What Princess Need
Part 5: Retainers
Twenty-four Lunar Stallions stood in a tight circle, looking over a topographical map of the mountain area. “There’s a gorge here, a bottomless abyss here, a dragon used to live here, and the paths split off here,” Aegis Shield was pointing to the danger zones and other points of interest. Princess Luna had insisted on a nice out of the way place to take her little holiday, so it was up to them to make sure she was completely safe while she was there. “Now, this side of the mountain borders the Everfree Forest, known home to lions, tigers, and plenty of bears. Not to mention hydras, manticores and blanks.” He looked up at his fellow stallions, who looked positively terrified.
“Lions?” said one stallion.
“And tigers?” said another.
“And bears.” Nodded Captain Shield seriously. “Now line up, you lot, it’s up to us to patrol the road and make sure that there’s not anypony coming that not ought to be.” He gestured and they obediently lined up shoulder to shoulder, spanning the road. A couple of them fearfully locked arms, peering into the dark foliage and thick canopy. One of them gulped, steadying himself. A few of them looked ready to bolt. The mountain was high and scary, but it was up to them to protect Princess Luna, so they had to be there.
“Lions and, tigers and… bears!” said a few of them as they wandered down the path towards who knew what. “Lions and tigers and bears!” they chanted together, but it only seemed to increase their fear of the place. “Lions’n’tigers’n’bears!” They walked faster and faster, as though the creatures were on their heels right then. Sweat was going down the sides of their faces. “Lions’n’tigers’n’bears! LIONS’N’TIGERS’N’BEARS! LIONS’N’TIGERS’N’BEARS! LIONS’N’TIGERS’N’BEARS!” Suddenly they ran into a big shadow on the road and they cried out as a group, hugging each other in a big shaking herd of terrified stallions.
Twilight Sparkle emerged from the mist, holding a lantern and bearing camping saddlebags. “Oh no, it’s you guys again.” She said flatly, sighing and turning her ears back at them.
“Twilight Sparkle!” one of them shouted, pointing at her. All of their grey faces lit up and they crowded around her for nuzzles like children.
“Wha-hey! Hey stop that!” Twilight was mooshed into the middle of the big group, so happy to see her! She blushed and squirmed about. “Keep your hooves off me!” she was lifted bodily and TOSSED into the air by the happy group that was completely ignoring her protests.
“H’oh!” they shouted as a group, tossing her. They were ELATED to see her, so very happy! “H’ohh!” The purple unicorn cursed and flailed about as she went up and down. “H’OHHH!” Then they finally let her go, smiling with their big sharp teeth and golden eyes. What a greeting!
“You ponies are crazy!” Twilight shouted, staggering away as quickly as she could. They followed her with their strange golden eyes. She continued up the path to get away from them, walking in zigzags and trying to get her sense of balance back. “Crazy!” she shouted again as she gained some distance at a gallop. Wh… what? Crazy? They wilted at her like kicked puppies. But— but they liked Twilight Sparkle! She made the Princess happy, did she not like them at all? They looked at each other with big soft eyes, forlorn. One of them whimpered aloud.
“Ch-chin up, boys.” said Captain Stalwart Hide. “We’ve still got a job to do, and that’s to secure the perimeter.” He snuffled a little, trying to assure his comrades. They nodded slowly, trying to cheer up after Twilight Sparkle had disowned them so openly. How mean!
=-----=-----=-----=-----=
Nightmare Moon lay in wait, deep in the cavernous dark of the former dragon’s lair. She had a meager little fire, some blankets, a small litter to stretch out on, and a few other odds and ends. The black goddess currently had her muzzle pressed into a thin book full of camping activities. If she was to seduce Twilight Sparkle correctly, she would need a proper chain of events to lead up to said seduction. It wasn’t as though she could just pounce on the beautiful creature and have her way. Well, she could, but Celestia would never let her hear the end of it. After that whole ‘nighttime eternal’ thing, she’d been very uptight.
