I didn’t need to push open the door to the ballroom: it already hung partway off its hinges. I ducked under the yellow CAUTION tape and stepped inside. I was still a little woozy from the drugs, but at least I’d convinced the doctors to let me leave the IV behind--not to mention give me a brace for my bad leg.
As I stepped inside, the breath caught in my throat. The hall was dark, but even by the silvery light of the moon, I could see the devastation. Half the ceiling had collapsed when the pillar fell, and broken stone and shattered glass lay scattered all across the floor. Everywhere, there were upended tables and chairs, shards of shattered china, broken lamps and bent candlesticks. It looked like a museum had exploded: unimaginable luxury, and total devastation all at once.
My throat tightened. I had made it out, more-or-less alright… I just hope that no one else was hurt too badly because of me—
Crack.
I looked up. I had thought the room was empty, but I had heard, clear as day, the sound of breaking china. I narrowed my eyes and swept the room again with my gaze—and this time, I saw her.
Luna.
She stood by the fallen pillar, facing away from me, still wearing her gown from the Gala. She picked halfheartedly at the debris, then turned and looked out at the moon. For several long seconds, she did not move.
As I watched her, I realized that I was frightened. I wasn’t the only one to blame for what had happened tonight, but I doubted that Luna would be especially concerned with the intricacies of who was guilty. Either way, this was my single biggest screw-up to date, bar none. If Luna had rode my ass before, I couldn’t imagine what she was going to do to me now...
But she could help you, Bloob had said. If only you made the first move...
I swallowed, then descended the steps.
As I walked, my brace banged on the floor.
Clip-clop, clip-BONK, clip-clop, clip-BONK.
I winced, but I clip-BONKed my way down the stairs and across the floor. The walk was only a hundred yards or so, but it felt like miles—and Luna did not move a muscle.
I clip-BONKed up to within twenty feet of her, then stopped. She still hadn’t moved: she still stood there, turned three-quarters away from me, cold and still as if she’d been carved from black marble.
I watched her for another moment—and my eyes widened. No, she wasn’t perfectly still: she was trembling. She was trembling, and her chest was rising and falling in short, jerky bursts, and tears glistened in her eyes. For the entire time I’d known her, Luna had kept her emotions in check—but now, unless I missed my guess, she was fighting to hold back a storm the likes of which I’d never seen.
But I couldn’t back out now. Not when I’d come so far. Not with Bloob behind me.
So I swallowed. And licked my lips.
“Aunt Luna,” I said, my voice echoing in the vast emptiness of the hall.
Luna pinned her ears back, and I flinched. I hesitated, then swallowed again. “I… I just wanted to let you know,” I said, “that I’m sorry for ruining the Gala. I’m sure you were looking forward to it, too…" I looked down at the floor. "...and I’m sorry that it ended like this.”
The echoes of my voice died away. For several heartbeats, she did not react. Then, she opened her mouth.
“You are sorry,” she repeated, her voice low and cold.
I nodded. “I am.”
She shook her head. “No,” she said, “no, you are not.”
She looked over her shoulder at me, and I shrank back. She snarled, then turned to face me. Her gaze had always been ice—but now, her eyes were full of fire.
“I warned you,” she hissed, stalking forward. “I warned you. Every single day, for the past four months, I warned you this would happen. And now you are sorry.”
I took a step backwards, away from her. “Aunt Lu—”
“Shut up,” she spat. My eyes bulged, and I closed my mouth with a snap. ”You insolent child—when will you realize that there is more at stake than fun? Equestria lives and dies by us—and to spend all your waking hours crying about the weight of your Peytral is mere—” She gave a rasping sort of snarl.
I glanced up. Her horn was starting to glow at the tip. “Aunt Luna,” I said firmly, forcing the tremble out of my voice, “you need to calm down—”
“I will not be calm!” she roared, lightning arcing up her horn. “You shirk your responsibilities! You flounce off whenever you please! You insult and defy those who would help you! And the Sun Stone—your sacred charge, your one, single responsibility, the only thing that keeps Equestria alive—to you, it is merely a burden you would be rid of as soon as possible. You disgust me,” she spat.
I backed away from her, trying to fight the tears down, but she kept advancing, the fire in her eyes growing higher, the light in her horn growing brighter.
