What Princesses Need
Part 7: Pictures
“Alright Princess, today we’re going to try something new.” Doctor Deep Psyche said pleasantly. Luna, on her back on the big red couch, nodded warily. Celestia had insisted that she come back to see him right away, saying that it was urgent. The stallion came over, kneeling on all four knees. “I’m going to show you some pictures, and I want you to tell me what springs to mind when you see them, okay?” his tone was playful and his smile genuine. Luna liked him for this. He was not intimidated by her, he was a pleasant stallion. She nodded, and he brought up the first picture.
Luna frowned. “Spilled ink.” She said.
The doctor chuckled a bit, “Yes yes, that’s what it is, but what does it look like to you?” he watched the princess squint at the picture for a few long moments.
“It looks like thy painter was sloppy and overpaid.” She said, pointing at it. Dr. Psyche smiled patiently. “Did we get it wrong?” she said in a silky mewl. She really was a tender thing compared to her alter ego.
“Oh no no no, Princess, it’s fine.” The stallion smiled encouragingly. “Lemme show you how it works.” He picked up another one, which had another blob of ink on it. Flicking his eyes down, he turned it sideways. “See? This one looks like a tree.” He showed it to her. Luna took it gingerly and squinted. It did look like a tree to her. “Okay, now you try.” He said. “I’ll be able to learn more about your health up here,” he touched his temple. “Based on your answers. There’s no right or wrong, simply say the very first thing that springs to mind, alright?” He waited for the sparkly Princess to nod, and flipped up a new card for her.
“A… house.” Luna said carefully.
Twilight Sparkle’s treehouse.
Luna flicked her eyes around nervously. There was that voice again. She’d heard it before, but not for the past few days. The doctor selected a new card, showing it to her. “How about this one?” he asked.
Luna tilted her head to one side. “A Lunar Stallion.” She said, gesturing vaguely to the hallway where two of her guards waited. Over in the doctor’s chair a pencil was dancing according to his will, making notes.
One of the Lunar Stallions that bore Twilight to us.
Princess Luna gulped a little, trying to ignore the voice that the doctor didn’t seem to notice. She gulped, scratching at her shoulder again. “And this one?” he said, pushing his glasses up his muzzle again when they sagged.
“Er… two pregnant mares, back to back.” Luna said, making a bowl shape over her belly. The pencil danced behind her while the doctor nodded along with her. They went through over three dozen of the funny ink blot pictures, each of Luna’s answers seemingly healthy ones, according to the Doctor’s pleasant nods. Each time, though, she heard the disembodied voice speak its own answer. Almost all of said answers had to do with Twilight Sparkle, her sister Celestia, or the Lunar Stallions. Luna scratched her scalp furiously. The Doctor glanced at her from behind his half-moon glasses, sensing her growing agitation. “Will there be much more of these?”
“Just a few more.” Dr. Psyche said, smiling pleasantly. He felt really, very guilty about what he was about to do, but if it was going to help the Princess—he had to do it. He led her through perhaps a dozen more cards, noting Luna’s responses as they went. Then, he turned over the final card, which bore a portrait of Twilight Sparkle’s face.
“H’oh?” Luna sat up with interest, and suddenly her pupils dilated. Dr. Psyche stepped cautiously back. “Twilight Sparkle!” her voice deepened slightly even as she spoke the name quickly. Her pupils slashed out into draconic slits. Her eyes shifted color, and her legs grew longer and more spindly. She rose onto all of her hooves as her fur flushed into an oily black and her royal trappings hardened into terrifying armor. “Pray tell why thou has a portrait of our dear Twilight Sparkle?” Nightmare Moon oh-so-gently grabbed the stallion by his bowtie and brought him up to her eye level. He squirmed, gagging animatedly. She snatched the picture with magic before putting him down again, not so gently.
“I knew it would bring you out, Nightmare Moon.” He adjusted his bowtie so it wouldn’t choke him. “I’ve heard you’ve been very busy lately, and we need to talk about that.”
“We hath already struck a deal with our sister.” Nightmare turned her muzzle up snootily, disregarding him. “And we have been doing research for the proper seduction techniques of this era.”
“Well, that’s something else to talk about.” Dr. Psyche went and gingerly sat in his high-backed chair. “You think the way you treated Twilight Sparkle was right?” he asked, pencil poised by magic over his notepad.
