• Published 10th Sep 2012
  • 717 Views, 5 Comments

The Agency - AthiyahTA



No, this ain't another usual fic, this fic is about a villain needing to find the light once again.

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Hooves Everywhere

Chapter 1: Hooves Everywhere

The man stared upon the red-headed youth with pride, remembering the day when he lured the girl to The Agency. Ever since the successful brainwash, she proved to be an amazing asset to the small group of assassins, rising high enough to get into a private sector group. To be honest, the very last, existing private sector left. He watched as the young woman picked up her favourite Remington 870 pump action rifle, aiming carefully at the target.

"Headshot." thought the man, as she fired. The target was extremely still with the simple, clean headshot, something most of the other Field Agents failed to do. The man walked over to her, with the impending thought pounding in his head.

"Field Agent 21." said the man, in his deep, yet toned voice. The field agent lowered the rifle, taking off her goggles, turning her head slightly towards his direction.

"It's my day off." she muttered, slightly irritated at the interruption.

"I know. Just needed to give you something." said the man. She turned around fully, glaring at the man. He smirked, knowing what she thought of him.

"Look, 21, this is very important. Whatever you do, don't loose it." said the man, handing over the item. Agent 21 took it, and scorned.

"Ah, yes, nothing more important than a Red Logbook." she said. The man looked seriously at 21. She let down her scorn-filled face, now filled with confusion.

"How is a logbook that important?" asked the confused field agent. The man simply smiled his usual, sly and cunning smile.

"Use it, and you will soon know." said the man, and walked off, leaving the twenty two-year-old confused.

Agent 21 walked back to her quarters with the logbook, to meet her fellow field agent, Field Agent 24. The agent was sharpening his Hanwei Practical Viking Sword shining it so well it could almost act like a makeshift mirror. She tossed the logbook on her bed, and jumped heavily upon her creaky, old and rusty-framed bed, attracting the attention of the edged weapon-crazed man.

"Enjoying your day off?" asked 24, still concentrating on the sword, secretly looking at her reflection on his sword. 21 searched thoroughly through her chest drawers, trying to at least find a pen, something that wasn't quite usually in concern of the Field Agents. 24 observed her unusual behaviour, slightly concerned.

"What happened? Something to do with Him?" asked 24, putting his sword down carefully. 21 turned to look at him, with a little tinge of amusement, that her fellow colleague had once again had deduced her worry and expression in the thick darkness that encased the room, with very little room for light.

"Yes." she said simply. 24 raised his eyebrow, slightly confused at her lack of speech.

"Cat got your tongue?" he asked, slightly amused. 21 grinned a little, thinking about the irony in the statement.

"You wish." she said. They both grinned for a while, before returning to their respective 'jobs'. As 24 sharpened his beloved sword, he subconsciously continued looking at her through his sword, not used to the lack of action from the red-head. He saw a logbook that she held in her trained, dangerous hands. He partially recognised it, having given a black logbook earlier that day by Him. He realised that both the logbooks had the Agency's signature slash, usually red and black, golden-embroidered on the cover of the logbooks, which cleared a little on how a small little logbook could mean their life in their hands.

She stared upon the logbook, not knowing what to write. She decided to simply write down her general and personal information, just for that very day-off.

"Name: Field Agent 21
Gender: Female
Species: Human, Pure-Bred British
Distinctive Physical Attributes: Bronzed Skin, Distinctive Red Hair, Pure Black Eyes, Dark Freckles, Dimples
Occupation: The Agency: London, Private Agents Group Sector 3
Weapon Choice: 21st Century British rifles, US no-total-recoil shotguns
Greatest achievements:
Assassination of President Lincoln, under the pretense of Mr. John Wilkes Booth
Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, under the pretense of one of the Sarajevo assassins
Assassination of Prime Minister Inukai Tsuyoshi, under the pretense of one of the 11 naval officers
Assassination of-" wrote Agent 21, as she internally prided over the assassinations, suddenly cut short by a siren.

"The Agency: London has been detected by the British Armed Forces. I repeat, The Agency: London has been detected by the British Armed Forces. Private Sector 3, please evacuate to the Time-Portal Room. I repeat, Private Sector 3, please evacuate to the Time-Portal Room. The rest of the agents, withhold yourselves in the defense room, prepare for combat. I repeat, the rest of the agents, withhold yourselves in the defense room, prepare for combat. Leave no evidence behind. I repeat, leave no evidence behind." rang out a robotic woman's voice. The door burst open, with panting Intelligence Agent 13.

