What Princesses Need
Part 7: Pictures
“Alright Princess, today we’re going to try something new.” Doctor Deep Psyche said pleasantly. Luna, on her back on the big red couch, nodded warily. Celestia had insisted that she come back to see him right away, saying that it was urgent. The stallion came over, kneeling on all four knees. “I’m going to show you some pictures, and I want you to tell me what springs to mind when you see them, okay?” his tone was playful and his smile genuine. Luna liked him for this. He was not intimidated by her, he was a pleasant stallion. She nodded, and he brought up the first picture.
Luna frowned. “Spilled ink.” She said.
The doctor chuckled a bit, “Yes yes, that’s what it is, but what does it look like to you?” he watched the princess squint at the picture for a few long moments.
“It looks like thy painter was sloppy and overpaid.” She said, pointing at it. Dr. Psyche smiled patiently. “Did we get it wrong?” she said in a silky mewl. She really was a tender thing compared to her alter ego.
“Oh no no no, Princess, it’s fine.” The stallion smiled encouragingly. “Lemme show you how it works.” He picked up another one, which had another blob of ink on it. Flicking his eyes down, he turned it sideways. “See? This one looks like a tree.” He showed it to her. Luna took it gingerly and squinted. It did look like a tree to her. “Okay, now you try.” He said. “I’ll be able to learn more about your health up here,” he touched his temple. “Based on your answers. There’s no right or wrong, simply say the very first thing that springs to mind, alright?” He waited for the sparkly Princess to nod, and flipped up a new card for her.
“A… house.” Luna said carefully.
Twilight Sparkle’s treehouse.
Luna flicked her eyes around nervously. There was that voice again. She’d heard it before, but not for the past few days. The doctor selected a new card, showing it to her. “How about this one?” he asked.
Luna tilted her head to one side. “A Lunar Stallion.” She said, gesturing vaguely to the hallway where two of her guards waited. Over in the doctor’s chair a pencil was dancing according to his will, making notes.
One of the Lunar Stallions that bore Twilight to us.
Princess Luna gulped a little, trying to ignore the voice that the doctor didn’t seem to notice. She gulped, scratching at her shoulder again. “And this one?” he said, pushing his glasses up his muzzle again when they sagged.
“Er… two pregnant mares, back to back.” Luna said, making a bowl shape over her belly. The pencil danced behind her while the doctor nodded along with her. They went through over three dozen of the funny ink blot pictures, each of Luna’s answers seemingly healthy ones, according to the Doctor’s pleasant nods. Each time, though, she heard the disembodied voice speak its own answer. Almost all of said answers had to do with Twilight Sparkle, her sister Celestia, or the Lunar Stallions. Luna scratched her scalp furiously. The Doctor glanced at her from behind his half-moon glasses, sensing her growing agitation. “Will there be much more of these?”
“Just a few more.” Dr. Psyche said, smiling pleasantly. He felt really, very guilty about what he was about to do, but if it was going to help the Princess—he had to do it. He led her through perhaps a dozen more cards, noting Luna’s responses as they went. Then, he turned over the final card, which bore a portrait of Twilight Sparkle’s face.
“H’oh?” Luna sat up with interest, and suddenly her pupils dilated. Dr. Psyche stepped cautiously back. “Twilight Sparkle!” her voice deepened slightly even as she spoke the name quickly. Her pupils slashed out into draconic slits. Her eyes shifted color, and her legs grew longer and more spindly. She rose onto all of her hooves as her fur flushed into an oily black and her royal trappings hardened into terrifying armor. “Pray tell why thou has a portrait of our dear Twilight Sparkle?” Nightmare Moon oh-so-gently grabbed the stallion by his bowtie and brought him up to her eye level. He squirmed, gagging animatedly. She snatched the picture with magic before putting him down again, not so gently.
“I knew it would bring you out, Nightmare Moon.” He adjusted his bowtie so it wouldn’t choke him. “I’ve heard you’ve been very busy lately, and we need to talk about that.”
“We hath already struck a deal with our sister.” Nightmare turned her muzzle up snootily, disregarding him. “And we have been doing research for the proper seduction techniques of this era.”
“Well, that’s something else to talk about.” Dr. Psyche went and gingerly sat in his high-backed chair. “You think the way you treated Twilight Sparkle was right?” he asked, pencil poised by magic over his notepad.
“Of course!” Nightmare said haughtily, turning her muzzle up at him once more. What was he, a moron? “She made her intentions clear when she nuzzled our teats in bed, and we art returning her affections.” She grinned with all of her mildly salivating fangs. “And quite the beautiful creature she is, with the good taste to choose us instead of Celestia as her interest!”
“She what now?” the stallion looked up sharply. There was clearly more to this that he wasn’t seeing. “Back up a moment. You were in bed together? When?”