“Of course!” Nightmare said haughtily, turning her muzzle up at him once more. What was he, a moron? “She made her intentions clear when she nuzzled our teats in bed, and we art returning her affections.” She grinned with all of her mildly salivating fangs. “And quite the beautiful creature she is, with the good taste to choose us instead of Celestia as her interest!”
“She what now?” the stallion looked up sharply. There was clearly more to this that he wasn’t seeing. “Back up a moment. You were in bed together? When?”
“Luna had Twilight Sparkle in bed.” Nightmare Moon nodded. “We did not think she had the firmness to do such a thing, but we saw it for ourselves. Wine, candies, trashy literature, everything one needs for a proper playtime in the bedroom.” She named things off in a list. “When we awoke and Luna slept, we found Twilight Sparkle pressed ‘tween our back legs like a lover.” She smiled fondly at the feeling. “And even as she looked on, she nuzzled us.” the dark goddess jittered happily, looking down at the picture she’d taken from him. The Doctor’s pencil danced while she spoke, taking down everything she said as quickly as he could.
“And since Luna was already with her, you thought, you wanted Twilight Sparkle also.” Dr. Psyche pieced it together. Celestia had filled him in on the very serious events that had happened in the past few days. He only hoped that the purple mare was okay and wouldn’t need serious counseling too.
“We share the same body.” Nightmare Moon shrugged. “Surely we can share the same lover.” She smiled with her fangs, making him shudder a bit.
“Uhm,” the stallion had to flounder for a few moments to find the proper words to make a sentence. “You…” he paused a moment, trying to word it carefully. “You said in the past that you and Luna share memories. You know everything she knows?” he asked.
Nightmare Moon shrugged a little, gazing down at the picture and not at him. “Not everything, no. Sometimes it is fragmented, or missing. We did not expect to wake up with a beautiful mare nuzzling our privates.” she smiled, folding the picture and tucking it safely under her wing.
“And you know for a fact that Twilight and Luna are lovers?” Deep Psyche said bravely, pulling down his glasses a little to look her in the eye.
Nightmare Moon gaped at him, aghast at his audacity. “Well of course they are! How else does a mare end up in such a… such a position!” he’d genuinely caught her off guard, it was easy to see. Suddenly more pieces were falling into place.
“Describe it to me.” The stallion prompted. “Go on. I’m a doctor, I won’t blush.” He gestured. “You saw the whole set up when you awoke, surely you remember the… act.” He said delicately.
“I… erm…” the black goddess gave pause, running her hoof under her chin in deep and serious thought. She delved into her mind, very careful not to wake the sleeping Luna. Her brow furrowed as she went back and forth through the ethereal layers of her memories and emotions. No. No. No that wasn’t it either. Surely Luna would have something like recent lovemaking carefully stored in her most joyous memories? Nightmare Moon frowned. That part of the night was fragmented, seemingly at random, like many of the other nights before it. The dark alicorn knew perhaps 80% of Luna’s mind/memories, maybe 90%. But that special night with Twilight Sparkle was blotted out for Nightmare Moon? Fate was too cruel!
“You can’t, can you?” it was just a little bit accusing when the Doctor said it. Nightmare Moon scowled at him. “I think you missed something that night, and because of it you thought you could just have Twilight too.” He adjusted his glasses.
The goddess’ scowl deepened and an angry flush crowded her cheeks. “Thou art lying! Twilight Sparkle is already our lover! She need merely accept both halves of us and we may all three be happy!” she held the words up like a shield, but Deep Psyche would not bend to her.
“You say they're already lovers. Then why do you sound so unsure suddenly?” the doctor said softly, looking into her eyes with more stones than the black alicorn would’ve ever given a mortal stallion credit for. She didn’t have an answer for him, merely stared in shock and just a drip of horror. Twilight Sparkle had not been playing bedroom games in the cave, or hard to get. She’d missed a vital part of what had happened that night with the gift basket. She clenched her fangs in wild, angry frustration. A sudden heat built behind her eyes, and she did NOT like it.
