Klugetown an unsavoury town in the desert wasteland south of Equestria, one day the fearsome residents were going through their illicit day to day dealings. One such creature was a humanoid cat wearing a red coat by the name of Capper who was trying to pawn off some items he had acquired.
The day seemed simple enough before confusion filled the air as music was playing through the town. All the residents rushed to where the music was coming from and it took them to the entrance of the town.
Eyes were on a giant airship which had a purple star with small white stars on it. There were mutterings and shock as yeti like creatures with armor that had the emblem on them exited the airship. They all formed a side to side line as a black furred hedgehog creature called Grubber went down the ramp of the airship along with one of the creatures which was carrying a podium and microphone.
Grubber went up and coughed before speaking through the microphone "people of Klugetown, before you lived under the rule of the Storm King. Now I bring exciting news that the Storm King is no longer a problem and now you shall live under the prosperous rule of ...Queen Twilight!"
Then the mutterings increased as then down came a tall stern faced broken horned unicorn with the same armor as the creatures. "Now I turn it over to Commander Tempest." Grubber said through the microphone before leaving a list on the podium.
He walked down and allowed the unicorn called Tempest to take the stage, "ladies and gentlemen for lack of better terms, the Storm King has been taken care of and his former territories are now under the benevolent rule of Queen Twilight. Klugetown is the last of the territories to be annexed into... Into... the Harmony Kingdom..." Tempest said sounding like she was groaning through the word.
"She assures you that in time she will make sure to improve the lives of the citizens but she has given a list of the first set of mandatory laws that will be taken into effect immediately. First slavery is now abolished and any slave owners will have to set their slaves free, the currency of Storm Bucks will be changed, sale of body parts is now prohibited..." Tempest stated to indignant protests and mutterings.
"Just a minute here!" shouted an angry small pig like creature, "Who do you think you are coming here and to change things on how MY town is ran! We only have your word for it that the Storm King is gone!" the creature ranted.
"Who are you supposed to be, the mayor or something?" Tempest asked looking down quite bored at the creature.
"We have no need for politics here as we didn't need any under the Storm King! I'm Verko the boss of the city and every lowlife and pickpocket in this town answers to me! I have absolute loyalty of the residents of Klugetown!" the creature called Verko ranted and Tempest just sighed and powered up her horn.
Then Capper came and bowed before Tempest's podium, he sensed that things were not going to go well for Verko and he might as well adapt to the changes that would be happening here. Perhaps this way, he would not have to worry about the debt he still owed Verko.
"Commander Tempest, my name is Capper and let me be the first to pledge my allegiance and loyalty to her majesty, Queen Twilight!" Capper told the unicorn to the furious look on Verko's face for this betrayal.
Tempest fired up a blast of magic form her horn and shot it right at Verko pretty much frying him and knocking him out unconscious. Then residents then wisely began changing their tones at the sight of Tempest's smirk which dared more protests to begin. Tempest then heard the talking began:
"It was costing too much to feed my slaves anyway..."
"...I don't need anymore unicorn horns anyway..."
"Long live Queen Twilight!"
Tempest then looked down to her army and said "I guess I should make this official: on behalf of Queen Twilight, the town of Klugetown is now hereby annexed by the Harmony Kingdom!" She then faced Capper and asked "Until we can get the governments of the other lands sorted out, I am appointing you acting Mayor of Klugetown. My assistant Grubber will go over the regulations with you and please share with him any knowledge you may have."
Capper looked surprised but retook himself and responded "I won't let you or her majesty down!" Tempest sighed, she could tell quite clearly he was a kiss flank con artist who clearly wanted to be on the winning side but fear alone could ensure he does the job well.
"Disappointing, I was hoping more creatures would be more difficult but still now this means we have the Storm King's territories taken care off..." muttered Tempest as her thoughts turned her to a smile.
She had long ago lost hope in friendship and only allied with the Storm King in hopes of having her horn restored, but she had found a friend who had managed to convince her to join up with her.
She had explained that she didn't think there was a way for horns to grow back so the Storm King could just be using an empty promise to ensure her loyalty. It was promises of using her magical knowledge to train her to use her broken horn effectively as well as genuine respect and kindness shown that convinced her to switch sides.
Now she had to use a call potion to call back to her friend...
"Open up your eyes!"
Twilight Sparkle clad in the former Storm King's crown used her horn to remove the blindfold and marvel at the castle in front of her, built by a group of servants from the Hippogriffia Kingdom.
It was a gift from Queen Novo the ruler of the Hippogriffs, for helping protect her home and powerful Orb from the Storm King.
She sighed thinking of the events that lead to her running away from her former home of Equestria and finding her way at Mount Aris after a long journey in search of someplace to start anew. The disappointment and anger her friends, mentor and brother had shown to her.
She decided it was better if she could try to turn herself into a better pony, maybe she could make things up with them... especially Cadence.
