Living in this world, there are so many ponies are in the edge of society, in the edge of life. They got no notice, even nopony realizes their existences, just like Wallflower. They are beloved by somepony but they don't realize that. Misunderstanding is the big problem for them, they want to be understood but that never happen...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hey Twily, even though this is the first story you've published. you've clearly hit the nail on the head.
I mean, I have never read something more intense and passionate: that's absolutely the way to write: you got my greatest support.
Okay, where do I begin?
First, great idea, putting a changeling into the story: I trully did not expect that.
Secon, I like the way you describe things: it's really accurate; I could almost immagine I was right there with the characters
Third, I love the the fact that you put poetry into your writing, for example in the first part you mentioned one of McBeth's lines, didn't you?
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i did on purpose, i suuuuper love that proverb and that's why i gave it fury the name xdd
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And if you have watch Der Zauberflote by Mozart you will know what is Papageno is about. Lazy, kinda greed sometimes, fun-loving and less responsible, and he has a set of magic bells too. but since tis equestria i don't want him too like Papageno, but also some good in him. in that way, i think he is like Michelangelo if you watched tmnt 2003 version, childish, love eating and games but also a faithful friend and you can count on him when it comes. And Lion, i'd like him be like Leonard in tmnt 2003, or superman, full of love and courage, positive power, and so on, a born leader. and zorro would be the batman... that'd be interestin xdd
So, where do I start?
First, the plot is getting more interesting by the minute: I am feeling positive about this trip to Yakyakistan. I have never read a fictionset in that place, I am sure it will be super cool.
Second, good description of the characters and places, in my opinion writers require good describing skills and you are getting better each chapter you write. I especially appreciated the parts when you interrupted the narration and talked to the reader directly: it sounded very professional; some very famous writers do that, too.
Third, while reading, I could sense your effort to make your Zorro character sound like the Dark Knight himself and you managed it just fine, especially where you wrote: "I've got my own methods" and similar lines, for that mysterious behaviour is typical of him.
Fourth, Lion's backstory and the fight against his own father were absolutely moving: I actually felt really sorry for the little guy.
Keep up the good work
*sigh*
thank you, amicus...