“WE DO NOT CARE!” Nightmare Moon trumpeted suddenly, concussing the room with the Royal Canterlot Voice. “IF TWILIGHT SPARKLE DOES NOT ADORE US, WE SHALT FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT SO! FOR BOTH OUR CONTENTMENTS!” The Doctor was launched off of his hooves by the pure tectonic force of her voice. The mare had a tantrum, kicking the sofa so hard it slammed into the wall and shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Luna!” The door burst open and it was Celestia, bearing a full-length mirror. She'd heard the Royal Canterlot Voice and had rushed in as quickly as she could. The solar pony held the mirror in front of herself like a shield. Nightmare Moon saw Princess Luna in the reflection, and her eyes rolled into her head. Speaking the name, for some reason, in just the right tone… made Luna’s ears perk and wrenched her mind back into her control. Nightmare Moon’s glamor spell flickered, flickered, fell apart like so many grains of ethereal sand that rained around her hooves. Princess Luna stood there, a blank expression on her face, while her mind rearranged itself into her meeker persona. “Luna?” Celestia set the mirror aside, coming to cup her sister’s cheek.
After a long few moments, Luna blink-blinked back to reality. “Tia?” she said in a soft voice. She looked around, then gasped at the wreckage. Doctor Deep Psyche was recovering from being tossed across the room, grumbling at his broken glasses. The furniture was all tumped over and the laying couch in a thousand pieces strewn about the floor. “Wh-what…” Luna pressed closer to Celestia, frightened. “What’s happened?” Celestia swallowed a little, casting her eyes to the doctor and then quietly closing the door for privacy. “Sister?” Princess Luna said a little more urgently. “What’s happened?”
Celestia heaved a long and unhappy sigh. It was time to tell her. It took over an hour and Luna interrupted many times in disbelief, but the truth could not be denied. Especially when the Doctor pulled the picture from under Luna’s wing and showed her the affectionate bite marks on one of the corners. Only fangs could do that.
=-----=-----=-----=-----=
“Agent KitKat, this is Snickerbar. Kitkat do you read, over?” A Lunar Stallion was hiding in a series of bushes, painted down with camouflage. In front of him was the Ponyville public library. He narrowed his eyes, lifting his binoculars with a serious scowl on his face. He could see in through one of the bigger windows, where Twilight Sparkle was having tea with several friends.
“Sorry, this is Agent Snickerdoodle.” Crackled the speaking stone in the stallion’s ear. It was a smooth little pebble that one could lodge in one’s ear and use to communicate with other ponies over the distance of up to a mile. Genius really. “Try the other channel, Snickerbar, over.”
“Roger, over.” He said, tapping his head a few times when he’d lowered his binoculars. The channel changed over when he jarred the stone a few times. “Agent KitKat, this is Snickerbar. Do you read, over?” he tried again.
“KitKat here.” Said a stallion’s voice in his ear.
“Confirm visual from the east window, please, over.” He said, lifting his binoculars again. Inside the scene was of six mares and what appeared to be a baby dragon. Their expressions were somber, and it was clear by the body language that there was a good deal of comforting going on. Twilight Sparkle was very, very upset about something.
On the other side of the library, a Lunar Stallion with a leafy hat instead of a finned helm POPPED out of the bushes, peeking and mumbling to his speaking stone. “Visual confirmed. MarsBar and 3-Musketeer, confirm visual, over?”
“Why’re we named after candies when we’re on the speaking stones?” said a third voice.
“Stupid, it’s because somepony else could be listening in and figure out who we are.” said a fourth voice.
“Codenames are traditional in the military.” Said a deeper, fifth voice.
“Why candies, though?” said the third voice.
“Because they’re delicious?” said the fourth voice, annoyed at the third.
“Hmm… good point.” The argument ended precisely there, and it was back to business. “Ahem! Visual confirmed, Snickerbar. Please advise, over.” He said seriously, peering into the treehouse with his own binoculars.
“Continue silent surveillance, KitKat.” said the first stallion, lowering his binoculars. “Claws, Softeyes, Funnyhat, Diamondbutt, Lesbian and Happydeathmachine are all in there too. She’s very safe, over.” He paused for a time, then added. “The Princess told us to watch out for Twilight Sparkle, so as long as she’s at home and surrounded by friends we should be fine, over.”
“Funny. My Princess told me the same thing.” An angry voice behind him made the Lunar Stallion flinch, and he whipped around just in time to get grabbed up by magic. He yelped in fear, his speaking stone falling out of his ear. “I thought I was perfectly clear the first time!” Shining Armor said through clenched teeth. “Stay away from my sister and her friends, or it won’t take an alicorn to send you and yours to the moon.” He shook a threatening hoof, holding the terrified Lunar Stallion by the front of his armor.