It was shame that prevented her from coming back to Equestria after these 2 years. Perhaps she would be worthy of going back after she earned a little something during her adventure...
"Oh, it's almost ready! We just need to paint it and just like you asked we have the Storm King's statue in the hallway to start of the hall of enemies! I promise you that we got the swimming pool up and ready!" said a hyper voice of a yellow hippogriff her age.
The hippogriff was Princess Skystar the daughter of Queen Novo and reminded Twilight of Pinkie Pie, she then mentally battered herself. She hated comparing Skystar to Pinkie Pie and the same for Grubber and Spike. It was unfair to them as it felt like she was trying to replace her friends.
"I am hoping the Harmony Kingdom and Hippogriffia have the start of a beautiful new friendship between our nations!" Twilight told her with a smile which was returned.
She then found a potion call with a call awaiting her, she then used her magic to activate it and it showed Tempest's face. "Greetings Tempest, how was the annexing of Klugetown?" Twilight asked but Tempest's smirk gave her the answer.
"You now have all of the Storm King's former lands under your rule." Tempest stated and Twilight smiled having already been at work restructuring the governments and lands that used to belong to the Storm King. The citizens would not have to live in fear and she will do what she could to make them better. Tempest asked what the next step was.
"Celaeno told me that her crew gotten word that the Crystal Empire will be returning, I will give you the coordinates and have yourself and the Armada ready to meet me. Time we add a new tyrant to our list of defeated enemies." Twilight told Tempest to which she nodded.
first comment
Even without reading I'm sure that instead of Twilight Sparkle we got a poorly disguised OC who tried to pass herself for Twilight and failed horribly.
8677654
Not really, I don't want to go the angry at everything route
There is a big blowout panned but I don't want it to be the focus
8677666
"Twilight left Equestria ashamed " already don't sound like Twilight at all. And I really doubt that canon Shining, Cadance, Celestia and rest of M6 just let her "leave in shame".
Just thought it needed some correction.
Intrigued! Will be following this.
How interesting, this story look promise, great and better.
So Grubber, Celaeno, and Tempest had joined Twilight Sparkle, even Capper had joined Twilight as well.
8677679
Will fix it
8677670
Well it was an au of the ending of part 1
And they didn't even notice she was missing until she interrupted the wedding
As said by the words of Shaggy in Scooby Doo:
"I like it."
8677695 Indeed, and so will I!
For a moment, when I saw the tag for Skystar, I was kinda worried about how Twilight and Queen Novo got along. But not now. I love how she helped them with the Storm King and protecting the Pearl.
Can't wait too see how they handle Sombra. The crystal ponies would probably be still slightly nervous around Tempest, since even when she's on the good side, she's still intimidating.
But hey, saving them would help.
I'm down for this AU, looking forward to hearing more about her queendom. I'm also looking forward to the blowout with her friends, but i see you already said that wasn't going to be your big focus, so I'll look forward to all the other cool stuff you have planned.
Is this supposed to mean "page break"? If so, it feels disjointed, also usually *this* is used to convey a sound like *bzzzz* *splort*, or so.e other onomatopoeia. There is an [ hr ] bbcode that provides line/page breaks just as well.
An interesting concept you have going on. I personally like when Twilight doesn't make amends with the other she always forgives them all in all stories i have seen. I will keep a close look on this one.
this story is so awesome, please make more chapter soon or when you get the chance.
8677927 So you love it when Twilight keep hating her former friends, Shinning Armor, Spike and Princess Celestia?
Could it be? Did some actually take my idea and made a story out of it?
8678065
Depends how it's handled. As it always has been oh you are forgiven and there's no build up to that forgiveness. I like all redemed villains (Luna, Discord, Sunstet, Starlight and Tempest) and that they are forgiven but jow they do it is the problem. Yeah i some times like when people are not forgiven because well not all of us can forgive something that has been done to us.
Also i hope my las comment didn't offend you.
8678085 Your comment just confuse I that all and I have to agree with you I'm okay with how the former villains can be forgiven but for Twilight's friends, Shinning Armor, Spike and Princess Celestia they didn't just turn their back on Twilight the two of the main six went against their Elements and nearly destroy their bond of Friendship, the two males would had ended up as Changeling food, Celestia had made the same mistake again she was so focus on her own happiness that someone close to her was driven away but unlike Luna Twilight could had die.
For them it would a take a long time to be forgiven.
8678130
Personally I've always felt that Twilight holding a grudge over something that was partially her fault kind of spat in the face of her character.
So... Just read this, read the comments, and even though I enjoyed this, so don't get me wrong... I found an odd lack of complaints about grammar and punctuation. I love this concept, and it has a lot of room for potential, but I'm having trouble reading things correctly because there's commas in weird places, and no commas in places they should be. I also noticed some redundancy with some of the talking. But most of all, your stuff seemed very run-on. And by that I mean that I noticed a lot of run-on sentences.
