The Pirate Queen

The boat sailed through the night, cutting the the waves as they lapped the sides of the vessel. Moonlight was the only guide, for lighting a lamp would turn any boat into a beacon for all to see in these treacherous waters. Fluttershy held a spyglass up to her eye as she scanned the night sky, her pegasi eyes better suited for spotting pirates in the dead of night. There, to her starboard, was the S.S. Crusader. Manned by three ponies and a dragon, if she remembered correctly.

"Such amateurs," she chuckled dryly, "Pinkie, pirates spotted off the starboard side, so, um, ready the cannon as soon as you can please." Fluttershy had mumbled down to the deck.

"Aye aye cap'n!" Pinkie saluted while rolling the cannon into place. She looked through the port and could see the S.S. Crusader. "Aye the Crusaderrrrrs," a large smile cracked across her face, "ye be dinin’ with tha fishies tonight, ya scallywags!" and with a quick movement, she swiftly lit all three cannons simultaneously.

The cannon balls whistled through the air while the thunderous cannons ripped the silence apart. The first shot landed in the water, missing the Crusader by mere inches. The entire boat rocked to one side while the two occupants on deck desperately grabbed onto the nearest item. The second shot smashed the mast, sending splinters raining down as the crow's nest plummeted into the sea. A small pegasus had leapt from the crashing structure before fluttering down to the deck. The final shot smashed through the railing on the far side, leaving a gap between the deck and hull below.

“Ah, look at tha,” Pinkie guffawed, “those yella belly scoundrels never stood ah chance agains’ Tha Flyin Butterfly!” Pinkie shouted as she began loading the cannons again.

Continuing to float above the ship, Fluttershy watched the three on deck loading their own cannons
“Oh no,” Fluttershy gasped, “they’re going to fire! I have to warn Pi-”
As she started turning toward her own boat, she heard the thunderous boom of the cannons ripping through the night air before the three shots slammed into the boat below. She had turned just in time to see Pinkie turning her back to the three shots while also enveloping Angel bunny into a protective hug. Fluttershy had to look away as all three shots tore through the boat, blasting it to pieces.

Once her eyes adjusted, Fluttershy scanned the inky waters. There was no sign of either Pinkie or Angel. Tears began forming in Fluttershy’s eyes. She could hear the cheering from the crusaders as they celebrated their victory. Rage began to fill Fluttershy’s very being. Though as she turned to reprimand the pirates, pain shot through her leg as she heard the gunshot.

Ignoring the pain for now, Fluttershy turned towards the Crusader and shot forward, her very rage fueling her speed. She aimed straight for Scootaloo, who was beginning to reload her rifle. A fire burned in Fluttershy’s eyes as she shot forward at speeds faster than she ever had. Somepony was going to pay for Angel’s and Pinkie’s deaths!

Before she reached the boat however, she noticed Spike on deck aiming a cannon straight for her path. Thinking quickly, Fluttershy folded her wings to dive bomb the cannon. Another gunshot was heard as she dived down. She arrived just as Spike finished lighting the fuse. As she arrived, Fluttershy threw open her wings, coming to a screeching halt right in front of the cannon. Pain ripped through her wings from the sudden break, but the resulting gust her wings created caused Spike to fall back onto the deck. Fluttershy then used her momentum to slam into the underside of the cannon, flipping it over to now aim directly at the deck. Spike shook his head before looking up and right into the barrel of a cannon. His eyes grew wide, he clenched his teeth as he realized what was about to happen. The cannon blasted the dragon at point blank, sending both him and the cannonball ripping through the boat and tearing it apart before smashing through the back wall of the hull. Water began pouring into the boat from Spike’s exit and shouting could be heard from down below.
Fluttershy landed on the deck with her wings still aching. She drew both her swords and charged Scootaloo, who had already tossed her rifle down and was drawing her own swords. The two clashed on deck as the boat began to sink. Steel clanged on steel as they traded blows. Scootaloo had managed to slash across Fluttershy’s chest but it left her shoulder open. Fluttershy slammed her blade down onto Scootaloo’s shoulder, breaking the very joint. She screamed out in pain, dropping the sword in that hand. Before she could recover, Fluttershy twirled her swords into Scootaloo. Two, four, six hits, the seventh hit slammed Scootaloo back, causing her to stumble and fall into the gaping hole Spike had left.