“Hrm,” Nightmare Moon mumbled, turning through the snack sections. “Graham cracker… then chocolate…” she was very serious-face about the entire thing, for Twilight Sparkle was a prize to be had. Nothing would deter her. “And marshmallow…?” she flicked her gaze up at the stick-mounted treat leaning over the fire, and flinched. It was jet black and burning. “Blast you, mushy confection!” she zapped it with her horn angrily, reducing it to dust. She eyeballed the graham cracker and chocolate a little, eyes narrowing in amusement. Twilight Sparkle could be her marshmallow any night. She chuckled at the thought, snapping the treat up greedily and trying again. “Graham cracker, then marshmallow, perhaps a…” she trailed off, for she heard hooves coming up the path and towards the cave entrance. Hissing angrily, she snuffed the fire with a flick of magic and pressed herself into shadow.
“Stupid Lunar Stallions and their stupid… stupid… faces!” Twilight spat, grumping back and forth. “Princess! Princess are you here?! Your stallions assaulted me again!” she shouted angrily into the cave. “I’m going to get a restraining order, signed by you! I won’t be tossed around like a beach ball! They just keep grabbing me up!”
Nightmare Moon panicked briefly. She put on Luna’s voice. “Oh erhm… come in, Twilight Sparkle!” she said aloud, coughing a bit. “It is very cozy in here!”
“It’s dark!” Twilight called, lighting her horn and coming in. Instantly Nightmare Moon was exposed. Horsefeathers. She hadn’t thought of that. Of course Twilight had a light spell. The dark goddess stared at the mare, and the mare stared back. There was a pregnant silence, and the cave dripped water from the ceiling a few times. The purple mare’s mouth slowly gaped open. Nightmare Moon. It didn’t compute. She wasn’t possible. She just wasn’t possible. “P-princess?” she ventured slowly.
Still using Luna’s voice, Nightmare Moon mewled at her a little forwardly, “Come and join us by the fire, Twilight?” she flicked the fire pit with alicorn magic and it burst into flames, startling Twilight back a bit. “Oops.” She murmured. Twilight turned to bolt, screaming like a madmare and igniting her horn to teleport. “No no, none of that!” The dark goddess stood with authority, lighting her own horn with black magic. The purple mare vanished with a crack of parted air, desperate to be anywhere but in the cave with her. The alicorn’s magic grasped her with a raven’s black hand, a midnight shadow of pure darkness. Twilight Sparkle was ripped out of the space between spaces and plopped onto the stone floor in front of Nightmare Moon’s litter.
Twilight gasped, holding her head and falling over with vertigo. She’d meant to go forward and away, but had been wrenched backward with all the force of a GODDESS. “Urlghhh…” was all the poor thing could say, her eyes swirling about while little stars and birds danced in her vision. Moaning a little, she fell on her side with a bump.
Nightmare Moon winced. That could’ve gone better. “Hrmph. Ah well.” She snorted. “We still have the upper hoof.” She gathered the limp Twilight Sparkle to herself with magic, then rather casually just laid on her. The purple mare was splayed out on her back, a distressed expression on her face. She was only partially conscious, the recoil of magic jump-starting her brain into a back-up-restart-retry system. It would take her a few minutes to gain her senses. Nightmare Moon smirked a bit, eyeing the beautiful mare up close for a long time. The fire crackled, playing across her beautiful features. “Such a beautiful thing…” Nightmare whispered, leaning down to inspect her closely. The streaked mane, the round curves of her face, so beautiful. Laying out over Twilight, she fought the very real urge to simply have her way. She ached to have Twilight, right then. Her black wings opened slowly while she entertained dark thoughts. “Hrmphhh…” she thought, then turned the limp mare over and laid on her once more. Shrugging a bit, she instead decided to pet her. Just a little.
Twilight moaned a little, tilting her head when she felt a soft muzzle in her mane and along her neck. It was large and very firm, seeking the softer spots of her neck. She jittered a little, then let out a breathy sigh when a sweet spot was found at the base of her mane and neck. She felt little sharp teeth nibbling on her. Twilight squirmed a little, fading in and out of consciousness. “Mhh-h-h…” she moaned like she was being massaged, shifting slightly and feeling the great warm weight on her back. Was… was that a stallion on her?! Her eyes suddenly snapped open and she gave an icy-hot shriek of feminine distress. “Don’t rape me!” she cried out in a panic, thrashing about.
