The Battle
Twilight is now face to face with a small, roundish creature: a parasprite. This time, it was... bigger?
She couldn't put her hoof on it, it was very hungry looking too. It was getting bigger too. Twilight backed up a bit. The parasprite steadily grew. What is going on? Twilight asked herself. The parasprite opened its mouth, remultiplying. Even worse.
Twilight, you must use the changelings' abilities at your whim! A voice whispered in her head, it sounded like... Princess Cadance? Twilight changed into an alicorn, using her might to try to shrink the parasprites, no luck. She tried changing into Fluttershy, to reason with them. Nope! She even tried changing into herself, using a spell that told them to not eat so much. Still nothing. Wait... Pinkie Pie knows! She thought to herself. So she tried making some instruments and started playing. Twilight was now successfully shrinking-slowly-but shrinking the parasprites.
They bobbed up and down. They waggled. They danced! Twilight kept playiing until they were normal size. She was shocked at her progress. The changeling looked back, seeing no exit open. She went on, the parasprites following. "Gah! Go away!" Twilight snapped "You aren't needed!" They frowned and then started to go away.
"Good!" She said again.
Twilight went o her way, to meet other dangers ahead still. This time, she got lucky.
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Don't... even... say it! I know!
Now, have a nice day sirs and madams
BEUTIFUL
WHY DO YOU MAKE MY STORY LOOK BAD
Yeah! Almost first! This was good. Have a stache.
It reads like a fairy tale. I noticed a couple of grammar issues such as changes in tense. It could probably use some polish to straighten out a couple awkward sentences.
Your ideas are neat. I really liked Twilight as a changeling. There is a lot of potential there. One thing I would recommend is slowing down a bit and taking the time to get into her head. You could put a lot more of her character into moments such as when she is first transformed into a changeling, or when she transforms into her friends. I know watchers of the show already know how much her friends mean to her, but there is opportunity for you to show it in a unique way when she transforms into them. I mean, how does Twilight feel to be transformed into Fluttershy? Also, slowing down can help you to build a bit more suspense in your story. Short chapters are easy to read, which is great. Make things easy on your reader wherever you can. But it means less build-up to moments like the parasprite battle. Just a thought.
So, yeah. Those are my two cents. Your story is fun and imaginative, and I feel that slowing down and delving into Twilight's thoughts and feelings would make it even better.
Honestly, I can tell you tried, and that is something that I cannot say for many stories on this site.
974904
What's your story? This is horrible! I think its an ugly excuse for a fanfic. To me... mine shouldn't deserve to be on fimfiction!
ITS FANTASTIC
>>RainbowShades
Thank you so much for your kindness!
Hey! That's my element! Find your own!