“And then, tonight,” she growled, “I allowed you to attend the Gala because it seemed you had learned. But you took this opportunity—this one chance to change all our fates—and you destroyed it. You were more worried about you and your friends having fun than you were about showing Equestria that you could be the Princess it needs. And look what you did,” she growled, throwing a hoof wide. “Half the hall destroyed. A dozen ponies injured, hundreds more insulted. You were supposed to make allies tonight, to rally support behind you—but instead, you broke hearts, broke bones, and made enemies. All because you were more concerned with fun than the burdens you must bear.”
I bumped up against a pillar and let out a little shriek. And still, she advanced, towering over me, fiery anger and open hatred in her eyes. She lowered her head to meet my gaze.
“Aunt Luna,” I said, my voice trembling, “I know. And I’m sorry. And I’m trying—”
“It is far too late now for sorry,” she hissed. “You’ve made it clear through your actions that your people mean nothing to you.” She glared down at me, eyes full of wrath and hatred. When she spoke again, her voice was suddenly low and dangerous. “If this is the path you’ve chosen,” she said, “I may as well grant your wish. Give me your Peytral, and I will give Equestria the Queen it deserves…” she narrowed her eyes. “Or will you defy me again, Princess Helia?”
My eyes widened. I knew, somewhere in the back of my brain, that there was no room for error. That this was the single most important moment of my short life. That what I said next would determine if the sun ever rose again.
But, even with that knowledge, I couldn’t help myself.
“Helia?” I squawked.
Luna’s eyes bulged, and she jerked her head back. She started trembling again, and she swallowed, several times, without speaking. She almost seemed to shrink a bit before my very eyes.
“Aunt Luna,” I said carefully, “what did you just call me?”
She swallowed again. “C-Cecelia,” she said, her voice shaking. “Cece,” she corrected herself. “Celestia.”
I slowly shook my head. “No,” I said. “You called me Helia.”
She flinched as if I’d struck her, then she bowed her head. “I did,” she said, in a small voice. “I did.”
I peered into her face, and she looked away. I took a deep breath, ready to snap at her—but then, something very strange happened.
She squeezed her eyes shut, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.
There’s more happening than you know, Blueblood had said.
What are you saying?
I don’t know. Just… she’s having a hard time, too.
“Luna,” I said gently, “What’s going on?”
Luna turned away.
“Aunt Luna,” I said, taking a half-step forward, “please—tell me. I won’t judge.”
Luna took a deep, trembling breath, then looked up at me. “What do you know,” she said quietly, “of myself and Helia?”
I shrugged. “Just what’s in the history books,” I said. “Second Princess. Built Canterlot. And she—” I hesitated. “She fought you. You were jealous of her getting the Peytral instead of your own daughter, so you turned into...” I swallowed, leaving the name unsaid.
She chuckled darkly, but the laugh faltered. She sighed again.
“That’s… half-right,” she admitted. “Though, jealous isn’t the word…”
She gazed around at the hall. “She… was like you, in many ways, Helia was,” she said. “Young. Headstrong. Arrogant. Persuasive, too.” She looked up at me, with eyes that were suddenly deep and sad. “I think you must have inherited your gift for words from her.” She sighed. “But…”
She glanced at me again, and I nodded encouragingly. She flashed a hint of a smile, then continued.
“It was a hard time, you understand,” she said. “Equestria had never before had a Princess, let alone two. There were dozens of claimants to the Sun Throne, and a thousand more opinions on who should get it. I…” she hesitated. “I will admit, my Selene was one of the popular alternatives. And she would have made a good Princess, too—she was kind, and wise, and level-headed…” She chuckled again. “She took after her father, she did…”
I bit my lip, but said nothing.
Luna glanced up at me, then back down at the floor. “But, despite my opinions,” she continued,
“Helia was the most logical choice. So, when they asked me to settle the dispute, I chose her.”
My eyes widened. “You chose Helia?”
She nodded. “I did. After a fashion, at least. The legalists and lawyers came to me and presented the various cases, then asked me to make a ruling. And, despite my misgivings, I chose Helia.”
“So—you’re—!”
She looked up at me again. I flinched—but her look this time was neither ice nor fire. Instead, there lay a deep, bottomless sorrow.
“I never said I was guiltless, Your Highness,” she said. “Only that I was innocent of the charges.”