“Twilight, We would not violate thee!” Nightmare Moon snorted, laying on her with all her body weight. “Much.” She snickered, tossing her head a bit at her horn joke. Twilight looked over her shoulder at the dark goddess, her irises shrinking into pinpricks.
“Nightmare Moon!” Twilight said accusingly. “Where did you come from?! Get off of me!” the purple mare squirmed, but the sheer weight of the body atop her was too much to let her get away.
“Neigh.” said Nightmare Moon. “We like you right where you are, ‘neath us.” she snickered a little, nuzzling Twilight’s mane rather openly.
Twilight shuddered, aghast. “I’m dreaming! I must be dreaming! Nightmare Moon was destroyed by the Elements of Harmony!” she was trying to make it all make sense. “This must be a guilt dream! Something! H’oh Celestia!” she whimpered under Nightmare Moon, praying to her mentor, gritting her teeth and trying to get free.
“I am not destroyed any more than Luna was. We are one and the same.” Nightmare Moon was rather flirtaciously chewing on one of Twilight’s plush ears by then, trying to get the point across for her intentions.
“No! Get off me!” The purple mare shrieked. “You’re evil! Don’t touch me!”
Nightmare Moon paused in her attentions, sighing in a frustrated way. Why, a thousand years ago a mare or stallion would’ve given a leg to be the subject of her affections. But Twilight Sparkle? Neigh. “But, we like thou. Both of us. Whether both halves admit it or not.” She smiled, leaning and grabbing a half-finished smore with her magic. She took a bite, chewing animatedly. “Come Twilight.” She whispered sensually in the mare’s ear. “Come be our marshmallow mare.” She kissed her behind the ear, offering the smore to Twilight. She didn’t take it, but the goddess left it in front of her in case she changed her mind.
“What do you want?” Twilight said uncomfortably, craning her neck to look back at her. She was trying to form a plan, trying very hard. But it was hard to think with the goddess of the night’s darker half breathing down her neck and… chewing on her. “What do you want?” she asked again, ears turned to a defensive sideways position.
“We want thou.” Nightmare Moon leaned and whispered. “Thou art adorable.” She rested her chin atop Twilight’s head, smiling with affection. “Come, and be ours.” She said, trailing a hoof down the side of the unicorn’s flank.
Twilight shrieked as she was flipped over onto her back. Nightmare Moon smiled grandly, all of her fangs out and on display. “B-be yours?!” she said in a meek way, red going across her cheek. “I don’t even know you! You tried to bring about nighttime eternal!” Already Twilight had taken into account the multiple persona’s sharing the one body. Such a smart, bright little star she was. Just like any star in Nightmare Moon’s sky. She adored the purple mare all the more.
“My name is Nightmare Moon.” The black pony giggled, reintroducing herself playfully. “And thou art the most luscious thing we’ve laid eyes on in a thousand years.” She said, rubbing her nose on Twilight’s plush and soft belly. The purple mare jittered, blushing furiously.
“S-stop that!” Twilight begged. “I know your face! I don’t know YOU!” she emphasized, tail tucking in an adorable expression of modesty. Red-faced and sweating, the purple mare whimpered pathetically.
Nightmare Moon grinned, leaning down and nuzzling her a bit more. “Thy belly is so sensitive, even Luna knows this…” she purred sensually, dragging her fangs oh-so-gently across the softness. They left little red lines, but didn’t pierce her skin. Such a pure, luscious and beautiful creature. Nightmare Moon could think of no greater prize to grace her bed. Er, litter. Camping had a litter for her. She nibbled on Twilight’s soft belly for a bit, very much enjoying herself until the warm scent of arousal touched her muzzle. The body was a machine, after all. It would respond to stimuli whether it wanted to or not.
Twilight’s shiver went up and down her spine, and she whimpered again. “P-please, no…” Twilight turned her head to one side, eyes softening and a single tear going down the side of her face. “St-stop touching me… p-please…” she whispered, gasping when Nightmare Moon drifted a bit lower to her pelvis. “Luna-!”
