Luck was on the side of Canterlot, before the big royal wedding one of the Guards during shift accidentally found the secret entrance to the caverns underneath the Castle. Following cries of sadness led to the discovery of the real Princess Cadence. The guard took Cadence to above and managed to interupt the wedding just in time.
The imposter Princess Cadence had revealed herself as Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings. She led her swarm into invading the city and were only stopped when Shining Armor was able to use Princess Cadence's love for him to activate his shield spell to repel them. Once the threat was over everypony began getting to work putting things back together.
However Princess Cadence noticed something...
"Wait where is Twilight? I know she was on the guest list to be the best mare but I was kidnapped before she came. Where is she?" Cadence asked dread filling within her for the fate of her younger sister figure. While Twilight and Shining Armor's parents began to be worried about the whereabouts of their daughter others then had panic fill within them.
"Has anypony actually saw her yesterday after... you know..." Shining Armor asked facing the direction of Princess Celestia and her friends who all had faces of worry remembering what had happened last time they had saw her. They left her alone disappointed at her claims... which turned out to be true...
Twilight Velvet and Night Light stopped when they noticed the look on their son's face was the one he had when he had a worrying secret. However then entered Princess Luna who stated "I would be asking if I missed anything but it seemed that I did. Since I had not seen her in a while, I went to check on her in her room when I found this note on her bed."
Princess Luna had the note using telekinesis which Princess Cadence took from. She began reading it out loud:
Dear everypony
I am sorry about this, all the trouble I caused. With how Cadence had been acting during the preparations, casually dismissing the hard work of her friends and seeing her perform her spell on Shining... I guess I acted without thinking, especially since Shining had told me some evil was about. I will be going, I don't think I deserve to be around everypony. I wish everypony the best and I hope the next time we meet. I am sorry that I have decided to be a coward and not face everypony's disappointment and the consequences myself. I am sorry for everything, especially how I acted towards Cadence.
Sincerely Twilight Sparkle
Each word seemed like a stab in their hearts and the guilt kept on pressing higher, however there were accusatory looks from Twilight Velvet and Night Light, Shining realised he would have to explain what happened especially since his excuse to them was that he hadn't had the chance to see her since she had come to Canterlot. Cadence lowered the letter from her face and she had an unnatural smile on it.
"Explain now." Cadence calmly said still in her unnatural smile and Shining gulped. It would have been a much better if she had shouted angrily...
Once the ensuring explanation was made for what happened, Cadence made it clear that if they were going to be married then first they would have to find Twilight safe and that Shining WILL explain and apologise to her. Shining felt he had to do it anyway and Twilight's friends began leading the search themselves, feeling like it was their duty to find her and make things right. They began sending out posters and requests for information.
They searched for two years without luck, they had to go to their own lives while there was still squads looking for her as well as requests for information about her whereabouts.
Princess Celestia felt like she had failed to find one of the ponies that were the closest she had to a daughter. She should have been more alert about suspicious behaviour, especially since she knew there was something evil about.
However a new problem recently arose, she had gotten reports that the Crystal Empire would be returning. She would have to act fast in sending Princess Cadence, especially since she was getting reports of a new kingdom that has been annexing the lands South of Equestria.
Twilight herself had exited the airship that had landed in the snow outside of the Crystal Empire. It was freezing cold and she had no time to dwell before she felt herself attacked by some strange shadow like pony.
"King Sombra!" Twilight stated standing tall and facing the shadow pony but then an orb was thrown at him encasing him in stone. She turned around and saw Tempest smiling at her.
The Obsidian Orb was a weapon that had been discovered by the Storm King long ago and that he had adapted into his military's arsenal. It had used a magical repellent smoke that could be used to prettify any creature it comes into contact with as a statue. legend had it that it was invented by primitive Earth Pony mages on the orders of Chancellor Puddinghead.
Apparently it was to be used as a weapon against the Unicorns and Pegasi but the use and creation was shelved so they could focus on their food shortage.
"Don't thank me yet your highness, seems that due to King Sombra's nature as a shadow pony the Obsidian Orbs only work temporarily on him before he breaks free. That was the fifth Orb I had to use on him." Tempest explained as they were coming to the entrance of the Kingdom.
"As long as you are alright Tempest but please call me Twilight unless you want me to refer to you by your other name." Twilight told her with a smile which made Tempest step back with a nod.
"The legends said that the Crystal Ponies had their own artefact like Queen Novo has her pearl. They called it the Crystal Heart and Sombra took it when he took over so they could not use it against him." Tempest explained. Twilight then ordered the guard to be on standby with a deadlock preventing anyone else from entering. She said she would handle searching for the Heart while the others would focus on making sure the Crystal Ponies were okay.
"...make sure the Crystal Ponies are well fed and healthy, plus keep it a secret for now that Sombra is trying to get in. We don't want to worry them any further after all they had been through." Twilight ordered and Tempest gave a salute. Twilight went through the entrance as a carriage was flying through the distance of the sky..
Oohh! Update.
Also,
nice work.
Is this one of those stories that ignores the fact that Shining Armor was being manipulated by Chrysalis? What exactly do people think the spell she cast on him was doing?
Other than that good chapter.
8679682
I won't be ignoring that as its not clear how much was mind control or was it his free will
8679682
8679691
Glad to hear it, i was worried about that too. Poor guy had hos wedding trashed and lost his sister, and I'd hate to see him getting punished for being a victim too.