I shut my mouth, then sat on the floor.
Luna chuckled again. “Indeed,” she said, then took a deep breath. “I don’t blame her for consolidating her power, for controlling the narrative, after I… after we fought. But still, it was... unpleasant to hear what she’d said about me.”
I nodded. It may have been the drugs, but my head was definitely spinning now.
Luna sighed, then sat as well. “You were like her in other ways, too,” she said quietly. “She didn’t want to listen to me either. But, though you are simply… difficult, she was…” Luna shook her head. “Do you know the first thing she did?” she asked. “Her first official act after she was crowned Princess? Before her mother was even cold in the ground?”
“She… she started building Canterlot, didn’t she?” I replied.
Luna smiled sadly. “No,” she said. “She started building the pleasure palace that became Canterlot.”
My eyes grew even wider. “P-pleasure palace?”
Luna nodded. “During the biggest political crisis in centuries,” she said, “when even one misstep could spell doom for us all, Helia lifted funds from a treasury that could ill afford it, and commissioned a new palace. A palace of marble and gold. Built on a mountaintop, far away from the plains where our people lived. Filled with gardens, fountains, and a menagerie. And surrounded by a wall that would do nothing to keep out enemies, but everything to keep out… undesirables.” She looked up at me. “Do you see?” she asked, her voice shaking. “Do you see why we fought? It was I who turned to the Old Magics… but it was she who…” Luna started to tremble again. “I wanted to help… to show her how to be better… but she… she… she twisted my words, and pushed me… pushed and needled until… until—” She trembled. “And you—” she said, her voice low and rough. She hesitated, then looked up at me, anger and sorrow and panic all mixed-up in those eyes of hers. “You’re making the same mistakes as she,” she said.
The breath caught in my throat. Luna looked away.
“You are proud,” she said, her voice low and rough. “And headstrong. And you are more worried about yourself—your own happiness, your own comfort, your own prestige—than doing what needs to be done.” She swallowed, a jerky, painful motion. “If it comes to it… if the choice became serving yourself, or saving Equestria…” She shook her head. “I do not know… I do not think you could...”
She bit her lip. And, suddenly, she began to cry.
As I watched her sitting there, hunched over and broken, my eyes widened. The pony sitting in front of me was no longer Princess Loonie, my slave-driver. Nor was she Nightmare Moon, my usurper and destined enemy. For the first time since I’d known her—possibly, for the first time in her life—the pony sitting in front of me was merely Luna.
Luna—old, frightened, and alone. She’d woken in a world that had forgotten everything about her, save for her greatest mistake, the one thing that she, herself, could never forget. A world where everything and everyone she’d loved had turned to dust a thousand years ago. The two ponies in the world that mattered most to her were myself and Twilight—a little Helia, and a little Selene. One, she thought she could save; the other, she thought could save her. She had tried everything she knew how, but, no matter what she did, Twilight feared her for it, and I hated her.
Just like the world feared and hated her. Just like she feared and hated herself.
I swallowed, already feeling the tears rising. I sat there, watching her, for a long while. Should I leave her be? Wait for her to finish? Should I start crying, too?
But I did none of those things. After a long moment, I stood. Then, slowly, I walked towards her—and, for the first time in my life, I wrapped my arms around her.
To my surprise, Luna hugged me back and buried her face in my coat. As she sobbed, my mind frantically spun, trying to process exactly what was happening.
This was… new. Luna—old, hard-nosed, battleaxe Luna—stood so much taller than me, I hadn’t realized how thin she was. As I held her in my arms, she felt so slight, so fragile, so weak… I could feel her bones rubbing together underneath her skin. For just a second, I was afraid that I would never be able to let go of her—because, if I did, she would fall to the floor and shatter.
But then, something about the way I held her triggered a memory. Something deep inside my brain bubbled up to the surface. There had been a time, so long ago, when my world had fallen apart and my wings were brand-new, and all I needed was to know that someone cared. That someone was there for me. And, back then, someone had held me, just like this...
And suddenly, I knew what I had to do.
I cleared my throat. The noise made Luna look up. I just smiled back.
“I, Celestia the Seventeenth of Equestria,” I began, in slow, stately tones, “Sixty-Third Princess of the Sun and bearer of the Peytral Aurum, do, in my need, call on Luna of Equestria, First Princess of the Moon, to ask her a boon.”