"Here. Compactors." said the agent, tossing the compactors to the field agents. They caught them deftly, and started absorbing up their belongings in the compactors. They pocketed the compactors, waiting for the frantic Intelligence Agent, whom was absorbing her massive amount of computers. 21 looked upon the logbook, not knowing if she should absorb it along, or just pocket it. She decided to absorb it, and move on, though under constant worry that the information on it would be erased any sooner. 13 finally caught up, and used the primary compactor on the room itself, absorbing the room until it looked like it had never been there at all.

They deftly ran towards the stairs, knowing that even the secret light-speed elevator transport would be out of operation. They ran to the 5th basement floor, where the humongous Time-Portal Room lay. An array on Time-Portal Doors seemed to go under complete lockdown, apart from one that the Time-Portal Manager stood against, preparing it for Portal Activity.

"Alright, what is the nearest strategic location?" asked Intelligence Agent 13 at the Time-Portal Manager, who seemed to be working under a complete adrenaline rush, not very common for an Intelligence Agent.

"Equestria." said the man, with no other say, whatsoever. Intelligence Agent 13 seemed confused, with a little tinge of scorn.

"I did say strategic, you know. I doubt you have all of the agent's other-worldly persona bodies in the system." scorned the agent. The Time-Portal Manager nodded.

"Yes, your'e right. I only have the Private Sectors' in, along with mine." he said. Her eyes widened.

"Our sector is the only private one left." she said. 21 pricked her ears at that. 24 followed, a small mix of mild horror in it.

"I know. We either have to bring the human compactors in, or let the others through the void." he said. 13 remained silent for awhile, trying to sink in the information.

"The human compactors are unstable. It could pressurise their souls if left out to long." said the agent. The 24-year-old male shook his head sadly.

"Then we have no choice but to send them through the void. We can't risk leaving them behind." he said. Intelligence Agent 13 became very quiet for a rather long time, under deep thought. The agent rarely was ever in such immense despair before, holding the decision of what may be the end of almost the entire agency. What concerned the other three agents was the fact that she handled the depressing situation, very...calmly. From what every single agent could ever gather, Agent 13 would always burst into a cacophony of questions, and answers for it, but always ending with a whole bunch of questions, and a very tired agent 13 from the whole rant.

"How do we convince them through the void?" said agent 13. Both field agents were bewildered, confused at how their beloved agent was acting, knowing that the kind soul was never this devastated and...secretly angry before. 21, knowing her best friend very well, knew that someone as kind and cheery as her was being just too quiet to just be devastated. Somehow, 21 could feel vibrations of angry shouts and blames shouting through her head, just through the small little movements on the lines forming above her cupid's arrow. 21 knew that a particular agent needed some comforting, that the choice to save the other agents wasn't in her grasp. Just as Agent 21 took a step towards the Intelligence Agent, the Time-Portal Manager interrupted.

"The void ship. I have one left. Make them travel through the void in it, under the pretense of escape, and freeze the time-continuum in it. Hope that it won't drift into another galaxy." he said, returning to the large array of computers. After a few minutes, the coordinates were set in, opening a portal to Equestria. The room was charged thoroughly with time-portal energy. In a few seconds, a cotton-candy-like pink, cloudy swirling portal opened up in the Door. Given it was any other situation apart from the current one, both Agent 24 and 13 would be sniggering away, while Agent 21 would try to block a visual image of the portal in her mind as she would lean akimbo against a wall, trying to contain nausea, repeating the words "Red and Black, Pistols, Rifles, Machine Guns, AA12s," and many more others under her breath, along with a few "damn"s and "bloody hell"s.

"Come on, step through it quickly. We cannot withhold the other agents any longer." said 13. 24 looked with genuine concern at 13, as 21 tried to surpress an outbreak of continuous laughing, something that she herself did not expect at all.

"I don't mean to break through your abnormal streak of seriousness, but we can't just step into the portal just like that. You do realise that, right?" said 24, with a little worry in his face. The twenty two-year-old slapped her forehead, thinking of how stupid, and slightly non-intentionally murderous she was being.

"Oh yes, let me get the Time Watches and Trackers-" she turned around to see the Time-Portal Manager already holding four Time Watches and trackers each.

"What would I do without you?" commented the relieved agent, handing out the watches and trackers.

