Dreaming of Paws

by Glassed

Chapter 8: Mew Name is Cuban Pete

Chapter 8: Mew Name is Cuban Pete.

Surrounded by the enemy, clearly outnumbered by thugs and a mad monkey. Not a good way to start the day, but I’ve been in worse situations… oh wait, no I haven’t!

Don Monkey raised an eyebrow and threw his coffee to the side. (right in the face his one of the mice, ouch!) “I didn’t expect you this early… How did you get through my dungeon?” He asked.

I pointed back at the door. “That dungeon? Uhh… It was pretty much a straight shot from the door.”

Monkey looked surprised for a second before regaining his cool. "You mean you didn't get caught in any dead ends or twisting corridors or traps and pitfalls?"

"I dunno what t'tell ya.” I shrugged. “Guess they just don't make dungeons like they used to." I paused for a second. “Hey wait. How did you find out about us escaping? We got out of our cells literally two minutes ago.”

At this he actually smiled. “Ah you see, it went like this: First there was-“ And this is where I kinda toned him out. Scatcat was winking to one of the female cats in the group. At first I thought about how bad of a time it was to flirt with the enemy, but then she winked back. Not just once, but in a series. Scatcat did the same.

Morse code? Oh oh, I know Morse code! Lemme see…I. Am. A. Crazy. Zebra.… No, that can’t be right. The scout inside me is crying in shame right now.

“-and that’s how I caught you and how Equestria was made!”

…I have a feeling that I missed a great story right now.

Scatcat leaned over to me and was about to say something, but I held up a paw to stop him. “Hold it for a second,” I proclaimed to the crowd. All noise stopped and they were all staring at me while I had raised my head to the sky and held my eyes closed. I sense the presence of a joke nearby…

I tapped into the natural joke-force of Equestria to search my surroundings for the material. In my head I heard the words: Use the ‘monkey-suit’ joke~

“I will Obi Wan Garino.” I said in a quiet voice.

I looked at the crowd and took the classic ‘Objection’-pose, pointing at Don Monkey. I quickly made a notice to go see a therapist as soon as possible, cause it’s clear that I’m going nuts here, before shouting; “IT’S A MONKEY SUIT!”

For a few seconds, absolute silence triumphed around me. Suddenly a few snickers were heard in the crowd, which for some turned into full-blown laughter.

Monkey turned red, I don’t know if it was from embarrassment or anger, but he began to yell at his men fiercely. Now that he was distracted, I gestured Scat to continue whatever he was saying earlier.

“I’ve got a plan. That girl over there is one of my people, if we can get to the alley at the other side of the street, we’re home-free.”

I looked at the cat he had been signaling a moment ago. Tan colored fur, green eyes. Was she cute? Heck if I know. I liked her color scheme, sure, but I don’t know what cats consider attractive and I’ve never looked at cats like that.

OK, there was a period with catgirls, but that’s different… Again, don’t judge me.

“And what do you want me to do?” I whispered to him. In hindsight, we could probably just as easily have been shouting it to each other with how loud Monkey was yelling at his men. It wouldn’t have made much of a difference.

I accidentally looked at Scat’s hat. Damn, that’s a nice hat.

“We’re gonna need a distraction of some sort, think you can come up with something buddy?”

Seriously, that hat is awesome.

“I think I have something in mind. It all depends on how well you can play that thing.” I gestured to his trumpet. Yeah, I was going completely cliché on them.

I made a mental note to get myself a hat as well. I hung it beside the therapist-note on my mental notice board.

Scatcat smiled and puffed out his chest proudly. “Good enough to make the princesses weep!”

“Perfect~” I purred… Wow, never has that expression been more accurate. “In that case I hope you know how to improvise. It’s show time!” Putting my paws together, I gave myself a moment to concentrate.

We then proceeded to do the impossible: Be subtle while in a musical segment.

“Hit it!”

The funky beat of drums filled the street as Scatcat began to play his trumpet. He didn’t understand how he knew what to play, but he did.

Me? I now wore a blue calypso shirt, a red bandana around my neck. I wielded a pair of maracas, my weapon of choice for this number.

Yes, I’m ripping off The Mask, deal with it.

They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat.
When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom
Yessir, I'm Cuban Pete. I'm the craze of my native street.
When I start to dance, everything goes chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom.

I threw my maracas away, not needing them for the rest of the song. I heard a *crash* sound from the direction of my thrown instruments and winced slightly.

“I’ll pay for that…” I said under my breath.

The senoritas they sing and they swing with terampero-
It's very nice, so full of spice.

I danced my way over to Monkey and, to his surprise, took him for a wing. Oddly enough he went along with it while scowling at me all the while. Ever danced with a monkey? No? Ever been at a prom? HEY-YO!

And when they dance in they bring a happy ring that era keros-
Singin' a song, all the day long.

