Rainbow has feelings towards Twilight. She plans to confess to her, and get it over and done with. But Twilight meets Star Hunter, and things take an..unexpected turn. Now Rainbow has to fight for Twilight's affection. Can Rainbow win Twilight over..? Or was it just not meant to be..?
Page generated in 0.079 seconds
Total duration
656 users online
789,152 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ahhh this is a good start omc! I can't wait until the next chapter
9640311
Thanks! I'm done with the next chapter. Got any idea's for the third?
9642897
The second chapter was great! As for ideas, maybe Twlight will somehow find out what Rainbow said about her with Star Hunter (like he starts treating her different or he straight out tells her) , and that will stir up even more trouble. If you need anything else feel free to message me
Welp, I obviously cannot relate to Dash about how to handle this situation :P
Fourth chapter out! Let me know what you think.
Aww this was getting good I want more
(and you didn't have to thank ne, I'm always here to help ^^)
Sorry if it seemed kinda short, I ran out of ideas. At least it made the word count requirement right?
Hey guys. If you haven't already noticed, I made a little change. Instead of calling the chapters 'Part One' or 'Part Two' like I usually do, I went ahead and gave them actual names. Let me know if you like it, or want me to change it back.
Oh my gosh this is so good!
Can't wait for the next chapter, it was great so far
So just from a mechanical standpoint for your writing when different characters speak it should be separate paragraphs. It gets jumbled up when everyone is speaking in the same paragraph and there is no break making it significantly more difficult for the reader to determine who is speaking when.
Things like this where I had to step back a second, breaking immersion in the story, to figure out that Twilight said the first line and that Rainbow was responding break the flow and add confusion for your reader. Story concept seems sound so far and, while I don't have a lot to go off of, the characters seem to be more or less acting in ways that I could believe. Time to continue on to the next chapters to see how this unfolds.
A happy ending!!! Yay!!!