"Probably kill a few people, that's what." commented the manager, strapping on the watch and the neck-chain-like tracker. The agents quickly put on the equipment, and held tight to their compactors.

"You guys go first. I'll prepare the void ship for the lure-in." said the manager. The agents nodded their head in unison. Agent 13 jumped first into the portal, disappearing into the cloudy, stormy pink whirlpool of time. 21 looked slightly unsure, and slightly scared. 24 was clearly more nervous than 21, but put his tough but soft hand on 21's shoulder to comfort her, anyway. 21 smiled back, wondering what she would do without the big lug.

"We have to go. We can't look back. Come on, lets go." said 24 in his soft, re-assuring voice.

"The others. We can't just leave them behind. Also, what about Him?" said devastated 21.

"They should be fine in the void ship. They won't even think that a second has even passed from when they are frozen in. Right, Manager?" asked 24. The Time-Portal Manager nodded. "And He will be fine. He always knows His way through, you should know yourself. Anybody would know. Especially you being one of His favourites." Agent 21 blushed at that very statement.

Field agent 21 thought her final goodbyes to the place she grew up in. Or at least, that was what she thought. As the goodbyes were secretly said, a small flash of a thought crossed her mind, though too fast for her to grasp onto, to even know what it would be. She decided to ignore the notion, thinking that the current situation was making her think of the oddest things.

They were about to jump through the portal, when 21 suddenly grasped tight of 24's hand.

"Together. For the other agents. Together." said Field Agent 21. Field Agent 24 smiled as he held tight back. They jumped together through the portal, hoping for the best on the other side.

***~~~~--------~~~~***

"Hello, and welcome to The Agency, Equestria. I you are one of the Private Sector Agents in The Agency: London, am I right?" said a rather posh, upper class british accent. Field Agent 21 slowly opened her eyes, to see, other than a surprisingly larger degree of vision, but a whole lot of...hooves.

"Ah, finally opened your eyes, I see. So, what do you see?" asked the voice.

"I see...hooves. A whole lot of hooves. Horse...no...pony hooves. A whole lot of pony hooves." croaked out Field Agent 21, who realised that she was sprawling over the floor, and also that her mouth was unusually dry, unlike the usual effect of 'being bloated with liquid' feeling after going through a portal.

A certain jet-black coated pony with neatly combed and parted snow-white hair picked her up, starting the chain reaction of one of her many problems-having four legs. She finally stood on all fours, still rather wibbly wobbly on her footing. Or was it hooving. Either way.

"Where is Agent 24? Agent 13? The Time-Portal Manager? Where are them all?" asked Agent 21, concerned for her dearest friends greatly. Along with the manager, of course. The snow-haired pony smiled.

"They're safe. They have gone through different portal-separators. For convenient accessibility to certain places, you see." said the pony. Agent 21 smiled in relief, knowing that her dearest of friends, including the Time-Portal Manager, were safe and sound. At least, if those in the particular extraterrestrial universe’s agency.

"Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't even see a bit of a field agent's nature in her. All I see is a big mass of a Celestial Pony." rang out a mare's voice. She slowly but surely turned around to see a snow-white coated pony with charcoal-black hair, and with a different sort of muzzle, that two, with a pair of wings by her sides. Putting two and two together, the once-human agent identified the difference in muzzles as a clear and thick line between mare and stallion, and those wings meaning...pegasus? She suddenly regained total balance, and glared at the pony with a little hidden bit of fascination over the fact of an actual pegasus, who's expressions were rather hidden with the ginormous black glasses that hid most of her face. Agent 21 reduced her glare, and replaced it with a mocking one.

"Well, I would like to see you standing up on two legs. Hind legs, if I'm not wrong. And walk in that manner. All the way to, I don't know-Trottingham?" mocked the Field Agent, who somehow gained perfect synchronisation without even trying, as she...trotted in a few circles. The agent was secretly bewildered at the fact that she seemed to do something, that was expectantly gainable in a few hours or so, in just a few minutes. A nagging thought entered her...new brain. It came with a rather weird, tingling sensation. 21 ignored it, and smiled, feeling the after-effect of awkwardness taking over. The white mare rose her eyebrow, and suddenly smiled.

"Give me my bits, Heavy Weights. I got her to walk faster than you could make her stand. Extra for learning a new town." smirked the mare.

"And I'm guessing bits are quid." said Agent 21. The brunette mare smiled broadened.