I had slowly danced me and Monkey over to a plank positioned perfectly to use as a seesaw. A seesaw on which I placed Monkey on and had Scatcat jump onto, making Monkey fly through the air and land on a lamppost.

So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete
And I'll teach you to chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom.

I took a few strides to the tan colored cat and waved my paws at her as if to will her to sing. I believe she caught onto my intention as she began singing.

He's really a modest guy, although he's the hottest guy
In Havamare, in Havamare.

I took her for a quick swing and began my part. At this point, a fair amount of the thugs had begun either dancing or simply swaying to the beat.

Si, sinorita I know that you would like to chicky-boom-chick
It's very nice, so full of spice.

To complete this musical segment, I felt like I had to overstep some boundaries. So of course I grabbed her… hips? God I need some form of anatomy-book soon. The motion rewarded me with her giving me a small blush, a sly grin and a few playful slaps.

I'll place my hand on your hip, and if you will just give me your hand
Then we shall try - just you and I. I-yi-yi!

One of the non-dancing goons was helping down his boss from the lamppost of doom. He couldn’t help but glance in the direction of the rather impressive musical number going on behind him. "Not bad."

Monkey scowled at him. "Shut up and help me down!"

So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete
And I'll teach you chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom

Mr. Non-dancing goon was just about to become Mr. Dancing goon, but Monkey put a hand on his shoulder. "If you start dancing I'll beat you to death."

Shake Your Booty, Daddy, Wow!

Don Monkey had had enough. He began walking towards me and slapping random goons that came into reach of him. Thankfully, we weren’t far from the alley, so I gave a signal to leg it.

See ya!

And off we were. I saw the cat from before retreat in another direction, probably meeting us later.

Just before we entered the alleyway, a mare passed by. She looked slightly out of it, almost like she was questioning the meaning of life and the universe itself. Hey, I know that mare. She was the one I waved at a few days ago in the minecart.

So I smooched her and ran after the others.

“Why the heck did you do that?” Scat asked me wearing an amused smile as we ran.

I grinned at him. “I was caught up in the moment, sue me.”

---

Forever Working had had enough of vacation for now. A few days had to be enough to get back in her a-game for sure! A few days of relaxing should get her rid of those hallucinations.

“What was up with that anyways? A flying cat? I mean, how ridiculous is that? Haha.”

No warning was given before she saw the very same cat in front of her. “Oh no…”

No warning was given as the cat came closer to her. “Oh nonononono…”

No warning was given before the cat gave her a huge smooch and ran off.

“…I’ll take a few more days…”

---

Suddenly something flew past my head. A rock about the size of my noggin had been thrown at me. I looked back and instantly regretted that decision.

“Scatcat?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t question me, just run faster… and don’t look behind you.”

Of course, rule states that when such a line has been said, you have to look at all costs. And that exactly what Scat did. A horde of mice, cats and even a few dogs, led by a furious monkey was right behind us.

I will attempt to convert Scatcat’s rant into something that I wouldn’t start blushing trying to repeat to you:

“FUCK! YOU COCKSUCKERS! THUNDERCUNTS! DOUCHE CANOES! TIT POPPERS!”

Trust me; you don’t wanna hear the uncensored version.

“So what’s the plan boss?” Rocko asked from his spot on Scat’s back. Wasn’t he on my- Nevermind.

“That right there,” he said. At the end of the alley (a blind one at that) there was a rope tied to the roof.

“THAT’S THE PLAN?!” I cried dumbfounded. “A ROPE?! ...Ah screw it, I should get used to things like this.”

After what seemed like days (of writing *cough**cough*), we finally made it to the end of the back alley. Scatcat was the first to climb the cord, Rocko firmly holding on to his back. He was about halfway up, when another rock came soaring past me. This guy sucks at aiming…

“OK, grab on Jazz! We’ll pull you up!” Scatcat yelled from the roof. I happily followed orders and I began my ascending. My inner smartass made me turn around, facing the group below me.

“Gentle… animals. You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Capt-“ a hard tug in the rope almost made me lose my grip and I momentarily forgot about my precious clichés and quotes. I hate being interrupted.

The first thing I did when I made it to the roof, was of course to lean over the edge and shout “CAPTAIN! JACK! SPARROW!” to the guys on the ground. A lone stone flew past my face. Never leave a reference done halfway.

I then proceeded to do what any one of you would have done in this situation: I blew raspberries at the mafia-Don.

Call me immature, but it made my inner child smile.

Of course, Monkey had apparently worked on his aim in the ten seconds since his last throw and he actually managed to hit me in the face with a, thankfully, smaller rock than the former.

“Ow~” I winced and rubbed my nose. “Why is it always the nose?”

I looked over at another cat, apparently the one that had gotten everything ready for our daring escape. Slender cream-colored cat. Oddly long blond hair (weird... Long fur perhaps?), purple shades and a necklace.

