifies for the prologue.

[Georg]

9634468 My mind immediately leapt to GaPJaxie's Fan Service, a story that lives in your head forever when you see anything on DeviantArt.

Once upon a time, there was a pony named Fan Service. She was a unicorn, with a soft brown coat and a golden mane that fell in perfect natural curves. Her parents raised her in Ponyville, and she spent her childhood playing with adorable animals and staring in wide-eyed wonderment at the beauty of the world around her, pausing only occasionally to have pillow-fights with her friends.

She was a late bloomer, or perhaps, an abrupt bloomer. She showed little signs of maturing well into her teenage years, and her parents became concerned for her health. But, then, puberty struck her at age 16, on July the 9th at precisely 2:00 PM, and concluded inself no later than 2:07 PM that same day....

[Nyerguds]

10007644
I gave it a read. Funny stuff, yes

[Black--Soul]

Holy Shit... So blatantly crashing the 4th wall even Pinkie Pie probably will Nope out of this story
I though my story humor good, but daaamn... I still have to learn the element of randoms true depths...

[Black--Soul]

Already loving the re-reading ♡