“Luna had Twilight Sparkle in bed.” Nightmare Moon nodded. “We did not think she had the firmness to do such a thing, but we saw it for ourselves. Wine, candies, trashy literature, everything one needs for a proper playtime in the bedroom.” She named things off in a list. “When we awoke and Luna slept, we found Twilight Sparkle pressed ‘tween our back legs like a lover.” She smiled fondly at the feeling. “And even as she looked on, she nuzzled us.” the dark goddess jittered happily, looking down at the picture she’d taken from him. The Doctor’s pencil danced while she spoke, taking down everything she said as quickly as he could.
“And since Luna was already with her, you thought, you wanted Twilight Sparkle also.” Dr. Psyche pieced it together. Celestia had filled him in on the very serious events that had happened in the past few days. He only hoped that the purple mare was okay and wouldn’t need serious counseling too.
“We share the same body.” Nightmare Moon shrugged. “Surely we can share the same lover.” She smiled with her fangs, making him shudder a bit.
“Uhm,” the stallion had to flounder for a few moments to find the proper words to make a sentence. “You…” he paused a moment, trying to word it carefully. “You said in the past that you and Luna share memories. You know everything she knows?” he asked.
Nightmare Moon shrugged a little, gazing down at the picture and not at him. “Not everything, no. Sometimes it is fragmented, or missing. We did not expect to wake up with a beautiful mare nuzzling our privates.” she smiled, folding the picture and tucking it safely under her wing.
“And you know for a fact that Twilight and Luna are lovers?” Deep Psyche said bravely, pulling down his glasses a little to look her in the eye.
Nightmare Moon gaped at him, aghast at his audacity. “Well of course they are! How else does a mare end up in such a… such a position!” he’d genuinely caught her off guard, it was easy to see. Suddenly more pieces were falling into place.
“Describe it to me.” The stallion prompted. “Go on. I’m a doctor, I won’t blush.” He gestured. “You saw the whole set up when you awoke, surely you remember the… act.” He said delicately.
“I… erm…” the black goddess gave pause, running her hoof under her chin in deep and serious thought. She delved into her mind, very careful not to wake the sleeping Luna. Her brow furrowed as she went back and forth through the ethereal layers of her memories and emotions. No. No. No that wasn’t it either. Surely Luna would have something like recent lovemaking carefully stored in her most joyous memories? Nightmare Moon frowned. That part of the night was fragmented, seemingly at random, like many of the other nights before it. The dark alicorn knew perhaps 80% of Luna’s mind/memories, maybe 90%. But that special night with Twilight Sparkle was blotted out for Nightmare Moon? Fate was too cruel!
“You can’t, can you?” it was just a little bit accusing when the Doctor said it. Nightmare Moon scowled at him. “I think you missed something that night, and because of it you thought you could just have Twilight too.” He adjusted his glasses.
The goddess’ scowl deepened and an angry flush crowded her cheeks. “Thou art lying! Twilight Sparkle is already our lover! She need merely accept both halves of us and we may all three be happy!” she held the words up like a shield, but Deep Psyche would not bend to her.
“You say they're already lovers. Then why do you sound so unsure suddenly?” the doctor said softly, looking into her eyes with more stones than the black alicorn would’ve ever given a mortal stallion credit for. She didn’t have an answer for him, merely stared in shock and just a drip of horror. Twilight Sparkle had not been playing bedroom games in the cave, or hard to get. She’d missed a vital part of what had happened that night with the gift basket. She clenched her fangs in wild, angry frustration. A sudden heat built behind her eyes, and she did NOT like it.
“WE DO NOT CARE!” Nightmare Moon trumpeted suddenly, concussing the room with the Royal Canterlot Voice. “IF TWILIGHT SPARKLE DOES NOT ADORE US, WE SHALT FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT SO! FOR BOTH OUR CONTENTMENTS!” The Doctor was launched off of his hooves by the pure tectonic force of her voice. The mare had a tantrum, kicking the sofa so hard it slammed into the wall and shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Luna!” The door burst open and it was Celestia, bearing a full-length mirror. She'd heard the Royal Canterlot Voice and had rushed in as quickly as she could. The solar pony held the mirror in front of herself like a shield. Nightmare Moon saw Princess Luna in the reflection, and her eyes rolled into her head. Speaking the name, for some reason, in just the right tone… made Luna’s ears perk and wrenched her mind back into her control. Nightmare Moon’s glamor spell flickered, flickered, fell apart like so many grains of ethereal sand that rained around her hooves. Princess Luna stood there, a blank expression on her face, while her mind rearranged itself into her meeker persona. “Luna?” Celestia set the mirror aside, coming to cup her sister’s cheek.
After a long few moments, Luna blink-blinked back to reality. “Tia?” she said in a soft voice. She looked around, then gasped at the wreckage. Doctor Deep Psyche was recovering from being tossed across the room, grumbling at his broken glasses. The furniture was all tumped over and the laying couch in a thousand pieces strewn about the floor. “Wh-what…” Luna pressed closer to Celestia, frightened. “What’s happened?” Celestia swallowed a little, casting her eyes to the doctor and then quietly closing the door for privacy. “Sister?” Princess Luna said a little more urgently. “What’s happened?”