So, there was a lot of sort of negative commenting there, but again, don't get me wrong I enjoy this idea and would like to see it prosper, which is why I would like to offer my services as an editor. If you're interested in my offer just send me a DM and I'll tell you what I'll do.
8678271
I mean I don't know about anybody else but I read alot of stories where English is a second language for the author for I have a pretty high tolerance when it comes to errors.
8678082
Mainly just a big coinceadence
8677905
Fixed it, thanks
I never knew how to do the code thing and I usually just use page break for my stories on fanfiction.net
nice work.
This fanfic looks good, with an attractive premise.
8677731
Or :
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/epicrapbattlesofhistory/images/2/21/Thor_I_like_it.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140507033328
Another!
NEED MOAR
The premise is awesome, the story looks promising . . . but the actual writing and storytelling needs some work.
I think this story is off to a good start, but it needs a bit of editing and proofreading to make it easier to read and follow. The mark of a good story is that the readers forget that what they're reading is a story, and they get lost in the adventures of the main cast. This one needs a bit more work to reach that point.
I'd offer to help myself if I wasn't already busy with two other fics along with my own. Instead, I'll advise you to look for help in The Proofreader Group. I want to see where this story goes.
8679536
You know.this gives another big thought...imagine if the guards hadn't alerted celestia to the empire returning,and only later find it due to a random patrol seeing it. Now imagine tempest found Sombra end the empire during her wandering in the snow instead....becoming Sombras right hand,helping him adjust to the modern Era and it's conveniences,and through mutual respect gaining some slight relationship with him and talking some sense into him,like convincing him to bypass Equestria for other lands first to build his forces and empire... Griffonstones situation was pitiful after all,the Yaks and diamond dogs would make better slaves than crystal ponies by far and are honestly kinda jerks , The minotaur..if the one we've seen is accurate,are enterprising... and that's what we can assume is the north half of the continent ignoring the dragons.And even the dragons have potential..I mean, you have a good mercenary group if the crystal ponies literally can magically grow gems of any type for a dragons meal as payment...
This alone would allow Sombra to renew his subjects utterly blood stained faith in him,proving he can actually be a GOOD ruler to his subjects somewhat. He could also let the changelings constantly eat from the crystal heart so it doesn't become strong enough to threaten or harm him.
This doesn't even over all he could do as he reaches the southern half if the continent after locking down the border of course. In one timeline we saw what a war with sombra would lead to. But if he had built up his empire and locked down the border,they would essentially be in stalemate...then using the gripphon lands which according tit the map are overseas to the east a little,he could use ships to bypass Equestria for the southern half of the continent,coming into storm kings growing territory before it can really grow...(we all know tempest did it...) This gives him far greater technology and races,etc... and he finally could pull a storm king eventually with the airships from the south if equestria when they expect enemies from the north. Let Tempest do her thing and disable the princesses, and viola...victory for Empereor Sombra(tempest pointed out his title being weird since he runs an EMPIRE) and Empress Tempest,whom gets her horn fixxed.
Irony is over this large campaign,Sombra changes as a character and learns how to truly rule rather than his previous revenge against the crystal heart method...Also before Going to the southern half of the continent,,he deals with the Umbrum he's suppose to be related to...After some research...he is not amused how they used him...can anyone say Umbrum powered energy crystals?
Phew...this kinda got away from me and I just kept typing..point is Why the flutteryay hasn't anyone made a Tempest x Sombra fic yet?! XD
Oh god that is horrifying to think about.
Dang Twilight is a badass in this story. I look forward to how this goes... I wonder if twilight will still become an alicorn later on...
8757736
Cool idea
I'd read it
Interesting idea, let's see where it goes
Good work Twilight, you've helped so many accept Friendship.
8986614
All hail the Queen of Harmony!
9351072
Ask her if she’s hiring!
Forced Harmony is FUN.
9360149
What do you mean
They are not brainwashing everyone, annexing lands that were basically lawless
9360155
i kinda wish Twilight started to fall from grace, have it start at a Beer Hall, drunkenly ranting about something relating to Aryan Races and superiority.
(NOTE: I have no hate for the German people, your country is beautiful and the people are lovely, i was merely speculating on where Unicorn-Twilight would be in a WW2 style fic.)
Finally! A prologue.
9360441
Is the world never gonna let us live that down? I guess not.
9984616
Give it another century or two . Relatively speaking that only just happened.
9360441
Not cool.
9984616
I'm not holding it against you, the past is the past, we should move on while learning from it.
What’s one of the AU fics called?
10486456
Can’t remember the names of the ones I have read
Not really what I'm accustomed to seeing on this site, but definitely a worthwhile read with a promising start. While a little disappointing that you've apparently decided to skip a lot of the buildup to how and why Twilight Sparkle became a Queen, this is still an interesting and unique premise.
I think my favorite thing of the story is that you seem to be doing Tempest Shadow's character justice in how she's portrayed.
Let's hope the rest of this story can hold up to this standard.