EC: The Pony, the Cat and the Moon
EC: The Pony, the Cat and the Moon
“You see your highness, my situation is rather unique-”
Just like the last 20 ponies before you.
“-and if last year’s budget is anything to go by-”
Oh please. By all means, indulge me.
“-I might just sound paranoid, but I can’t-”
Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.
“-not to mention my competitors in this day and age-”
Will he ever finish?
Celestia’s eyes were starting to drop out of sheer boredom. Day Court, while not normally very entertaining, seemed even more drawn out today. Somehow she had grown to almost enjoy the chaos that the humans brought with them every day. It certainly gave her a breather from the boring nobles with financial issues. Couldn’t Knightmare whip up a castle-wide dance routine right about now? How about Griffin smashing through the window? Couldn’t Discord just get loose for five minutes? Something to break the monotony of having to deal with pretty much the same problem multiple times in the Day Court.
Sadly none of these things happened. Celestia was left to her boredom, in solitude and silence.
Wait... Silence? Oh joy, he stopped talking about... about... oh dear...
“So,” said the noblespony proudly. “What does your highness make of my suggestion?”
Celestia put a hoof to her chin, using several years worth of training to appear to be thinking deeply, and let out a low ‘hmm’.
“You make well for your case Mr. Snooty,” she said gently. “I think I shall consider it overnight if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all your highness!” The aforementioned noble proclaimed as he scooted backwards, out of the courtroom.
As the doors closed, Celestia let out a grumble as she rested her forehead on the armrest. She closed her eyes and focused on getting herself together for the last few ponies of the Day Court for the day.
Feeling better, she raised her head and put her chin on the armrest. She looked with pleading eyes to the royal guard stationed by her throne.
“Please tell me what he wanted?” She asked with a quivering lower lip.
Celestia had only just heard her bedroom door close, before her head hit the pillow. She let out a low groan into the fluffy object of her momentary and fleeting focus. How could one single Day Court contain so... little?
“Anything the matter dear sister?”
It wasn’t quite an unladylike squeal that Celestia produced at the sudden noise, but it sure came close.
“Luna!” She wheezed. “Don’t scare me like that!”
Luna covered her muzzle with a hoof to hide her grin, as she stepped out of the shadows. “I do apologize sister, but you seemed so lifeless. I almost thought you had passed away of old age.” Luna’s grin was replaced with a thrown pillow from the Sun Goddess.
“What have I told you about Griffin’s ‘trolling’?” She smirked. “There’s such a thing as karma.”
Luna giggled. “My mission was successful; you are smiling.” She sat down on her sister’s bed, hugging the pillow. “Do tell what is bothering you dearest sister.”
Celestia lay back in her bed and stared at the ceiling. “It’s just... it’s just so peaceful these days.”
Luna rose an eyebrow. “And that is... a bad thing?”
“Oh heavens no!” Celestia exclaimed looking up at Luna with wide eyes. “It’s just... well, you know how it’s been since the humans have arrived, correct?”
Luna rolled her eyes playfully. “Oh no, I haven’t noticed anything of the sort dear sister.” Celestia glared at Luna. “Yes, yes. Well, I would say it has been... eventful would be the word, I believe.”
“And that’s the problem. So much has happened so incredibly fast, that we had to move with it. And then when there’s suddenly a lull in everything? Where nothing is happening? Everything seems so slow.” Celestia rolled onto her side. “I feel bored Luna, so incredibly bored. I treasure every second of peace, sure, but...” She blew a few raspberries in exasperation.
Luna looked at her sister thoughtfully. She wanted to help her in some way, but how could she...
Then, a light lit up for Luna. She grinned excitedly. If this worked out right, the night would indeed be long. “Weeeeell~” She said in a sing-along tune.
“Oh no...” Celestia’s eye twitched. “I know that sound. That’s the sound of something terrible about to go down.”
Luna had enough pride to look hurt. “Oh it is not that bad.”
Celestia looked at her skeptically. “Remember last time?”
Luna looked away and pouted. “We paid the cabbage seller back for his wagon.”
“And you poured honey on five stands in the market.” Celestia added.
Luna smiled. “And that guard ended up as a pinãta at a foal’s birthday party.”
“He’s still pulling out splinters from the bats.” Celestia chuckled.
“And spitting out candy!” Luna laughed.
Both Celestia and Luna had tears in their eyes when they finished laughing. Luna wiped away a stray tear. “Trust me Celly, you will like this. I promise.”
Celestia smirked. “Can you promise me that nothing breaks or get doused in sweet animal by-products?”