Celestia heaved a long and unhappy sigh. It was time to tell her. It took over an hour and Luna interrupted many times in disbelief, but the truth could not be denied. Especially when the Doctor pulled the picture from under Luna’s wing and showed her the affectionate bite marks on one of the corners. Only fangs could do that.
=-----=-----=-----=-----=
“Agent KitKat, this is Snickerbar. Kitkat do you read, over?” A Lunar Stallion was hiding in a series of bushes, painted down with camouflage. In front of him was the Ponyville public library. He narrowed his eyes, lifting his binoculars with a serious scowl on his face. He could see in through one of the bigger windows, where Twilight Sparkle was having tea with several friends.
“Sorry, this is Agent Snickerdoodle.” Crackled the speaking stone in the stallion’s ear. It was a smooth little pebble that one could lodge in one’s ear and use to communicate with other ponies over the distance of up to a mile. Genius really. “Try the other channel, Snickerbar, over.”
“Roger, over.” He said, tapping his head a few times when he’d lowered his binoculars. The channel changed over when he jarred the stone a few times. “Agent KitKat, this is Snickerbar. Do you read, over?” he tried again.
“KitKat here.” Said a stallion’s voice in his ear.
“Confirm visual from the east window, please, over.” He said, lifting his binoculars again. Inside the scene was of six mares and what appeared to be a baby dragon. Their expressions were somber, and it was clear by the body language that there was a good deal of comforting going on. Twilight Sparkle was very, very upset about something.
On the other side of the library, a Lunar Stallion with a leafy hat instead of a finned helm POPPED out of the bushes, peeking and mumbling to his speaking stone. “Visual confirmed. MarsBar and 3-Musketeer, confirm visual, over?”
“Why’re we named after candies when we’re on the speaking stones?” said a third voice.
“Stupid, it’s because somepony else could be listening in and figure out who we are.” said a fourth voice.
“Codenames are traditional in the military.” Said a deeper, fifth voice.
“Why candies, though?” said the third voice.
“Because they’re delicious?” said the fourth voice, annoyed at the third.
“Hmm… good point.” The argument ended precisely there, and it was back to business. “Ahem! Visual confirmed, Snickerbar. Please advise, over.” He said seriously, peering into the treehouse with his own binoculars.
“Continue silent surveillance, KitKat.” said the first stallion, lowering his binoculars. “Claws, Softeyes, Funnyhat, Diamondbutt, Lesbian and Happydeathmachine are all in there too. She’s very safe, over.” He paused for a time, then added. “The Princess told us to watch out for Twilight Sparkle, so as long as she’s at home and surrounded by friends we should be fine, over.”
“Funny. My Princess told me the same thing.” An angry voice behind him made the Lunar Stallion flinch, and he whipped around just in time to get grabbed up by magic. He yelped in fear, his speaking stone falling out of his ear. “I thought I was perfectly clear the first time!” Shining Armor said through clenched teeth. “Stay away from my sister and her friends, or it won’t take an alicorn to send you and yours to the moon.” He shook a threatening hoof, holding the terrified Lunar Stallion by the front of his armor.
One of the other nearby hidden Lunar Guards gasped, whispering frantically to his fellows. “C-contact! C-c-contact! The eagle has landed! The eagle has landed! Open the drawer and break for the big bad wolf’s house!”
There was a long silence on the other end of the radio-like devices, followed by a group-sized, “Whaaaat? What does that even mean?!”
“Shining Armor is here!” he belted. “And he’s about to kick all our flanks! Run for the hills!” he shouted, then slapped his hooves over his big fat mouth. Soon after though, the bushes parted by magic and the golden-armored stallion stood over him, scowling. “Eep!” he whimpered before he was violently grabbed. Shining Armor turned, shoving him into the same bubble of magic that he’d thrown the first bat-winged pony into. Then the fun started. Over a dozen Lunar Stallions bolted from their hiding places to flee. A birdhouse started wiggling off of its tree. A nearby mailbox sprouted eyes, uprooted itself and began to hobble clumsily away. Bushes decided it was time to find greener front yards.
Shining Armor frowned angrily, snatching all of them up with his levitation magic. Pushing them all into the same confined space, he adjusted the bubble to make it bigger so they didn’t crush each other. “Huhm… there was one more…” he thought he saw a set of trees whose branches were shaking. Narrowing his eyes, he went to the first and bucked it.
“Tweet-tweet-itter-tweet!” A group of birds said angrily down to him, trying to steady their nests. He looked up, squinting through the branches. Nopony there. He went to a second tree, bucking that one. “Chitter-chitter-itter-itter!” A trio of squirrels came down, throwing nuts at him and shaking their tiny fists in anger. No Lunar Stallion there. Shining went to a third tree and bucked it as well.
“Mooooooo!” sang an enthusiastic voice up in the tree.
Shining Armor (and a few Lunar Stallions as well) face-hoofed.He got rid of all of them at the edge of town, letting his bubble of magic burst and watching them run away in a frightened herd. “And stay out!” he snapped angrily, stamping a hoof.
End of Part 7