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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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the fall of shining armor so i am gashing your OC is going to have a harem yes good anything else
Love this story
9202857
Thank you
I decided to get started on my next chapter so I might I have another ready sometime to tomorrow or the day after that
*harem manufactorum alarm goes off*
some engineer: HIGH LORD HARLOCK THE MANUFACTORUM CAN'T HANDLE THIS MUCH HAREM IT'S GOING TO EXPLODE!!
9204930
What
my new chapter is finished but I am going to review and will put it on tomorrow if not today
Harem? Seriously? *sigh* ...well this certainly changes things.
You see at first I was confident that the inevitable clash between Shining armor and Talion ends with good old shaming "YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY BLADE" *screming*
But with this twist chances are Talion just deadpans "I *beeb* your sister" and that's the end of that. Considering his mentality that gotta hurt more than shaming ever would.
How much did they hear/see?
Supongo que el comerciante los envĂa un mundo donde encajen mejor
Harem out of the blue? Bad decision, that almost kill the story 4 me
Got dame it why dose their need to be a harem
Guess I'll give it a shot
This went from a poorly written Talion story, to a shameless harem fuck in the span of two chapters.
You took a decent charcter such as Tempest and immediately gave her a crush on Talion, that's bearable. What's not bearable is right after that you give him 4/6 of the main six as senseless fuck buddy's?
Thumbs down from me, it was alright up untill all the senseless harem crap came in.
I don't mind harems. But I prefer it be made a slow process. Let them slowly develop. Like "there cool" to "best friend" to "I think I like them" and so on, not shoehorning it like "there cool" to "fUcC mEh PlIs".
Also, humans can not last for hours when it comes to sex. Tbh that sounds like a health problem. Also hours of sex sounds alot better in our heads, when you think about it, it sounds exhausting and boring.
Why does every writer make the main character been to this white Royal horses demands on knowing about their past when they don't want to talk about it? It's so is nerve-wracking when I read it like that!
9203152
Bud.... I understand how hard it can be too write a Fanfiction. But seriously you need a Proof reader. Don't get me wrong the story is good!! I love the story.... I just can't get past the Writing!! Instead of using As to describe EVERY LITTLE THING Try the other Descriptive words yea?
10109524
I'm actually writing my own Fanfiction and I can honestly tell you that won't happen in my story. Well it will but different Pony.
9206555
I'm kinda dying of laughter here cause after the 39th "as" I gave up on reading the chapter came down to the comments section and made a comment about him needing a proofreader.