Luna returned the pillow from earlier.
Celestia felt herself almost floating. Dreaming was a nice thing, at least she could entertain herself imagining the most wonderous of adventures. But for now she had an appointment. Someone to meet.
“Hello Luna.” She said as her sister appeared out of the mist of her realm. Tel'aran'rhiod, or the ‘Dream world’ as it was more commonly known as, wasn’t unfamiliar to the sun regent, but Luna, having the affinity for the moon as she had, was much more accustomed to the realm.
“Good evening sister.” Luna replied merrily. “Just follow me and you’ll be sure to have a good time.”
Celestia walked after Luna, her steps audible in the void. “So, where are we going?” She began imagining all the amazing places they could go. In the land of dreams, nothing was beyond possible. Maybe they were going to Prance? It had been ages since she had been there and felt the cobblestone streets beneath her hooves. Maybe the peaks of Mt. Ember, just as the sun appeared on the horizon, sending cascades of light over them. Or maybe they were going to-
“A bar?” Celestia asked baffled. She gaped at Luna. “You bring me to another realm of infinite possibilities, traverse the place that most mortals never step hoof on or even hear about, with the promise of a good time... And you give me a shady, run-down, possibly rat-infested bar?”
Luna was aghast. “Sister! It is not a shady, run-down, possibly rat-infested bar!” She looked at the building and back at Celestia. “It is an inn.”
Celestia groaned and looked at the sign hanging above the door. Beneath the grime and wear she could make out a few letters.
“‘Pony’... something?”
“Ah ah ah, dear sister. It is not simply any pony; it is THE pony.” Luna added with a smile. “Actually it is prancing, so it is a prancing pony. THE Prancing Pony if you will.” She said as he moved for the door.
“Wait, you’re just gonna go in?” Celestia asked surprised. “Won’t they be a bit surprised to see the princess in there?”
Luna looked over her shoulder with a grin, already opening the door. “Oh whatever do you mean dear sister? I am a regular here!” She all but dashed through the door.
“Luna! Wait!” Celestia called, rushing in after her.
The inside of the prancing pony was... way different than the outside would suggest. The floors were clean and there wasn’t the slightest sight of anything messy or unknown substance on the tables. On the wall hang pictures and trinkets of all kinds. Adding in the candles on the walls, made the place rather homely in an odd fashion.
What really surprised her was the variety of creatures seated at the tables and at the counter. She had expected... well, she didn’t really know what she had expected. Tel'aran'rhiod wasn’t only for the people of her dimension, but that of others’ as well. So seeing at least one or two of every species in Equestria shouldn’t surprise her as much as it did. All around her she saw Diamond Dogs laugh and drink merrily with ponies and griffins. A bast was in the middle of telling a story about the hunt he had been on earlier today in a very animated fashion, for a pegasus and a minotaur. A burly earth pony and a minotaur was in a heated drinking competition, the bull apparently somewhat in the lead.
Not a single one of them didn’t have a smile on their face. In Equestria it wasn’t unheard of for multiple species to drink together, but never in such numbers as she saw before her eyes. In a way, it was everything she had ever wished Equestria to be.
Luna walked to the middle of the room and got on her hind legs while sweeping her forelegs to the sides. “HELLO GENTLEMEN!” She shouted, just barely reaching into the royal canterlot voice.
An old scruffy diamond dog raised an eyebrow at the sudden sound and looked to the middle of the room where his eyes went wide as he saw the new arrivals. He let out a bark of laughter as he turned to the rest of the customers in the room.
“Hey people! Look who’s here? The moon in all her glory!” He put on his best doggie grin as the other patrons slowly began either calling greetings or doing cheeky cat-calls at her.
Luna laughed and looked at the crowd smugly. “Who is the fairest of them all?” She asked, going through the usual routine.
“The moon, the moon!”
“And who is the merriest of them all?” Came a shout from behind the bar.
The old diamond dog looked surprised for a second before comprehension dawned. “He’s here!” He yelled excitedly.
“The cat, the cat!” Came the reply from the crowd, Luna joining them.
Jumping onto the counter came, what Celestia had no doubt, a human. He wore a suit and a black bowlerhat. In his left hand he held a violin and the bow in his right. ‘The cat’ as they called him laughed and it seemed to almost brighten the room several shades. He was radiating happiness.
“Alright people,” Came the bartender’s voice. His golden hair was tied in a ponytail and he wore an apron with few spots on it. He too appeared human. “You know the drill! The cat and the moon is in the same room, at the same time!” The entire crowd fell silent as the ‘cat’ brought the bow to the violin.