Luna’s eyes widened, and her lips parted, but she remained silent.
“With the power granted me by virtue of my burden, I hereby call on Her Highness to…” I swallowed. “...to take a vacation.”
Luna’s face froze, in an expression that I would have treasured an hour ago.
“To take a vacation,” I repeated, “to the township of Ponyville, where I ask of her to spend time with her granddaughter, Twilight Sparkle of Equestria. She shall be relieved of all her royal duties save one: she shall continue to raise and set the moon, as this is a task only she can complete. And, beside this one duty, I shall add a second…” I smiled. “She shall focus upon her own health and well-being, body and soul, to the exclusion of all other burdens.” I took a deep breath. ”This is my pronouncement as Princess of Equestria,” I said. “May it so be.”
Luna swallowed. “I, Luna of Equestria, accept this charge,” she said numbly. She reached up and took off her glasses, then wiped at her eyes with the back of her hoof. “That… that was a Royal Supplication,” she said. “You said it perfectly.”
I shrugged. “I’ve had time to study lately,” I said.
“So it appears,” she said, replacing her glasses. She sighed, then looked down at the floor. “Though, I must add that it is a bit of a shame that you had to waste your first Supplication on a joke at my expense…”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t a joke.”
Luna looked up at me again in frank astonishment, her glasses tilting to one side. I giggled, then reached out and straightened them for her.
“Aunt Luna,” I said, “I may not be the best at… well, anything, but one thing I am good at is ponies. I know what they’re feeling, how to talk to them, and how to make them feel good. And, if I’m right…” I swallowed. “You… you’re not in a good place right now.”
She shrank back and looked away from me. I permitted myself a small grin.
“You want my honest-to-Harmony opinion?” I smiled, then squeezed her a little tighter. “I think you need to have a spa day. And a cake binge. And some time with a bunny or two. A chance to feel the wind under your wings. And a good, hard run. And a lazy weekend lying in the sun and reading cheap paperbacks. And you need to do all that, not because you have to, or because everyone expects you, or because Equestria hangs in the balance, but because you want to, darn it. And because it’ll make you happy.” I smiled again. “And I know just the ponies who can help with that.”
I was seized with the sudden, mad desire to demand she write me progress reports—but then, deep in her eyes, I saw something new: a mist, faint but obscuring, starting to rise up. For a moment, I was confused: had I said the wrong thing? Pushed her too far?
I realized she was already speaking again. I forced those thoughts aside and focused:
“—simply cannot leave,” she pleaded. “You need me here—and I cannot just abandon—”
I tried to smile, but the mist in her eyes was growing thicker.
“Listen, Aunt Luna,” I said, “The Royalty has survived whores, homebodies, traitors, thieves, and madmares.” I cracked a smile. “I think it can survive a teenager who’s still working herself out. At least for six months or so.”
Her gaze was growing distant. Cold. I felt my gut twist; I was losing her.
“Six months?” she repeated. “I hope you are joking with me, Celestia…”
“I’m serious, Aunt Luna,” I said, a faint note of desperation creeping into my voice. “Learn to focus on yourself—" I gulped. "—please—!”
“That… might be helpful,” she conceded.
And the curtain fell. That magical moment of vulnerability, of honesty, had slipped away. The mare in my arms was no longer Luna—she was Loonie once more.
Loonie pried herself out of my grasp, then stood. She adjusted her glasses and dusted herself off, then swallowed.
“You have obligated me,” she said slowly, “and I have accepted that obligation. So, to Ponyville I will go.” She took a deep breath. “You are quite the charmer, Celestia. Honestly, I envy you. And, though you know how to say the right words…” She cleared her throat. “I feel I have made my opinions on your ability to govern quite clear. And your performance tonight has done little to persuade me otherwise.”
I nodded, slowly. I felt numb. What exactly had happened?
“I-I understand,” I stammered. “But I have an advisor now—someone who can help me spot the sharks—”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “Pray tell.”
I swallowed. “Blueblood,” I said.
She blinked, and I saw a little of the old fear flash across her face.
“You will excuse me,” she said carefully, “if I do not find that information reassuring.”
I nodded. “He deserves it.” I hesitated. “We deserve it.”