"Double it, this one's under my supervision. Put it in my bit box account." said the mare, as she walked away. Field Agent 21 followed, wondering how she herself would look like. Through the corner of her right eye, she could already see that she had pure-black hair. Under restrain over trying to look at her hair, she sub-consciously tossed her head back, causing the possible fact of a fringe covering, under a random assumption, about two-thirds of her right eye. She was with that, her right eye was not of much use anyway.

She caught up with the fast-moving pony, whom made her go rounds and rounds around and through the agency, not only that, but with stairs and all, something that proved to be a challenge for just four hooves and no arms to support for the 'once-human'. Simply walking-no, trotting all over the place, going loops and loops all over the agency. By the time they arrived to the agent's new, personal quarters, 21 was exhausted beyond means.

Little did she know that all that sweat and grime would be a very little price to pay for what would become the very best moment of her life, for just that very moment of surprise and ultimate joy.

"Oh...wow." was all that the new-mare could mutter out, as she looked upon her quarters. It was completely red-and-black themed, with a good bed and all, but what amazed her the most was the amazing array of guns, that resided beside all the comfort of the lovely couch and pillows. From simple but very useful pistols to pump action rifles to even the best of sniper rifles were carefully arrayed in a large cabinet. She 'squee'ed in ultimate happiness and satisfaction, something rare that would ever come out of the tough mare.

"Time you looked at yourself. Oh, and the new fringe thing kinda suits you." said the white pony. She somehow used her wings to open a drawer, and drag a mirror out of it. The amazed mare looked at the delicate wings with awe, wondering how it was possible that wings could act just like the fingers on a hand. The mirror was brought upon her, as she looked at the mare in the reflection, dazed. She saw a certain stranger in it. A mare, with orange, blood-kissed skin, distinctive dark red eyes and beautiful, curly black hair.

"So, what do you see?" asked the sunglass-donning mare. Agent 21 stood there like a statue, wondering on how to respond to the question.

"I have hooves. Pony hooves."

***~~~~--------~~~~***

Author's Note: So, you like? I have been working on it, ever since I saw that in one of the rules, anything that is under Equestria or anything related to it had to be mentioned in the first chapter(s). So poor me had to write the first chapter along with the prologue, publishing it at the very same time. Oh well.

And of course, now you realise why there a some sort of a slash in red, bordered with a black background. It's there for a reason, you know. Hope you liked it!

Author's Note:

Future Author's Notes: Been editing, and damn-I'm tripping over my own words. Feels weird to revise things you've written a while back, aye?

Comments ( 2 )

What did I say about not having a long description?

I popped this story onto my reading list for some strange reason... reading time! (and reviewing time too, I guess)

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Hmm... I see some issues in the synopsis: hyphens instead of dashes, chunky paragraphs. You should try to shorten it a little, tell only what you need to tell, the rest is just fluff and should be removed. The same goes for the rest of the story.

Introduction:
I think it’ll be better if you do a proper introduction of your character. At least use ‘A pony’ instead of ‘She’ in your first sentence. There’s a lot of information that you’re trying to cram into here, and most of it is stuff that you don’t actually need, at least not for the moment. Your main goal for this section is to get the reader to be interested in your story, so it doesn’t really make sense to put an info-dump about her past struggles or her father’s old suit. The focus should be on her, and her alone.

These sentences sound awkward:
>> She smiled to herself, as the raindrops beat down upon her favourite window.
>> She struggled to stay awake, to stare upon the beautiful moon, the beauty of the dark.
>> It was such a rough street, that even mother sent their kids off to school with small little daggers for safety from drug-dealers and gang riots.

And this one draws attention to the narrator.
>>She was absolutely wrong.

That aside, I kind of like how you made an effort to name stuff such as the suit and the neighbourhood that’s she’s living in.

Plot and other small bits:
Gunshots and midnight murders? That’s interesting. Along with evil disembodied voices and... well, the villain was a little odd. He kind of rambled for a moment or two there, and that made him much less scary than he should have been.

>> Either way, you, a simple 7-year-old,
As a rule of thumb, spell out all numbers.

I think you really need to go through your sentences again; I’m tripping all over them. It’ll be nice if the paragraphs were broken up further too. The plot, however, fares a little better. I think you’ve done a lot of planning for this project and it does show up a little.

So all in all, interesting plot, but not so interesting writing style. Thumbs up :twilightsmile:

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