The recoil if hearing the name hit Nightmare Moon so hard she gagged on her own spit. Her eyes widened and her back arched like she’d been struck by lightning. Suddenly sparkles of magic began to leave her body. Flecks of blackness left her fur and the armor that made up her outfit began to rust over and quietly drop off of her like glittering snow. “No! Wait! No no no noo----” Nightmare’s protests died in her throat as her glamour spell fell apart like cobwebs in the breeze. The armor reshaped itself into a dainty crown and regalia. The eyes shifted from slitted and draconic to a soothing aqua with wide pupils. Luna lay there, glassy-eyed and expressionless.
Twilight looked up at her, fearful but puzzled. What had just happened? “L-Luna?” she said in a soft whisper. “Are you in there?” she poked the Princess just a little bit, but received no response. Deciding this was the time to escape, she started to wiggle. Luna was very heavy, and being pressed up against her like that made it very hard to get away. “Luna, I’m stuck!” she said. No response. Luna’s mind was still restarting.
“Twiliiiiiiight!” A faded voice on the breeze caught her perked ears. “Twilight where are youuuu!?” the voice was male, straining against the trees and the cave itself.
“I’m here!” Twilight shouted in distress. Instantly the shouting stopped, for the voice’s owner was listening. “I’m in here!” she shouted again. There was a crack of parted air and a spray of blue and gold sparks. Before her was a stallion in purple and gold armor, holding two Lunar Stallions in a head-lock. “Shining Armor!” Twilight flopped down, panting in relief.
Both Lunar Stallion’s oof’d when he struck their heads together and threw them aside. Rushing forward, he rather rudely shoved the comatose princess off of her and gathered his sister into a hug. “You’re okay, you’re okay. I’m here to protect you.” He soothed when his little sibling suddenly decided to burst into sobs. “It’s alright, it’s alright I’m here… big brother’s here…”
“It’s Nightmare Moon!” Twilight cried, her voice breaking raggedly. “She’s back! And she was… she was TOUCHING me-hee-heeeee!” she blubbered into her big brother’s chest, clinging to him.
Shining Armor frowned worriedly, looking over when he saw movement. Princess Luna was slowly gathering herself, rubbing her eyes and achingly stretching her wings. Wow, what smelled like lust and chocolate around here? She blink-blinked a little, peering blearily about. What had happened? Where was she? She saw a white stallion glaring at her furiously, two Lunar Stallions splayed out across the ground, and a very upset Twilight Sparkle. She was shaking like a leaf, crying loudly into her brother’s breast. Luna rose to all fours right away, mouth agape as she came close to investi—CRACK! A gilded hoof went across her face so-hard-so-suddenly she almost peed a little. “You ought’a be ashamed of yourself!” Shining Armor hissed through lidded eyes.
The alicorn had never, ever been simply struck in the face like that. The pain was alien, and sent waves of ice through her cheeks. “What?” Luna said, holding her face. “How DARE thou strikest a roy-!” CRACK! His hoof went across her face again and she yelped.
“How dare YOU take advantage of my sister!” Shining Armor shouted. “Princess or NOT!” in one arm he held his bawling sister, and defended her with the other from a goddess. Luna’s brow rose in complete confusion and horror. She looked down at Twilight Sparkle, who was shaking so hard it was visible. “She’s not your plaything!” the armored captain of the royal guard shouted. He leaned down, putting his muzzle under Twilight’s undercarriage and putting her on his back. She clung to him like a baby koala, sniffling as tears dripped down her face. She wouldn’t even look at Luna, keeping her head turned away.
“W… what?!” Luna said. “We did no such thing! We would not molest Twilight Sparkle! She is our best friend!” she started to step forward, but Shining Armor was walking backward out of the cave and away from her. His face was set in a deep, shivering scowl of clenching teeth. “Come back!” Luna said, reaching with a hoof. He backed up faster, going out of the tunnel with his back arched to support his sister.