“What’s going on? Who is he?” Celestia whispered to Luna, only to be shushed in return.
“Just wait and see dear sister.” Luna whispered back gleefully.
Playing a few notes, the human began singing softly.
”There's an inn of old renown, where they brew a beer so brown.”
He jumped down the counter and began taking steps towards Luna, playing all the while. The crowd cheered and whooped in excitement for what was about to go down.
“Moon came rolling down the hill, one hevensday night to drink her fill.”
Luna took a few steps closer to the human and began singing as well, backed by a few of the guests.
“On a three-stringed fiddle there, played the Ostler's Cat so fair. The horned cow that night was seen, to dance a jig upon the green.” They sang as a minotaur, despite his awkward size, danced.
Standing back to back, Luna and the human sang together.
“Called by the fiddle to the
middle of the muddle where the
Cow with a caper sent the
Small dog squealing.
Moon in a fuddle went to
Huddle by the griddle but she
slipped in a puddle and the
World went reeling.”
“Downsides went up- Hey!
Outsides went wide
As the fiddle
Played a twiddle
And the moon slept till Sterrenday
Upsides went west- hey!
Broadsides went boom.
With a twiddle on the fiddle
In the middle by the griddle
And the Moon slept till Sterrenday.”
Putting even more effort into his playing, the human jumped onto one of the tables and played to his heart’s content.
The human pointed to one of the tables for them to continue the song.
“Dish from off the dresser pranced,
Found a spoon and gaily danced.” Sang a merry Bast.
“Horses neighed and champed their bits
For the bloodshot moon had lost her wits.” It came from a pegasus who clapped his hooves as he sang.
“Well, cow jumped over, Dog barked wild,” The old diamond dog sang and put his paws under his head, while blinking flirtingly.
“Moon lay prone and sweetly smiled.”
The minotaur seated at the table called to the bartender. “Ostler cried,” to which the man called, "Play faster Cat!” as he pointed to the Fiddler.
“Because we all want to dance like that." The whole table sang together.
The crowd all began singing and dancing.
“Gambol and totter till you're
hotter than a hatter and you
Spin all akimbo
Like a windmill flailing
Whirl with a clatter till you
Scatter every cotter and the
Strings start a-pinging as the
World goes sailing.”
As they sang, they slowly came to the floor in the center of the room.
“Downsides go up- hey!
Outsides go wide.
With a twiddle on the fiddle
In the middle by the griddle
And the Moon slept till Sterrenday.
Upsides go west- hey!
Broadsides go boom.
With a batter and a clatter
You can shatter every platter
But the Moon slept till Sterrenday.”
Standing in two rows, the lunar princess and the fiddle player took position in between, facing each other. And thus began the greatest sing-off that Tel'aran'rhiod had ever seen.
“Fi-fo-fiddle-diddle,” it came from the Fiddler’s side.
“Fi-fo-fiddle-diddle,” Luna’s side repeated.
“Hey-yey-yey-yey-oh-ho.”
“Hey-yey-yey-yey-oh-ho.”
“Hey-hey-din-gen-do.”
“Hey-hey-din-gen-do.”
“Hoo-rye-and-hott-a-cott-a ho.”
“Hoo-rye-and-hott-a-cott-a ho ho.”
“Hott-a-cott-a-hotta-ko.”
“Hott-a-cott-a-ko-cotta-ko-ho.”
“Fi-fo-fiddle-diddle-hi-ho.”
“Fi-fo-fiddle-diddle-hi-ho.”
“Ho fiddlee-ding-galli-do.”
“Ho fiddlee-ding-galli-do.”
“Hoo-rye-hoo-rye oops-oops- ay!”
“Hoo-rye-hoo-rye oops-oops- ay!”
“Hotta-cotta-hotta-cotta-mi-fo-fo!”
“Hotta-cotta-hotta-cotta-mi-fo-fo!”
“Hotta-cotta-hotta-cotta-hotta-cotta-hotta-cotta-hotta-cotta-hotta-cotta-mi-fo-fo!” Both sides babbled.
The entire room broke into cheers and dance as they came out from the lines.
“Downsides go up- hey!
Outsides go wide.
With a twiddle on the fiddle
In the middle by the griddle
And the Moon slept till Sterrenday.
Upsides go west- hey!
Broadsides go boom.
With a batter and a clatter
You can shatter every platter
But the Moon slept till Sterrenday.”
People laughed at the silliness and gave a last few cat-calls towards Luna before heading back to their seats and drinks. Luna winked at the cat-callers and hugged the Fiddler briefly.
