• Member Since 8th Oct, 2017
  • offline last seen June 8th

DramaQueen07


Pony lover (obviously) and very amateur writer. Will add more to this later, probably.

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Set before the Crystal Empire episodes, Equestria is in a state of chaos. When the Mane 6 find a small portal deep within the Everfree Forest, Celestia decides to go in herself, bringing her loyal phoenix Philomena with her. There, she is transported back to the past and the Crystal Empire, finding someone she'd only heard about in legends to help.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 4 )

Congrats on your first story! Am interested to see where this goes. The opening seems a little rushed and perfunctory; I'll have to withhold judgment until I see more, but I wonder if it might not have been better to begin the story where it actually begins, with the arrival of Celestia. The Mane 6 come across as cameos here, and you're forced to quickly do away with them in the most awkward-sounding way. The idea that when presented with a task all our hero ponies would give a reason why they couldn't go and thus force Celly to go by default is starkly backward to any other interaction between these characters we've ever, ever seen in canon.

Otherwise, good visuals and an intriguing premise! You set the scene very well imagery-wise speaking. Hope this continues!

celestia role model queen majesty or Fausticorn is my guesses

8579641
Thanks for the constructive criticism! Two things-I'm going to revise it so that Celestia decides to go, instead of being forced to. The sentences in that little scene thing were awkward anyway. Also, about the putting the Mane 6 in, that was all about my preferences. I like writing them and I was scared I would never get the first chapter uploaded if I started with Celestia, just because she's not in the show as much and I need to figure out how she'd talk if she were alone.

8579645
Um, no, not exactly. Look at the tags and it'll probably be clear. Also, I don't use Fausticorn that much, but I know other people do and I don't mind reading it. It's just not a deity I want to write.

It's an interesting setup! Maybe I'm just a sucker for lavish depictions of scenery, but I was kind of hoping for a little more ambiance, perhaps? Celestia makes a big deal about seeing what the Empire looked like way back when, but almost all we see in any detail is the little inn. You've done a pretty nice job describing that, but I was kind of hoping for a bit more--what does everything look like? Sights, smells, all that shiny nonsense? What really strikes her about the city she finds herself in?

Looking forward to more!

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