She pursed her lips. “Perhaps,” she said.
I cringed. In her mouth, that single word was a rebuke.
For a long moment, neither of us spoke. Finally, Luna cleared her throat.
“Well, then,” she said. “I suppose I should begin packing.”
And, with that, she turned and walked from the room.
I watched her go, stunned. Slowly, my haunches sank until I was sitting again. I found myself taking deep, gasping breaths, doing my damndest not to burst into tears then and there.
The door at the end of the hall creaked open a little, and Blueblood slipped inside. I just looked away as he made his own long walk across what was left of the ballroom.
As he approached me, he slowed; then, he stepped close and sat on the floor beside me.
“So,” he said, “didn’t go so well?
I scoffed, but he just sighed.
“Well, really,” he said, “what did you expect?”
I sniffled. “It works for Twilight,” I muttered.
He looked at me questioningly.
“It works for Twilight,” I repeated, avoiding his gaze. “Whenever she has a problem, she talks it out and everything goes back to normal. Says so in all her letters.” I threw my arms up in the air. “All she has to do is have a song and dance, and everything’s hunky-dory again! But with Luna, she—”
I stopped speaking, then bit the inside of my cheek. I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t. Not in front of Blueblood. And not over Luna, of all ponies…
I almost heard Blueblood smirk. “That’s your problem, then,” he said. “You just needed to end with a musical number and everything would’ve—”
I snarled and rounded on him, but he scooted away, laughing, and threw up his hooves in a defensive gesture.
“Just kidding, Cece,” he laughed.
I scowled. “Not funny,” I muttered grumpily.
Blueblood just sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said. He scooted closer again, then hesitated. Slowly, carefully, he reached out one arm, and put it around my shoulders. After a split second, I leaned into him.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Cece,” he said gently. “I think you did good. You did and said all the right things…”
I frowned at him. “You were listening?”
He nodded. “Yeah.” He looked down at me. “Is… that a problem?”
I snuggled a little closer. “Maybe,” I said.
He shrugged. “Maybe I won’t do it next time, then.”
I said nothing.
He squeezed me a little. “Either way: I think you did everything you could. But Luna’s a hard case. She’s full of guilt and anger, and she’s let it eat at her for… well…”
“A thousand years?” I muttered darkly.
“Maybe not that long,” he said. “Maybe so. Either way, she’s… not in a good place. And you can’t really expect her to change overnight. Can you?”
I was quiet for a bit. “No,” I admitted, finally.
“But you did get her to open up, at least,” he said. “For the first time since she came back, I think. And she was talking about some pretty sensitive stuff. You should be proud you got her that far,” he added. He lit his horn, then tugged the folded-up handkerchief from the breast pocket of his jacket and passed it to me. I took it, then blew my nose with an undignified honk.
“I think you did pretty damn good tonight, all things considered,” he said. “Yeah, the ballroom could use a new coat of paint…”
I chuckled darkly. Blueblood shook his head and smiled.
“But I think your friends had fun,” he continued. “Or, at least, you showed them you cared enough to put in a good effort. And you did the best you could with Aunt Luna. Now, all she needs is time, I think.”
He squeezed me tighter, then bent down and kissed me on the forehead.
“Proud of you, Sis,” he said.
I looked up at him and smiled.
“Dammit, Blueblood,” I said, “you’re gonna make me cry…”
He laughed. “Take your time, Sissy,” he said. “After all, that’s what big brothers are for, right?”
I sniffled once or twice, then lit my horn, wadded up his snotty handkerchief, and tucked it back into his pocket.
“Hey,” he cried, dismayed.
I just giggled. “Not like it’s gonna ruin your jacket any more, Bloob,” I said.
He rolled his eyes and gave a dramatic sigh. I leaned a little closer to him.
“So,” I said, “what happens next?”
He rolled his eyes. “Next,” he said, “we get you back to the hospital, young lady. You made a promise.”
“I know,” I said. “But…” I swallowed. “Could we stop for a doughnut on the way?"
He cocked his head. “A doughnut?” he repeated.
I nodded. “Doughnut Joe’s. Best pastry in Canterlot. He’s open real late, and…” I swallowed. “Well, Twi and I used to go there all the time with our other friends. After something big, like tests or a game. So,” I said, grinning, “wanna commemorate this disaster with a bear claw or something?”