As Fluttershy stood over the hole, marveling her work, she didn’t hear the flintlock of a pistol being readied. A gunshot ringed through her ears as the bullet passed right through her. She stumbled forward, but managed to catch herself before falling into the hole. Ignoring the protest of her wings, she leapt up into the air and turned to see Sweetie Belle holding a still smoking pistol in her magic. Tears were in her eyes as she aimed the pistol again. Fluttershy flew up quickly, and just in time, as another round was fired. Fluttershy perched on what was left of the mast. She held her swords out in front of her then pushed with all her strength to launch herself towards her target. Sweetie Belle started shaking with fear as she fired off another round. She saw blood spurt out from fluttershy’s arm but that didn’t stop the rocketing pegasus. She tried to fire again, but she was just shaking too much. A scream was all she had time for as Fluttershy impaled her.

Fluttershy leaned on another railing to catch her breath as she watched Sweetie Belle’s lifeless body drop to the deck. From her wings to all her wounds, her entire body ached. She didn’t have much time left though. This boat was nearly sank and hers was already gone. It was going to be a long flight.”EEEE!” Fluttershy screamed as the door to what was left of the cabins burst open from a kick.
“Tha Crusaders won’t go down without a fight!” Shouted an enraged Applebloom. The earth walker charged Fluttershy with a very large broadsword aimed right at her.

Fluttershy tried to leap back into the air, but her wings had locked up. She rose her swords up, but she was too late. The hesitation from not taking flight cost her dearly. Applebloom’s sword came crashing down and smashed onto Fluttershy’s arm. She felt the very bone break. Fluttershy dropped the sword in that hand as she backed away and cried out in pain. Applebloom swung up from her original downward swing, slicing right across Fluttershy’s entire front, causing blood to spray out. With the large arcing strike, Applebloom held the sword up high, completely exposing her front.

Fluttershy saw an opening, then she felt her wing move, this was what she needed. She beat her wings forward to fling herself back. She also had just enough time to fling her remaining sword directly at Applebloom. Between her sudden movement and the sword, Applebloom was flung back and impaled to the mast. Water had reached the deck by this point and Fluttershy caught her breath while sitting in an ever rising pool of water. Applebloom’s boots kept slipping, unable to catch a footing as she struggled up against the mast. She coughed up blood several times as she attempted to pry the sword that was keeping her impaled to the mast loose. Fluttershy spit out some blood before rising up and taking off. Applebloom was an earth walker and stuck to the mast of a nearly sunken boat, no need to finish her off.

She flew back to the last location she remembered her own boat. As she scanned the murky waters, there was no sign of any bodies for Pinkie or Angel. Fluttershy knew she couldn’t fly forever, especially with these wounds. “Farewell my dearest crew,” she allowed the tears to fall as she began flying towards the east.

Just as Fluttershy began turning, another gunshot rippled through the night. The bullet tore through her wing, causing her to careen into the watery depths. She had tried holding her breath but the salt in all of her wounds was just too much to handle. Fluttershy let out a blood-curdling scream that was dampened by the water. She desperately tried swimming for the surface, but between the lack of air and the salt in her wounds she couldn’t concentrate. Just as her vision was beginning to go dark, she felt herself being grabbed and hoisted out of the water and roughly thrown down onto a deck. Fluttershy coughed up both blood and water as she gasped for air.

A boat! She cried out in her mind, I’m saved! Knowing she was now on a boat, she allowed her exhaustion to overtake her. Just as her eyelids began to droop, a boot struck her face.

“Wake up, darling, did you really think you were out of the fire just yet?” Rarity leaned in to Fluttershy’s face, whispering, “Did you really think we would just save you after you MURDERED OUR SISTERS?” she screamed before standing back up and kicking Fluttershy again.

“Now hold on Rare,” Applejack stated flatly, while pulling a rope out from a bag, “Ya know damn well that tha Matriarch wants her back alive. So knock off them kicks of yers so we can collect tha full reward!” she said while walking over to the mast, “Now use that fancy unicorn magic of yers and hoist her up here, ya hear?”