Besides him punishing himself or something like that.
Petrify
This story is getting interesting.
probably should be one of the
also probably should be were the closest
8679802
Thanks I'll fix it
8679821
if you want i could pre-read your stories and help you find mistakes
8679832
Might go for a proofreader at some point but I don't feel comfortable at the moment
and next time, twilight meet cadnace and learn the truth, and we may learn all of what has happen to twilight.....
The idea is really good but I’m a bit driven back by the execution. There is a bit too many typos and mispelled words for my liking. I think there also is an issue with rythm, with scenes too rushed and short, like the one with Sombra attacking Twilight, dealt with in 4 lines. I would have suggested to mention this scene as in the recent past, not in present time for it to be so brief. I recommend looking for a proofreader to help with typos and pacing.
Honestly, the pacing's really rushed but! But! This idea is HELLA cool, and I real excited to see how this turns out :D
This story is off to a great start. I look forward to seeing how things develop.
Interesting premise but nerds a lot more work. Twilight feels ooc
Poor Sombra suddenly found himself bedecked in ribbons and lace...
I've read these two chapters, and all I can say is this:
This is really telly, with not enough show to make up for it. In fact, i have the impression that I'm in fact reading a summarized version of the story itself.
Don't get me wrong, if those elements are corrected - and you can get an editor to aid you in improving your craft, then the quality of each release will raise dramatically.
I give you plus points for a different take on these type of story, but I do suggest you read Harry Potter or other fantasy stories - that way you'll see why I'm saying you're in fact telling, rather than showing us what is happening in the narrative. Each thing has its own place, and I believe you can improve further if you can get the hang of it.
8680745
I plan to show the world as well but thanks
8680802
Umm... I think you misunderstood me.
'Show', in narrative, means to portray in words something akin to a movie - the author doesn't tell the audience what is happening, but uses nuances and details to portray a scene, a relation, or even a whole world.
'Tell', on the other hand, is the author telling the audience what is happening in a more direct fashion, thus not allowing the audience to make a picture of what is happening.
I hope this explanation helps you pinpoint what I mean, and if I'm not clear enough... you could always ask for assistance at the Writer's Group. I'm certain they'll be glad to help.
All that is needed is a willingness to improve.
8680809
That is exactly what I meant
Though in the case of Harry Potter, from what I read they do use descriptions to shwo what happened in passage of time
8680905
You're really not understanding what they mean at all.
8681012
I kind of do and I will be trying to rectify it in the next chapters
I’m loving this story but it’s hard to read at times.
Please get an editor to help bring out the story you wish to tell because, though this is great, it could use a hand in making it more understandable.
Please keep this story coming.
I kind of enjoyed the story even though the writing could be better and some other things.
Also... Really now? Harmony Kingdom? Ugh. We all know Twilight could come up with better names for her country, what about Union Kingdom? or Merryland? But Harmony... Ugh!
Huh. MOAR!
I like the story but the name...Harmony Kingdom...I'm sorry but I can't take that name seriously enough to remember. Plz change it.
This is far from the first story to use this trope, but it's becoming a pet peeve of mine. Twilight isn't lost. She left. She's a person, not a stray animal that needs to be rounded up. They could put out wanted posters, offer a reward, put out a press release publicizing their desire to find her. Unless they think she's dead or demented, sending out search parties to look for her is pointless.
On the other half of it, how has Twilight not heard about any of this? Surely there's some connection between wherever she's been and Equestria. She made the trip, after all, and she's not exactly the pioneering type. Traders - even if infrequent - would go back and forth and share stories. An army invading Canterlot would surely be the first bit of news on everyone's lips. I could understand if this was one of the stories where she forsakes Equestria and doesn't care, but in this one she wants to return. Did she hear "Evil Monster imitates Love Princess! Nearly conquers Equestria!" and somehow not think it's relevant to her situation at all?
Again, I'm not dinging on this story alone and it's not a dealbreaker, but this is really getting to be cliche.
8682603
Thanks I will keep those ideas in mind, I might change it a bit to reflec those ideas if you don't mind
Plus to how twilight doesn't know, who knows what outsiders know much about equestria
Celestia certainly windy didn't seem to. Know about the Storm King or that the hippogriffs have gone into hiding underwater
8679698
Personally, I'd love to see SA drop everything and join Twilight. To make amends.
8682603
Changed it it thanks
Plus with twi having left equestria,my don't think she would be able to find out
Due to her past, I don’t think Tempest is going to have a high opinion of Twilight’s friends and family. Sure Twilight messed up (and she is very well aware of this fact), But she still felt like she had lost every pony she cared for due to her one mistake. Just like poor Tempest when she lost her horn to that Ursa (and yes, Tempest’s past is sadder then Twilight’s, I know)
Sorry, but what did you mean by "on standby with a deadlock preventing anyone else from entering"?
Well that ends that issue also love the explanation for the orbs
We making Sombra a pretty princess now?
Great idea, needs a lot of editing though.
9045881
Radar has picked up a helicopter going soi soi soi.
9045881
It's amazing how many times I've read this chapter and never realized that
9045881
Actually, if you think about it, statues are extremely pretty.
9045881
Sombra: *wearing a pink dress/tutu* "Sombra is pretty princess."
Eep somepony's in trouble