One of the other nearby hidden Lunar Guards gasped, whispering frantically to his fellows. “C-contact! C-c-contact! The eagle has landed! The eagle has landed! Open the drawer and break for the big bad wolf’s house!”
There was a long silence on the other end of the radio-like devices, followed by a group-sized, “Whaaaat? What does that even mean?!”
“Shining Armor is here!” he belted. “And he’s about to kick all our flanks! Run for the hills!” he shouted, then slapped his hooves over his big fat mouth. Soon after though, the bushes parted by magic and the golden-armored stallion stood over him, scowling. “Eep!” he whimpered before he was violently grabbed. Shining Armor turned, shoving him into the same bubble of magic that he’d thrown the first bat-winged pony into. Then the fun started. Over a dozen Lunar Stallions bolted from their hiding places to flee. A birdhouse started wiggling off of its tree. A nearby mailbox sprouted eyes, uprooted itself and began to hobble clumsily away. Bushes decided it was time to find greener front yards.
Shining Armor frowned angrily, snatching all of them up with his levitation magic. Pushing them all into the same confined space, he adjusted the bubble to make it bigger so they didn’t crush each other. “Huhm… there was one more…” he thought he saw a set of trees whose branches were shaking. Narrowing his eyes, he went to the first and bucked it.
“Tweet-tweet-itter-tweet!” A group of birds said angrily down to him, trying to steady their nests. He looked up, squinting through the branches. Nopony there. He went to a second tree, bucking that one. “Chitter-chitter-itter-itter!” A trio of squirrels came down, throwing nuts at him and shaking their tiny fists in anger. No Lunar Stallion there. Shining went to a third tree and bucked it as well.
“Mooooooo!” sang an enthusiastic voice up in the tree.
Shining Armor (and a few Lunar Stallions as well) face-hoofed.He got rid of all of them at the edge of town, letting his bubble of magic burst and watching them run away in a frightened herd. “And stay out!” he snapped angrily, stamping a hoof.
End of Part 7
Hahaha!
Oh geeze... I can't stop laughing with the Lunar Stallion Shenanigans!
Luna is not going to be too happy though next chapter I would think..
Now that was a rather entertaining chapter. I'm enjoying seeing Shining Armor in such a protective role considering how he was really more of a McGuffin in the show.
Man. I'm never going to be able to disassociate the Lunar Stallions from these Cutie Mark Crusader like activities.
And I don't really regret it.
I love the parts with the Lunar stallions. They are such... goobers/ninnies for lack of a better word. So... Much... Lulz!
That is one brave therapist.
I sense some Hudson Hawk influence with the code names. Some awesome influence.
Shining Armor is best BBBFF pony.
Everyone can say what they will, but in my opinion the main storyline here is this "Little Rascals" style of Lunar Guard. They just do the most hilarious things that they steal the show right out from under luna. They're absolutely precious! Whenever they get sad I feel like I'm looking at a puppy that's just been kicked, and when they do something funny it makes me laugh my arse off.
Stop it, stop it you're killing me!
It's 1:20 am, damn you!
Oh well I can live with it.
Happydeathmachine fits WAY too well
have a for excellence!
Well, now Luna has to deal with her literal darker side.
I'm sorry, but the images of the Stallions and their candy code-names had me thinking I was reading a demented fic based on Stripes.
Let's see, Shining is Sgt Hulka. The rest could be anyone of that bizarre training group.
Alright Shiny!
The Lunar Stallions are just brilliant, really. Probably useless in a fight, but so damn eager.
Also - "Softeyes, Funnyhat, Diamondbutt, Lesbian and Happydeathmachine"
I approve. On so many levels. So very many level. And practically insist that somehow, the mares in question find out about those "codenames." Shining Armor will be the least of the Lunar Stallions' problems.
Nightmare Moon is pure Id isn't she. Still for a second she seemed horrified once she realized what she almost did before going into denial. So there is a chance for a happy ending. But its probably going to get worse before it gets better.
The Code names for the Mane 6 ! Another awesome Chapter, looking forward to more!
1071324 Yeah, they do resemble the Li'l Rascals a lot. With the Three Stooges tossed in for good measure.
And I love how you turned the thoughts that NmM was perfectly fine with raping Twilight on its head with the gargantuan misunderstanding Doctor Psyche just revealed.