Shining Armor turned to flee on hoof, but ran into trouble right away. Lunar Stallions. Twenty-two of them, armored up and scowling and snarling like dogs. Their golden eyes glittered in the moonlight, their jowls rising to reveal rows and rows of piranha-like teeth. “That mare is Princess Luna’s.” Captain Stalwart Hide stepped forward. “Put her down, shiny boy.” He gestured to the golden and purple armor he wore. It was no secret that the Lunar Stallions and the Solar Guard did not get along.
“My sister doesn’t belong to anypony.” Shining Armor lit his horn, and encased Stalwart Hide in a sphere of purple magic.
The stallion gave a shout , beating his hooves on the sides of the bubble. The other Lunar Stallions looked on in horror when he started to roll away as though he were in a hamster ball. “The Captain!” one of the stallions shouted, pointing. The entire herd of Lunar Stallions turned, chasing after the entrapped pony like a herd of puppies chasing a giant pink ball. Shining Armor shook his head, thankful they were so easy to get off track.
“Hold onto me, Twiley.” Shining Armor said, igniting his horn once more. “We’re going straight home, to Princess Celestia!” A magic circle appeared on the ground around his hooves. If there was one thing Shining was very good it, it was enlarging spells. Whether that be a shielding spell, or a teleportation spell. He could simply maximize simple things to their greatest and most incredible potential. Right now, that meant teleporting from the high mountain all the way to the royal palace-- CRACK went the vacuum of air, and they were gone.
End of Part 5
WOOOOOO MOAR
Aww! I just want to sleep!! JK not after reading your masterful works!
DON'T HURT LUUUUUUNNNNNNAAAAA!!!!!!!!! Arrrggg..i'm having flashbacks of that one spartan fic. I actually stopped reading due to my extreme desire to painfully slaughter the main character after he attacked Luna.
Now that I've calmed down I can say...Good Job! Can't wait for more!
"Not to mention hydras, manticores and blanks."
Was that supposed to say "blanks"?
Well, Moony, you sure bungled that one up pretty badly.
Good job!
this keeps getting better and better
poor twi
1065633 who sleeps at night
ohi ohi luna, your other half just fucked up pretty badly, what will you do now??
1065653
Yes. It was a nod to the blanks from that one horror fic that got so famous.
Poor Luna!
1065653
Must have meant blank-flanks. That's what happens to the ones that don't get their cutie mark by puberty - they go rabid, run off into the mountains, and gad about in villainous herds perpetrating iniquities.
Well. That escalated very quickly.
“Twilight, We would not violate thee ... much.”
I think you have convinced me that Lunar stallions are best pony(ies).
poor woona she did not deserve that treatment.
Celestia has a lot of explaining to do when they arrive there.
AWWWWW YEAAAAAAA!
I really do love this version of the lunar Stallions, they are both adorable and ridiculous at the same time. : )
This guy ha a death wish.
You just don't go around decking the princes of the night.
That's socially unacceptable.
That and it's just rude.
I want you to know I do a tiny Yes! Dance every time you update
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120514174826/mlp/images/7/79/FANMADE_Twilight_Sparkle_filly_dancing.gif
I feel awful for Luna...
But Nightmare Moon made me lol
"If there was one thing Shining was very good it, it was enlarging spells."
"enlarging spells"
:someponyorothermakinganamusingface:
1065761
i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee319/DeathOfBlades/Dis-Gon-B-Gud.gif cant wait
1065649 Nope, still switching my 'like' to 'dislike' then unfaveing... and deleting my nice comments.
cheshirecatstudios.com/forum/resources/george-takei-oh-my/4439
loving the story cant wait for the next update
Wow, considering how old Nightmare Moon is, this is kinda pervy.
And sleep sounded so nice...
But an awesome update arrived instead!
Those Lunar Guard Stallions are a bloody riot I must say!
Can't wait to see how Celestia handles a crying Twilight, upset that NMM tried to molest her...
well, that ecalated quickly,. na who am i kidding? shit just got real man!
Nightmare Moon enjoyed something..
And Luna got slaps..
Poor Luna..
Poor Luna, poor Twi....
But damn, Shining's got some serious guts to deck a Goddess.
Story went from a glorious one shot, into the thing I hate most.
Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my! I loved the Wizard of Oz reference!