“Hrrmp,” Rarity huffed while sticking her nose up into the air. “Fine Applejack, I suppose you’re right.” and with a flourish of her horn, Fluttershy felt herself being hoisted up and placed up against the mast. Applejack quickly lassoed the rope around and tied her in place.

“There ya go Sugarcube, nice an tigh--AHHHH!” Both Rarity and Applejack stumbled around as something struck their boat. Then, before their very eyes, the air over the ocean began shimmering.

“Aww no, no it can’t be!” Applejack stuttered. She ran over and grabbed her rifle again to begin reloading it as fast as possible.

“You’re right Applejack, ugh, we almost had this one too.” Rarity mumbled as she began channeling her magic to be between them and the shimmering mass. Within the shimmering, a large boat could be seen. Then, just as quick as it had began, the shimmering shattered like broken glass as an Equestrian naval warship dropped its invisibility. All three cannons were enveloped in a purple glow before firing simultaneously.

The shots exploded in midair between the two ships, as Rarity’s barrier had stopped them in their tracks. Two more barrages were fired immediately before the cannons stopped. For a moment, all was quiet as Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy stared at the other ship, scanning for any signs of a crew. A shape flew up and off the deck, aimed right for Applejack.

The pegasus was so fast Fluttershy only saw a blue blur with spinning circles on either side. Applejack fired into the mass before dropping the rifle and falling back. Fluttershy heard a yelp of pain before seeing the blur crash into the deck. While she was still down, Applejack rushed over and swung a huge sword down, but narrowly missed as Rainbow Dash rolled over and leapt out of the way. Her sword smashed some of the boards where Rainbow had been.

Rainbow struck out with two swords in a flurry of strikes as she pushed forward, striking blow after blow, but becoming frustrated that Applejack was blocking them all. Applejack kept stepping back with each successful block until she bumped up against the cabin door. This moment of surprise gave Rainbow the opening she needed and was able to strike out across Applejack’s face.

Rainbow smirked triumphantly at her handiwork, but this gave Applejack the time to reach over, grab Rainbow by her head, and smash it into the deck. One of Rainbow’s swords clattered over behind Rarity but she was too focused on keeping the barrier up to notice. Fluttershy had felt her ropes loosening during the entire fight. Soon after she saw the sword, the ropes fell away.

“Angel!” She gasped, “oh my goodness Angel, you’re alive!” tears began welling up in her eyes as she scooped up the now struggling rabbit, as he kept gesturing towards Rarity. Fluttershy narrowed her eyes at the unicorn, she was NOT going to be taken in by bounty hunters. They were all too busy to notice she had escaped, so she crept up and quietly picked up the sword
.
Rarity was completely focused on keeping the barrier up, as long as she stayed focused, the cannons wouldn’t fire. Her barrier cracked, then shattered, just like her concentration, as a sword burst out of her chest. She coughed, blood trickling out, as she turned her head to see Fluttershy’s pink mane covering half her face while the one eye that could be seen had a glare that could kill. A small smile formed on Rarity’s face

“Well played, Fluttershy.” She coughed again, “Well played,” but before she could collapse, Fluttershy used her own boot to shove the unicorn off the boat while also withdrawing her sword from Rarity’s body. As she fell, she turned, spread her arms out, closed her eyes, and fell with grace while still keeping the small smile on her face as she plummeted into the sea. With the barrier gone, the three cannons lit up again.

Rainbow had managed to get away from Applejack, albeit with way more cuts, bruises, and blood loss than she had dealt to AJ, once she had heard the shattering barrier. She used the railing to propel herself away from Applejack, and just in time, as the latter’s sword crushed the railing she had just been using, She wanted to continue the fight but she didn’t have time. She HAD to grab Fluttershy and escape before the cannon barrage would fire. She swooped by, snatching Fluttershy and returned to the navy ship.

Applejack had grabbed up her rifle again, running towards the other ship before skidding to a stop. She dropped to her knees as all her muscles relaxed when she saw the three cannons glowing.
“Aww shhhii--!” She said, exasperatedly, before being drowned out by the firing of the cannons. They reloaded just as fast as they fired and in four seconds, twelve shots were fired. Completely shredding the bounty hunters’ boat into matchsticks.