Holy guacamole, is that Hit Cat?! It’s my favorite Alleycat member!

Just as I was about to tackle-hug another childhood character, Scatcat put a paw on my shoulder. “Now, mind explaining to me just what the heck you did back there?”

I looked at him innocently. “Whatever do you mean? I did a lot of things back there~”

In response, he simply rolled his eyes and looked back at me. He looked at me for a few seconds before shaking his head and letting out a sigh. “Fine, if you don’t want to tell us that’s OK. We all have our secrets I guess.”

I was at the threshold of a dilemma. On one hand, it would be nice not having to worry about them finding out that I’m not really a cat and just tell them about me being an alien. On the other hand… should I start saying ‘paw’? Nah. On the other hand, telling them might make them think that I’m insane or something and leave me. I have a feeling being alone with Monkey stalking me like a dude with a high school-crush all day, wouldn’t be to my liking. Sure I could just lie and say that I’m a normal cat and just possesses magical abilities and then leave it at that, but it’d leave me feeling bad for lying and have me be paranoid about them being- Holy crap, am I being rational and sensible? That’s SO not me!

“Well, if you really wanna know…” I said. Scatcat, Rocko and, I presume his name is still Hit Cat, turned to look at me. “I’ve got a bit of a story… My tale begins as such; a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…”

Comments

[Glassed]

OK, first off: Sorry for this taking such a long time. Work, stuff and planning crossovers (Seriously, I've got so many that Twigleaf called me a 'crossover-whore'!) has kept me busy.
Second: I know that Wild Card did the Cuban Pete song a while ago, and trust me... We've had words me and Ace...
Third: There was a small shoutout to my buddy 7-4 in this chapter and his story 'A Broken Peace'.
And last but not least: Don't look too much into the whole 'joke-force' and 'Obi Wan Garino'. It's an inside joke
-Glassed

[Barrel-of-fun]

1314157

This is Ace here, just like to say that I'm pretty sure that Glassed thought of doing the Cuban Pete scene first. I just managed to get it out first...words were indeed exchanged on this matter.

We even managed to stay serious about the whole business for about three seconds before we began telling jokes and puns. I think that is a new record.

As for the crossover thing. It is true guys, there are so many chessverse crossovers going on that I'm having trouble keeping them all separate.

[glassguy]

all these cat references but no tom and jerry?

sir i am disappoint

[Glassed]

1314243 Bro, give it time. I've got a looooooong way to go
-Glassed

[Cursori]

Everyone is doing Cuban Pete, EVERYONE!

I love it

I am, once again, looking forward to the next installment in the thrilling tale of Jazz the cat!

[Mr AJ]

I loved that scene in the mask! It was a little unexpected though, and I did a literal table flip. Can't for the life of me figure out why everyone in McDonalds was staring at me.

[Glassed]

1314435 THAT WAS YOU?!
-Glassed

[Mr AJ]

1314446 Spilled my damn drink too. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

[lolz anonymous]

yay, starwars reference!n lol the mask is an awesome movie.

[Nathan Traveler]

He's got the catscratch fever.

[Hydkore]

I now just wonder how my dark character will fit into this world of refrences...

Yeah, I checked and it will work. I'll become the somewhat baddie chess piece of CGG

[AppleTank]

right in the face his one of the mice, ouch: right in the face of one of his mice.
And, random small caps

[Magical Trevor]

1314157 and 1314220 XD Oh good! Nice to know you two talked about it, because I was about to be disappoint and upset and now I don't have to be because you both already talked about it before which really makes it even betterer than before, because now two of the authors I like did the same thing and it went from being kinda lame to being kinda cool, so now I guess it's time for me to do what I do best and yell to get Pinkie Pie's attention that NOW it's time to PARTY!!!!
(And yes, I ramble like Pinkie Pie IRL. Deal with it.)

[Tyrant Molestia]

jazz always seems to be able to make people (and ponies) laugh. its awesome!

[Jane]

1314157
So is there going to be a crossover with Myou've Gotta be Kidding Me? The question's been bothering me ever since I realized dairies make cheese...

[Glassed]

1332621 Well, you know... I haven't talked to Data (Missy) about it, but... everything would make sense, wouldn't it?
-Glassed

[Ghostdad7]

MOAR PLEASE MOAR oh and can someone please tell me other chess games of the gods stories please

[Glassed]

1382873 Go nuts.
-Glassed

[Ghostdad7]

1383828
YEAS THANK YOU THANKYOU THANKYOU i must not go crazy with this

[Scarves]

Oh the cliche's lost on these animals sometimes.
And did you really use the star wars start? Yes, yes you did. I don't know whether to face palm or hug you.

[Glassed]

1390529 Well that's how it all started. True story.
-Glassed

[Scarves]

1391067
Of course it did.