“Actually,” he said haughtily, “I was feeling that hole-in-the-wall curry stand downtown.”
“Curry? Really?”
“Really. Nothing like a late-night eggplant vindaloo." He grinned. "Shiny and I used to see who could eat the most without breaking a sweat.”
I made a face.
“Don’t give me that look,” he said. “It’s good.”
I giggled. “You’re weird, Bloob.”
“Maybe,” he replied, then reached in and hugged me, careful to avoid my bandages. “But, weird or not, I’m for sure your brother,” he finished. “And, from now on, I’m gonna do my best to act like it.”
I wrapped my good arm around him.
“Thanks, Blue,” I said. I hesitated, then grinned. “Thanks, big brudder.”
He groaned a little, and I just laughed.
Please tell me that when this story ends, that there's a sequel planned...... BECAUSE I'M IN SO MUCH SUSPENCE RIGHT NOW!
They also have a really cute waitress.
Is it just me, or is there a lot of swallowing in this story? I count fifteen times this chapter. Plus one gulp.
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Hey, it's dusty in there with all the fresh rubble!
I'll need to keep an eye out for that next time. That's my preferred "awkward pause" action.
Ending? NOOO!
Dramatics aside, this developed quite nicely. An alternate universe that didn't try to fully retell the story, just focused on places where the new details changed the story significantly and get to know these new versions of familiar characters. Assuming the finish wraps up the character development nicely this turned out very solid.
Though I do wonder, if young Blueblood manages to keep off the jerk path and actually act noble will Rarity make another pass at him? That may be too big a change and cause this universe to implode from the paradox.
I kinda hope your muse returns to this setting again. Now that it has developed it could definately be a lot of fun to see again.
This is a shocking turn of events, and all, but I won't take everything Luna says upright. Considering we're talking about judgement passed upon her, she might be an unreliable narrator. Besides, I've never liked it when people try to justify Luna's fall from grace by setting Celestia up as an unfit ruler, or making Nightmare Moon some sort of outside entity that possessed Luna. Luna's sister have to take part of the blame, sure, but ultimately, it was Luna who refused to lower the moon
Oh, this really didn't sit well with me. It wasn't bad, but in some ways it was even less satisfying than I expected.
And I can't deny that I pretty much despise Luna at this point. I was really hoping it wouldn't get to that point, but there it is.
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Believe it or not, this is only the first half of the resolution with Luna. Hopefully, tomorrow will help cap things off better for you.
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I figured there was more, but that's not the problem. I'm not bothered by a lack of resolution, I'm bothered because I'm finding the resolution somewhat distasteful. Especially in terms of Luna's portrayal.
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>distasteful
How so?
Fantastic chapter!
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I'm about to log off for a while, but I wanted to address a potential problem I see with this chapter before I go. I don't know if it's what you're referring to, but it could be legitimately "Distasteful," for reasons I sympathize with.
In this chapter, Luna definitely crosses a line. In her anger, she becomes unusually cruel, starts verbally abusing Cece, and threatens physical violence--not to mention she confesses to an apparent desire to have Celestia's Peytral after all.
I come from... a difficult background, so I can understand an unwillingness to overlook those flaws--especially since Cece's orders for her to go on a vacation could be perceived as rug-sweeping (i.e., "Instead of fixing your issues, let's ignore them."). However, I tried to make it very clear that 1) Luna isn't in a good place mentally, and hasn't been for some time, 2) Luna has low self esteem ("She was kind, and wise, and level-headed… took after her father, she did…”), 3) Luna is guilt-ridden over her role in the Succession Crisis, 4) is almost certainly projecting, more than a little, and 5) she's hyper-emotional, exacerbating all the other problems. Additionally, Cece emphasizes that she isn't just trying to get her out of Canterlot--she's encouraging her to take time to get her own house in order, as it were. And, as we'll see in the next chapter, Luna does try to change and improve. For me, at least, that makes all the difference--it turns Luna from an Abuser into a person who is struggling to overcome her faults, just like everyone else.
I hope that helps your objections, at least a little. If this is what you're responding to, I'd appreciate any suggestions you might have for how to soften or otherwise improve her depiction in this chapter.