Also: mmmm, candy. Why didn't you include Twic? Think of all the Twixie and "take a Twix moment" (or however it goes) jokes we're missing out on!
1071352 What this guy said. The mane 6 really needs to find out about the nicknames.
The stallions, such an effective military force when necessary in the other stories, acting like little puppies to please their master. The rest of the story is gold, perhaps 18 karat. But that, that is Platinum right there.
Shining Armor, one bad@$$ big brother best friend forerver!!! *BBBBFF FTW!
I can imagine the scene to by-standers , a solar guard chasing several lunar stallions and shoving them in a bubble
Wait... They are codenamed after candy and he's collecting them in sack? Trick or lunar stallion?
Claws , soft eyes , funnyhat , diamond butt , lespian , happydeathmachine , suits them
Candy codenames are best codenames
LOL Diamond butt and Lesbian
1071414
Ohhhhh you caught the hidden joke! Happy Nightmare Night!
Your current update schedule pleases me.
Lunar Stallions are best puppies, that is all.
Happydeathmachine indeed.
I WANT HAPPY LUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...excuse me, good chap, looking forward to more!
The Doctor was launched off of his hooves by the pure tectonic force of her voice.
"Doctor" should be lowercase, and I think you meant "sonic", not "tectonic" there.
Also, that part at the end with the Lunar Stallions was hilarious.
Aegis Shield! Your updating twice a day is making me feel guilty about not updating my story as much as I should! Stop it, or I'll beat you like Shining beat Luna!
Honestly though, it's been WAY too long since I've updated my story. I'll have to finish the chapter I'm supposed to update and post it before I go to bed.
First official fan fiction in the history of ever, and it's underplanned and giving me a serious case of writer's block...
But the ideas I have are just too good to pass up!
Agent Snickerbar, this is Agent Twix, over...
What? No Twix?
Thats the second time Shining has had to chase them off. If he has to do it a third time I don't think he's going to be as nice about it as he has so far. I'm reminded of a poster I saw once.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Since he's going to be trying to improve Twilight's morale I'm going to guess beatings everlasting.
That's just my opinion though so don't go spreading it around or anything.
Oh you. Updating in the middle of the night. LOVE IT.
The ending was a reference to one of my favorite jokes of all time, so you get six mustaches
1071447
Don't forget happydeathmachine.
soooo.... when are you gonna make a story just about the Lunar Stallions and their misadventures? I'm pretty sure it'd get rave reviews and already you have the fanbase here. All you'd need to do is start it up once this fic is done
The Lunar Stallions, Oh god~~ <3
Whk needs sleep? Awesome chapter as always.
I love the Hudson Hawk reference and the Lunar Stallions are an absolute riot.
Shining Armor OP, nerf plz
(I mean, seriously, the Lunar Stallions are practically useless here compared to their power level in the Luna's Story series.)
Also, Celestia's told Dr. Psyche and Luna about what's going on... shouldn't she have told Twilight as well instead of letting her suffer alone?
Claws is pleased with this chapter
1071294
Babylon 5?
"What do you want?"
1071643 As awesome as that would be. They already stole whole book shelves from the Royal Library, simply cause Nightmare Moon wanted romance novels, the most funny thing ever. How would they top that?!
oh this was a great and fabulous chapter and again the lunar stallions are just adorable and so awesome at the same time
“Claws, Softeyes, Funnyhat, Diamondbutt, Lesbian and Happydeathmachine"
I lost it at Lesbian,
The Lunar Guards make this sooooo much better.
great fic, BTW.
Your just on a roll with these updates arnt you?
Look forward to more!
hehe... mooo
1071816
NMM/Luna or Twi could ask for some made up thing just for their own amusement... I'm pretty damn sure based on how they're portrayed that they wouldn't know it was made up, and would go on some epic adventure just to find it.
1071643
I think that the lunar stallion part works so well because is used in-between other more serious scene. A story only about them would not have the contrast between serious and silly that makes this story fantastic and the stallions so funny (this is my opinion, if a story about lunar stallion is written and ends up being the best story ever I'll be happy to be wrong )
Are there any other stories that feature the Lunar Stallions?
Happydeathmachine ... this amuses me so ... I think I'll keep her occupied so you can write more story ... that is all.
Oh god, I died there.
1071470
Nah man. If he said sonic, it would have meant something ENTIRELY different to us Whovians.
And, to us, The Doctor is correct.