Rainbow had placed chains onto Fluttershy after placing her down on the deck of the Navy vessel. She had also quickly tossed Angel into a small cage after the rabbit had bitten her several times. Once the firing had stopped, the door to the cabins opened, and out stepped Captain Twilight Sparkle. She sauntered her way over to Fluttershy while keeping a smug grin on her face.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here? Why if it isn’t the very pirate queen herself?” she gasped, “Captain Fluttershy of The Flying Butterfly. Mistress of the seas, traveling from port to port, using animals to destroy and reduce them to rubble before moving on.” Twilight stated, while still pacing back and forth as she continued her monologue

“Why, your list of crimes is longer than the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the royal library!.” She stopped and leaned in close to Fluttershy “Oh but don’t worry, I personally know that the Monarchy doesn’t want you dead. No, no, they want you for... something else.” With a smile she patted Fluttershy on the head before turning towards the wheel.

“Take her to the brig and all hands on deck! We set sail for Equestria!” She shouted. Several affirmatives later, the boat began sailing to the west.

Unseen by anyone on board, A smiling Pinkie Pie was hanging upside down with her legs in a netting of rope that had been slung over the back of the boat. She held a large corkscrew and a sledge as she wiggled her way closer and closer to the water. Her smile grew larger and larger the closer she was to the water.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

The sudden knocking caused Pinkie Pie to yelp and lose her holding on the pillow boat and fall into the “sea” of pillows. Spike poked his head up out of the sea, rolling a large rubber ball off to the side, “I’ll get it!” he yelled as he “swam” through the pillows. A purple aura picked up the little dragon and dropped him off at the door. He quickly opened the door to see a huge, muscular pegasus blocking the door

“HEY THERE LITTLE DRAGON!” The stallion boomed, his voice nearly knocking Spike over, “YOU READY FOR SOME PIZZA?” boomed his voice as it echoed off the walls.

At this revelation, the three crusaders all popped up out of what was left of their pillow boat.
“PIZZA!” They all three shouted in unison before bounding towards the dining room. The Mane six followed after them as Spike walked in behind them with a towering stack of pizza boxes. The noise level in the room rose a few decibels at all the chatter and laughter that could be heard.

Twilight beamed at Rainbow Dash, “You were right Rainbow! Inviting everyone made this sleepover the best night ever!”

~The End~

Author's Note:

Yarrr Ye Mateys, tha Pirate Queen shall live on!

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tryingmybest1111

tryingmybest1111 #1 · Oct 6th, 2018 · · ·

I didn't read this entire fic, but from the first paragraph, I had a minor gripe.

>Moonlight was their only guide

Who...who's 'their' referring to? Of course you establish that context later on, but it's confusing for a reader who doesn't have the context of the scene yet.

>Pinkie shouted with a pirate accent as she began loading the cannons again.

So you just established from the previous dialogue that she was speaking in a pirate accent. You don't need to clarify this again to the reader, we already got that information and it makes your prose clunky.

Also the tone is just all over the place. You have these scenes of brutal violence where characters cough up blood and break bones, but it ends on a tonally bizarre note with the whole pizza thing. I feel like you wanted this to be a little more whimsical and comical than it ended up being, but the violent action scenes prevent it from being that. Maybe that was an intentional choice and there's something I'm not getting, but the intended tone of this work perplexed me.

Anyways, not going to go through this entire fic, but that's a small selection of some things you need to fix. On the positive side, you're not bad at writing imagery at all, so that's one of your strengths.

Dashie04

Dashie04 #2 · Oct 6th, 2018 · · ·

I missed some things...

Sorry, honestly.

((I edited this, I thought the story was pretty cool.))

MysticBooka

MysticBooka #3 · Oct 6th, 2018 · · ·

9213320
Yeah, that makes sense. I went ahead and made those 2 small changes. Was a fairly simple fix actually. As for that ending, that was deliberate. I wrote the story to make it seem like it was all real, but then, sudden twist ending, it was all just imagination and a game. Plus, this allows me to, if I so desired, come back to this title and add more chapters. Especially if each chapter is it's own independent story, that way if a character dies in one story, they can make a come back in the next if I need them for that particular story.

Maybe the problem you're having has more to do with you being unsatisfied in the ending? Like, I set it all up as a real adventure and spent over 2,700 words just to suddenly cut the tension short and say "It'sa dweam guys, lolz," I could see that being aggravating