I feel we are still missing some pieces. Luna seeing all the mistakes of Helia in Celestia makes sense. Though if she saw the history of every pony to wear the Sunstone for the last 1000 years.
She might ease off way more. Celestia is being a saint compared to a lot of them. Gala disaster aside.
Wow. What a confrontation. I will say that some of what Luna said and did was pretty over the line, but given what we've seen of her in the present and in some of Cece's memories, it doesn't completely surprise me. Cece's supplication to get Luna to Ponyville feel's like another 'good-intentioned, but not giving the message you're trying to' kind of action, so we'll have to see what happens in the next pairing of chapters.
But really? We're coming up on the end? Well, you did mention a sequel that includes Cadance, so I'll be keeping an eye out for that.
Got a few this time:
Oops.
Technically ridden, but first-person narrative, so your choice.
Missing the space.
comma
Bartender!
comma
Unnecessary line spacing.
All three should be caps.
Missing a comma.
All three should be lowercase.
The quote's missing.
You accidentally a word.
Alright, that's everything I saw. Looking forward to tomorrow!
While I can sympathise with some of the things Luna did because of what we learn in this chapter, this story still seems to indicate that Nightmare Moon would have still caused eternal night and thus killing everything on the planet, so I can't really get behind how this story's handled her character overall, especially since she pretty much demanded to still have her position of authority after her actions as Nightmare Moon. Attempting to start a revolt against her sister to try to save the kingdom's one thing, planetary genocide is another. I feel like she still got off way too lightly for all her actions in this story. Honestly, I feel like after she recovered from her injuries, it would have been more fitting if Celestia had her looked away in a dungeon or something.
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Yeah, that really didn't help. She's not a one-dimensional "villain" by any means, but I'm not really invested in her redemption.
One thing Luna's tirade did was erode much of what was left of my sympathy for her. Throughout the story, she's come across as a
bitcfundamentally unpleasant person. There's only been one (arguably) decent thing she's done this entire story, and the implications of her rant have me questioning even that. As for her backstory, while it's more nuanced and interesting, it also serves to make the whole Nightmare Moon situation less relatable (on that note, I'm wondering how accurate Luna's characterization of Helia is, since she could apparently use the Elements to seal her away). It takes a lot of punch out of the conversation when I don't care about Luna or her problems.I don't think you need to tone down the confrontation; you've done a great job justifying it in-character. From my view, she just needed something to demonstrate that the character beneath all that meanness is worth getting to know.
Ah, the original schism between the Princesses makes more sense if Helia was (allegedly) bankrupting the nation and/or ruling poorly. And Luna apparently resorted to something desperate. Makes me curious as to how badly Luna treated people, or how well Helia did, that Luna would have such a vastly weaker position during the struggle over authority that she would go for desperate, ill advised magic. Luna was the older, incumbent Princess and should have been in a position of strength.
And exactly how the Elements got involved.
That having been said, Luna is still acting like a bitch despite personal reasons for doing so. I suspect Cece is in a much stronger position if it comes to a political struggle, since I bet Luna doesn't treat anybody else any better.
8694033
Spoiler tags, buddy.
8694100
I don't see why...
8681506
The next story, at least, might need to be about Luna instead of Celestia. Both of them are kinda selfish and terrible, and this story was about Celestia breaking until she realized that. Luna looks worse by the end of it because she doesn't go through the same thing, and because throughout the story she's been the one in a position of power. If the audience doesn't see some kind of karmic retribution, then most will keep hating her.
8694107
Because your comment will appear on the front page and people will see it, and it had spoilers in it.
8694119
You'll have to point then out to me. I honestly don't see anything explicit enough to warrant.
8694128
Might be YMMV, thinking about it.
Holy cow. First off, I'm a little surprised at the negative reaction to Luna. I understand, why (thanks Empty Shelf) but it caught me off-guard; I've had a couple people look at this story before posting, and no one has mentioned that they felt Luna was unsympathetic, dishonest, got off easy, etc.; perhaps tomorrow's chapter, in which she gets another chance to redeem herself, may help.
Either way--as I said, I'm already sketching out a sequel (which, hopefully, you will also hear about tomorrow). Given the reaction to Luna, I'm planning some more cool character moments for her (among others, she makes a best friend, and the two of them get to be adorable old ladies together; Luna gives Cece romantic advice as a peer, not as an authority figure; and, perhaps, Luna turns into Nightmare Moon again--but, instead of trying to take over the world, she uses her new powers to fight the Changelings).