“Oh Jazz, it has been too long. How have you fared?” Luna asked breathing a little harder after the song and dance.
“Heh, yeah it has been a while hasn’t it?” Jazz replied, not tired in the least. “You never come around here anymore.”
Luna rolled her eyes. “You try co-ruling a country and see how much free time you have.” She stiffened as she heard a cough from behind her.
“Apparently enough free time to become a regular at a bar at the very least.” Celestia said with a raised eyebrow. “Mind introducing me, Luna?”
“Not necessary, your highness,” Jazz said as he took off his bowler and placed it above his heart. He bowed lightly. “My name if Jazz di Vongola. It’s an honor making your acquaintance, princess Celestia vi Everfree. Might I add, you look especially astonishing tonight.”
Celestia looked at Jazz in slight disbelief. It was rare for humans, at least those of which she had met, to show manners and class... for more than five seconds anyways.
“It’s a pleasure making your acquaintance as well, Mr. Vongola.” Celestia found herself saying.
“Oh please, Jazz will do.” He gestured to the counter. “Please, have a seat. Morph, three mugs of the good stuff.”
Morph, in but one of his many roles, acted out his part and soon three mugs of brown liquid stood before them. Celestia looked at her mug with no small amount of resignation. She wasn’t above drinking alcohol, not in the slightest, but you never knew what you would get served in the land of dreams.
Not that either Jazz nor Luna had any restraints seeing as they were already chugging away.
“It’s wise to be cautious, but do not worry princess of the sun. No harm will come to you in my house.” Morpheus chuckled gently.
“Oh, I meant no offense.” Celestia apologized. “What may I call you?”
Morph grabbed a mug and began cleaning it with piece of cloth. “I am the leader of the Oneiroi. Son of the Night and Darkness. The bringer of Agamemnon’s war. I am the sandman. I am Ole Lukøje. The creator of dreams. The daughter of the Moon’s boss. I am Morpheus, Celestia, daughter of the Sun, and tonight...” Morpheus smiled warmly. “I am also your waiter.”
Celestia was at a loss for words. It simply sounded too incredible to be true, yet... “You’re not lying, are you?” Celestia asked curiously. “But what would a lord of Tel'aran'rhiod be doing serving beer in an bar?”
Morpheus gestured around the bar. “Look around you. Everywhere you look there’s not a single frown. Here you simply forget about titles, castes and race. You only see the person within. I run this place to let them have a rest from the hardships of life.” He pointed to a scruffy-looking diamond dog. “Look at old T-Bone over there. All of his life he’s been a slave in the mines, but here he’s enjoying peace and quiet with friends.”
His finger moved to an old scarred earth pony on the other end of the room. “Book Smart over there is an old soldier from the borders. Every night he suffers from night terrors caused by a lifetime of attacks by diamond dogs.” Book Smart toasted and clinked his glass together with a diamond dog across the table. “Only here is he truly at peace.”
His eyes widened slightly and he grinned. “And not to mention-”
“Noblespony Bits Snooty?!” Celestia exclaimed. “Whatever is he doing here? I was just talking to him earlier today.” She looked questionably at Morpheus.
“He worries about a flower shop in Canterlot that is about to close down. He wanted to pay off their debt himself, but the owner’s pride wouldn’t let her accept the generous offer. Instead he went to the only pony he knew could help him help her; you.”
Celestia slumped further into her chair. “I... I didn’t... the nobles are usually so-”
“Greedy? Narcissistic? Arrogant? Obnoxiously loud?” Morph offered.
“All of the above.”
“It’s a funny story really,” Morph smiled. “When the cards of fate were shuffled, he was a good candidate for the Element of Generosity. He does this out of more than simple good-will of course. He’s deeply in love with the florist.”
Celestia looked back the Bits Snooty, feeling somewhat awful for how she had thought his request insignificant.
“Don’t worry Celestia, there’s still time. You promised to answer him tomorrow.” Morph winked.
The corner of Celestia’s mouth raised in a small smile of her own. She regarded her glass of beer and looked up at the god of dreams. “It’s a nice bar you have,” she said, now almost beaming with joy. She felt warm inside from the display of comfort on display in the room. In a way it was all she had dreamed about Equestria being, as ironic as that was seeing where she currently were. “I hope Equestria can become like this one day. A place of peace and laughter.”
“One day Celestia, one day it will.” Morph continued cleaning the glass as Celestia sipped her beer.
It was delicious.
“Also; you’re wrong.” Morph suddenly said out loud.
Celestia put down her glass and raised an eyebrow questionably.