The Lunar Stallions are just so adorably puppy-like; a nice juxtaposition with respect to their scary appearance. I keep feeling sorry for them when their well meaning plans fail. They sure get an A for effort and enthusiasm. I'm curious as to your opinion on the origin of the Lunar Stallions; are they another species of pony, like earth ponies, pegesi, and unicorns? Or are they some kind of magically transformed version of the three regular pony species? Maybe you have touched on this issue in your other stories; if so which one? This is the first story of your that i am following and i am hoping to read the others eventually soon. I know different writers have taken different approaches to answering these questions; I'm just curious on your take on them. They must have been pretty bored when Midmare Moon was banished to the moon for a thousand years.
Out of all the possible cliffhangers, this is... The! Most! Frustrating! One! Kudos, you had me screaming "Noooooooooooooo" once I got to the end. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Author, thanks for the timely update. I look forward to the nexty
1065693
This story wouldn't happen to involve a tree which makes the blanks does it?
Got the wrong pony for that Moony......
Twilight's more of a grape
Duuude... Shining Armor is BOSS!!! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png
This story makes me lol so hard.
Poor Luna she wakes up after being taken over by a alternate personality and gets smacked in the face by Shining Armor. That's just a bad day.
This is party Celestia's fault, she saw NMM and still let Luna take Twilight on a camping trip.
Anyway it was a great chapter and Im looking forward to more!
1065803
Do not forget the lions, tigers and bears.
On second thought - never mind.
With Mr. George Takei at your back you'll do fine. He is a pretty capable man to have.
Shining Armor is best Captain. Yeah I went there. Well he's the best pony captain. The best captain is a tie between Cpt. America and everyones favorite six foot tall dwarf.
So much stuff to comment on, I can't even keep it all straight! I'll just simply ask for more.
...that "Dark" tag wasn't there before. Now I'm afraid to continue reading. ._.
First off, none of the Lunar Stallions said "Oh my!" in response to the lions, tigers and bears? For shame!
Second, wow this fic has taken a turn for the depressing.
EXCELLENT! It was great seeing Shining Armor protecting his little sister against a GODDESS!!! HE IS A BOSS!!!
Poor Luna, she will accept getting help now that she hurt her best and only friend.
The Lunar Stallions are the most absolutely silly army I have ever seen, they make the Asterix's Romans seem like capable proffesionals!!
12 out of 10
I hate it when stories suddenly go dark.
What follows is going to be an irate rant. It is a raw outburst of what I did not like about the story. For the sake of fairness, I like ho the Lunar guards are childish and the jokes up Twilight being a marshmallow.
It was fine, cute even, up until the point about molestation. It ventured into very uncomfortable territory with Twilight being essentially molested. I'm sorry, but mental damage like that is not funny. It is not amusing, it is horrible, plain and simple.
Especially at how Twilight suddenly could not teleport away or use her magic to any extent. No, only a MAN, pardon, STALLION can do that now, eh? After all, one of the most known-by-canon to be most powerful, resourceful unicorns in the canon is UTTERLY helpless, isn't she? Nor can we have Twilight suddenly teleporting out when she feels threatened and stressed, like she did in Ticket Master, now can we, because then we couldn't have Shining Armor come out to the rescue out of the blue and not have a disturbing molestation section. The plot would have worked out that way too.
Shining armor's sudden appearance was not foreshadowed. Twilight is inexplicably helpless. The story got a "dark" tag right out of the blue.
The reason why I am pissed off about this, is that I see no REASON for this to happen, other than chauvinistic logic("Twilight is female" = "Twilight is a victim" = "Nightmare moon is a sexual predator that just wants a piece of her" + "Twilight is a non-dominating female" = "Nightmare Moon will rape Twilight" = "Twilight must be rescued by a male"). Nightmare Moon has previously resisted the urge to actively violate Twilight, outright stating it to herself that "Twilight would not consent". So, either the author has utterly no idea what he (she? which is actually a more disturbing thought) is doing and just went down this road out of sheer cluelesness, or he thought: "hey, you know what this, so far very cute story needs? MOLESTATION!"