I'll try and respond to everyone's comments, but I apologize now if you get missed in the shuffle.
8693731
hehe, good to hear! Yes, there is a sequel planned, but I won't make any promises until I at least have a rough draft done.
8693782
I'm glad you're enjoying it! And, yes, Rarity is one of the planned romantic partners for Blueblood--but Twilight is starting to grow on me as well.
8693783
8693876
8694073
Another plot hole I didn't anticipate. For what it's worth, my intention was that Luna is being honest here--the realization that she's (unintentionally?) treating Celestia like another Helia, on top of the already-existing emotional turmoil, has shocked her enough that she's opening up and telling her side of the story for the first time here.
However as I've said before: if you find your interpretation compelling--that is, if you like the idea that Luna is lying/deluded/crazy--you're welcome to it. I'm a strong proponent of the idea that "the author is dead"--even if that author happens to be me.
8694033
Phew. On one hand, I'm glad that the story isn't hashtag-triggering for you--but on the other, you've raised some difficult--and valid--criticism (I felt the same way about Starlight in the Season 5 finale, actually--she hadn't earned her redemption, either. I never anticipated being on the other end of that interaction ). Hopefully, my "season 6" will help, at least a little.
8693861
Thank you, again! I'm glad you appreciated these
8693922
Once again, thank you for typo patrol. I even looked them over again before sending them out the door this time! Ah well, can't win 'em all... (haven't made the changes yet, but I'll be doing so in the near future).
8694115
See above. I have plans, which I think I may discuss, in broad terms, in a blog tomorrow.
In any case, thank you so much for reading, and I'm glad you've enjoyed the ride so far! I try to respond to all/most comments, but, even if I don't make it to yours, I still read every single one of them!
8694318
Luna being 'unsympathetic' isn't a problem. She's well-written, and that's what matters. Not having everyone be able to get inside her mind isn't a bad thing.
>added to the Twilestia group
>platonic
Why do you hurt me so?
Definitely an appropriately emotional chapter. And, again, both sides made good points. Yeah, I LOVED how Celly had Luna opening up over some pretty sensitive issues and how Celly tried to help her by giving her a chance to physically and mentally recharge AND get certain details in order. I also have to admit, yeah, hearing Luna's side of the story concerning the mess with Helia, well, it is some serious food for thought. One of those "EXPLAINS quite a few things without EXCUSING them" type of deals. And, as a lot of people are saying, if Luna thinks Celly is bad, she should see some of the stuff a few of the previous princesses have done. That might tone down a few details concerning her opinion of her many-times-great niece. I also really liked the scene with Celly and Blueblood at the very end of the chapter.
Anyway, once again, very good job on the characterizations, exchanges and future chapter set-up.
And, of course, I will very definitely be eagerly looking forward to more of this (and I really apologize for the fact that my reviews tonight came so late. I had a REALLY busy day).
8694766
Hehe, sorry
8694767
Not a problem, sir. Glad you're still enjoying it!
I don't even know what she did wrong here. Was it letting Fluttershy go on a tour of the animals? The elephant destroying the ballroom seems like more of a freak accident than a screw-up on Celestia's part. If you're going to blame her for that you might as well blame her for an earthquake.
As for Luna in this chapter... yeah, she's stern, old-fashioned, even vicious at times. But at no point do I get the feeling she's evil, and I do think her version of what happened with Helia is true. It fits into how she's been reacting to Celestia's actions, but most importantly, it shows in her reaction in the flashback chapter when she learns that she's in the Canterlot Palace -- it seems to shock her more than hearing that a thousand years have passed!
8693876
Well, Luna's not been back very long. For her, Helia -- whom she remembers personally -- and Cece, whom she sees in front of her, are much more real than the list of ponies that lived and died while she was gone. But to Celestia, who has grown up with the history of her line and those commemorative stained glass windows, her ancestors are quite real, in good and bad. It's a weird case of incompatible perspectives!
I should probably take a moment here to say how impressed I am with the depth and complexity of all these characters. Good job! (So far, at least.)
Honestly, their banter at the end pulls on my heartstrings in a personal way... I should call my brother at some point...