“It’s not a bar.” His mouth spread in a shit-eating grin. “It is an inn.”
Bits Snooty adjusted his tie for the umpteenth time within two minutes. He wasn’t usually this nervous when dealing with official matters. Surely she would decline his request, she must have way more important matters to deal with than his.
Snooty finally gathered enough courage to knock on the door to the courtroom. He had barely removed his hoof from the mahogany doors before they were thrown open and morning sun shone through.
“Ah, good morning Mr. Snooty.” Came princess Celestia’s voice from the door. She was positively beaming at him.
Needless to say, Snooty was more than slightly surprised by the sudden enthusiasm by the princess. Yesterday she had looked a lot more reserved. “Oh! Your highness! I-”
Celestia held up a hoof to silence him. “No, allow me. I have considered your request greatly Mr. Snooty. Walk with me.” She put a wing over his shoulders and led him down the hall. Bits was stunned at the events occurring.
“I- you- but-” Bits stuttered.
She smiled gently at him. “Tell me Snooty, do you like flowers?”
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Good chapter. You wrote Celestia and Luna extremely well, and I sense no small amount of Ace's influence on Luna's character. Nice to see Morpheus showing up again, and I absolutely loved the camaraderie between the various races in the dream world. It's also great to see a noble who isn't an irredeemable douchebag who needs to be slapped upside the head. Lord knows too many Chess Game fics make all nobles evil by default.
First, everyday chapters are an awesome idea
Second, referencing the Dresden files in the first paragraph, equally awesome
Third, I sang along with the song, I have never heard it before but it is now going straight to my iPod
Fourth, using "Ole Lukøje" as a title made me grin like an idiot
Fifth, referencing the other CotG stories, awesome
All in all, Me like
The story started out quite well, but at this point, it seems to be spiraling out of control into complete and utter madness...
Just my opinion.
2374469
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8439-15183_498209026876724_1100552595_n.jpg
Don't worry, I have plot figured out and the plans laid. It might seem out of control, but I do nothing for no reason
-Glassed
... Yes. Totally loved this chapter! Please, continue whenever you feel the need/urge.
"...paid the cabbage seller back..."
"...cabbage seller..."
"...cabbage..."
Slightly bummed mood is significantly better after this chapter. Such a fun and cheery chapter.
2374495 Yes. Yes we are. Though, it's no fun to leave it only on the internet.
I really
and I do mean really wish I'd gotten involved in this because that was FUN!
And with Kngihtmare being 'pushed' to Tel'aran'rhiod every night, it's a possibility he'd wind up finding his way there.
I have high expectations for this. Why? Because of cats. If you mess this up for me, I will forever shame you. I will read soon.
2380660 No worries dude, I've got this.
i.imgur.com/qFPOAAll.jpg
-Glassed
Hmm...I love it.
Have to say, I loved this chapter. So many of the other chess stories are serious so much, It made me happy to have this be so comedic. On another note, I'm finally caught up with all the current canon stories!!!
While I can't say I enjoyed that particular song, I will say it was certainly a nice change of pace to have a character that treats the Princesses with a modicum of politeness.
2374495
Amen to that
I really loved this latest chapter
Seemed upbeat and warm
Would be awesome to go to such an inn when you dream
2492287 That series is in my 'to read' list, so I won't get those references, sadly.
2492290
You should definitely read them. The polka bit is from Dead Beat, which is the 7th book chronologically (though Butcher does a pretty good job of writing the books so that you can generally read them in any order).
I also recommend Forever! (one-shot) and My Little Denarians (sequel to Forever!; completed) by Chengar Qordath, and The Dresden Fillies: Strange Friends (completed) and The Dresden Fillies: False Masks (sequel to Strange Friends; in-progress) by psychicscubadiver. psychicscubadiver has actually been accused of being Jim Butcher a number of times.
The puns.... so many puns.
Wheel of time?
files.sharenator.com/america_fuck_yeah_bikini_breasts_cola_gun_big_mac-s600x750-71050.jpg
Course, I don't actually know if the author is American, but the point still stands.
Awww crud... i can't believe this story is on hiatus... This one definitely deserves continuation and i'm surprised it has so little votes/views since i find it extremely entertaining.
2885552 Yeah, I kinda felt a little bummed out and my writing-mojo being stolen by Fat Bastard in the past, so I had to go back in time to regain my writing-mojo so I could write and go back-and I've gone cross-eyed.
Worry not though, after a good break I'm coming back stronger than ever.
-Glassed
Interlude? Dream World? ....Puns? ALL MY YES!