I was afraid of this the moment I noted that this is the same author that made a ponified spartan. Anyone who thinks that spartans of all things should be cast in good light, even by proxy, has clearly no idea what the fuck they are talking about (hint: spartans were so militant because they were the largest slaveholders among the ancient greek city states, their violence does not come from some strong tradition of militarism or machoism or other bullshit but a need to constantly brutalize, maim and regularly kill other human beings so their spirits would brake and could more easily be treated as property).
Some are going to say that "I should take a chill pill" but the author knows that his decision to turn the story dark is not going to be liked by everybody. And I'm one of those people from that "I don't like it" group.
1066160
Don't like it don't read it. I like it perfectly fine and i also saw it coming.
Now good day.
Hope you update soon.
1066221
Do you have any other answer than a stock response? I read it up to this point and I am reacting to how that happened. Rest assured, I do not plan on reading any future updates to this story or anything else posted by the author if I can avoid it.
But that does not nullify my points raised in criticism and I call bullshit on just how this "could have been seen coming". The story DID NOT have a DARK tag before this chapter update and if anything, hinted at the OPPOSITE of Nightmare Moon openly deciding to molest Twilight. Remember chapter 2?
"Fangs were tempted, ohhh so tempted to taste her. Just a little taste. She was so cute, why not a little taste? No no, she was asleep and couldn’t consent to such things."
/\
II
See that? Someone even commented on how it is a good thing that Nightmare Moon cares about the consent of Twilight.
Three chapters later, her character suddenly does a face-heel turn for no reason. Twilight has been helpless and at Nightmare Moon's mercy before. What this chapter has, is the exact opposite of this. This was not foreshadowed, hinted at or implied in any form. In fact, the opposite clearly was.
If you do not agree with my criticisms, fine. That's your business, I understand I cannot make you care for it and I realize you have every right to completely ignore it. But please, don't take me for an imbecile and use broken logic to fortify your dismissal.
First I was like then and at the end of chapter 5
Would give a second thumbs up if possible.
Need Mooooar!
1065803 I oughta slap you for making that joke. Slap you so hard it'd make your mother's head spin.
As for this story? Well hell, it's...THIS STORY. It's just good; the silly Lunar Guard, Nightmare Moon really not having any consideration for Twilight's own privacy, poor Luna taking the punishment for her other side's actions.
Question is; where the fuck did Armor come from?!
I'm wondering the same thing, actually. Is this a-
Deus Ex Machina? That only relates to endings. I think we call this a 'magic plot device'.
Ahhhh. Makes sense.
His appearance may as well have been magic. That, or I've got a tracking device stuck on my flank...
*Both Steel and Twilight check her flank for any kind of tracking device.*
Erm...sigil or machine?
Sigil. And don't stare...
Righto. Nnnno sigils.
*Steel goes back to his computer.*
Right then...
Yep, Magic Plot Device of a brother.
People complained about how you never talked about him during your time in Ponyville though.
I never thought it'd be important!
Well c'mon, he's an important figure, isn't he? I'd be bragging about him like Dash brags about her ability to do the Sonic Rainboom.
Hey!
Oh come on, I know you hold that ability on the highest damn pedastal you own.
Yes, he's important. It's just if I started talking about him, wouldn't the rumors start spreading? The Element of Magic and the Royal Guard Captain? The wrong ponies would start drawing the wrong conclusions, probably thinking Shiney got the position through me having connections with the Princess.
...Valid point.
1066160
Also very valid. I don't mind the molestation bit; the funnies are provided by the Lunar Guard and their interactions with Luna and Twilight, after all. What I don't particularily like is the fact that Shining Armor came right out of the Devil's asshole in this chapter.
Yes, Twilight is fully capable of saving herself, but she is also fighting against Nightmare Moon, in a cave, with nothing but basic camping supplies lying around. What's she going to do, jam marshmallows in Moon's eyes? Though she certainly wouldn't've let it HAPPEN, she couldn't do much to begin with.
Twilight could've held herself up with Luna though, and run away on her own. Not only that, but Luna was out cold; why didn't she just teleport a short distance and try to wake her up?
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then you would LOVE This