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Wartorn

Her name? Twilight Sparkle. Her race? Unicorn. Her profession? A professor, literally. Her goal? To carry forward the legacy of those in the Science and Technology Development department by creating the perfect piece of equipment to defy and possibly even end Sombra and his game of a war.
Her journey? A suicide mission.

Chapters (3)

One of Them · 30th Aug 2017 · 846 words
846
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Another Day · 31st Aug 2017 · 708 words
708
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Why Are You Here? · 3rd Sep 2017 · 108 words
108
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Comments ( 4 )

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Dragonrim

Dragonrim #1 · Sep 18th, 2017 · · · Why Are You Here? ·

Patmut’yuny mets er: Yes sirum ei bnavorut’yan zargats’umy yev tesaranneri mijev ants’nely: Dzer nkaragrut’yuny indz yerjanik er dardznum yev huys unem, vor du lav yes anum: Hamozvek’, vor sousy lvats’k’i mej ch’yes dnum:

EverfreePony

EverfreePony #2 · Sep 27th, 2017 · · · Why Are You Here? ·

Hmm... so far, I'm quite split about this story. The descriptions and all are done nicely and sufficiently. Grammar and spelling are mostly solid, nothing to make the reader turn away. However, the worldbuilding here is a little unclear, mostly in the first chapter.

I gathered that Equestria is in war with King Sombra, his forces are quite brutal (that Sunburst part did more than enough to illustrate it) and that a part (or all?) of Equestria is now abandoned. Twilight and the other unicorns serve as some kind of secret service/research team.

However, once the various plans and schemes and clashing ideas of Raven, Minuette, Lemon Hearts and maybe even somepony else came into play, I became utterly lost in what exactly is going on right now. That part should probably get straightened out, I think you can also elaborate at it more. It would be also great to propose a little bit more information about Twilight's organization as well as the war and the timeline. (Of course, you shouldn't drop all the information in one chapter, but there should be some basic outline present.)